Chapter 16
The morning after getting told she wasn’t graduating, she woke up with Beca in her arms. Not that she was surprised, it was kind of an unspoken thing that happened where Beca would spend the most time possible here since they both had a handful of days left together.
When Aubrey brought up the fact that the hockey player was always here, Beca had made a comment about how Kimmy-Jin was even more rude than usual and that anyway, she liked the water pressure of Chloe’s shower better.
“Yeah you like Chloe in your shower better,” Aubrey had muttered which made Beca’s face get redder than Chloe’s hair.
So waking up to Beca was beginning to be the norm now but it felt extra special to have her after receiving the news that she’d stay at Barden. She felt relieved, sure but she also needed to grieve the fact that she wasn’t going to be graduating along with the rest of the year and just Beca’s presence comforted her.
When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Beca already awake, staring at the ceiling and completely lost in thought. Usually, the redhead was the one that woke up first; she’d take a moment to look at the woman in her arms. She never stared for that long though because it was like Becacould feel her through her subconscious and she’d wake up soon after.
But this time, she was awake. Chloe’s arm was around the girl, her hand inside her shirt and she tapped a finger on the soft skin to catch her attention.
Beca turned her head to the left and smiled when she saw Chloe look at her. “Hey, good morning,” she whispered.
“You okay?”
Beca moved to her side and lifted a hand to stroke red fiery hair. “Yeah. I was just thinking about stuff.”
“Care to enlighten me?”
“Just… the future.”
Chloe hummed, her fingernails lightly scratching the small of Beca’s back.
“Scary,” is all she said and Beca chuckled a little.
“Yeah, it is.”
“I’m not as sad as I should be about graduating,” she said even though that wasn’t really what they were talking about.
Beca hummed. “Well that’s good. It gives you more time to figure out what you wanna do, right?”
“I could be a teacher.”
“You’d made an excellent teacher.”
“I could also be a vet.”
“You’d make an excellent vet.”
Chloe chuckled and tickled Beca lightly. “Are you just going to agree with me no matter what I say?”
“What can I say, Red? You’d be good in everything you put your mind to.”
“Thanks, Becs.”
“No matter what you do, you’ll change lives.”
The way Beca looked at her, with such intensity, with so much passion, made Chloe’s stomach churn. She loved this girl so much and a part of her was afraid Beca would never truly know how much.
“I’m really glad that I met you,” Chloe whispered as the birds were chirping outside.
“Me too,” the hockey player answered honestly. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“So don’t miss me,” Chloe pleaded instantly. “Don’t leave. You don’t have to.”
Beca closed her eyes, her hand stopping the caress in her hair. “Chlo, don’t do this.”
“I just think--”
“You’re making it harder than it needs to be.”
She sat up on the bed and Chloe instantly felt the warmth leaving her body.
“I’m not. I’m just asking you to think about it.”
“I have.”
“Have you? You have so much here. The Dames, me and--”
“Chloe!” Beca snapped, immediately shutting up Chloe. She instantly regretted it when the redhead’s face fell. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m-- this is just a lot, okay? I can’t keep having this conversation with you.”
Chloe nodded. She understood how scary it could be, she just wished Beca would listen to her. She gently took Beca’s hand and tugged on it to make her lay down again. There was so much conflict behind those stormy blue eyes and it hurt Chloe’s heart.
“It’s okay,” she murmured before capturing her lips.
The girl immediately kissed back, her hands moving to pull their hips closer. The kiss was slow, full of emotions and that’s the same way they undressed each other and then touched the other. It wasn’t done in a rush, they took their time with it, making sure they would always remember what it felt like to do this. They kissed as much as possible, their bodies moving in a rhythm together.
Chloe couldn’t help but feel as though it was the beginning of the end.
Even though she was touching Beca, she could feel her pulling away from her. All their unsaid feelings slipping between their fingers and the only person underneath trying to recover them was Chloe.
They stared at each other for the longest time afterwards but they didn’t say a single word. She figured the way they looked at each other said enough.
When Beca left to go to her last exam, Aubrey caught Chloe staring out of the window and wrapped her arms around her.
“She’s in love with you too, you know.”
“I know.”
It didn’t matter. Beca didn’t want to stay.
…
Aubrey started packing and the house got a little more empty with each passing day, similar to the way Chloe felt. She comforted herself by telling herself that at least next year, the Bellas would be able to move in the house with her. It was weird to think she’d be a Bella without her best friend and she wondered how’d she be able to lead the team alone.
Along with Beca, Aubrey and Chloe had been able to pull off something incredible and now that they were at their last rehearsal before the final competition, they could feel the buzzing in the air.
Everyone knew the choreo, everyone knew their parts but they still rehearsed over and over again until Aubrey couldn’t notice a single flaw. It was their last shot at redemption and Aubrey wanted to make sure she ended her senior year on a great note.
Seeing Aubrey graduate had been emotional. All the Bellas had been at the ceremony to congratulate her and it felt weird to not be on the stage next to her but she also felt thankful for it. She wasn’t ready to go up there and if her best friend was, then she was going to be happy for her.
