love
Keith was four, and James three, when they met for the first time. Him and his father moved into town, to the house right next door to them. Well, not right next door, but it was the closest one.
His dad had invited them over. Apparently he knew the new man or something. They smiled as they greeted each other, giving each other tight man hugs, patting the others back. Keith stood next to him, hand shoved in his jacket pockets. He tugged on his dad's sleeve, and he smiled.
"Chris, this is my son Keith." He told the other man. He smiled and crouched down, extending a hand to him. "Hiya Keith. I'm Christopher Griffin. You can call me Mr. G." Keith shook his hand just like his dad shook hands with the other fireman. A solid, firm shake, and a nice smile. "Nice to meet you Mr. G. I'm Keith Kogane. You can call me Keith." The man laughed, ruffling his hair. "You got a lot of spunk kid. I like that. This is my- now where'd he go?" Mr. G asked, looking around.
Oliver, his Dalmation (really, it was the fire station's dog, but Keith and his dad kept him at their house) barked from outside. "God dammit." Mr. G muttered, going outside. "I told him to leave that dog alone." Keith and his dad followed him out. "It's okay Chris. That's just Oliver. He's harmless."
Unless you made him mad. He was barking all day when they moved in, and Keith could hear the men working from all the way out there. Their house was pretty much in the middle of nowhere, but in the desert, sound traveled.
"Still. He was supposed to come inside."
There was another boy running around outside, Oliver chasing him. He laughed as the dog barked, running around him in a circle. "James! James! Come here!" Mr. G yelled. The boy froze and looked over, running to his father. "Who’s that?" He said as he hid behind his leg, glancing at Keith and his dad. Mr. G sighed, looking down at him. "''A friend. Remember your manners." The boy huffed, pouting a bit. Mr. G gave him a look, much like the one Keith's dad gave him when he didn't do what he was supposed to. The boy sighed. "I'm James. James Griffin." He muttered into his father's leg. Unlike Mr. G, who was wearing jeans and a dress shirt, James had on shorts just like Keith's, only they were gray instead of black, and a bright blue tshirt. "Hi. I'm Texas Kogane, but you can call me Mr. K. This is-" "Keith. I'm Keith Kogane." Keith finished.
"Hey, why don't you two play with Oliver while me and your dad have a talk?" Keith's dad asked James, who raised an eyebrow. "A talk about what?" "Just boring adult stuff." James shrugged. "Okay." Then he ran back to Oliver, who barked excitedly. Keith's dad looked at him expectedly. "Well? Go play." Keith sighed and trudged off, hands still in his pockets.
James sat with Oliver's head in his lap, under the tree.
James scratched behind Oliver's ears, making him wag his tail as the two sat under the tree silently/ "My dad's a firefighter. What does your dad do?" Keith asked, breaking the silence. "My dad works in the military. My Uncle Charlie does too, and he has a dog. Her name is Riptide, and she's a German Shepherd. You have a nice Dalmatian. What's their name?" James asked, looking at Keith.
"This is Oliver. My dad gets to take him to work at the fire station. He's kinda like their mascot." He said proudly. James grinned at him. "Cool! We get to take Riptide with us everywhere we go. Uncle Charlie says she can sniff out bombs, and that she barfs marshmallows, but I don't believe him. Uncle Charlie says a lot of silly stuff."
Keith giggled. "Dogs don't puke marshmallows! That's stupid." "I know!" James said with a laugh.
And so began a beautiful friendship.
The next several months, Keith and James saw each other almost everyday. They'd play with Oliver in the yard if they were at Keith's house, but if they were at James's, they played with Riptide.
Once, Keith and his dad took James to the firehouse, showing him all the trucks and tools, and Jake (one of Keith's favorites) even let them slide down the pole! Then, when Keith's dad wasn't looking, he gave them candy bars! Keith got a Milky Way, and James got a Twix. They took one look at each other and switched candies, smiles on their faces.
