Chapter 9
(Flashbacks in italics)
A young girl from the ward was playing huddled in her comfy chair and Arizona had an inspiration: her office would have become the new play room. She would have taken any desk in any closet as her office.
She immediately got Alex and Mark on board, making them move out some of the forniture.
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With the excuse of needing help, Mark decided to page Callie. The woman arrived shortly, annoyed, in front of the trio who was laughing at one of the blonde's jokes.
With her gaze set on the entrance, and the pediatric surgeon paused her books lifting "Hey, thanks for coming! You're here to help?"
Callie, glacial, answered "You know, Arizona, i don't owe you anything…"
Three pairs of eyebrows raised in surprise and Alex exclaimed "Dude, it's your hospital too!"
"Ok, enough Torres! No more running!" Mark encouraged her, pushing her further in the room.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Mark. It's a long story!" Callie tried to shut him up. She failed:
"No I don't. What I do know is that you shut yourself away when you hurt and I don't like how this makes you feel.." Mark was more and more confident he had done the right thing arranging this encounter. "Also, I love you enough to not let you run from it this time."
With a nod, and a tender smile, he made her understand that that was the right choice and that he would have been there for her.
Then, proud of his investigative talent, he walked away dragging a curious Alex Karev behind him.
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The two women remained in the office: Callie in the middle of the room looked around, waiting; Arizona closed the door and leant against it, hands in her pockets.
"I saw Sofia on the wall. What happened?" the blonde started.
"What?" the puzzled woman, chuckled. Seeing a gurney behind her, she decide to lean on it.
"I sorted the photos on the wall and I saw you and Sofia…" Obviously she felt a special connection with the child. She was Callie's.
"There was an accident…" She lowered her gaze. "She was a premature baby."
"Did you two recover easily?"
"We recover. Didn't we? We're fine now."
"I'm glad." The blonde attempted a smile.
After another little bit of silence, she detached from the door and, finally, she began: "Ok, I don't know why you're ignoring me or you pretend not to know me, but well, I'm here and I'm sorry but being so formal, and grumpy, isn't really my MO. So, Callie, please, I'd like to clear the air once for all, and start again on the right foot."
"Well, Arizona, you are a few years late." She got up from the gurney, while the blonde leaned on it.
"Please. I'm trying here."
"Ffffff! Sorry. Not much to say. You're arrogant, you've always been. You think you own the place and the things you meet. You take my interns, my friends. You enter my place, again." She continued gesturing and walking in front of the other woman as she watched her "Then, what if people get attached and the next job offer comes? You leave everything behind yourself and head towards your new adventure. I don't want my friends to suffer or Mark to suffer or even our hospital to be affected! So, I don't want to be friend or even friendly!" Callie stopped realizing that maybe she got a little carried away.
Wow. "Well, I asked." Arizona, with her open mouth, was startled.
She got up and head towards the coffee machine in the office. "Do you want a coffee? I need one."
Callie nodded.
"For your information, I don't plan on hurting anyone. I have a long-term contract which i don't intend tearing up. I'm here, and things will remain like that for a long time." She turned "Sugar?"
Callie shook her head e Arizona commented "Black? Ouch!" And she smiled, trying to defuse the tension.
Nothing, Callie was deadpan.
"I think the problem here, is not present-related, Callie" she sat down and looked at her. "You don't know how painful it's been leaving. Don't saying goodbye tore me apart, but it was the right thing to do. That way, you hurt less..."
"But wha?! You made up this bullshit for yourself!" She agitated her hands "You believed in this just for cowardice. You shouldn't have 'protected' me. There was no need."
Arizona couldn't risk to reveal her feelings. "Well Callie, protecting you was the only thing I could do."
"Well, I wanted to hug my friend one last time!" The brunette retorted.
"Yeah, your friend" Arizona snorted. "Sorry, I'm sorry" She smiled disheartened.
Callie trashed her coffee cup "What?"
Maybe she had just said too much. She started moving the couch towards the wall, to make space for a big soffice mat. "Nothing, maybe you're right, maybe I made a mistake coming here. But I can't go back, so we have to coexist and you need to get used to me being here Calliope."
Callie's eyes closed automatically. She felt a pang and her face moved, almost, in a wince of pain. Her name, said like that.. Only Arizona could pronounce it in that way. Or perhaps precisely because she gave it that intonation, anyone else had never managed to reach that pitch.
Arizona was still moving objects. The armchair pushed out of the room, together with the gurney and her empty locker. Not a word from Callie yet. At least she was still there, she hadn't run this time.
Callie was torn: she was afraid that the topic would come out, but she couldn't not take advantage of the opportunity.
"It was my birthday, and you went away like that..." She hadn't been able to hold back completely. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Arizona stood still. She turned. In her hands two anatomy books, just removed from a shelf. Silence.
"I was hurt. I.. I though you wanted to stay with Kevin"
"With who?"
"Kevin. Your boyfriend."
Actually, Callie had kissed him in order to understand. She needed to figure it out: what she had felt during the kiss she shared with Arizona, was something normal? Or was it an ordinary reaction of her body?
No-thing. That boy hadn't made her feel a thing.
But she wasn't a lesbian. Arizona was her best friend. That kiss, if you could call it that, had been a mistake. And she was sure the other woman couldn't even remember it.
"I've never been with that guy. And I was drunk, I don't remember half of that party!" Callie said vaguely, feeling too close to the hard topic.
