Catalina
It was rather early in the quest. Perhaps a month or two in, maybe longer than that.
But the queens reached a town that seemed rather… nervous, to say the least.
People were quiet, subdued. Merchants sold their goods without a word other than price, families stuck close together. Guards were on constant patrol.
The queens didn’t know that the mayor was a tyrant. Enforcing rules and his power through flogging, bearings, and other tortures.
The plan was to get gear and leave as soon as possible. So the five (six) queens wandered through the marketplace, picking up food and other important items.
“Should we get some apples?” Kat asked Catalina. The other queens were scattered through the marketplace as well, Jane and Anna at another stall and Cathy and Shadow at another.
“It wouldn’t hurt.” Catalina shrugged, pulling out some coins. Kat grinned and picked out an apple to snack on before helping Catalina pick out a few more.
“I’m going to go help Shadow pull Cathy away from the books.” Kat said, taking a bite from the apple as they walked away, laughing as she noticed exactly what stall the wizard and her shadow were standing at.
Catalina shook her head fondly. “Honestly, that girl’s thirst for knowledge…” Kat giggled at the line before making her way over.
Catalina made her way to a stall selling jewelry, keeping an eye on her fellow queens in the process. Her eyes moved further down the road in wariness upon hearing a commotion.
A well-dressed man, the mayor, was walking through the marketplace. Attendants and guards were at his sides.
People parted quickly, practically scrambling out of the man’s way. He held his head high, smirking at the sight as he walked through with his attendants and guards.
Suddenly, a little girl came rushing through, she had items in her hands and was occupied trying to hold them. She didn’t notice the man.
Nor did she notice the small crack in the stone road.
The little girl tripped, dropping all of the objects and falling straight in front of the man’s path. The girl seemed to notice the sudden shadow over her and looked up, squeaking in fear at the man.
The man, the mayor, was glaring down at the girl, as if tripping was the worst offense.
“Move out of the leader’s way.” One of the attendants said, their eyes just as frightened as the girl’s. In fact, everyone has frozen, looking petrified.
The girl moved to scramble to her feet, gathering up the objects. But before she could grab one, the mayor put his foot on it, leaning down to glare at the girl. “Tell me, brat, why did you get in my path? You know the rules.”
The girl was trembling, tears beginning to gather in her eyes. “I… I tripped!”
“And now you forget to address me as sir.” The man huffed before a twisted smirk appeared on his face. “Perhaps a punishment is in order.”
Gazes widened in horror and it was one of the mayor's attendants who spoke up quietly. “Sir, on a child?”
“Questioning me?” The attendant shook his head rapidly and the mayor nodded. “Good. I punish anyone who crosses me. A shame this child had to do so. Take her to the jail.”
Two guards stepped forward, looking like they wanted to be anywhere else. And that was all Catalina needed to see.
Catalina swept forward, pulling the child behind her and pulling her shield to rest on her arm. The child clutched onto her and the mayor seemed shocked by the interference.
“What the hell?” He gaped at her. “What are you doing?!”
Catalina lifted her chin, glaring at him. “It seems I am protecting a child from a bully.”
The mayor growled before pointing at her. “Do you know who I am?! I pull the strings here and I will have that child punished!”
It was that second that the other queens appeared, halting behind Catalina. The child’s mother appeared as well, pulling the girl into a protective hold and willingly letting the queens form a barrier.
“Punishing a child for falling? You really are a simple bully.” Catalina huffed.
“I get to punish anyone who crosses me!”
The town’s people around them all flinched at the notion. The notion that had clearly been enforced before.
No one said a word before the man’s eyes lit up with an idea. “I propose a deal.”
Catalina presses herself taller, keeping her glare on him. “Oh?”
“You take the girl’s place in punishment. After all, you so rudely interrupted.”
Jane was leaning forward, urgently grabbing Catalina’s arm. All of this had happened in the span of a few seconds. “Catalina…”
The paladin kept her gaze firmly on the mayor, the tyrant. A beat passed.
The mayor sneered at her. “It’s you or the girl.”
Catalina glanced at the weeping girl in her mother’s arms, both staring at her wide eyed with terror. She took in the faces of the other queens and Shadow. They looked beyond panic and anger. If Catalina was to give herself up, it wouldn’t be easy to interfere.
But Catalina was a protector. And she would not allow this tyrant to punish a child for simply tripping in his path.
So she met his eyes with determination.
“Do what you will with me.”
~~||~~||~~
Catalina spent the night in the jail cell.
They took her armor, weapons, and supplies away, leaving her only in the simple shirt she wore under all her armor and leather. That night, she simply prayed to the gods, wondering what would happen the next day.
(It was already hard enough without the uncertainty. She remembered the time she had been imprisoned before, after Arthur’s death.)
No matter how strong she tried to seem, it didn’t stop the twinge of anxiety. For herself, what were they going to do to her? For the other queens too, were they alright? What about the girl, was she safe now?
Two guards got her in the morning, practically dragging her to the stage set up in the square. And that was when Catalina realized what would happen upon spotting what exactly was on that stage.
A whipping post.
They quickly got her situated, pulling her shirt off and cuffing her to the post. Catalina simply surveyed the large crowd. Probably there against their will, if Catalina had the mayor right.
The queens were in the very back. Catalina locked eyes with all of them. Fury and even fear was in their eyes. They knew what would happen too.
The mayor stood off to the side, watching with a triumphant smirk. Catalina locked eyes, keeping her gaze cold. If anything, that smirk got wider.
An announcer stood next to her now, a paper in hand. A guard, one that actually looked to enjoy doing the mayor's bidding, stood with the weapon in hand.
“For opposing our leader, this woman is sentenced to twenty five lashes.” The announcer droned, reading from the paper.
(“I’m going to kill him.” Anna had growled after the number was announced. Her cool demeanor was gone, her rare anger in full force.
“You aren’t the only one.” Cathy had hissed, Shadow looking just as agitated.