"So, who's cooler, Batman or Superman?" Keith asked. "Superman, duh." James said, and Keith gasped. "What? No! Batman is way cooler!" "Nuh-uh! Batman blows stuff up and fights crazy people and little penguins. Superman fights aliens and giants!" "Stupid! Aliens aren't real." Keith scoffed. "But what if they are? What if there's a bunch of aliens out there? We don't know everything that's in the universe. What if there's something else out there? We'll never know unless we go."
They sit silently as Keith contemplates this. "I'm going to go to space one day. First, I'm gonna be a pilot, the best there ever is, flying jets and stuff, and I'm gonna learn how to fly a spaceship and then go to space. I'll find aliens, and I'll prove that they're real." James declared. "Sure." Keith hummed. "I am! I'm gonna go to space one day! Maybe you could come too! Whaddaya say? We could be astronauts together!" James suggests, eyes shining. Keith grinned at him. "Maybe I will."
Another time, when Keith and his dad went to James's house, there were a bunch of people in matching jeans and shirts there. James and his dad introduce them each one by one. Alex, Charlie, Nathan, Eric, Alec, Xander, Will, Tony, and Erin. Erin is the only woman, but she seems to be fine with that. And, to be the one in charge. At least until James's dad walks in. "Chris? What's going on?" Keith's dad asks, keeping a firm grip on his shoulder. "Nothing. Just a meeting."
"Should we go?" Keith's dad asks. He notices some of the men giving him weird looks. "No, stay. This'll be quick. We're just going over a few things. Boys-" He looked down at the kids."-there's some snacks in the pantry. Help yourselves. But do not go upstairs, and do not come in here. Do you understand?" He says. They nod, and Mr. G smiles. "Good. Run along then. I think we have some Oreos."
The promise of cream filled cookies excites the two children, and they run off, heading to the kitchen.
Keith's dad arrived a few minutes after them, pulling some glasses out of the cabinet and milk from the fridge. "James?" He asked, and the boy picked his head up to look at him. "How often does your dad meet with your uncles and aunt?" James shrugged. "I dunno. A lot lately. Normally before they have a mission or something. But he said last time was the last time, and that we're gonna stay in this town this time, and not move again. Why?" Keith's dad hummed, setting the glasses in front of him. "No reason. Just curious." James shrugged, biting into his cookie. "But he says on the 28th, we're supposed to go visit my gramma." "Gramma Tata?" Keith's dad asked, and James nodded, shoving the rest of his cookie in his mouth. "Mhmm. Her house is on a beach! Oh, maybe you guys can come visit me! Dad says we might be staying with her for a while."
"A house on a beach? No way." "Yeah way! And she's super old too. I think she was around when the dinosaurs walked around." The two kids laughed. "No silly! Then she'd be dead!"
Keith wouldn't realize until much later the reason for his father's silence after James said he'd be visiting his Gramma Tata.
About 20 minutes later, the people left. Erin and Alex stayed behind though, and she picked James up in a hug. "Look at you! You've gotten so big! What happened to our little Griffin?" She asked as he and Keith giggled. She set James down, then turned to Keith. "And you! I remember when you were this small." She showed him her forearm, and he saw an odd shape on it. "What's that?" Keith asked, pointing to it. Her and Alex's smiles fell, and she pulled her sleeve down, covering the image. "Nothing. Just a silly tattoo. Now, you guys be good, you hear?" She asked, standing. "Yes ma'am!" Alex said, saluting her. "Not you dummy, the kids. Now come on. We have a mission to prepare for." She locked eyes with Keith's dad, giving him a curt nod. "Tex." He returned it. "Erin." The other three looked between the two nervously, unsure of what was happening.
"Erin! Alex! What are you still doing here?" Mr. G asked, walking in, a smile wide on his face.
Keith wouldn't realize until he looked back on the memory much later how fake and strained the smile was.
