They started as flashes, then strange urges to do or say things. Tara would catch herself looking for contact lenses desperately only to realize she didn’t own any. One night after getting up to use the restroom Tara had walked all the way up a floor and down the opposite hall to the former 6th member’s room and only realized where she was and what she was doing when she couldn’t get the door to open.
All of this was really starting to become concerning, not just to Tara herself but there were several moments where the Titans seemed to notice as well. A few times Tara had accidentally called Cyborg Vic much to the confusion of everyone. Nearly every member of the Teen Titans that had been within earshot of that looked at each other, then at Tara with a mixture of confusion, and worry, but no one said anything. Tara herself wasn’t sure where she had heard that name, but when a week later she heard Victor Stone as Cyborg’s real name and decided that she must have heard it there.
In a training exercise, Tara ended up in a bit of a tight spot when matched up against Beast Boy and on instinct she grabbed his arm and put him into a hold, forcing him to give up. This confused both Tara and Beast Boy and after the match the two stood there staring at each other for a moment, his bright eyes looking at Tara in a way she wasn’t sure she could place. He asked where she learned that move and Tara couldn’t answer.
The flashes and strangeness of these weird instances of actions that the Titans seemed to have far more understanding of than Tara did.
What the fuck did they know that she didn’t? It was annoying.
But then it got worse.
It was some random hour of the night and Tara was wide awake but the tower was quiet. As if moving on auto-pilot she walked right out of her new room, through the empty, cold silent halls of the tower, down the elevator to the ground floor and out of the tower.
She needed to go somewhere, somewhere specific that the others didn’t know about, but she couldn’t remember where. But it was important, very important. Enough that not going made her feel sick, anxious and afraid, but going made her feel dirty, vulnerable and...wrong.
Tara wandered through the city and at this hour only downtown would still be busy with life so the streets were cold and empty with only the occasional car passing by. She couldn’t seem to get a firm grasp on the directions in her head. There was something about making a left down an alley that sat between a cafe and a salon but no matter how far she walked down the road she was sure it was on there were no cafes next to salons.
So Tara wandered, lost and confused, feeling so much like she needed to hurry and get to...somewhere or he would be angry, he would hurt her, he would grab her and his hands would-
“Tara. Are you alright?” Raven’s voice cut through the fog in her head like a hot knife. Tara turned and looked at the shorter girl as if seeing her for the first time, eyes wide and full of so much.
“What the hell…?” She blurted out, almost fast enough that it sounded like all one word. Raven just stood there next to Tara on the empty sidewalk silent and waiting, listening.
“What…? I don’t…” Tara tried and stumbled, Raven calmly reached into her pocket and handed Tara a pack of tissues.
“For your eyes,” she explained and only then did Tara realized that she was crying, but a weird hollow sort of crying. Tears pooled in her eyes and just spilled over but there was no sniffling, no sobbing just tears.
“What the fuck…” Tara numbly held the issue pack and just stared at Raven. The shorter girl slowly reached out and placed her hand on Tara’s shoulder to ground her.
“Take a deep breath.” Raven instructed and Tara listened.
“Another. Then another.”
“One more.” Raven’s thumb absently rubbed a little imaginary patter on Tara’s shoulder and the last deep breath managed to get Tara to calm down enough that she felt more in control.
“Can you tell me why you’re out here?” Raven asked, her tone was gentle, soothing and Tara just wanted to fold up into her.
“I...I don’t know…”
“Try. Please.”
Tara sighed and took a moment to open the pack of tissues are start cleaning up her face.
“I was...I needed to go somewhere but I couldn’t remember where…I just...I knew I needed to go and I needed to hurry because if I didn’t than something really bad was going to happen to me. Something painful and wrong…” Tara attempted to explain and Raven’s brow wrinkled just a little. She looked like she was trying to hide her concern or trying to figure out what was going on, or both.
“Can you tell me anything else?” Raven calmly encouraged and Tara reached up to rub her own temples a little.
“I...I think I felt like I was suppose to meet up with someone? A man? But shit I can’t remember anythign else and every time I try to think about it, about this...person I feel so...fucked up.” Tara paused, her eyes looking off at nothing while she tried to process what was happening. “Like...like someone is doing something really, really horrible to me but I’m just standing here, I’m fine.” Tara looked up at Raven, looking much more present but far more confused and scared.
“What the hell is going on with me? Why do I feel so horrible when ever I try to figure it out?” She asked, and Raven took a moment to figure out how to handle the loaded question. The Titan’s suspicions seemed to be correct, she was starting to remember but not in an easy to process way. Raven knew she would need to speak to the others about this before anything else. To top that off if she were to tell Tara everything she worried there might be some sort of shock or other wise damaging reaction.
“I’m not sure at the moment but if you want me to I can help.” Raven offered, her brow relaxed a bit but there was still a bit of tension in her shoulders. Tara’s eyes narrowed.
“...how?”
“I can take what your feeling away into myself and get rid of it. It’s not permanent so the feelings will come back.” She explained, removing her hand form Tara’s shoulder.
“No way. We only just started becoming friends, I’m not about to make you go through this. It feels like crap but theres no way it will stick around. Everything bad is temporary right? I can ride it out.” Tara shook her head and took another deep breath.
“I’m already starting to feel more normal anyway.” she added, seeing a small smile on Raven’s face and a softness in her eyes. It was a sort of fondness Tara had never seen her express before and something about it made her feel a little flustered and confused.
“Thank you for thinking about me but the offer stands. If it becomes overwhelming come find me and I’ll help.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate you coming out here and finding me and well...snapping me back to my senses pretty much. I also really appreciate the offer to give me an emotional sponge bath when it would mean a lot of suffering on your end. That's really kind and sweet of you.” Tara offered a small smile and watched Raven quickly put up her hood, she could swear for a moment she saw Raven blushing a little.
“Wait, you’re in civilian clothes...wait why were you out here anyway?” Tara asked and Raven’s eyes fell to the floor. Tara was sure she was blushing under the shadow cast by her hood.
“The museum has a free midnight admission event going on all week to promote their new seasonal nocturnal animal exhibit. I was on my way there now.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes. Beast Boy doesn’t want to go because even though he knows the animals they taxidermy and put on display all died naturally it still weirds him out to see them. Everyone else is asleep or otherwise occupied, like I thought you were until I could sense you nearby.”
“Sense me?” Tara questioned, and Raven suddenly became very interested in the seam that ran along the edge of the right side of her hoodie pocket.
“Uh...Yeah I um...You’ve been acting a little off the last few weeks and I was starting to get a little worried so I placed a small protection spell on you. I suppose I should have asked first.” Raven admitted, the effort to sound not nervous was quite noticeable now. Tara left out a huff that was almost a laugh, raised one eyebrow and smiled genuinely.
“I can’t tell if that's creepy or sweet. I think I’ll settle on both.” Tara signed then asked, “Can I come with you? I don’t really want to be alone right now.”
“Sure.” Raven responded, her voice evening out a little more.
Together the two headed for the city’s museum and slowly as the night went on, Tara felt less and less adrift in her own head. Raven’s company helped tremendously and the seasonal exhibit at the museum provided a nice distraction, though Tara was still frazzled enough that when the two girls walked through a recreation of a large cave system and a fake bat flew low over head from behind them very suddenly she did scream and grab Raven. Thankfully the shorter girl didn’t tease her about it and Tara was grateful neither mentioned how they held hands for the rest of their visit to the museum.
For a night that started out as a stressful mind foggy mess, Tara was surprised it ended on such a good note. Maybe, she thought, she should stay up all night with Raven more often.