Jane was fingering her rapier, only a transparent sliver of mental string keeping her temper from snapping and Kat was eyeing the guards, fully ready to fight her way through anyways.)
And then, the guard began his strikes.
Catalina had been preparing herself (could you even prepare yourself for something like this? She wondered), but this hurt much more than she expected. And when she felt a gash left behind on her skin instead of a bright red mark from the very first lash, she knew magic had been thrown into the mix as well.
Blood was dripping down her back as more gashes were left behind. Her back burned and ached with a pain Catalina had never felt before. White hot agony burned into her and Catalina couldn’t stop the cries that began to echo from her lips. She still refused to cry, biting the cries down to shouts and refusing to let the hot tears fall.
But it wasn’t easy.
Really, the pain was indescribable. It was agony, that was the best way to describe it, and twenty five lashes later left her slumped against the post, huffing and drawing deep, shuddered breaths through the pain. Sweat dripped down her skin and blood down her back as the pain only remained behind, the intensity refusing to fade.
Catalina squeezed her eyes shut, now unable to stop the tears from mingling with the sweat. The pain began to take a bigger effect, leading to her blacking in and out of consciousness.
The man grabbed Catalina by the jaw, pulling her pained gaze up to meet his eyes. “Apologize.” He growled, squeezing.
“No.” Catalina managed to rasp out through the pain and the hand.
He shook his head with a disappointed sigh, letting go and watching as Catalina’s head slumped again. “Then you get all of today to think about it.”
He turned to the crowd. “It seems she needs more time to think upon her actions! If I see anyone trying to free this bitch, then you will be joining her!”
And so, Catalina stayed kneeling, still cuffed to the post. She remained that way all day, through the blistering heat and the cloud of pain.
She blacked in and out, the stinging agony racing up and down her back serving to knock her out only to wake her up again moments later.
And it was only when night fell, when the heat gave way to a cold chill, that Catalina finally slept.
Only to be woken up by a small hand resting on her shoulder.
It was pitch black, no guards around and silent. A shape was in front of Catalina but she couldn’t figure out who it was through the haze and darkness.
“I brought you some food and water!” She managed to make out.
The scent of soup and bread, both warm hit Catalina’s nose and she woke up further, her stomach growling with hunger after not eating all day and the last half of yesterday. It was only then that she registered who was in front of her.
The girl?
“You need… to go.” Catalina slurred out, giving a wary glance around the area for guards.
The girl frowned at the notion, not moving form where she sat right next to Catalina. “You need to eat something!”
“No. This is dangerous.” Catalina protested weakly, but the girl was already dipping a chunk of bread into the soup.
“Please?” The girl pleaded. “You… you saved me from this…”
Catalina stared for a moment.
The girl looked so hopeful that she could do something. She looked so guilty. Catalina couldn’t say no to that. And well… not to food either.
So she opened her mouth, letting her body untense and her eyes close. She heard a happy gasp from the girl and Catalina couldn’t stop the happy hum upon tasting the bread and soup.
(Neither child nor queen noticed the shadow watching the both of them from a distance. The shadow that clenched it’s fists angrily at the sight of Catalina. The shadow that softened upon seeing the child’s actions.)
After eating, they sat there for a minute. Catalina cracked open her eyes upon hearing a small sob.
“I’m sorry…” The girl mumbled, casting her gaze to the floor. “I didn’t…”
Catalina shook her head, wincing at the jolt it sent down her back before simply resting her face against the post again. “Wasn’t… your fault…”
The girl smiled, but it was shaky. “It’s okay… hey! I can tell you a story to help you get some sleep!”
Catalina didn’t have the power to resist anyways as the girl began to tell a story. Some kind of fairy tale Catalina faintly recognized.
Be it through the story, pain and exhaustion, or the cold, Catalina finally went unconscious.
~~||~~||~~
Only for her to wake up to water.
The freezing liquid had been splashed over her face. Catalina coughed and sputtered in response.
Some of the water had reached her back, resparking the pain she had gained a momentary relief from in that blacked out state.
It was morning, the town was regathered and watching with that same pity that made Catalina want to scream just as the whip did.
But then, Catalina managed to notice something. Her companions weren’t there.
Catalina froze upon noticing that. None of them were there. Where had they gone? Had they left her here?
Was… was she alone again?
Alone and doomed to endure this pain forever?
Catalina almost spiraled. Mental and physical agony swirling together to form a terrifying concoction.
But then the mayor leaned in front of her, grabbing her face by the jaw for a second time and forcing her to look at him. Catalina managed to glare in defiance. But that glare was overshadowed by the pain and exhaustion that showed in her eyes.
“Well? Do you apologize?” The mayor asked.
Catalina spit on him.
He pulled back with a hiss, one of his attendants giving him a cloth. His eyes welled up with fury and Catalina couldn’t stop the satisfied smirk that reached her face despite everything.
“Give me the whip! I’ve had enough of this bitch.” The man snarled, now behind her.
Catalina almost drifted off again, the pain creating a haze in her mind. The cold chill hit her skin and the water from before simply made her colder.
Then, the whip hit her back.
The paladin practically howled in pain, the unexpected hit taking her off guard in her half unconscious state. But this hit was stronger than yesterday’s, filled with a fury that she knew came from the mayor. Did he put even more magic behind his hit?
Two. Three. Four.
All in a quick succession that didn’t stop for a second. The sheer agony finally led to Catalina sobbing and crying out. The mayor seemed gleeful at the show of pain and if anything, the strikes only became more harsher than Catalina thought possible.
Her friends weren’t here. There was no one left to be strong for.
Five. Six. Seven.
She wanted it to stop. She wanted the pain to stop and her friends to come back for her. The physical pain was indescribable at this point, white hot flashes of pure agony that numbed her to everything around her besides that pain.
And then suddenly, the whip stopped.
Anna of Cleves stared back at the mayor, the whip having been caught in her gloved hand. She was beyond furious. With one tug, the whip came from the mayor’s frozen hand.
Anna glanced over her shoulder to the carnage on Catalina’s back before glaring at the mayor again.