"We were just about to leave. Right E?" Alex asked. "Right." She said, eyes still not leaving Keith's dad. James ran over to hug her legs, and she ruffled his hair, finally breaking eye contact. "You be a good boy, you hear? I don't want to hear anything about you misbehaving, got it?" She asked, and he nodded. "Got it. Love you Auntie E." He sang. "Mm, I know." She ruffled his hair one last time, and Alex gave him a fist bump before walking out.
"Keith, I think we should be going too." His dad said. "Aww, already?" James asked with a pout. "Yeah bud, sorry. Come on, you two say bye." The two children trudged over to the other and hugged them, squeezing tightly. "Bye Keef." James muttered. "Bye bye Jamie." He replied, pulling away. Both had sad smiles on their faces as the Koganes walked out the door.
The next few times Keith went to James's house, the people were there. The last time he ever went there, he heard his dad and Mr. G arguing. "He's not even four! Four, Chris. He's not even four." "I know how old my son is! I also know that this is what's best given our current situation."
"No, you don't. James doesn't have a mom. She left. Your brother is a wackjob, and his kids are possibly worse, so he has no uncle or cousins. Your wife's family won't talk to you, and they certainly won't accept James. The schools here are gonna take one look at him and who his dad is and expect the world of him. And, more importantly, you said that the last mission would be the final one. You nearly died. Are you really willing to risk dying on this one? If you die, James has no one. There's no one to take care of him."
"He's staying with my mother. She'll take care of him." "Chris, she's 60 something. She doesn't have the energy to take care of a four year old. Have one of the squad members stay behind. Just in case."
"I need them all if we have any hope of surviving. This mission is more important."
"More important than what? More important than your word, or more important than your son?"
Silence follows his father's question, and he hears him scoff. "Of course. The mission always has to come first. But what about James? He'll have no one. Your mother lives on Veranda beach. Way too far away from here. Keith won't be able to visit him. You've seen how happy they are together. Ask Janet or Ben to look after him while you're away, that way he can stay in town. He's a kid, Chris. He needs stability. Moving around was okay when he was little, but he's starting school soon. You know how hard being the new kid is. Do you really want James to have to deal with that?"
"James is strong. He'll be fine."
"What if he isn't? He's not like you. He's shy. Quiet. Nervous around strangers. You think shipping him off to your mother's is going to fix that?"
"I'd rather he be with her than with one of the idiots in this town. I came here because of you and our old friendship. I didn't come here so our sons could be friends. And I'm doing this mission. That's final."
Keith's father huffed. "Fine. But don't expect me to be happy when you're back." He heard footsteps approach the door and ran downstairs, back to where James was watching TV. "Keith, we're leaving." His dad said, coming down the stairs. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to James before his dad was picking him up and carrying him out the door.
The next time Keith saw James, it was his birthday. He was five! Them and their dads met at a go-kart track, where they raced for hours. Their dads driving, Keith and James riding shotgun. Then they ordered pizza and went to Keith's house, where they sat on the roof and his dad taught them the constellations.
The next day, James came over to say goodbye. His eyes were rimmed red, and there were tears stains on his cheeks. Keith remembers this very clearly. It's a painful memory.
James looked miserable. He had a small black backpack on his shoulders, and Keith could see his dad's car packed with several more bags. The two children hugged tightly, and Keith heard James sniffle. "Pr- promise we'll still be friends when I get back?" He asked, and Keith nodded. "I promise."
Then he and his father watched as the Griffins got in their car, driving away. Little did Keith know, but it would be almost six years before he saw his friend again.
In that time, Oliver would get sick and have to be put down. Keith's dad would die in a fire, and he'd move in with a foster family. He'd become a loner at school.
"Good morning class. Today we have a new student. His name is James Griffin. Everyone say hello." The teacher, Mrs. Bratcher, said. The class gave a bunch of mumbled greetings, still waking up.
