Chapter 6
Chloe was sitting on the home bench, her shoulders slumped and her eyes fixed on her lap. Her appointment was in a couple of hours and she was nervous. Her symptoms had started to get even worse. Sometimes she’d wake up and she wouldn’t even be able to talk without it being painful which was basically the worst thing in the world for someone like Chloe who loved to talk. She had a shooting pain from ear to ear and she had more and more trouble carrying through rehearsals pretending like nothing was happening.
The sounds of the hockey sticks on the ice made her come back to reality and she looked up to see Cynthia-Rose passing the puck to Beca. Instantly, Stacie skated towards the number 47 and pushed her against the boards violently. The crash echoed in the arena and Chloe was almost worried Beca was going to fall over but she kept her balance.
“The fuck, Stace?”
Stacie seemed to grin through her helmet, “Sorry Mitchell, just making sure you get your daily trip to nurse Beale.”
Luke turned to her with a laugh and Chloe blushed a little. The inside joke that the team all shared about Beca getting hurt all the time had evolved and now involved Chloe. It was a thing now that the hockey player would get hurt and Chloe would be the one making sure she was fine. Luke wouldn’t even ask her to take a look at the injury anymore, Chloe would just do it on her own.
Everytime Beca left the ice to go with the redhead, all the players would make kissy noises and whoop loudly. Usually, Beca would take off her glove specifically to flip them off with a frown on her face.
Chloe would laugh it up and never bring it up in front of Beca but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling the butterflies in her stomach at the jokes. It had been about two months now that she met the hockey player and Chloe was familiar enough with the aspect of crushing on someone to know that’s what it was. She definitely had a crush on Beca. She couldn’t help it. The way the hockey player managed to make a sport that Chloe didn’t particularly care about so sexy and the way her sarcastic smile would sometimes soften into a genuine one made the ginger’s heart race.
She didn’t love Beca injuring herself but she definitely loved learning new things about her. They still had their deal obviously and everytime she got hurt, she would tell Chloe a fact about herself but they had grown closer to the point where Beca would reveal something all on her own when they were texting. They were growing closer, actually being friends and Chloe felt as though she was really breaking through to Beca and it felt great.
She couldn’t help but noticed Beca flinched less and less when she hugged her now and Beca stopped rushing out the locker room after practice so they would have time to talk a little. She felt a strange sense of pride every time she saw Stacie or Fat Amy try to touch Beca to tease her and the latter would slap their hands away. The only one that Chloe had seen Beca touch willingly had been Emily and it had actually been a sweet scene that had melted Chloe’s heart.
It was at their game last week where Beca managed not to get hurt but they did unfortunately lose the game. It was tied 1-1 for the majority of the game and in the third period, Emily had suddenly been left alone to defend their home base and she miscalculated her move and had let the player go through and score.
Amy had yelled at her for 5 minutes straight and at the end when everyone had left, Chloe had caught Beca and Emily in the parking lot talking. Emily looked like she was crying and Beca rubbed her arms in a comforting way before standing on her tiptoes to hug the girl. The redhead had observed the scene with a smile and had let the captain do her job without her disturbing them.
Beca pretended she was a badass but she really was a softie at heart. Some people just didn’t know how to read her, but Chloe felt as though she was getting the hang of it.
“Idiot,” Beca muttered to Stacie before skating away. She passed in front of the bench where Chloe was sitting and seemed to notice something was off about the redhead because she took a second look at her, like she was hesitating to ask her if something was wrong before continuing her route.
She was usually so cheerful during her time with the Dames, either talking Luke’s ear off or cheering the girls even though they were just practicing but this time she was quiet. She didn’t want to use her voice too much, especially not before her appointment with her doctor.
When Jessica made a wrong move and twisted her ankle, Chloe didn’t even register what happened until Luke nudged her lightly.
“What?” She looked at the ice and saw the blonde girl sitting down and holding her ankle with everyone surrounding her. “Oh,” she said, getting up and Luke shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it.”
Ashley and Lilly helped guide Jessica to Luke and then she hopped on one skate to go to the locker room. Gail watched her go with a sigh.
“Alright, everyone take 5.”
Everyone started messing around on the ice and Chloe’s heart picked up when she saw Beca skate towards her and ice flew in the air when she braked in front of the board. Chloe tried to force a smile because she really was happy that she was friends with Beca enough for the latter to come towards her on her break but she was in so much pain.
“I bet you’re sad that wasn’t me,” Beca teased and Chloe raised an eyebrow in question. “You can’t make me tell you something about myself when I’m not the one that gets hurt.”
Chloe breathed out a laugh, “I don’t think you understand that I’d much rather you tell me stuff about yourself willingly rather than forcing it out of you when you get hurt.”