“You’re fucked.” Anna hissed. None of the queens had ever heard Catalina scream. And this bastard in front of her had hurt one of the people she cares about most to the point of haunting screams.
The Mayor regained his composure, glaring back at her. “Who are you to interfere?!”
“Her family. A member of a very pissed off family.” Anna growled, fingering her axe.
The mayor twitched, fear entering his gaze before he spun to stare at the guards. “What are you waiting for?! Get her!”
The many guards stepped forward, and that was when chaos erupted. Cathy and Jane leapt from the crowd, Kat emerging from an alleyway. Battle broke out in seconds.
While the others moved towards the mayor and guards, Cathy darted over to Catalina, Shadow just as urgent.
“Madrina!”
Cathy leant down in front of Catalina, caressing her godmother’s cheek. The paladin squinted open her eyes, inhaling and exhaling shuddered breaths.
“... Mija…?” The woman croaked out, half unconscious.
“That’s right, you’re safe.” Cathy began to undo the cuffs, the keys in hand. “I’m going to get you out of here.”
“You didn’t leave…” Catalina mumbled, eyes closed again.
Cathy didn’t pause, only giving a quick glance to see that the townspeople had joined the fighting as well. They had effectively caused a rebellion. “We will never leave you. We’re family.”
The cuffs came undone and Cathy carefully pulled Catalina to rest on her stomach instead of against the post.
Cathy grit her teeth as she stared at Catalina’s mangled back. It wasn’t safe here and they needed help, but Catalina couldn’t be left alone.
Shadow had been staring, vibrating in her fury. She knew it wasn’t safe either. She took a deep breath. What did she do for Kat when she pulled her in?
The next thing Cathy knew, Shadow had managed to pull Catalina into the shadows with her. Cathy processed it for a second before climbing to her feet, blasting away a guard that had finally noticed her.
“Keep her safe, Shadow.”
With that, Cathy was helping finish the fight, Shadow and Catalina safe in her shadow.
It didn’t take long, the townspeople overwhelming the guards. Two people had the mayor pinned down and the queens left the town to it, rushing over to Cathy and Shadow.
It took a moment to carefully pull Catalina from Shadow’s embrace and up into their own. For one thing, Shadow didn’t seem to want to let go. And for another, they had to quite literally pull Catalina from the ground.
But Anna and Kat soon held her between them, carefully avoiding her back, as a woman urgently rushed over to them.
“Come with me, I can help with your friend.”
Catalina’s head lolled and her feet were dragged across the floor as the two held her close between them. The woman led them to a house and was practically slamming open the door.
“Put her down here!” The woman ordered them, hurriedly cleaning off the table.
Anna and Kat were swiftly lowering the paladin down on her stomach.
The woman was grabbing a rag and lukewarm water, preparing to clean the blood from Catalina’s back.
She began to place the cloth down on the wounds. But the paladin cried out and began to thrash.
Catalina’s arm went upwards, her fist slamming into the woman’s jaw. The healer yelped and went sprawling to the floor. Catalina yelled as the movement sent even worse pain across her back. She spasmed and sobbed as she went limp again.
Catalina felt so weak.
She never liked being weak. It proved Henry right in divorcing her. It proved to her and those around her that she wasn’t strong. She was a weak coward.
So even with that agony, she tried to push through the pain. She tried to lash out again, earning another pained cry. But she had to fight back.
She wasn’t going to go through the whipping again.
The other queens all yelped upon Catalina’s first strike, the one that sent the healer to the ground, clutching her face. And when Catalina began to thrash, the others panicked more.
They tried to reach Catalina. Tried to pin her down. But they couldn’t get close enough. They weren’t worried for their safety, they were worried for her. A worry that only increased with each sight of her mangled back and the howl of pain that accompanied the sharp movements.
And then, someone finally managed to reach her.
A gentle hand, one that Catalina faintly recognized through the lack of lucidity, rested on her head, pressing through her hair to rest against her scalp.
Catalina slowly relaxed. Pain still arched through her back. But his touch spoke of safety and protection.
She was safe now.
Ever so slowly, Jane began to stroke the injured woman’s head with her hand. Catalina went slack, her eyes fluttering shut as she shuddered from the still present pain.
Jane let out a breath of relief. It mixed with a sob as she took in her friend’s pain. “It’s okay, Catalina. You’re safe now.”
Faintly Jane registered Anna kicking the stranger out. But that wasn’t as important as Catalina.
Jane continued to gently stroke Catalina’s hair, meeting one of the woman’s eyes. They were darkened by pain, distress, and simply exhaustion.
Jane felt her temper rise dramatically.
She wanted to go find that mayor. She wanted to, quite simply, make him beg for mercy. Make him understand exactly what he had done to Catalina, the confident and noble woman now reduced to an injured mess on a kitchen table.
But Catalina was far more important.
“You’re safe now, love. I promise you.” Jane whispered. “We need to heal your wounds, but we’ll try to be as gentle as possible… Alright? But I’m not going to lie. This will hurt.”
Catalina could only barely make out what Jane was saying through the haze. But still, she found herself weakly nodding, only barely able to be seen by the elf.
“Now.” Jane looked back up to the others, not stopping her soothing touch to Catalina’s head. “I can’t heal her at this stage. The damage is too extensive.”
“What?!” It was Kat who asked. “It’s gashes, you’ve certainly healed that before!”
“I have.” Jane acknowledged with a sigh. “But it’s better to let this much damage heal naturally than it is to heal it with magic. Especially since they had magic on the whip itself. I would only heal an injury like this with magic if it was life or death, final resort.”
Cathy sighed but nodded, shifting anxiously on her heels. She knew a small healing spell as well, but trusted Jane’s assessment. “I… I understand, Jane. Just please help her.”
The fog returned for Catalina, the pain intensifying again as the rag was pressed to her skin with lightest of touches.
But then she heard a melody. A peaceful flute melody that was just as fast paced as it was a lullaby.
Ah, her favorite song, she faintly recognized.
