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She didn't know how this happened....she didn't know how she let this happen.
Her forest green eyes swim as she signals to the bartender for another drink. The ache in her ribs was letting up...if only a little. She doesn't usually drink here, and not on this side of the city, but she wanted to go somewhere she was not a familiar face. Her usual haunts would reek of familiarity and she couldn't stomach that tonight. The shame was another story all on its own. She had been approached by a few of the patrons and asked to dance, but she wasn't in a dancing mood. She was in a forgetting mood, and she was on her way to oblivion.
She didn't know how much time passed, and she really didn't care. Killian was in charge of Henry tonight. She knew there would be hell to pay for leaving a note and not coming home after work, but she didn't care. She raises the condensation covered glass to her lips and lets the amber liquid slide down her throat in copious gulps. The edges were finally starting to dull and smooth away and she began to feel the ease and comfort that came at the right level of buzz. The warmth was expanding in her chest and she almost thought about taking someone up on their offer to dance.
The loud ring of the microphone annoyed her as an announcement was made that tonight's performer was a few minutes late but had arrived and was about to begin. After wincing at the sharp sound she ignored the announcement. She couldn't care less about the music or anything else really going on here. She was just thankful to be in a place where no one knew her name. The door to the bar opened letting in the chill that comes with February in Massachusetts. The walls of the bar shook slightly with the passing train. Luckily she wouldn't have far to stumble tonight to get on the train home, which was another plus of this bar. Stumbling home in the cold after she gets off the train, well she will just worry about that when the time comes.
A small smirk creeps over her face as she begins to feel less like she is ready to jump out of her skin. She downs the remainder of the contents of her glass and signals for another. The fresh glass of foamy liquid makes it in front of her just as a piano behind her begins to sing out a melancholy tone for a few notes, followed by an intake of breath and then the most hauntingly beautiful tone Emma has ever heard. The voice alone makes her shift in her seat to look at the woman who has such an intoxicating voice. She winces slightly as she turns, and in the dim light all she makes out is shoulder-length dark hair that clearly has been polished and styled. Not much else is visible except painted red lips moving against a microphone.
"I can't see your star
And I'm alone now,
Me and all I stood for,
We're wondering now..."
The words, the tone, the lips hynotize Emma and for a few moments she thinks she forgets to breathe. There is a distant familiarity she can't place in this woman.
"So far away,
and I'm growing colder without your love.
Why can't you feel me calling your name?
Can't break the silence,
it's breaking me.
All my fears turn to rage."
Emma never knew she liked the piano before, but she could drown in this forever. As the song ends she is broken from her trance and looks around to find that a few of the other's in the place must be feeling the same way. Clapping and whistles erupt through the place and the briefest glimpse of a smile dawns the vocalists lips. Emma rights herself and takes another long drink from her glass. She glances at the clock seeing that it's now past ten o'clock. She will have to go home soon if she want's to live to see tomorrow.
She wants to get up, but the piano starts again and she finds herself rooted in place, turning again to hear the words. This song is equally soft with beautiful notes ringing from the piano. She misses the first few lines watching the woman's intricate hands dance along the keys.
"I hate me...
for breathing without you.
I don't want to..
feel anymore.
For you."
Emma's eyes want to tear up, but instead she swallows more ale and refocuses.
"And though I may have lost my way,
all paths lead straight to you...
I long to be like you..."
The hypnotic ease with which the woman allows her voice to reach the highs and lows is doing something to her heart she can't shake. A brief interlude of notes captures her full attention again, making her forget the earlier emotion and replacing it with something stronger as the woman's voice belts.
"You're not alone...
No matter what they told you, you're not alone!
I'll be right beside you forevermore!
And as we lie in silence,
I know you remember me."
This time Emma cannot stop the salty water from brimming over her eyes and she slowly lowers herself from the stool to wash her face. She grinds her teeth with the pain but keeps minimal evidence of it from showing on her face. The cool water makes her feel just slightly more sober than she did moments ago. She lifts her head and tried to focus on her reflection that is slightly swaying. Her blonde locks don't appear too disheveled but the dark circles in her eyes are well defined. 'I could use a good week of sleep' She thinks to herself and grabs a napkin from the dispenser to remove the excess water. She can hear the keys of the piano and the sweet voice faintly through the door and the noise of the crowd. She closes her eyes and shakes her head to clear her mind before heading back out and paying her tab.
The last song ends as she reaches the bar, she feels a bit disappointed that she missed it, but she has to get out of here. The pays the lady behind the bar and another song begins. With no drink to keep her company she stands in the crowd, after all, one more song wouldn't hurt. A few low notes chime from the piano, a solid 15 seconds of equally mesmorizing intro before the woman's voice comes low and smooth like velvet or dark chocolate...
"It can be born anywhere,
In the last place you'd expect
In a way you never dreamed.
It can grow from nothing, it can blossom in a second.
A single glance is all it takes,
To get inside your head.
Invading every thought
Every beat of your heart.
Love can make you scream and it can make you speechless.
Love has a thousand stems
But only one flower
It can grow alone 'til it turns to dust
It can tear your world apart
Or bind you forever.
