I was just me
Just it
I cried while my heart was hiding
I was following your signals ..
... you were you
So special
He looked at me like a child's smile
Waiting for Christmas present
I saw it was love
When I found you in me
And I got lost in you
We are verse and poetry
Autumn and wind
Beach and carioca
We are bread and bakery
Piano and melody
Movie and popcorn, ah! ....
……………………………….
Casey got lost these last few shifts, everything he feared most was happening, Brett was avoiding staying in the same place he was just when he was, she barely looked at him, and when he did, he could see a different glow, tears, yes.
And he didn't know how to fix it.
He had been more frank and honest with her than anyone else, when asked about Gabby, he always said it was past, but when she asked, he was completely honest, he didn't know.
That didn't mean he didn't like her, Brett was part of his thoughts long before that day, long before he started jumping out of moving trucks.
Honestly, he didn't even remember when it started.
He put the paperwork aside a little bit, rubbed his face with both hands and leaned over, where he was standing he could see her saying something excited to Stella, and something inside him heated up just seeing her smile, she looked happy.
But going back to the memories, he tried to remember the first time this came about in another way.
He easily remembered the day when Boden suggested dinner and he didn’t think twice about inviting her, although he didn’t, she was the first one that came to mind, but that wasn’t where it all started, so he tried one more time and realized that there couldn't be a specific date, Sylvie brought something that he didn't always have, stability.
She was with him in the worst moments of his life, she offered to look for houses for him, she took calls in the middle of the night when he was not sleeping, she texted him just to check, she put him in place when he went accurate and also listened to him without judgment, all without asking for anything in return. She was there when no one else was, and now he may have missed it all.
He wanted to cry.
Life could be like a movie where the couple suffers in the first parts but conquers the good old happy ending and cliché with weddings, children and happy songs, but in fact it is much more complicated than that, and if it were a film, the part where you suffer in the beginning, you could already make a sequence of films. He smiled at that thought, it was just pathetic.
What was wrong with him?
Why is telling her how he feels so difficult?
Maybe that was the point, it was a huge mess with an even bigger emotional baggage, spare it all, that would be the best thing to do, when you love, you stop thinking only about yourself, and you want everything heart person can be happy.
Wait, do you love it?
Love ... Is that what he felt?
That would explain well why his day is only getting better after a smile from her.
Or to hear your voice, even if it's just a "hi".
But he would have to deal with it, he hurt her once, and he wouldn't do it again.
When he left his apartment, his heart was breaking, he saw her cry again, but that was the first time he was the reason, and he couldn't handle it again.
Not with her, Sylvie was by far the sweetest and kindest person he has ever met, she deserves to be happy, regardless of whether he is part of it or not.
Thinking about it all, he was grateful for everything she made him change, in these last years he had changed a lot, due to many habits of old Casey coming back, he smiled more, he spent more time with them all in the common room and not in his quarters , what she had said. - You need to be more present, Casey. Life is not just filling paperwork and closed faces. And she said so sweetly that he couldn't even be upset, she was right. The mood between them at 51 was lighter, he was still Captain Casey, he scolded when he needed to, but he could be closer to the newbies, learn and use regardless of how much experience you have, that was always the motto of 51 and he was missing it, until she says.
Suddenly, he realized how much of her was in him.
But it was too late ..
"Casey?" - Severide was leaning against the doorframe two cigars.
He had no desire to get up, much less to interact, but it was never out of will, his friend seemed to guess when he needed it most.
It was late, almost early in the evening and, despite the coldest time of the year, the sunset was beautiful.
They went to the roof and, as usual, two chairs awaited them.
Taking one for himself, he lit his cigar and gave himself the privilege of enjoying the view.
"I can ask a question?" - Severide pricked.
"Send!" - He already suspected what it was about.
"What's going on between you and Brett?"
"Anything!" - That's the problem, nothing was happening.
"Dude, I'm not the best person to do this, but ... What's the matter?"
"What problem? I don't know if I understand what you're getting at?"
"Casey, since when are we friends?"
"I don't know, since always ?!"
“Exactly, I consider you a brother and as a brother, I have an obligation to say that, you need to move on! Life goes on, nothing that has happened so far can be changed, but the future depends on you deciding, and if you stand still thinking too much about everything, someone will appear and
decide for you! I saw how you looked when Sheffield proposed you, and I saw the day she came back. Stella also told me about a leap of 81 and I don't have to be very smart to know what's holding you back. Call her, ask for her blessing if necessary, but don't let it go, buddy. You two are the best people I know, always thinking more about others than yourself, you deserve to be happy. "
Casey was speechless, saying that he was surprised by his friend's words would be an understatement now.