Catalina drifted in and out. The flashes of pain waking her before she was soothed back to sleep immediately by Kat’s music.
She was safe now...
~~||~~||~~
When Catalina woke up, the first thing she did was try to move. She didn’t register the already present pain. The pain that only increased as she tried to move.
She cried out as the agony returned and could only heave gasped breaths as she slumped back against the surface she laid on. The pain hurt almost as bad as it did when she was freed, only lessened slightly.
She heard voices but she could only focus on the pain. Her hands curled around a soft surface, clenching tight (moving her shoulders definitely did not help with the pain either) and she buried her face into an equally soft surface. Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes and she quickly hid them into that surface as well.
“Shit, she’s still in pain!”
“Of course she is after that!”
There was another moment of voices before Catalina could vaguely feel a weight sit down next to her.
“Catalina? I know it hurts, can you focus on me?”
Slowly, Catalina turned her head so she could look up at the speaker. Kat?
The pink bard smiled sadly at her upon seeing her face. “Hi, Lina. Just breathe with me, okay?”
It took several minutes of deep breathing. The pain calmed slightly but didn’t go away. And Catalina still felt like it was agony.
With the pain less than it was before, Catalina finally took in the soft bed underneath her and the blankets over her legs, leaving her bandaged back to the open. Those bandages rubbed rather uncomfortably at the wounds.
“Where are we?” Catalina asked, looking around the room as much as she could.
“We’re in a house the town lent us. It’s been abandoned for a few days so they’re letting us use it until you’re healed.” Anna told her.
“You were out all of yesterday, love.” Jane explained gently.
Catalina didn’t offer that a response and there was a stretch of silence.
“Do you feel any better?” Kat asked carefully, flute now put away.
Catalina hummed. Being out of the heat and cold of the elements certainly helped. And free of the post as well, sleeping (falling unconscious) against a much softer surface.
Catalina shifted, tried to move again. That turned out to be a bad idea. She inhaled sharply, biting back a cry, as the pain spiked again.
She pressed her face against the pillow, hiding the tears from the other queens as she grit her teeth. The pain still arched in her back and she wanted it all to stop.
One piece of leather reduced her to a crying weakling. She was already weak.
But now… she felt weaker than ever.
Before she could spiral, Kat sat next to her on the bed, being cautious not to disrupt Catalina’s back.
“Catalina? What’s wrong?” Kat asked gently. The woman didn’t look at the elf, keeping her face hidden and giving the tiniest shake of her head.
“Königin, we just want to help you.” Anna soothed, leaning forward slightly.
“Lina, what you just went through…” Jane paused, exhaling deeply. “I’m sure it was traumatic.”
Cathy simply shifted in her seat, both her and Shadow looking just as worried as the rest.
Catalina shuddered, remembering the feeling of the whip lashing at her back. Pain. It was all pain.
She slowly turned her head to peek up at Kat. “Are…” she swallowed, turning her gaze away from Kat’s eyes. “Are you all going to get rid of me now?”
Everyone jolted, staring at her wide eyed.
“What?!” Cathy sat up straighter.
Kat managed to barely keep her composure. “Get rid of you? We would never!”
“Why do you think that, Königin?” Anna asked gently, not removing her arm from around Jane.
Catalina blinked, the tears still blurring her vision. “I’m weak.” It wasn’t a question.
Catalina couldn’t stop the confusion in her voice. They weren’t going to leave her after seeing her so damaged? Everyone else did. Her parents simply gave her way, Arthur died, and Henry? Well, Henry was the one who showed her that everyone had left her, will leave her, because of just how weak she is.
A voice called her back from the stinging pain and just as harsh memories.
“Madrina?”
Cathy sat next to her now, Kat having moved down to the end of the bed and Shadow frowning at her from where she was on the wall on Catalina’s other side.
Cathy continued and Catalina flinched upon noticing the tears in her goddaughter’s eyes. “Please don’t think that… I— we would never do that to you. Not over anything and especially not this.”
Catalina narrowed her eyes, but it felt forced. “You don’t have to lie to me. Not to make me feel better… I’ll be gone by morning.” And then, she tried to push herself up, only to cry out and fall back down again.
Jane was next to them in seconds, helping Cathy soothe Catalina again until the pain faded.
“We aren’t kicking you out!” It was Kat who spoke after a moment. “We would never do that!”
Catalina stared at her out of the corner of her eye. Kat’s face, all of their faces, was filled with sincerity.
Realization slowly sunk in. “You won’t?”
Cathy crumbled, the tears in her eyes becoming sobs as she held her godmother’s hand. Shadow was only staring, an anger in her eyes. Anna had also made her way over, holding Kat to her side. The pink bard herself was also crying. Jane’s gaze was fixated on Catalina’s back.
“We will never, Königin.” Anna spoke calmly. “You will never have to be scared of that.”
Kat let out a watery chuckle. “You’re stuck with us.”
“No matter how many wounds you have. No matter how many scars you get from this. No matter how many tears you shed.” Jane leant down to her level now, making sure Catalina’s exhausted eyes could meet her own. “We will never toss you aside.”
Catalina stared for a moment. Her back still hurt like hell. “I’ve…” she paused unsteadily before her voice became colder. “I thought that before. It never worked out.”
“Well we aren’t the past.” Anna told her. “And we’ll prove it to you.”
A cold touch was on Catalina’s shoulder for half a second before it faded again. But she knew who it was. She twisted her head slightly to look at Shadow. Shadow gave her a confident grin back.
Catalina simply sighed and closed her eyes, her body relaxing as much as it could against the bed, wishing the pain would just stop. It hurt. It still hurt so much. But she wasn’t going to admit it. She wasn’t going to chance ruining that small hope that sparked.
“We’ll see… don’t be scared to leave me here.”
If anything, that line caused the opposite to happen. The queens didn’t leave the room, instead keeping an eye on Catalina and doing small activities.
The pain didn’t want to let her rest, it seemed. So Catalina simply watched them for a few minutes.