"It's a little complicated..."
"No, I think it's really easy. What I do know is that the most important person for me, left me there, not bothering saying goodbye and without any explanation!"
"You need to believe me, it's been really hard not to say goodbye." She looked her in her big brown eyes and continued "And it was not selfishness. I hadn't thought about anything else for years."
Then, she walked towards the door frame, on which the big carpet was leaning on. One end to the ground, she began to drag it with no little difficulty.
It was long and quite heavy and Callie, for the first time, granted her help. Arizona felt the carpet's weight lessen and she looked up. She smiled seeing Callie with her tongue out between her lips, like every time she was focusing.
Together, without using a word, they arranged the colorful mat all over the floor and as soon as the two were upright, two little young girls, entered with their heads and asked to be allowed to play there.
Smiling, Arizona answered that they were the first 'customers of the play room' and encouraged them to invite all the others. "You should also bring a toy, or a doll, whatever you want!"
She could feel Callie's gaze. She had no idea what was going on in that head.
"Can you at least try and be civil? Even just for the atmosphere at work."
"Yeah, I need not to come here so jumpy..." The orthopedic surgeon agreed.
"Yeah.."
Callie nodded and wiped her sweaty hands on her lab coat. "Do you want to bring this desk somewhere?" Just then, her pager went off "Sorry, I have to go. I can send you Warren."
"You go, don't worry. I just need to put it in that room!" She pointed the room next to them.
"That's your new office?"
"Mmmh" Arizona nodded. "It's small, but it will do!"
"If you're sure! Good luck!"
They looked at each other. The air was dense, but for the first time since Arizona's arrival, there was no anger tangible. And then Callie took off.
Alone in the empty corridor, the pediatric surgeon thought that maybe the talk could have gone worse.
Besides, Callie stated that she was drunk. She had almost certainly forgotten what happened in that kitchen.
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9 June 2003, Miami, Florida. Callie's 17th birthday
It was a late afternoon, and a beautiful pink sunset was visible from Callie's yard.
Arizona had helped her organize everything: music, food, decorations.
They were enjoying themselves; their friends too were having a great time: school was almost over and the Torres house was available.
In the last months the two had become particularly close. They always studied together, had sleepovers and they usually spent their free time at the Robbins'. For Arizona, it was becoming almost impossible not to confess, especially since Kevin was always trying to make a move on Callie.
That's why Arizona arrived at that party full of Kevin and full of emotions.
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They found themselves alone in the kitchen, Callie was running away from Kevin and she was evidently drunk. While Arizona was looking for the chips' supply: guests were devouring everything, and she was trying to refill the bowls.
She opened a pack in haste and she bursted out laughing because its whole contents spilled on her.
They looked at each other smiling hard. Callie observed her in awe, and she was focusing on her dimples when she found herself kissing her best friend.
Arizona froze, her eyes wide open. Instinctively she detached and ran away to keep from yielding and professing her love.
In the garden she found Teddy, and short of breath, informed her right away.
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Callie, still in her kitchen, started drinking water from the tap, in order to recover. What has she just done? From where has that impulse come?
She had just kissed Arizona. And she ran away... Did she ruin everything? Was she so bad? It was just a friendly kiss, and they were best friends, in fact. Also, Arizona would have be gone in two days and she was going to miss her a lot. A friendly kiss, just like any other kiss.
She had another sip. She had to go, she had to join her guests. Actually, she needed her best friend, but that was not an option right now. It was her birthday party, she needed not to overthink.
As soon as she put foot on the grass, Kevin was in front of her, asking her out, for the 4th time that year.
But driven by the last events, she decided to give him a chance and, accepting to date him, she granted him a kiss.
From little distance Teddy was able to see everything. Widening her eyes, she made Arizona turn and see the scene.
Hurt and confused, the blonde tried to remain impassive, leaving the party early with her friends.
.
The next day, in front of the school entrance, Arizona heard Callie telling some girls about the kiss. The kiss with Kevin.
Even after having greeted her, Callie was acting as if nothing had happened. Later that day she would have talk with her.
.
Never the sporty one, Callie had been left behind by their faster classmates. She was alone, and Arizona thought that that was the perfect moment to have the conversation.
Jogging to her side, she asked "Hi! Do you have some plans for the afternoon?" But she received an awkward silence as an answer. Just Callie's heavy breathing.
So she tried again lightly "I guess your first hangover is really making itself felt, huh?"
This time she got a grouchy "Yea, indeed!"
"Well, did you like the gifts at least? You seemed pleased when you opened them..."
"I don't remember very well, Arizona!" She responded harshly.
"Woah!" She felt offended. She was just being nice and giving her the chance to speak. "Well, I don't know what got you so grumpy but if you have something to say, you need to speak!"
Callie wasn't able to use te opportunity. She hadn't even had time to process it yet. "I'm just tired ok? I barely slept! Maybe you're the one who should be less chatty with hangover people who had forgotten half of the evening!"
Silence fell between them, cause a group of Callie's friends came up beside them laughing and gossiping.
At that point Arizona realized that, while it had been the highlight of her life, Callie couldn't care less. Probably she didn't even remember kissing her.
And she decided to leave it. What a useless attempt! She speeded up and pulled ahead them.
.
That evening she would have packed her bags anyway. And together with Teddy, they decided to write the letter. The one Callie had never received.