It can grow in darkness,
Make it's own light
Turn a curse into a kiss
Change the meaning of your world.
Love makes no sense,
Love has no name
Love drowns you in tears and it sets your heart on fire!
Love has no fear,
Love has no reason.
So infinitely vast and we're standing at the edge
Take my hand erase the past forever..."
Emma finds herself moving closer to the stage by an involuntary reaction. A draw, a pull she can't explain is propelling her closer to the source.
"I'm drowning in my tears
But my hearts on fire!
It can make you better,
It can change you slowly."
The woman's voice breaks slightly with emotion and Emma feels it in her chest.
"In the blink of an eye,
The hint of a smile
In the way you say goodbye,
And every time you find me!"
Emma has made her way up almost to the front. As the woman ends the song she shakes her hand and announces that she will take a short break. Emma just wants her name. She needs to hear more. She is somewhat shy but makes her way behind the brunette as she walks to the bar.
"Um, excuse me miss....."
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Regina turns around and her heart drops into her stomach and a knot catches in her throat. How did Emma find her? What is she doing here? How much did she hear. Shit..
"Miss S.....yes, miss, what can I do for you." She straightens her features and remembers that Emma, sadly doesn't remember. The blonde waves and fair complexion in neon lights blind her. And what the hell is Emma doing in a gay bar?
"Your music, your voice is beautiful. I was just wondering what your name was, or how I could listen to more of your musi-" Someone bumps into Emma pushing her slightly forward into Regina's space. She winces and can't help that it shows on her face. Her right hand automatically comes up to grip her left ribs.
Concern shadows dark eyes. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" She reaches to take Emma's arm's in her hands but stops short. They are not friends anymore. Emma doesn't know her and was never much for being touched to begin with. She smells the alcohol rolling from Emma's breath.
Emma takes a deep breath and rights herself showing a weak smile. "I'm fine, job hazard. So are you on Spotify, Apple music...anything like that?"
Regina struggles, actually struggles to keep her emotions in check. "No, I..this is just a hobby." No way was she going to tell her that her therapist suggested she find a way to channel her emotions in a 'healthy' way lest she become the Evil Queen all over again. Not that she thinks the insect knows what he's talking about, but she loves playing so she figured why not. "I am usually here on Thursday night though. I have not seen you here before."
Emma gives the slightest hint at a smile. "No, this is my first time coming here, actually. I just wanted to get away for a while." She can feel her phone vibrating in her pocket for seemingly the thousandth time in the last ten minutes. Panic sets in.
Regina notes that Emma wants to get away, and sees the light in her eyes has long since been extinguished. Her heart breaks for the once fiery savior. 'What has happened over the months since she left?' She longs to hug Emma, to ask about her time away. Emma drank a beer here and there, but she rarely got this trashed. 'Where the hell is Henry?' Regina's head is spinning and she has so much she wants to know. She finds herself lost in thought about all these things when Emma breaks her train of thought...
"I have to go. I didn't catch your name-?"
Regina meets Emma's eyes "Roni."
Emma smiles and it almost reaches her eyes. "I hope to see you next week, Roni." And with that the blonde turns and almost runs out of the bar. Regina's eyes burn with unshed tears and she swallows hard to rid herself of the lump that had formed in her throat. She still has a set of three songs to sing, and she has no idea how she is going to make it.
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Regina bangs her hands on the steering wheel while hot tears roll down her cheeks. She almost never cries outside of the shower, but it was impossible to stop the dam from breaking the moment she got into the solitude of her Benz. How did this happen? She had to leave Storybrooke to perform, that's why this happened. Dammit! What was the point of writing all these songs if she never shared them? Could she really not have one thing that she wanted just for her without her world being split apart by Miss Swan? Was the woman really there, in that club, listening as she sang songs about her? And having no fucking idea who she even was? Was this a further punishment from her time as the Evil Queen? She pulled her car to the side of the road and screamed. Everything felt so wrong. She had to wake Emma and Henry up! How was she supposed to make it through the week not being able to see or talk to Emma until Thursday. How was Henry. She missed him so much. She knew the price when she sent Emma and Henry over the town line. She didn't think she would ever see either one again, that everyone would get sent back to where they came from and her time with them was over...
She knew what it meant when she told Emma that she would lose all her memories, and she gave Emma all the memories of raising Henry. As she held Emma's hands and told her all of this she longed to tell her that she was in love with her. She had noticed that Emma didn't kiss Hook. She wanted to, but everyone was watching...
Dammit doesn't she have a potion to make Emma's memories come back? Who is she kidding, as skeptical as Emma is she would never be able to get her to drink it. Dammit, she should have never put her heart back in her chest in the Enchanted Forest. Snow, of course with her stupid optimism and caring let her be convinced to put it back. She has been swallowing this pain ever since. And Emma was supposed to be in New York, so why the hell is she in Mass? She takes a few deep breaths and steers herself back onto the road. Though she has many questions there are no answers she is going to receive right now. She just needs to get home to a hot bath and a tall glass of cider.