Eventually, sleep called to her, even with the pain, and she felt her eyes start to slip close all over again.
Clearly, the others noticed her falling asleep. Catalina couldn’t tell who, but one of the others spoke.
“It’s alright… you can sleep now, we’ll all be right here.”
After that, and even after Catalina healed, they always made sure Catalina knew that. She was allowed to cry, be injured with them. Catalina would never be weaker in their eyes.
(And maybe, just maybe she would start to believe them herself.)
~~||~~||~~
It was dark? Where was she? She felt so alone.
Things brightened and she felt sick upon realizing where she was.
She was cuffed to the whipping post again, that familiar pain tracing her back. She tugged at the cuffs, but they wouldn’t loosen.
A voice caught her attention and she whipped her head, ready to cry for help no matter how weak she seemed. She couldn’t speak, her throat suddenly dry, upon seeing how it was.
Mother and father.
“Dear, are you happy that we sent her away?”
“Of course! We didn’t need her, she’s a weak brat!”
Just as those words stabbed her heart, someone else appeared.
Arthur?
“Lina? Why did I have to die?”
“Arthur? I don’t… I didn’t—!”
Her head whipped around to see Henry now, standing with Anne Boleyn.
“Shameful. It’s no wonder your mother and father gave you away. Why Arthur died to a sickness.” Henry huffed.
Anne gave her a malicious grin. “It’s because you’re weak, Aragon! Weak!”
Stop it! Stop it! She knew she was weak! They didn’t have to rub it in! Not when she was already dealing with the agony of the whip!
Then, the queens appeared, and Catalina felt her heart sink even further.
“I can’t believe we have to journey with her.”
“She’s damaged now, why would we need her?”
“We’re wasting valuable time tending to her weakness!”
“Catalina, you’re so weak!”
Shadow fixed her with a furious glare, that familiar smile long gone.
And then, every single one of them turned and walked away. Her parents vanished first, followed by Arthur. Henry and Boleyn after them.
But the queens and Shadow remained, simply walking off into the distance.
Catalina could hear herself screaming, begging them to come back. She isn’t weak! She can be stronger! She isn’t damaged!
But they didn’t hear.
And once they vanished, all Catalina could feel was the whip hitting her back and the agony that consumed her.
~~||~~||~~
She snapped awake, gasping sharply for breath. Tears were on her cheeks, wetting the pillow under her head.
She was in the house, but her mind couldn’t process that. All she could see was the nightmare.
And oh god, the pain!
She was going to be sick.
Catalina found herself dangling off the bed, spitting up vomit and bite into the floor with heaved gasps. Her back was screaming in protest at the stretching movement, that familiar fire only increasing and mixing with the burning of her throat.
Faintly, Catalina heard footsteps rushing towards her, and then hands were on her shoulders, skillfully avoiding the wounds as they pulled her back up to rest fully on the bed.
The hand began to move away but Catalina grabbed hold of the wrist, trying to drag herself back to the present. Which past she was trying to escape, she wasn’t quite sure.
“Woah, woah… it’s okay, Königin. You’re okay…”
Anna? Didn’t she leave?
The hand gently twisted in Catalina’s hold, moving to take her hand instead. The thumb rubbed circles onto the back of Catalina’s hand.
She was still trying to calm down, the taste of vomit heavy in her mouth and the memories still flashing in her mind.
“Can you tell me five things you can see?”
Catalina stared for a moment and Anna gently asked the question again. Catalina opened her mouth, finally able to get words free from her throat.
“I… you… the table… the lamp… the window…?”
“You’re doing good, Königin. One more thing you can see?” Anna didn’t seem panicked at all, keeping her calm. Catalina’s gaze trailed around the room again, Cathy and Kat along with Shadow stood in the doorway before being gently shooed away by someone. Catalina flicked her gaze towards the source and saw Jane.
The cleric was cleaning up the vomit and Catalina opened her mouth to apologize but nothing would come out. Anna gently redirected her to look back up at her again.
“Don’t worry about that, Königin. Just keep focusing on me.” Anna soothed. “One more thing you can see?”
“Jane.”
“You’re doing great… now, what about four things you can feel?”
“The bed. Your hand. Pillow. Pain.”
Anna paused for only a second at that last line but didn’t push, only continuing with a small nod. “Alright, and what about hearing? Tell me three things you can hear.”
Catalina felt herself getting calmer as she focused back into the world around her. She finally went slack against the pillow, letting her eyes close. But she continued to answer. “You. Cathy and Kat. Howling.”
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Anna chuckled, also hearing the howl. “Tell me two things you can smell.”
“The vomit… blood?”
Anna nodded. “You’re doing great… And one thing you can taste?”
“Vomit.” Catalina answered simply, wincing at the taste. But she was almost completely calm now, only her shaking hands being remnants of the nightmare and consequential panic attack.
The taste was easily remedied with the cup of water Anna helped her drink.
With a glance from Anna, Jane left the room, nodding back.
“Do you want to talk about what happened, Königin?” Anna asked gently, sitting in a chair right beside the bed.
“Nightmare.” Catalina huffed simply, closing her eyes.
“Alright… and do you want to talk about the nightmare?” Anna had a fairly good idea what it was about, especially as her gaze travelled over the bandages hiding the array of gashes.
“No.”
Catalina has done this before. She refused to talk about any nightmares she had, even before all of this. She would hardly talk about her feelings in general.
And Anna was worried.
“... why are you so scared to talk, Königin?” Anna asked quietly.
Catalina glared at her for a moment, hoping to deter her. But Anna stared back with that calm nature and Catalina felt the resolve crack.
“I don’t… want to be weak. Alright?” Catalina turned her head away again. There was a moment of silence.
Catalina still remembered her nightmare. Those who left her just proving how weak she is. The queens gave up on her. Catalina still believes it is inevitable.
“Can you look at me, Königin?”
Catalina didn’t for another moment, but after another reassurance, Catalina slowly turned her head to look at Anna.
