Revelations & Epiphanies
Azula felt weightless. That was the only way she could describe it. At first, she couldn’t remember how she got there, but after a moment, it all came rushing back. The events that led up to the execution, her speech, a wave of orange, and then, nothing.
“It appears that even in death, you can’t help but cause trouble, my dear child.”
Azula’s eyes snapped open at the sound of another person’s voice. When she found the source of the voice, she was met with the sight of an old man wearing a twin flame headpiece. He looked familiar, but she couldn’t quite place where she had seen him before.
“Who are you?” she asked, narrowing her eyes. “Better yet, where are we?”
“We are in a place that exists in between life and death,” the man said, completely ignoring her first question.
“That doesn’t tell me who you are, old man,” she said, scowling.
“All will be answered in time,” he said with a smile. “For now, I think it is best that we take a look at who you are, Azula.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I know who I am.”
“Perhaps. Why don’t we go back to where it all began?”
“What is that supposed to…” Azula stopped speaking as she was suddenly witnessing her Agni Kai with her brother.
“Why are we watching this?” she asked once she finally regained her voice. “This isn’t where it began. It’s where it all ended.”
“On the contrary. This is where you truly began to separate yourself from your father.”
Azula looked back to the battle, watching as she and her brother fought. She watched as she charged her lightning, but instead of firing it at his chest as he expected, she fired it at his feet. This caused a massive explosion that threw him back into a wall. Then, before he could react, she rushed forward, placing her hand on his chest and burning him. “You have lost brother, accept your defeat with what little honor you have left,” she heard her younger self say.
She remembered the moment vividly and how, even then, all that she had wanted was to make her nation great. Even though she had followed her father’s orders, she knew that what her country was doing was wrong. Even though she believed that the Fire Nation was superior to the other nations, she knew that exterminating the other nations would do more harm than good. By becoming Fire Lord, she would finally have the power to depose her father and to bring the world into a new era of prosperity.
Also, a small part of her hoped she would be able to build a genuine relationship with Zuko when their father was no longer in the picture. She had never enjoyed fighting him, but she was terrified of her father. She was terrified of the price of disobedience. In the end, her act of kindness was just thrown back in her face.
As she watched, she wanted to scream at her younger self. She watched as the Water Peasant snuck up behind her younger self, who had completely forgotten about her. She watched as the Water Peasant knocked her back and froze her in place, chaining her to a grate. She watched as she broke down, screaming about dishonor and cheating. She watched until she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Enough of this,” she said, looking away. “Why are you making me relive this again? It was bad enough the first time.” She was trying not to cry in front of the old man, but it was getting harder and harder to do so.
“Because this is where you proved that you are not the same as your father and that you were done living in his shadow. Your father would have cut down Zuko where he stood, and he would have enjoyed it. You instead chose mercy, even though you knew your father would be displeased. Why did you do it?”
“Does it even matter?” Azula said, her voice steely as she tried to hold back her tears. “I paid for it in the end.”
“It does matter, Azula. Why did you make that choice?”
The damn inside of Azula finally broke, and she lost it. “Because all I ever wanted was to make the Fire Nation a better place!” she shouted. “Taking the throne by killing my brother would not be a good way to start my reign. Also, I may believe that the Fire Nation is superior to the other nations, but that doesn’t mean that they should be exterminated! All my family has done is fight to increase their own power. Not one of them actually cared for the people of our nation. I was never blind to my nation’s struggles. I saw how my people starved while we fought a foolish war. I saw how families were ripped apart by the relentless war machine that we created. All I wanted was to see my nation prosper. But it doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“So the only reason you chose mercy was because it would have looked bad to kill your brother? I saw the look in your eyes when you demanded his surrender.”
“Because I never wanted to be his enemy!” she shouted. “Sure, our father pushed us to be rivals, but I just wanted my brother. I just wanted someone to love me unconditionally instead of having to earn that love.” Tears were pouring out of her eyes now, but she couldn’t stop them as she fell to her knees. “I still remember when we were children before I was better than him. I loved him,” she shouted. “I still do,” she said in a much quieter voice.
Somehow, vocalizing everything made it real for her. All of the trauma that she had experienced throughout her life just came crashing down all at once. Yet she felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.
“Remember what you have learned here, my child. It will help guide you through what is to come.”
Azula was confused now. “What do you mean, what is to come?”
“All will be explained in time. For now, there are still more things that I need to show you,” the man said, reaching out his hand to her.
Azula didn’t know if she wanted to continue with all of this, but she was too emotionally drained to argue. Instead, she took the old man’s hand, and everything went black again.