But Keith was staring intently at the boy. He was taller, but still had the same haircut. His eyes had uncertainty in them, and he glanced around the room somewhat nervously. "James, you can sit next to Keith today. Keith, raise your hand." She ordered, making eye contact with him.
Keith begrudgingly raised his hand, and James's eyes widened with recognition. He gave Keith a small smile as he slid into the seat next to him. "Hey Keith." He said softly. Keith hums in acknowledgment. "How've you been?" Keith looks at him, seeing the changes. He's taller, that's for sure, he has some freckles, splattered across the bridge of his nose.
Keith considers telling him about his dad, but decides against it. It's his first day back, he doesn't need to hear about that. "Good. You?" "Okay. I missed you." He answered, mumbling the last part. Keith froze.
Don't get him wrong, his foster family was great, and his siblings were sweet. But they'd never spoken to him with such sincerity in their voice. Never said such a powerful statement to him. "Cool." He answered.
Looking back on the moment, he scolded himself for not saying it back. That's the proper response when your best friend from when you were a kid comes back after 6 years and tells you they missed you.
It was weird having James back. He wasn't as energetic as he used to be. He was less happy. Keith found himself avoiding him. It just felt wrong. He was a totally different person than he once knew. And he was certain that if he talked to him, he'd end up telling him about his dad, and he wasn't ready to do that.
The teacher moved him away from Keith to a desk in the front of class. James was easily the smartest kid in their class, maybe even the whole school. She even said so when Shiro came to the school to recruit for the Garrison. James is polite to everyone, congratulating them on their mediocre efforts. He gets farther than all of them, all the way to level five before he crashes. Instead of just shrugging it off like he normally would, he groans and fists his hair. "Augh! I'm so bad at this!"
Keith is shocked by his reaction. Even more so when James reacts to him getting to a higher level. "No way! Keith made it past level 5? Things gotta be broken!" He shoots him a quick glare, but sees the playfulness in his eyes. He can't help but smile softly, but seeing the smile on his face reminds him of when they were younger, and that reminds him of his dad, which makes him sad.
"Mr. Griffin! Come here." The teacher called, and he ran off. Keith heard her introduce him to Shiro, and what she said about him.
Next thing he knows, he's driving away in Shiro's rover.
He ends up applying to the Garrison, and getting in.
So does James.
He continues to avoid him, even when they are there. He's in all but one of his classes, the one he has with Iverson. He continues to avoid James, while also watching him. He seems.. skittish around some of the male officers. He flinches when they're around, and when they're barking orders, he seems to be resisting the urge to run. He's often alone. Sitting by himself in class, and at a table in the back of the cafeteria, if he's there at all. But Keith pushes that to the back of his mind. He has to focus.
During winter break, he goes with his foster sister, Crystal, to the ice skating rink in town. "Come on Keith! It'll be fun!" She promises. "Please? Just one hour?" She gives him puppy dog eyes, and he sighs. "Fine. But only one hour." "Yay!" She cheers, and drags him out the door. It's close enough that a 10 minute walk gets them there. There's a few cars outside, and Crystal waves to a few people in the street.
She's always been very social, and probably knows half the town. They walk into the building, and Keith's hit with a blast of cold air. Damn, he should've brought a jacket. He helps Crystal lace up and tie her skates before she runs onto the ice, towards another person.
"Griff!" She yells excitedly, and they turn.
Keith's heart stutters. James actually looks kinda pretty. The fluorescent lights make his purple eyes shine, and he has on a black hoodie and blue jeans. He smiles when he sees Crystal, and something in Keith’s chest warms. They exchange words, and she tugs on his arm. She pulls him towards Keith. "Griff, this is my brother Keith. Keith, this is Griff." She says. James chuckles. "Gem, I know Keith. I go to school with him." She gasps. "Really? You go to the Garrison too? Keith, why didn't you tell me?" She asks. "He didn't know you knew me." "Are you guys friends? Keith hasn't mentioned you before. Even when you first started coming here."
