Don't Stop Talking (FtM Deuce)
Deuce arrived at his house around eight-thirty. It had been a particularly bad day. He’d assumed it would get better, but the casket ball game had not been as good at raising his spirits as he’d hoped. It wasn’t the game itself but some crap before and after that ruined it.
As he was approaching the door he received a text from his mom. She was picking up an extra shift and wouldn’t be home until later. Of course, he’d be spending the night alone.
Deuce walked through his front door, taking off his shoes then heading for the back door. He opened the door and two dragons ran inside. He pets each of their heads then started back towards his bedroom. Deuce dropped his backpack onto his bed and sat down with a sigh. The dragons jumping onto the bed next to him.
“Hey Spritz.” Deuce smiled when one of the dragons laid her head in his lap.
Deuce tried to take his mind off of all that had happened that day. His head was spinning, he felt nauseous. He couldn’t help it, his mind just kept finding its way back to the one thing he didn’t want it to be on.
The sixteen-year-old was momentarily pulled out of his thoughts by the other dragon nuzzling his head under Deuce’s arm. He took a moment to pat the animal’s head before standing up. He figured he just needed to relax, maybe he’d be alright after a shower. The dragons tried to follow him to the bathroom down the hall.
“Sorry Spritz, sorry Flame. You guys can’t come.” Deuce chuckled a bit at his pets’ desperate actions to get in as he closed the door.
Deuce pulled off his shirt then glanced up at his reflection and he couldn’t take it anymore. Every thought that had been rushing through his head came down, crushing him underneath a pile of doubt, pain, and confusion. He wanted to scream and cry out in pain.
Deuce doesn’t know how long he was in there. He doesn’t remember much of anything that happened, it was all hazy. He was pulled out of his mind by his phone ringing. Cleo was calling him.
Deuce answered, “Cl-Cleo?”
“Hi Deucey. I was just calling to say goodnight.” Hearing Cleo’s voice helped to clear his mind, he wanted her here, but he didn’t want her to see him. I was just calling to say goodnight.”
“Oh, well goodnight babe.” Deuce replied weakly.
“Goodnight Deuce.”
“Actually, can you stay on the phone, please?” Deuce asked quietly, “I just need to hear your voice.”
Cleo could hear it in Deuce’s voice, something was wrong. He sounded like he’d been crying. As quietly as she could, Cleo began putting on her shoes.
“What do you want me to say?” Cleo asked as she grabbed her jacket and a small flashlight she kept for ‘emergencies’.
Deuce swallowed, “Anything. Just… please don’t stop talking to me, please.”
Cleo didn’t stop talking, telling her boyfriend about her day, fearleading practice, anything she could think of. She tried not to let Deuce know how afraid she was as she walked down the dark streets. She soon reached Deuce’s house, three blocks from her own house.
Silently, Cleo grabbed the spare key from under a potted plant on the front porch. She entered the house greeted by two dragons excitedly running towards her. She quietly made her way to Deuce’s room, opening the door to find no one.
“Deuce? Baby, are you still there?” Cleo asked, not having heard a sound from the other end of the phone in a while.
“Yeah. Please don’t stop talking.” Deuce replied shakily.
Cleo noticed light coming from the bathroom down the hall. She knocked on the door. Hearing the knock echo on her phone, she hung up the call.
“Baby, it’s me. I’m going to come in okay.”
Cleo opened the door. And her heart broke. Finding Deuce sitting on the floor, wearing only a pair of sweats and his binder. His knuckles were bleeding and the mirror was broken. He had his hands clutching the sides of his head, nails digging into his scalp. Cleo grabbed Deuce’s sunglasses that had fallen to the floor and placed them on his face.
“Deuce, look at me.” Cleo cupped her boyfriend’s tear-stained cheeks.
Deuce wanted to lean into her touch, but he didn’t, “Y-you can’t be here. I don’t want you to see me like this.” He pulled away from her.
“I’m not leaving. You wanted to hear my voice, so I’ll stay here for you to hear it.”
Cleo took Deuce’s bleeding hands to find his knuckles weren’t the only things bleeding. Along each of his wrists were three straight, bloody cuts.
“Deuce-” Cleo began.