"She asked me if Gabby came here and asked me out, what would I do?"
"And what did you say?"
"I said I didn't know."
"Casey, if I told you I heard Brett say he was going to ask to be transferred?"
"What? Where to?"
"I heard her say that she wants to spend time in Rockford, it seems that she wants to be close to her younger sister."
She wouldn't do that, would she?
She would have told him, or maybe not.
Casey approaches and heads for the stairs.
"Where are you going?"
"Talk to her, I can't let her do this, I will if I have to."
"I think you already have your answer." -Severide said smiling.
"What? What answer?"
"Twice Gabby asked you to go with her, and you said you wouldn't, that Chicago was your home, that 51 was your home, right?"
"Right."
"But you don't even consider it when I mentioned Brett's departure, our heart is where he wants to be a brother, you are taken."
"Wait, were you making it up?"
"Sure, do you think I would let her go? She is the glue of this expensive house, I saw how horrible it was without her the other time, if I heard you say that, I would put you in another house myself."
"Thanks for the part that touches me." - Casey said returning to sit. "Thanks!"
"You're welcome. But I need you to fix things before that." He took a small black box out of his pocket.
"I don't believe it, are you going to propose?"
"I told you man, when you are taken, you are taken!"
"Congratulations Sev!"
Before they could talk more about the news, the alarm went off and everyone had to run.
Fortunately, there was nothing in greater proportions and all but 61 were back in the barracks.
Casey was back in his rooms, filling out the paperwork and running away a little, she was already in trouble alone, after the little reflection with Severide in the "cigar conversation" a confusion got even worse inside.
"Casey?" - Even without looking he knew who he was, and it hurt so much that she called him by his surname, so formally. Even though it was a custom, he got used to hearing her call him by his first name.
He turned to see her standing in front of him.
"Yes ?!"
"Aren't you going to eat? Mackey made that sandwich you liked."
"I'm not hungry, thanks, Sylvie."
She went to the bed and sat down. "Me too."
He turned a chair over so he could face her.
"What are we doing?" She asked without looking at him.
"I don't know" - Damn, he said that a lot. "I miss you!" .
"Me too!" - She looked him in the eye. "We can ... We can pretend that nothing happened and continue where we were before ... Well, before ..."
"Before we kiss?"
She looked quickly at an open door.
"Yes, before that." she said quietly.
He got up, closed the door and sat down beside her.
"Why would we do that?"
"Why? Well, you know it didn't work out very well, but I would like to have my friend back."
"Sylvie, look at me." he asked, approached her and took one of her hands. "I can't be clear about things when I should be. Earlier today I was trying to understand my feelings and remember when they changed, and I realized two things: the first is that you are largely responsible for many changes in me over the past few years."
"And a second?"
"The second is that I realized that what I feel for you is not passion."
She pulled the hand away from her holding hand. "I understand, Matt ..."
"It was love, Sylvie, and it scared me to feel again, the last time it didn't work and I didn't expect to feel it again. But every time I look at you it's like I don't need anything else to be happy, I love you. I love you, and I love you so much that I was willing to say nothing and make you happy, taking into account the disaster that I am in relationships, but I can't, I must be too selfish to keep it just on me. "
"Matt ... I ..."
"You don't have to say anything about it, but don't ask me to forget the kiss and that moment, even the painful part, because it made me think and come to the conclusion I came to, which was more than enlightening, Sylvie, it was liberating. If there is something I would do differently, it was not to let you stay away for so long. "
"I needed to think."
"I know ... Still, please don't go too far."
"Matt, if Gabby came here now and asked you to go out with her, what would you do?"
"I would say there would be no problem with having a coffee, but I would make it clear that as much as I will always feel a huge affection for her, I don't love her anymore, not like that."
Sylvie smiled, and he can see the sparkle in her eyes again, but those tears were not sad this time.
"We can do this, can't we?"
"Sylvie, we can do whatever we want, as long as we're together. It may seem complicated and I'm sure it won't be easy, but who said it needs to be?"
"I could kiss you now."
"Could I? Why not?"
"We are in the barracks, someone can see."
"First, everyone is busy with that wonderful sandwich, and second." He pushed that stubborn streak out of her hair and held her face in his hand, stroking the cheekbone with his thumb. "Who cares ?" - He closed the distance between them, sealing with a kiss the promise that even if it was complicated they could manage.
… .. With two hearts one was made
One worth more than two or three ...
Two Hearts - Merlin