James inhales sharply, and Keith sees him tense up. "Yeah, something like that." He answers for James. "Now, I said we'd only be here for an hour. You've already used seven minutes." He reported, checking his phone.
Crystal yelped and let go of James, rushing back to the rink and beginning to do laps. James disappears for a moment, then appears at his side on the bench. "Hey." Keith grunts in response. "I didn't know you had a sister. Did your parents decide to have another kid?" Keith stiffens.
Right. James still didn't know.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, changing the subject. "Because I like ice skating." James answered bluntly. "I learned while I was staying with my grandmother." "How's she?" Keith asks, opening his messages app. He wants to know how soon he can get out of this. Crystal's 8 year old mind without a watch won't know when it's been an hour.
"Been better. How's your dad?" "Same." Keith answers. "Yours?" James flinches. "Um, he's on a mission."
Keith nodded, wrapping his arms around himself, leaning on the wall. Erica (his foster mom) says he has to stay for two hours, and to get off his phone. "Are you cold? You can borrow my jacket if you want." James offers. "I'm fine." Keith mutters. James raises an eyebrow. "Really? Cause you're shivering." Keith scowls. "Maybe I like being cold."
"The boy who grew up in the desert likes being cold? Seriously?" Keith huffed and wrapped his arms tighter around himself. He heard James sigh before rustling, then he felt a warm material drape over his shoulders. "Just leave it here when you leave." James tells him before skating off.
Keith takes the hoodie, slipping his arms through the sleeves. He shoves his hands in the pockets, surprised when he finds a piece of paper in one of them. He pulls it out, and his eyes widen. It has a phone number on it. "I know you've kinda been avoiding me, but here's my number in case you ever want to talk- Jamie." He feels his heart strings tug at the old nickname.
The next time he remembers interacting with James is two months later, and it's after he decked him. "Keith." James says, jogging over to him. He picks up his pace, wanting to get as far away from him as possible. His hands still stings from the impact against James’s cheek. "Keith! Dammit Keith, I know you can hear me." James huffs, and he hears him run after him. They're outside now, and he picks up the pace. "Keith! Can you just talk to me, please?" James asks. He doesn't hear footsteps behind him anymore, so he stops. "Please?" James asks again.
Keith inhales deeply, then forces the breath out. Then he spins on his heel and stalks towards James. "What do you want?"
"Why didn't you tell me your dad died?" James asks, and Keith freezes. "Or that your mom wasn't around? That Crystal was your foster sister? Why have you been avoiding me? I thought after six years you'd be happy to see me, not avoiding me. Did I- did I do something to make you mad? Did I say something wrong?" Are you mad at me?"
Keith scans James's face, seeing the raw questions in his eyes. He maintains eye contact for another minute before dropping his head and sighing. "I didn't want to tell you because I thought it would make you sad. And there never seemed to be a right time. Why didn't you try to get closer with me?"
James scoffs. "I did! But you just kept pushing me away and ignoring me." "What about you? Where's your dad?" Keith asks. James looks down.
"My dad's gone too. Him and the squadron went missing a few weeks after they left. I stayed with my grandmother until she died. Then I moved in with my uncle. That's why I'm back." James admits. "Guess we've both been keeping secrets." Keith mutters. James gives him a weak smile, and sticks his hand out. "No more secrets?" Keith grins and shakes it. "No more secrets."
God, if only then he knew. If only he knew James's biggest secret. Maybe things would've been different.
Adam approaches Keith a few days after the fight. "So, are you and Griffin back on speaking terms?" He asks. "Yeah. We just had a misunderstanding, that's all. Everything is good now." Adam smirked. "Good. Because I've just recommended to the higher ups that you two become flight partners."