Since the ICCAs were so close, Chloe and Beca were concentrating all their time on the Bellas and not as much on them. Not that things weren’t okay, it’s just that it felt like Beca did everything to not let things get romantic in any way. They had barely kissed since the last time they slept together.
Chloe knew the hockey player enough to know she was pulling away because she was hurting and that she was going to miss Chloe. It didn’t make it any less okay, though and she just wished they’d have a conversation about it once and for all. Chloe still remembered the way Beca had avoided her after they kissed for the first time and she wished her solution wasn’t to always run away.
Beca was taping her finger on the piano to the rhythm of Don’t You Forget About Me, watching them all dance and Chloe could see the hint of envy in her eyes. It was obvious Beca didn’t think acappella was lame anymore and most of the time, it looked like all she wanted to jump up there and join them.
Aubrey gave them a break after a while and Chloe took a gulp of her water bottle before joining the hockey player.
“Jealous, huh?”
“What?” Beca said, pretending to read the music sheets.
“I can see it in your eyes,” Chloe teased. “You wanna be a Bella.”
“Is that right,” Beca mumbled and the redhead forced her to look at her.
“Yeah. I know you, Beca. More than you think I do.”
Beca’s jaw clenched. “Yeah well, whatever.”
“You could join next year.”
The hockey player sighed deeply, annoyance flashing in her eyes. “Not this again,” she said through gritted teeth and started to walk away. Chloe immediately went after her.
“I don’t know why you’re so against having a conversation about this.”
“I don’t know why you keep trying to have a conversation about this.”
“Because I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Dude, let it go!” Beca’s voice echoed in the auditorium and at this point, the Bellas’ chatter had subdued so they could listen to what was happening.
“Not until you look me in the eyes and tell me you have 0 doubt about leaving Barden. That going to LA right now even though you could keep playing for the Dames, join the Bellas, stay with me, is what you want.”
“Why? I’ve told you a dozen times I’m leaving.”
“No, all you do is shut me down every time I try to have a mature conversation about this.”
“This is bullshit.”
“You told me yourself that you’re nervous about the future! Why are you so afraid to admit that you don’t want to leave?” she shouted.
Beca looked at her straight in the eyes. “It’s not because you’re too much of a pussy to leave Barden that I have to stay too, you know.”
The words cut deep and for a moment, she felt like the wind got knocked out of her. Aubrey looked worried, standing on the side. Every Bella was looking elsewhere, pretending they couldn’t hear the two girls arguing in the middle of the room.
“You don’t get to do this,” Chloe said, her mouth completely dry.
Beca seemed exasperated. “Do what?”
“Be mean to me just cause you don't know how to deal with your feelings and all you do is run away. At least, I’m honest with myself.”
“What are you even talking about?”
Chloe put her hands on her hips, jaw clenched. “You know what I’m talking about.”
Beca looked at her for a long time, her blue eyes had turned completely cold, not a hint of warmness in them anymore. Then she looked away.
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“Bullshit, Beca. Yes, you do. You’re a coward.”
“I’m a coward? You didn’t graduate last week cause you’re too scared to leave!”
“Yeah,” Chloe said, nodding. She took a few steps towards Beca. “Because that’s what I wanted. I wanted to stay here. Unlike you, I’m not afraid to admit what I want.”
“Oh yeah? And what is it that you want?”
Chloe could have shouted it from the rooftops. She had imagined herself saying it a hundred times. In the locker room at arena Kennedy, in Beca’s dorm room while they were doing a mash-up, in Chloe’s bedroom with Beca’s fingers on her but never did she imagine saying it with angry tears on the verge of coming out of her eyes.
She lowered her voice to keep it steady but it still came out shaky. “I’m in love with you, Beca.”
A couple of gasps were heard in the auditorium and Beca’s mouth snapped shut. Chloe wasn’t done talking, though, suddenly feeling like she needed to say more.
“Who are we even trying to fool? I’m in love with you and you know it. You know it but you’re too much of a coward to admit it. Everyone knows it because I don’t try to hide it. I’m not ashamed of being in love with you. But you’re closing your eyes on all of it on purpose! You think you’re not going to regret all of this once you’re in LA and you left everything you loved behind?”
Beca took an angry step towards her. “I was fine before you came into my life, you know? I had a plan. I would stay here for a year and leave. It’s all fucked up now.”
“Well excuse me for making you realize you have feelings. You have so many things to accomplish here and all I did was try to help you see that for yourself.”
“I don’t want your help. You’re not my girlfriend!” Beca shouted and the auditorium fell into a heavy silence.
Yeah, she had made that pretty clear.
“Fine,” Chloe said after a moment and took a few steps backwards. “Leave, Beca. You can pretend to yourself all you want but I’ll know that deep down, without this?” she pointed to the Bellas but she meant all of it; herself, the hockey team, everything that Beca loved. “You’ll feel empty.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Because I’ll feel the exact same way.”
If Beca was her soulmate, she knew she was hers too. She knew she made Beca feel more full. Without each other, a part of them would get hidden again.