Instead of laughing like Chloe expected her to, Beca frowned.
“What’s up with your voice?”
“Oh. Nothing.”
Beca didn’t accept that answer.
“What’s up with you today, dude? You’ve been acting all sad and it’s weird.”
Chloe scoffed. “Thanks.”
“I just mean that usually you’re all happy and smiley and..” Beca trailed off and Chloe waited for the girl to continue talking. Beca sighed before looking down to finish the rest of her sentence, kicking her blade in the ice. “... and when you’re happy it makes the practices more fun cause you’re cheering us on and it’s cool or whatever.”
It could have been easy to not hear what Beca said because of all the noises in the arena from the girls joking around behind her and the way the hockey player had mumbled it but Chloe definitely heard it. She was pretty sure her heart was going to come out of her chest by how happy she felt at the words. Beca had just admitted that she liked it more when Chloe was here and the ginger was on top of the moon.
“Aw Becs!” Chloe said, throwing her arms around the player. It was different hugging Beca with the uniform on because she had all the protective gear that made her seem bigger when she was actually small but it was still Beca and she loved hugging Beca. Also the hockey player looked really good in her uniform. The fact that she was the same height as Chloe in her skates was adorable. “That’s so cute. You like me so much.”
“Shut up,” Beca said, putting her gloves on Chloe’s hips to gently pull away. Her hands lingered for a second too long before putting them back up on the board separating them. “I’m not cute.” Chloe was about to reply but Beca talked again before she could. “But seriously, what’s up?”
Chloe fidgeted on her seat, “I have a doctor’s appointment later and it’s stressing me out.” Beca’s face turned completely serious.
“Shit. Are you okay?”
Chloe shrugged.
“My throat’s been hurting. I’ll be alright.” She wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince.
“Since when?”
“About three weeks now.”
Beca’s eyes widened. “Woah. That sounds bad.”
Chloe winced at the comment. She had always been an optimistic person but she had been looking up the surgeries that you had to have when you had nodes and the risks of damaging her voice were too high for her comfort. Beca seemed to notice she said the wrong thing.
“Fuck I mean-- I just-- No, it’ll be okay. I’m sure.” They both stayed quiet for a moment. Beca seemed lost in thought before she opened her mouth. “Hey, you know--”
“Okay, five minutes are up!” Gail interrupted her, her voice echoing in the ice rink. Beca cleared her throat awkwardly and lowered her voice like she only wanted Chloe to hear what she was going to say.
“Um, you know, if you want, I could-- I mean, I don’t have anything to do after practice so--”
“Mitchell! On the centerline, now!”
“Fucking hell,” Beca muttered and pushed herself off the boards with her arms, skating backwards to maintain eye contact with Chloe. She pointed her hockey stick at her, “Wait for me after practice, Red.”
“Ooooh,” Stacie cooed and Beca broke eye contact to nudge her with her shoulder.
Chloe was left with the smile on her face at the words that Beca left with her. As if she wanted to do anything else but stay after practice to talk to Beca.
The redhead watched Beca for the remainder of the practice. She found that observing the number 47 as she played hockey was way better than worrying about her doctor’s appointment. She really was an excellent player and just like her voice, she seemed to have an extraordinary control over everything she did.
Every move seemed calculated; the last minute passed she’d do, the speed she’d skate at, the way she’d fool Amy into thinking she was going to shoot in one direction and then hit the puck in another. Beca was captivating in everything she did and Chloe was hooked.
After practice, Beca told her to wait in the lobby while she took a shower so that’s what she did. She paced in the lobby, saying bye to a couple of the girls that were done before Beca when the girl finally appeared from the hallway. Her hair was wet and put into a messy bun, she was wearing sweatpants and a Blondie T-shirt with a flannel on top. Beca was hiding a lot of strength under that petite figure because that hockey bag over her shoulder looked like it carried more than half her weight but she didn’t even seem to be bothered by it. Chloe stopped pacing at the same time that her heart started beating significantly faster.
“Hey, sorry I made you wait. Stacie… Actually, it’s better if you don’t know,” Beca said, shaking her head like she was trying to shake an image out of her brain. “Are you going to be late because of me?”
Chloe looked at the time and shook her head no. She still had enough time to make it in time to the doctor’s office and besides, these things were always behind on time.
“Okay good,” Beca said and nodded at the door with her chin, signaling they can walk out the arena. The hockey player held the door for her and Chloe smiled gracefully at her as a thank you. She jogged a little to catch up with the redhead and cleared her throat. “So I was thinking um well I guess if you wanted to, I could-- uh--”
“Beca,” Chloe interrupted with a smile on the corner of her mouth. “Just say it.”
Beca’s face flushed. “I could go with you to the appointment. You’re clearly stressed over this and I figured… moral support is always good, right?”