“Pl-please just go.” Deuce pulled his hands back.
“No. I am not about to leave you.” Cleo dug through the cabinet under the sink, eventually finding the first aid kit, “Give me your hands.”
Deuce obeyed and Cleo began gently dabbing the bleeding areas with an alcohol wipe. Deuce hissed in pain as the alcohol made contact with the cuts. He pulled away slightly but didn’t pull his hands out of her grasp.
“I’m sorry.” Cleo glanced up at her boyfriend, giving him an apologetic frown.
“It’s fine.” Deuce replied.
Cleo began wrapping his wrists, “What’s going on?” She asked softly.
“It’s nothing.” Deuce mumbled, trying to take his hands from her again.
Cleo guided his hands back so she could deal with his bleeding knuckles, “Don’t lie to me.”
“It’s just… Why did I have to be born this way?” Deuce’s voice broke and he looked down, “Why did I have to feel like this? Why couldn’t I have been born a boy? Why do I have to look in the mirror and hate what I see? Why do I have to see her?” He clenched his jaw and willed himself not to cry.
“Deucey, look at me.” Cleo placed a hand on his cheek, guiding his face up, “There is nothing wrong with you. I don’t know why you were put into this body, but it does not make you any less of a man. You are perfect, you are handsome, and I love you. Even if you can’t see that, I do. You are a boy, you are my boy.”
“I love you Cleo.” Deuce wrapped his arms around his ghoulfriend, burying his face into her shoulder.
Cleo kissed Deuce’s head, “I love you too.”
“Can we go lay on the couch?” Deuce asked.
“Sure Deucey.” Cleo smiled, “Maybe you should change first. We both know you’ll fall asleep and you can’t sleep in your binder.”
Deuce rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses, “I’ll be fine babe.”
“I’m not going to think any less of you if I see you like that. Now, go change before I decide that I’m not going to cuddle with you.” Cleo turned away from the boy and walked back down the hall to the living room.
Deuce sighed and went back to his room to change. He owned a few sports bras, mainly for sleeping in and occasionally he could convince himself to wear one at home just to give his body a break. He pulled one on, then a baggy shirt. Dressed in better sleep attire, Deuce went to join his ghoulfriend.
Medusa Gorgon walked through her front door to find her son and his ghoulfriend laying together on the sofa. Deuce was clearly asleep, his arms wrapped around the mummy’s waist. Cleo was laying on her boyfriend’s chest, awake, tracing designs over his bicep with her finger.
“You should probably head home before your father gets worried.” Medusa commented, startling Cleo.
Cleo looked up at the gorgon, “He probably didn’t even realize I’d left.”
“You still need to go home.”
“Alright.” Cleo sighed, “Do you think you could drive me home?”
Medusa smiled, “Of course sweetie.”
Cleo moved Deuce’s hand’s away from her waist and stood up off of the sofa. Deuce woke up when his ghoulfriend was no longer in his arms. He looked up at the mummy in slight annoyance.
“You gonna leave me now?” Deuce asked sadly.
“I have to go home at some point.”
“I see how it is.” Deuce pouted.
“You can always drive me home so your mom doesn’t have to.” Cleo suggested.
Deuce stretched and stood up, “I’ll go tell her that I’m driving you then.”
“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Medusa laughed when her son, approached her still waking up.
“You can stay here, I’m going to take Cleo home.” Deuce explained, grabbing his car keys.
“Okay. Whoa, what happened here?” Medusa asked her son, seeing the bandages on his arms and hands.
“I’ll explain when I get home.” Deuce replied quickly. “Bye Mama, I’ll be home in a few minutes.”
Deuce kissed his mother’s cheek, then rushed back to Cleo to open the door for her. He drove Cleo back to her house, parking the car so he could kiss his ghoulfriend goodnight. Cleo, of course, returned the kiss.
“Love you babe.” Deuce kissed Cleo’s cheek one last time.
Cleo smiled back at him, “I love you too Deuce.”
Cleo stepped out of the car and started for her house. Deuce rolled the window down, having one more thing to say.
“Hey, Cleo?” Deuce caught the mummy’s attention before she got too far, “Thank you, for everything.”
“A queen knows how to treat her king.” Cleo smiled.