"YOU WHAT?" Keith shrieks. "Quiet down. It makes sense. You two have the highest sim scores in your grade, and are in the top 10% grades wise. James is top of class. Besides, both of you need friends. I've heard that you loners stick together." Keith continued to gape at him as he walked away.
Flight partners was a huge step up from friends. You were partnered in sims, in class, on projects, and your scores were almost always the same. If one of you screwed around, it affected both of you. And since James was super by-the-book, and Keith was.... reckless, at times, that could mean the difference between them passing or failing.
Turns out, being flight partners with James wasn't that bad. He was pretty accommodating, and even offered to help Keith study when he noticed him struggling in class. And he was actually pretty fun. They'd joke around, stealing each other's stuff. James even bought bags of mini Twix and Milky Ways. Keith was astounded that he'd even remembered.
Next, they were at lunch. That summer, James had decided to stay at the Garrison for some program. "Why would you stay at school? It's summer! You should be going to the pool or something, not learning more." James shrugged. "I like learning. Plus, it's better than going back to the house. Here, I don't need to worry about unreachable expectations." Keith raised an eyebrow. "Um, this is the Garrison we're talking about. They're training us to be astronauts, and we're not even 17 yet." James chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. But I like it here."
"Why? Again, it's school." Keith drawled out. James shrugged. "I dunno. I just feel safe here. It's kinda comforting, having a routine. Knowing what's going to happen next, unlike when you're in space." James chugged down some water. "Speaking of which, have you heard anything from Shiro?" Keith shook his head sadly.
He hadn't heard from his mentor since the mission had taken off five months before. He missed the man greatly. "Not yet. But we should hear back soon. They'll be reaching the moon sometime in the next month."
They did hear about the Kerberos mission that month. They heard that there'd been a pilot error, and that they were all dead. Keith had broken down crying at the news, and Crystal rushed to his side, and Erica wrapped him in a hug. "Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know he was important to you."
"Important" didn't even begin to describe who Shiro was to Keith. For the first time since his dad had died, he'd wanted to make someone proud. Shiro gave him a chance, opened new doors for him. He'd encouraged him, after Adam had made them flight partners, to get closer with James. "He's a good kid." Shiro had said. "You'll be good for each other."
He was considering calling him when there was a knock on the door. "James! Good to see you. I'm afraid this is a bit... inconvenient. Maybe you could come back later? We're-" "I just heard about the mission. Is Keith okay?" He heard James ask.
How had he made it here so soon? How'd he known? Of course. Keith scolded himself. James was at the Garrison that summer. He would've been one of the first to hear. "James?" He croaked when the boy entered the room.
His gaze softened and he went over to Keith, pulling him into a hug. "I'm sorry." He muttered into his hair. He said it with such sincerity and emotion. James knew how important Shiro was to him. Keith broke down into sobs, shaking in his arms.
The Garrison shut down for the rest of the summer, meaning James went back to his uncle’s house. Keith ran into him in town a few times. They'd, somehow, decided to go to Keith's old house. Where he used to live with his dad. They drove there on Keith's beat-up red hoverbike, and sat under the tree, just like they had all those years ago. "I remember being here. Oliver would run around the yard, barking at anything that moved. We'd play with him, or play tag or something. Our dads would go inside, doing whatever it is they did. Then we'd go inside and watch that old TV show on your dad's old DVDS. What was it called?" James asked, looking over at him.
Keith smiled softly. "Avatar the Last Airbender. Then after a few, you'd either go home or stay the night. If you stayed, he'd read us those books. The one with the guy who likes blue food." "Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Heroes of Olympus, Trials of Apollo. A lot of the gods series by that Rick Riordan guy." Keith laughed. "Remember that Nico kid? The one you said I looked like a few years back?" James chuckled. "Yeah. Short, scrawny, black hair, death staring everyone." "We have more than that in common." Keith said. "Like what?" "Well, for one, we both have cool blades. Two, we're both gay as fuckkkk." He drawled out, meeting James's eyes.