Chloe smiled, the biggest smile she had had in about three weeks and wrapped her arms around Beca’s neck. The girl made a little sound but hugged back, her small arms wrapping around Chloe’s waist. The redhead was touched by how much Beca cared and she whispered a quiet “Thank you” in her neck. She knew the girl was soft on the inside, you just had to pull it out of her.
Beca shivered a little and tightened her grip slightly before finally pulling away. She cleared her throat again and looked everywhere but Chloe’s eyes. “It’s nothing, dude. Come on, I’ll follow you so you can drop your car off and then I’ll drive you there.”
Chloe tapped her finger along with the song on her steering wheel as she drove back to the Bellas’ house. The appointment still scared the shit out of her but knowing that Beca would be there to support her helped her relax a lot. It was also weird to consider accompanying someone to a doctor’s appointment “hanging out” but Chloe couldn’t help but notice it would be the first time they hung out outside of hockey and not just because they crossed paths on the quad. Beca had offered to come with her.
She parked her car next to Aubrey’s and quickly made her way into Beca’s passenger seat. Beca lowered the volume of the music and eyed the house.
“Dude, you live there?”
Chloe chuckled, “Yeah. It’s the house for the Bellas. It’s only for Aubrey and I right now, though, cause all our recruits are freshmen and they’re not allowed to live out of the dorms.” She took her phone out, writing out the address on Maps and put it up in a way that Beca could see the directions.
Beca nodded and pulled out of the driveway, “That’s kinda dope, actually.”
“Acapella is dope.”
Beca snickered and glanced her right. “Sure, Red.”
Chloe smiled, looking out the window. It was silent but weirdly, Chloe didn’t mind it. For once, she didn’t care that she was with someone and that they weren’t talking and the music was only at a low volume because the silence was comfortable. It was like they were both existing in the same moment together and that was enough for them, they didn’t need more. Chloe didn’t feel the need to fill something to keep it from being empty. It was already full on it’s own, without words.
When a particular song came on, Beca put the volume higher and for the rest of the ride, the hockey player hummed the tunes. Chloe was growing more nervous by the minute so she couldn’t sing along but she had a feeling Beca was doing it to help her nerves. The best thing was, it worked. She would look to her left and watch as Beca pretended she couldn’t tell that Chloe was looking at her and she’d hum or sing the song on the radio while butterflies swarmed the ginger’s stomach.
Finally, she pulled into the parking lot and Chloe breathed out loudly. Beca didn’t say anything, just let her take a moment to calm down without judging her. Chloe let down her hair only to put it in a bun again and after she repeated the move for a second time, Beca put a hand on her wrist to stop her from doing it a third time.
“Hey. I’m pretty sure the doctor’s not going to care about the way you style your hair. Besides you look beautiful either way. C’mon, you’ve sang in front of hundreds of people on multiple occasions. This is just one tiny little doctor’s appointment.”
Chloe nodded along and registered the compliment too late because Beca had already stepped out the door when she realized she had just called her beautiful. Beca thought she was beautiful. She smiled shyly to herself and stepped out of the passenger seat. She walked to the other side of the car and to her surprise, she felt a hand slip into her own.
Beca didn’t intertwine their fingers, they just held hands but it still made Chloe’s mouth go dry as she tried to fight off a smile. Beca was already looking nervous at the action so she didn’t want to freak her out by reacting too strongly. Chloe squeezed her hand as a thank you because that was exactly what she needed and she was thankful that Beca understood it.
Physical reassurance was a big thing for Chloe. A hug could make her feel better faster than anything else in the world and to see Beca trying to comfort her that way even though she wasn’t a big fan of physical touch almost brought tears to her eyes.
Beca squeezed back and nothing else had to be said.
They waited for about 15 minutes in silence before Chloe’s name was called. She stood up and so did Beca, their hands finally parting from one another. Chloe instantly missed the warmth. She looked around and suddenly felt guilty about leaving the hockey player with nothing to do in the waiting room but like she could read her thoughts, Beca shook her head.
“Go. I don’t mind waiting.” She took a random magazine from the coffee table and held it up. “I’ve been dying to know what’s Jennifer Aniston’s nighttime routine for ages, anyways.”
The appointment consisted of her talking or singing lightly to Dr. Turner. He asked her to speak softer or louder and change pitch for the better half of the time. Then, with the help of some other people, they put a long tube in her throat (which was probably the most uncomfortable feeling Chloe had ever felt in her entire life) to see her the way her vocal folds moved.
Dr. Turner stayed at his computer for 5 whole minutes without saying anything to Chloe as she waited not-so-patiently, her legs swinging in the air. Finally he turned his chair around.
“Well Miss Beale, I’m afraid you have vocal nodules.”