The barbarian grinned at her. “There you are.” Catalina huffed with a blush but didn’t look away as Anna’s smile turned softer, more serious. “Do you think I’m ugly, Catalina?”
Catalina gaped at her. “Ugly?! Anna of Cleves, you are beautiful—!”
“Then if I’m beautiful, even when I think I’m not, what is making you weak?”
Catalina could only stare, stopped in her tracks. Anna chuckled at the sight. “See? Think about that one for a bit.”
Anna straightened a bit, shaking her head. “But let’s get back on track. Please tell me what’s wrong? Talking to me won’t make me think of you as any weaker. In fact, I think talking would make you even stronger, hmm?”
Catalina bit her lip. The pain was still bursting on her back, that white hot agony still not dulled. She didn’t want to hurt anymore.
Catalina finally crumbled. “It hurts, Anna. It hurts…”
(She didn’t want to think about the nightmare. About everyone leaving one by one. But the one thing that she would talk about from it was the pain. The pain that still burned away at her back.)
“Your back.” It wasn’t a question, but rather a statement.
“It still feels like it did afterwards.” Catalina mumbled.
Concern became even greater at that. “It hasn’t eased at all?” Anna asked almost urgently.
Catalina let out a bitter chuckle that made her wince. “Only a little.” She finally brought her gaze back up to Anna. The barbarian froze, seeing something in her gaze. “I just want it to stop.”
“Oh, Königin.” It didn’t sound pitying, just sad and angry. “Gods, I’m going to kill him! Listen, I know it hurts… but you’re safe now. You’re safe where you can heal. It will get better, I promise.”
Catalina couldn’t stop the growl. She knew that! But it still hurts right now, hurts so bad. Especially since she moved and stretched like that a little bit ago.
Gods, why couldn’t it all just stop?
Anna was continuing. “And we’ll be here every step of the way. Why don’t I go get Jane and we put some ointment or the rag? I think that might help.”
A pause and a nod before Anna began to walk towards the door.
“Anna?”
“Hmm?”
“I don’t… I still don’t think I’m strong. But… thank you, for thinking I am.”
“Königin… I will say it however many times I need to before you believe it too… now let’s deal with your pain, alright?”
And if Anna began cussing the mayor and Henry out as she reached the door, then well… Catalina didn’t blame her.
~~||~~||~~
It was several days later that Catalina went outside.
She had been healing and Jane finally deemed her healed enough to take a short walk through the town as long as another queen was with her. (She still couldn’t lay on her back and her wounds still hurt like hell, but Catalina was fine, really she was—)
So still in bandages and a shirt that both rubbed uncomfortable against her wounds (Catalina refused to admit it to the queens. She would endure it, it wasn’t a big deal anyways, she told herself) Catalina made her way out of the house, Cathy, and by extension, Shadow at her side.
The town was much nicer.
Townspeople seemed happier with people laughing and cheering. It seemed the high of ridding themselves of a tyrant hadn’t vanished. Everywhere they went, people apologized to Catalina for what had happened and swore the mayor would never be leaving his cell.
Every mention intensified the pain for a few seconds, but Catalina wasn’t going to say a word about it. They were being nice, they shouldn’t have to deal with her pain bringing their apologies down.
Cathy stuck by her side through it all, the two making their way through the bustling marketplace, simply looking at the wares.
“Does it hurt?” Cathy asked gently as Catalina paused, the pain spiking. “Should we go back?”
Catalina huffed. While going back home sounded wonderful, a cool rag that after stinging would ease the pain along with ointments, Catalina wanted to stay out of that bed as long as she could. Evidently, it wasn’t much longer.
“No, no. I want to look around a little more—!”
Catalina and Cathy both jolted upon hearing a cheer, accompanied by footsteps and a call of “Karina!”
The girl from before was now next to Catalina, relief and an excited grin on her face. Catalina felt herself melt at the sheer relief and happiness on the child’s face.
“You’re okay!”
“I’m okay.” Catalina repeated, moving to kneel to the girl’s height but stopping with a small hiss (she refused to whimper, not like during the event) as the pain surged.
“I was so so worried! The fighting started and mama pulled me away, but I didn’t see you—!”
The mother pulled Karina back to her, giving Catalina and Cathy a nervous smile. “I’m so sorry about Karina. Come along, dear.”
Catalina could only blink, stunned as the woman began to tug Karina away. Cathy noticed and was swiftly stopping the woman.
“It’s perfectly alright.” The Wizard interjected, leaning to Karina’s level. “It’s Karina, right? I’m Cathy.”
Karina smiled at her. “It’s nice to meet you, Cathy!”
“Why don’t we sit down?” Cathy asked with a smile of her own.
So they did, sitting on a bench off to the side. Karina’s mother remained standing as the two former queens and sat on either side of the girl. Karina was talking fast, almost to the point Catalina and Cathy couldn’t keep up, but both were amused by the girl’s energy.
And Catalina couldn’t bring herself to regret her decision. No matter the pain currently still burning at her back and the exhaustion on the edge of her mind.
“Thank you, for what you did that night.” Catalina said once the girl took a break from her chatter. “The bread and soup was delicious.”
The girl beamed up at her. But her mother suddenly looked horrified. “Karina, you didn’t!”
Catalina gazed at her as Karina shrunk. “Your daughter may have done something dangerous. But she did it for another person. And I am forever thankful.”
Karina’s grin came back and Karina’s mother stopped, clearly processing those words.
“Your daughter has a good heart, ma’am.” Cathy looked thankfully at the girl. “Thank you for helping my Madrina.”
The girl latched onto that. “Madrina?”
As Cathy and Karina launched into a conversation and Karina’s mother still processed exactly what her daughter did, Catalina closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the breeze. She listened to her goddaughter and Karina and the sounds of the town around her.
This atmosphere, one of a relaxed and cheerful bustle, actually did wonders for her nerves. For a moment, the thoughts and memories went away.
Then, Catalina heard a noise.