His own widened when he'd realized what he'd said. "Um, I mean-" "Keith." James said softly, placing a hand on his own. "It's okay. I'm not straight either." Keith's eyes widened even more. "Really?" James nodded. "Yeah. I'm bi."
They sat in silence for a few moments, absorbing what the other had said. "So, are you gonna tell your foster family?" James asked. Keith shrugged. "Maybe. Probably. Eventually. What about you? Gonna tell your uncle?"
James shook his head. "My uncle is old fashioned, he wouldn't approve." Keith hummed and looked away. They'd come here to relax, and had ended up coming out to each other. Interesting.
The next year was difficult. Keith was constantly reminded that Shiro wasn't there. He saw traces of him everywhere, and Adam was moping around the Garrison. All the light had left his eyes. But James and his relationship had improved. After the accidental coming out, they'd begun to hang out more. That summer, James taught him the basics of ice skating. In the beginning, he'd barely been able to stand on the mats. Now, Keith could do small jumps without falling (most of the time). He'd taken James to this cliff, one that Shiro took him to a few times. Where he'd taught him to do the dive.
When he'd taken James over the edge, he didn't know whether to laugh or scream, so he did a bit of both. It was hilarious. Keith was cracking up the entire time. James clung to him so tightly afterwards that he'd wondered if he'd have a James shaped imprint on his back. "I hate you." James had mumbled into his neck. "Aw, come on Jamie, it was fun." Keith goaded. "That was terrifying. Next time you're going to go off a cliff, tell me first."
He'd even been able to convince James to skip a few classes and go to town with him. He'd teased him the whole time. "Oh my, the Garrison's golden boy skipping class with little old me? So bad. What would your uncle think?"
James scoffed. "I'm tired of living under his rule. If he can't accept me, I'm leaving." Keith's smile fell. "You're not talking about class, are you?"
James sighed. "The owner of the ice skating ring, Lily, is engaged. To a woman, right?" Keith nodded. "Well, when he caught wind of it, he went on this whole rampage about how it's immoral and wrong, and they're going to hell, and now I can't go to the rink anymore. And I thought- I thought maybe he'd be accepting for once. I- I was considering coming out to him but now- now I'm kinda scared. I mean, I saw how he reacted when a total stranger was gay. How's he going to react to me being bi?" Keith frowned. "I don't know. I wasn't expecting to have this conversation."
James groaned. "Ugh, I'm sorry. We came to town to have fun and get some edible food, and here I am dumping all my problems on you." "No, it's okay. We all need to vent sometimes."
Keith knew this to be a fact. After Kerberos, he'd ranted to James about how messed up everything was over a dozen times. James had listened to him ramble even more times before. Surely Keith could listen to him now. "It's just- sometimes, I wonder why he even took me in. He obviously doesn't like me, and wants nothing to do with me. I rarely ever see him." James admitted.
"Then why do you stay with him?" Keith asked. "I have nowhere else to go. But, as soon as I turn 18, I'm signing my papers with the Garrison, getting my own place. Then, I can do whatever I want."
"Yeah. Maybe we can even have sleepovers again." Keith joked, trying to lighten the mood. James smiled. "Yeah. Maybe we could."
Keith was already 18. If he really wanted, he could move out of Erica and Crystal's house and go to him and his dad's. He visited it sometimes. But it just felt wrong to be there. Empty even. A reminder of everything he'd lost. His mom, his dad, Oliver, Mr. G. But at the same time, it held some of the happiest memories of his life. So it made him sad, but in a good way.
"We should probably head back." James said, breaking the silence. "Yeah. I guess we should."
They headed back to the Garrison, and were, luckily, not seen by any of the instructors. When they got to the dorms, they parted ways, to each their own.