Her heart dropped in her chest. Singing was her everything, she couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Is it bad?”
He nodded, “Unfortunately, yes. Because you’ve been stringing your vocal chords so much, we’re not gonna have any other choice than surgery.”
She ducked her head down. This was awful news and she was already scared of having to tell it to Aubrey.
“What are the chances that it messes up my singing voice?”
“They’re pretty low but that is if you follow my recommendations and stop singing immediately. The recovery for the surgery lasts about a month, after there’s some voice therapy you can do it if you’re not completely satisfied with the results. After that, everything should be back to normal.”
A month. Regionals were in two weeks. Then the semi-finals. Then the ICCA finals. She didn’t have a month. She had to prepare to make sure she won her last ever competitions as a Barden Bella. She was already terrified at the thought of graduating this year, there was no way she was doing anything to jeopardize the chance of winning the finals.
She nodded and he escorted her back to the lobby. As soon as she walked through the glass doors, Beca stood up, throwing the magazine back on the coffee table. Chloe eyed it with an amused smile.
“I got bored,” Beca said lamely and she laughed.
It was only when they sat down and closed the doors of the car that Beca spoke up again.
“So, how did it go?”
Chloe immediately burst into tears.
“Oh. Oh okay, this is happening. Okay. Come here.”
The angle was weird and she probably should have waited until she was in her bed to do this but it had all piled up on her all of a sudden. Beca reached over the console and wrapped her right arm around Chloe’s neck and pulled her closer. The redhead hid her face in Beca’s shoulder and her entire body shook as she cried all the anxiety she had been feeling over the past three weeks out. She felt a soft hand in her hair and Beca was humming a song she didn’t know but the vibrations of her humming actually helped Chloe calm down.
Little by little, her sobs turned into gentle tears and finally she was able to breathe normally again. She didn’t pull away from Beca, their upper bodies holding each other as much as possible with the console between them and Beca never stopped humming. When the hockey player felt that she had calmed down enough, she spoke up in a comforting voice.
“Hey. You’re gonna be okay, Chlo. I’m here.”
Chloe instantly straightened up and looked at Beca. The hockey player looked like a deer in headlights.
“What?”
Chloe wiped the tears off her face, “you called me Chlo.”
Beca smiled with the corner of her mouth. “It is your name, right?”
“I wasn’t even sure you knew what my real name was.”
Beca rolled her eyes with a laugh and it made Chloe chuckle a little too.
“I’ll go back to Red if you think it’s weird.”
“No I-- I like it,” Chloe said softly and Beca ducked her head down but the redhead could still see the blush on her cheeks. After a moment, she looked at Chloe again.
“You wanna tell me what happened?”
Chloe took a deep breath. “I have nodes.” Fuck. Saying it out loud made it even more real and that scared her to death.
“What is that?”
“Vocal nodules. The rubbing together of your vocal cords at above-average rates without proper lubrication. They sit on your windpipe and crush your dreams.”
Beca frowned. “Isn’t that painful? Why would you keep performing?”
“Because I love to sing.” Chloe said and looked at her hands. “Without it, I’m not special.”
“Chlo--”
“The key is early diagnosis. The doctor said I’ll be fine. I just have to pull back a little but I can still make it to Regionals.”
Beca’s eyebrows were knit together. “Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like--”
“Let’s go home,” Chloe cut her off and she instantly felt guilty for it when Beca’s mouth snapped shut and looked away awkwardly. She shook her head, placing a hand on Beca’s thigh. “I’m sorry. I’m just-- I’m really tired. You have no idea how much I appreciate you coming here with me and I--” Her voice cracked when she felt the tears spring in her eyes again. She couldn’t even describe how touched she was that Beca had offered to come with her for this and it made her pretty emotional.
Beca put her hand on top of Chloe’s quickly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Don’t start crying on me again, Red. I’ll take you home,” she teased. Chloe took a breath, smiling to dry out the tears.
“Okay.”
Beca drove her home and even got out of the car to hug her goodbye without Chloe even asking her to. They probably looked really weird, just standing in the driveway, hugging for 5 minutes but Beca seemed to understand she needed it.
Chloe suddenly realized that while she was getting to know Beca and trying to find out how she acted and who she was, Beca was getting to know her the same way too. Beca was observing her the same way Chloe was, finding out how to read her as a person.
And she was doing a pretty good job so far.
She ignored Aubrey’s look that indicated she had clearly watched their hug on the driveway and went straight to her bedroom. She texted a thank you text to Beca followed by a string of emojis and fell asleep, remembering the feeling of Beca’s hand in hers.
When she woke up a couple of hours later, she had the pleasure to read the hockey player’s response to her text right away.
beca :)
anything for you, chlo