She opened her eyes and locked into the source. Across the street, in a shadowed alleyway, stood a woman. A scowl was on her face and Catalina caught the glint of light reflecting off a dagger.
Upon seeing Catalina’s eyes on her, she lunged. Catalina leapt to her feet, ignoring the sharp pain that hit her back.
“YOU PUT MY HUSBAND IN JAIL!”
Catalina froze, still injured and knowing that there wasn’t much she could do especially without her weapons she left at the house. Karina could only stare at the charging woman with wide eyes and her mother moved forward to pull Karina away. Cathy was moving to intervene, a spell on her lips. It turned out that it was hardly necessary.
Something latched onto the woman’s foot right before she could reach the group, dragging her down, straight into the floor. Or rather… into the dark shadow on the floor.
Shadow.
She had just pulled the woman into the shadows with her, right before she could stab Catalina.
It was a few seconds and a flurry of movement before the woman reappeared, thrown straight from Cathy’s shadow and away from the group, significantly more covered in blooming bruises.
“What—?! What the hell is that… that thing?!” The woman shrieked, backing up rapidly.
Cathy only snorted. She was still ready to cast a spell but a little more relaxed upon seeing that display. “A protective shadow. Now I suggest you go before you join your husband in jail.”
The woman scowled and Catalina thought the woman was going to pick up the dagger and charge again. The paladin wasn’t worried now, she couldn’t fight back, but Cathy and Shadow were fully prepared to knock her down.
“You’ll pay for this!” She snapped. “You damn witch, and not even that creature can save you!”
And for a moment, Catalina swore she heard Shadow hiss.
“I think the message here is to leave.” Catalina said simply. The woman was vanishing down the street, townspeople watching her go with two guards beginning to go after her.
Cathy glanced down at Shadow. “Well, that was new. But definitely not unwelcome.”
Shadow smirked back before looking to Catalina with a tilt of her head. The Paladin paused for a moment. She had been unable to do anything (weak—) but Shadow definitely deserved thanks. And Catalina fully registered that she was checking on her too.
“Thank you, Shadow.”
The cursed woman beamed at the thanks before pausing upon hearing another person.
“Wow! You’re so cool!”
Shadow jolted back upon seeing the face of a child in front of her. Karina had crouched down in front of her, staring at the shadow stretched across the ground in amazement and curiosity.
“Karina!” Honestly, Catalina was surprised the woman hadn’t had a heart attack by this point, but she sure looked ready to.
The girl paused slightly and even Shadow shrunk back.
Cathy was quick to interject. “It’s alright, Shadow is perfectly safe! I trust her with my life.”
The mother backed down, albeit warily. Karina beamed and turned back to a cheered up Shadow.
Catalina and Cathy watched for a moment before Cathy slowly spoke, nodding head along.
“You know, needing a bit of protection doesn’t make you weak.” Cathy said. She had noticed the look Catalina had upon realizing she couldn’t fight back.
Catalina stared for a moment. “Strength is being able to protect yourself and especially those you care about.” Something she clearly wasn’t capable of doing.
Cathy nodded, absorbing her words. “There are different meanings to strength.” She replied with a shrug before fully meeting Catalina’s eyes. “And besides, Madrina… we are protecting someone we care about.”
Oh.
Catalina fully froze at that. That was a new perspective. One that put a new spin on the way Catalina had been looking at all of it.
They cared.
Catalina looked back to Shadow and Karina, only a little bit away, seeing how the former was attached to Cathy. The girl didn’t seem bothered by Shadow’s inability to talk and Shadow seemed content to just listen.
Shadow noticed her stare and gave her a nod and a smile.
(And later in the future, when Shadow was freed, known to them as Anne, (and to Catalina, her lover) she would lovingly trace the scars on Catalina’s back. She would always fix them with a sad gaze, always making sure she wasn’t hurting Catalina through even the lightest of touch. Catalina always returned the favor with the scar on Anne’s neck and the large scars on the front and back of Anne’s shoulder.)
Catalina and Cathy didn’t talk about it again that day. They bid Karina and her mother goodbye before heading back to the house, where Jane fretted over Catalina being out longer than she should have been.
Even with the fussing and the following playful banter, Catalina felt a little lighter than before. These queens were chipping at the ever existing thought of being weak.
And Catalina was beginning to question it herself.
(“The bandages and the shirt are uncomfortable…” Catalina carefully confided to Jane later, once she was laying in the bed, on her stomach again. She remembered Cathy’s words.
‘We are protecting someone we care about.’ It didn’t just apply to Shadow rescuing her.
Jane only smiled at her, pride twinkling in her gaze that only made Catalina soften further as she gently helped pull the shirt off. “Thank you for telling me, love. We’ll see what we can do about it.”
Catalina swallowed. “And it’s hurting really bad again…”
“Oh, love… let me get the medicine and rag very quickly and we’ll ease it. I’m sorry this ever happened… but we’ll get you better.”)
~~||~~||~~
Slowly, Catalina recovered.
It took a while before Jane finally cleared Catalina to begin training again. A little longer for Catalina to get back to the strength she was once at.
(Whenever training, they had to be careful of her back now and Catalina always growled upon remembering that she now had a physical weak point like that.)
The nightmares still resurfaced, sometimes memories overwhelmed her. (Henry, abandonment, and especially the whip—)
But she finally felt somewhat comfortable talking about it. And she didn’t even have to.
The queens never asked, they simply offered comfort and let Catalina speak about the troubles first.
Sometimes, the new scars on her back ache and burn from the old pain. But just as with the mental pains, no one pushed her. They always made sure she didn’t feel weak, reassured her that they needed a break too.
Jane would always have a healing spell or a damp, cool rag or even just her words ready. Anna always trained with her or simply walked with her. Kat had melodies ready to be played and kind words to be spoken. Cathy was always a steady presence, be it in silence or sometimes reading a book aloud. And Shadow always did her best to bug Catalina, distract her with banter while keeping her ever watchful eyes on her.
And after a while, Catalina finally felt secure.