Summer came quickly that year. Before Keith knew it, he was home. So was James. They texted almost everyday. James even sent him his address, saying that if he ever wanted to, he could come over. It'd only been two weeks since school ended. They'd talk late into the night, sometimes into the next morning. And they didn't really talk about anything in particular. Just everything. Kerberos a few times, their dads, Crystal, the Garrison, the last time Keith took him over the cliff. They'd met at the grocery store before heading out to the desert, shooting across the sand.
Luckily, this time, James hadn't screamed or tried to crush his ribs. He'd laughed and thrown his head back, the wind whipping his chocolate brown hair around in the wind.
But he'd never been to his house. Even after the invitation. It didn’t feel right. James’s uncle seemed like a scary dude. His uncle had a lot of control over him. James tried to always have the highest scores because he didn't want his uncle to be mad. He didn't skip class because he didn't want his uncle to be mad. He did a lot of things so his uncle wouldn't be mad.
Keith's eyes widened as it all fell into place. He shot up off the couch, heading for his bike. He threw open the front door, stepped outside- and ran straight into James. The pair went down, landing with a dull thud. James groaned as Keith moved off of him, helping him stand
“James, what are- are you okay?” There was a bruise forming underneath his right eye, and his hair was damp with sweat. James swallowed thickly. “I- I got in a fight with my uncle. He kicked me out. I- I was wondering if I could stay with you”
“What happened?” Keith asked, as tears brimmed in James’s eyes. “Jamie, what happened to you?”
“He went through my phone.” James whispered. “He read our texts, and saw that I was bi and- he’s only ever yelled at me before, he's never tried to hit me. But he- he slapped me, then he just kept yelling, and he was so angry-”
When they got back to the Garrison, things were different between the two boys. Both had bared their darkest secrets to each other. Yet, they weren’t put off by it. They ended up being roommates that year, and spent every waking moment together.
"Keith, don't go." James said. For the first time ever, Keith heard his voice waiver. It didn't do that when James talked about his parents. His father's squadron. The rejection from his uncle. Not once did his voice waiver. But now it did.
"Please Keith. Don't go. Don't- don't-" James took a shaky breath, and Keith could see the tears welling in the corners of his eyes "Don't leave me." He pleaded, voice barely a whisper. "I- I need you. I-" James swallowed. "I love you."
Keith's eyes widened, and he felt his face heat. "Wh- what?" James looked down, hands clenching into fists at his side. "I love you." He said, voice shaky again. "James, I- I-" When James looked up at him, meeting his eyes, he froze. His mouth forgot how to function.
He could see the raw pain in his eyes. How hard this was for James, opening up to him as he was watching him go. Knowing Keith had a choice between leaving and staying at the Garrison, staying with him, and he was choosing to leave. He could see the sliver of hope in James’s sorrowful eyes. The light that used to shine so bright, that he barely saw anymore. The small hope he had that Keith loved him back.
"I- I have to go." He choked out, turning to his bike quickly.
But not before he saw all the light leave James's eyes, like a star falling from the sky. "Keith, please. Don't go. Please don't leave me. I love you. I'm sorry, but I do. You don't have to love me back. But please, please, don't go."
Keith ignored his pleas and hopped on his bike, speeding off. He tried to ignore the broken sob that worked it's way out of James's mouth. He knew that if he listened, he'd stay. And he couldn't do that.
______________________________________________
He didn't see James for six years after. It wasn’t intentional. At first, it was because he knew if he saw James again, he’d go running back to the Garrison.
_________
"I love you James." Keith said, looking the other man dead in the eyes. His purple eyes widened, and Keith felt him stiffen under his touch. "You-you what?" He stuttered, a light blush dusting his cheeks. "I love you." Keith said softly.
"M-me? You love me?" James asked quietly, voice almost a whisper. There was uncertainty in his eyes, a rare one at that. Tears were welling in the corners, threatening to fall.
Keith nodded, brushing the tears away. "Yeah James, I do. I love you. And I’m so sorry it’s taken me all these years to say it.”