Beca looked at Chloe and the door back and forth. After a few seconds, she released an angry sigh and walked right past the redhead to storm out the auditorium. Chloe didn’t turn around to look at her leave, she just heard the footsteps, the door open and then close.
Nobody spoke and silence went back to the way it felt before Beca. The absence of love. Emptiness.
…
Backstage of the Lincoln Center. Chloe was looking at the Bedfellows perform their set with her heart beating harder than usual. They were good but she was convinced the Bellas were better. They hadn’t worked this hard just for this to fail at the last step.
She tried to look at the audience but she could only see a fraction of it. She wondered if Beca was there like she promised she would be. Probably not. They hadn’t talked since the fight in the auditorium and Chloe wasn’t even sure she processed it all. She refused to believe that this was the last time she ever saw the hockey player. The thought of Beca being gone forever hurt too much to focus on it.
Chloe looked at Jesse with the Trebles. He was a bit on the side of his group and Chloe noticed the same broken-hearted look that she probably sported on her face. For the first time ever, she realized they maybe had more in common than she thought. He looked at her and gave her a shrug with a sad smile. She nodded, a similar expression on her face and somehow, they understood each other.
The language of the heartbroken.
The Trebles went on stage next and Chloe took a few breaths. She wasn’t mad at Beca, she was just sad that it ended this way. But she worked too hard to let it get to her too much. She wanted to go out there and give it all she got. She was excited about the set they had and was confident they had a chance to go home with the trophy.
She smiled when she saw Benji finally getting to sing on a stage and the audience seemed to react very positively to him. The Trebles were really good and they were the real competition. Like she was thinking the same thing, Aubrey gathered them up.
“I’m really proud of you guys,” she said and everyone seemed relieved that she wasn’t stressing them out more before the competition. “We’re gonna do great.”
Everyone cheered and Chloe felt the adrenaline pump in her body as they walked on the stage. The first thing she noticed when she looked up at the crowd was Lilly. Then Jessica, Ashley, Flo, Emily, Fat Amy, Cynthia-Rose, Stacie and finally Beca at the end of the row. Chloe’s heart skipped a beat. She had no idea the hockey team was planning to come and she had an idea it was all because of Beca who was planning on surprising her. Beca knew Chloe missed the Dames and she invited them to see her. Chloe couldn't believe it.
Even with the circumstances, she felt so happy to see them, a grin splitting her face in half. Stacie seemed to notice it because she waved happily and made a funny face, pointing to Beca. The captain of the Dames was looking at her lap like it was the most interesting thing in the world but just the fact that she was there meant the world to Chloe.
Aubrey blew the pitch pipe and Chloe turned into Bellas mode and forgot about the crowd in an instant. Aubrey started singing Price tag by Jessie J and when one of the Bellas started rapping, the audience realized how much the Bellas had changed their sound and started clapping along with excitement. Price tag turned into Don’t You Forget About Me with Chloe singing the lead vocals and she couldn’t help but glance at Beca who’s eyes were now fixed on her.
She had a shy smile on her face and Chloe continued the routine, trying to ignore the tingly sensation in her body. She was so happy at this moment. The crowd was cheering loudly, the Bellas were doing really good and the girl she was in love with was there.
They started singing Give Me Everything but there were also hints of Party in the USA,Just The Way You Are and Turn the Beat Around mixed into all of it and Chloe was still astonished that Beca managed to make a mash-up of all these songs and make it sound so good.
By the smile on Beca’s face right now and the way the Dames were all dancing on their seats, Chloe understood they were doing a hell of a good job. With her messed-up vocal chords, she couldn’t sing above a G-sharp but she could hit the bass notes and it felt good to see the audience seemed to like it.
They finally sang one last “Let’s do it tonight” all together and struck a final pose as the whole crowd went wild and the hockey players in the audience were the first ones on their feet, clapping loudly.
Chloe’s eyes met Beca’s and before she knew it, she was hugging everyone and stepping off stage, her feet running to Beca.
“You came,” she said when she got to her, completely breathless. Stacie and Emily said something but right now, she couldn’t focus on anything else but Beca.
Beca smiled at her, the biggest smile she had ever seen on the brunette before.
“I’m in love with you too,” is all she said in response.
Everything in Chloe’s world stopped but she didn’t have time to have a reaction because Beca grabbed her face and made their lips crash together. The crowd was still loud around them and she could hear the cheers of the hockey players and the Bellas around them as Beca’s tongue slid inside her mouth. They kissed for probably too long for a public space like this but Chloe could only focus on Beca’s lips on hers and the way her hands had a possessive hold on the redhead's body.
They pulled away and steel blue eyes stayed on ocean blues eyes, the whole world disappearing around them. They stayed close to each other, their bodies fitting together like two pieces of a finalized puzzle. They were now complete.
“I’m staying,” Beca said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. They were both staying. They were going to have more time together.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Chloe kissed her again because she could and she was in love with her and Beca was in love with her too. After the warmth had settled comfortably in her stomach, she moved back and looked at Beca deeply in the eyes.
“Do you want to be co-captains of the Bellas with me?”
The End