She felt secure enough that a whip wouldn’t strike her down at a second’s notice (somedays, that feeling came back stronger and Catalina couldn’t begin to imagine what it felt like for people who experienced the flogging for days on end when she only felt it for two). And she also felt secure enough to let down her walls.
Not completely, but under the constant reassurance, she finally had the courage to let down her walls little by little to the other queens. To slowly inch open the iron gate.
And they never left.
And ever so slowly, Catalina started to accept the truth, they wouldn’t leave. And maybe… she wasn’t weak.
It had been several weeks, maybe a month or two (it was hard to keep track of the time on this journey), since the flogging and Catalina was fully healed, only scars and the constant throbbing phantom pains still there to tell the tale.
Somehow, they hadn’t run into anyone with a whip. And to be honest, none of the queens ever really worried about it.
But then they came across a town being attacked by a woman using magic.
It started well.
She had been rather easy to track down. She was living in a house away from the village, protected by magic barriers that Cathy was able to remove after a few incantations.
The woman smirked at them once they found her. “So. They sent more people to try and kill me?”
“You have terrorized that town for too long.” Catalina replied. Her sword and shield ready for battle.
“We will be stopping you!” Anna agreed.
It was when they actually began to fight that the problem started.
She had quickly managed to knock Anna out, followed by Jane. Kat and Cathy were captured by magic, awake but held in restraints. Shadow couldn’t do anything either, looking panicked in Cathy’s shadow.
The woman fixed her gaze on Catalina, tilting her head, as if deciding what to do about her. Catalina glared back in response, shield and sword at the ready along with the knowledge that she was the only one standing.
And then the woman pulled out a whip.
Catalina froze, suddenly unable to breathe.
(For half a second, she berated herself. Who panics over a simple whip? The others made sure to stop that thinking later, it was trauma after all.)
Catalina cursed herself for being so weak again as she took several steps backwards, dropping her weapons. Her legs suddenly felt like sticks, as if they would give out in a second’s notice. Her breathing couldn’t calm down. It felt like she was pressed up against the post all over again. Her scars ached— burned— and she could feel the leather striking her over and over and over and overoveroverover.
Was that the mayor holding the whip or Henry?
Someone was speaking but she just couldn’t make out what they were saying, much less who it was.
But just as she was about to black out, one of those unintelligible voices became piercing and clear.
“CATALINA, MOVE!”
The voice itself snapped her into action and she slammed herself to the left as the whip crashed down where she stood.
The edge of her vision was still blurred, but she could see the woman. A curious grin was on her face as she observed Catalina and her reactions to the whip.
“Scared of this little thing?” The woman mockingly snapped it against the floor and she looked gleeful upon seeing the way Catalina flinched back slightly.
The next thing Catalina knew was being sent sprawling across the floor. Her back flared, from hitting the floor or from the memories, Catalina wasn’t sure. She turned into her side trying to regain her strength.
A telekinesis magic was ripping her backplate off, showing the mangled scars tracing a wicked pattern on her back.
If anything, the woman only seemed more gleeful. “You really were flogged!”
Catalina only let out a small growl in response, flinching at the cold air and the memories that came back.
“I wonder whatever you would have been flogged for.” The woman tapped her chin. “Thievery? Adultery? Fighting? So many possibilities!”
Catalina curled tighter, gritting her teeth as she tried to fight back the memories. They were all in danger! This was no time to be so… so weak!
The woman knelt down in front of her, trying to look her in the eye. “Poor dear… all scarred and injured! I’m curious, do they still hurt?”
“Leave her the hell alone!” Kat cried, thrashing in her magical bonds.
The woman didn’t take her gaze off Catalina, even as she moved across the room. “I don’t think I will. I think I should have a little fun!”
That already wicked smirk twisted further as she finally turned to fully face Kat. “Maybe… I can let one of you understand how she feels.”
A sudden shuffling drew attention back to Catalina.
The Paladin had managed to reach her feet again, but her gaze remained on the floor. “You will not touch my family.”
The woman huffed. “Are you really that eager to repeat history? Fine!” And with that, she launched the whip.
“MADRINA!”
“CATALINA!”
Catalina breathed.
In and out.
In and out.
She wasn’t cuffed to a post. She wasn’t weak. She was strong. She wasn’t weak. Henry was a lair. The queens tell the truth. They care about her. She wasn’t going to be hurt like that again.
This fear… it didn’t make her weak. If anything, it made her human.
She was strong.
The whip wrapped around her raised, armored wrist instead. Catalina stared for only a second before her wide eyes narrowed to a glare and she grabbed on, wrapping it tighter in her hand.
The weapon that paralyzed her with fear was now her key to a quick victory.
The woman’s eyes widened and before she could move to either let go or cast a spell, Catalina yanked on the whip with as much force as she could muster.
The woman came flailing toward her, having let go too late. She opened her mouth to cast a spell but was moving too fast.
Catalina slammed her fist into the woman’s jaw as she reached her.
The force knocked her out cold and Catalina only stared at her as the magic around Kat and Cathy fell. Cathy was moving over to Anna and Jane. Kat watched Catalina, who stood there, completely still. No… her hands were trembling.
Even with the victory, Catalina could still feel that panic rising in her chest as she fixed her gaze onto the fallen whip.
She had won, but even facing your fear didn’t vanquish it.
A hand rested on her arm and Catalina jolted, turning slightly to fix her gaze on Kat. The bard gave her a smile in return.
(Kat probably knew better than anyone the truth of that statement.)
“You did wonderful, Lina.” The bard spoke gently. “Why don’t we go back to the town and relax? That was brilliant but I’m sure you don’t feel good after that.”
Catalina felt her muscles untense, the familiar burning in her back fading to the tiniest prickling sensation. She let a smile of her own cross her face, not worried about how it wavered.
Yes, her back still ached, even after they finished their journey. Yes, she would still have nightmares, of abandonment too. But… she was safe now. Safe with a family who would never abandon her and one she would always protect no matter the cost.
She was not weak. She was strong.
“That sounds great, Gatita.”