Chapter 3
An knew her recovery was going to be hard. Both physically and psychologically. It was okay though, because she got out of Borderland.
She beat the game.
She was free again.
And most of all she was used to fighting alone. Still, in times like this, she really wished she had someone by her side. Someone who could tell her that everything will be ok.
It was her own fault, really. She had made the choice of living a quiet life. Maybe too quiet at times. But her work did not allow her to have time for real friendships, or relationships in general. Sure, there was the occasional drink with colleagues but other than that ? Nothing.
It used to be convenient. Not many people were comfortable with the kind of job she had, or with the inconvenient planning, and she did not have time to fight over that. She knew what she was doing was important. She was one of the best forensic scientists in Tokyo. People needed her.
Although, she had to admit Borderland got something right. Forcing her to function with people for survival. Forming a bond, an actual bond… Maybe that was not so bad after all.
None of it mattered anymore though. She was back in her world. Here, there were no meaningful bonds. Not even with her parents. They always had high expectations for her, too high even. Let’s just say ‘forensic scientist’ was not what they had in mind for their daughter. A world class surgeon was more like it… Or a diplomat, like her father.
Still, she had been shocked earlier when she noticed the flowers on the table in her room. They did send her something after all. Were they really worried or was it just for show, as usual ?
She did not know nor care if she was honest. She was so tired of their bullshit, that was why she had lost contact with them years ago.
Her entire body hurt more and more as it woke up. Her arms and fingers were the only things she could move, and it was far from glorious. The doctors had told her that she should be able to walk again, eventually, though right now it seemed damn near impossible.
She hated it.
Feeling useless. Unable to move.
Kuina woke up feeling relieved the next morning. It was officially her last day at the hospital. Her father said he would come by to pick her up at the end of the afternoon.
Everything was already packed. She could not wait to get out of there and regain a sense of normality. She had never been one to stay inside. Sure, the hospital had a nice garden, but it was not the same. Not really.
She simply wished she had more sleep. No matter what she tried last night, her mind always came back to that woman. To Ann.
In a way, she was glad to have been able to talk to her at least once, but on the other hand, she had left the room with so many more questions.
Had they met before ? Why did she feel so familiar ? Why did it feel right when their hands touched ?
In the end, maybe because she was too tired to make sense of it, she gave up on trying to find an answer. She would probably never see the woman again. She had no reasons to. She had other things to focus on.
It was almost time for her to leave. She decided to wait on one of the hospital benches by the entrance.
An older couple was already in the elevator when she hopped in. The man was wearing a suit, an expensive one. Though his wife’s purse alone seemed to be double the price. They both had a very strict expression on their faces. It seemed like not one of them had smiled in years, decades even. She did not think too much of it, there were people everywhere in the hospital. Some smiled, but most of them cried. Especially since the meteorite accident.
A few seconds passed before the man leaned towards his wife, “ If she had agreed to take the job I got her in London, none of this would have happened. “
“ I know dear… Maybe this incident finally put some sense into her head. “
They were whispering, but Kuina heard it all. She was no stranger to cold parental figures, but they seemed to be on a whole other level. She felt sorry for whoever they were talking about. Shouldn’t they just be relieved their loved one was not dead ?
Eventually, the elevator stopped. Kuina looked up and saw that they had arrived on the third floor. Everything they had just said became that much colder.
“ Come on, Ann’s room should be this way. “, was the last thing she heard before the elevator’s door closed.
Well, it explains the empty room, she thought. She felt bad for the woman. After days of being alone, these were the first people there to support her ?
Kuina got off the elevator when it arrived at the ground floor. Most of the chairs were occupied, it seemed like a lot of patients were being released that day. Still, she found a spot next to a white haired man in a matching white vest, he was around her age. She recognized him from the cafeteria.
Surprisingly, after sitting in silence for a few minutes, he was the one to open a conversation. “ Let me guess, you also got into cardiac arrest ? “
“ Huh ? “
“ You also died briefly ? “, he repeated in a simpler vocab, using quite a condescending tone if you asked Kuina.
“ I know what ‘cardiac arrest’ means… But is this really how you chose to start a conversation with a lady ? “, she smirked.
“ I’ll take it as a yes, then. “, he ignored her tease entirely.
“ What does it matter, anyway ? “
“ I’m not sure yet… But I noticed that every patient in this hospital that looked familiar had this in common. Like there is a pattern somehow. “
Kuina let out a puff, more out of nervousness than anything really. “ You’re serious ? “.
Right on cue, a tall boy she recognized from that one couple attached by the hips walked past them and shared a shy wave with the bleached haired boy. “ That’s Arisu, also ‘died’ in the accident. “, he announced like he had just proved his point.
“ And ? “
“ You’re telling me you can’t feel it ? This attraction ? “
“ I’m not… I’m not really attracted to guys, sorry. “, was this some kind of elaborate flirting method ?
“ No I meant, look at me, I look familiar don’t I ? You know I noticed you at the cafeteria, we were watching the same people, we were analyzing each other, why do you think that is ? “
“ A coincidental need to gossip after days stuck here ? “
“ Sure, it could be… But I don’t really believe in coincidences, not when it impacts so many people. “
“ What are you thinking of then, fate ? “, Kuina was not one to believe in fate, or in anything really.
To her, there was no higher power or anything like that. If there was, they would not be worth worshipping. Not to her. Because where were they at the loneliest points of her life ? Where were they when her mother, the kindest woman she knew, got sick ? If they truly existed, then they were cruel entities and she wanted nothing to do with them. Still, she had to admit, what the boy was saying wasn’t completely out of pocket. She did feel this attraction, this pull towards certain people she had never seen prior to the hospital… Towards a certain woman especially...
“ Who knows… What’s certain though, is that we’re all somehow connected, and I’m not only talking about the meteorite. “, he paused his rant, knowing he would not get much more information from the girl. “Anyway, it was nice finally talking to you, I’m Chishiya by the way “, he extended his hand, which Kuina shook.
“ Kuina. “
“ Well, guess I’ll see you around then, Kuina. “, and with that he left, with his hands in his pockets, ever so nonchalantly.
She only had to wait a few minutes before her father came in to help her, but the interaction really stuck with her. She did not know why, or how, but somehow, this man, Chishyia, was right. The fact alone that she had listened to his theory was proof of it. Somehow, she… It was almost like she trusted him ? What he told her was insane, impossible even, and still, she had been feeling it. There was no denying it now. It was strange, but in a way, it also felt strangely reassuring. It meant that she had not been the only one to experience this, with Ann at first, and with Chishyia just now.
The ride home had been silent. Her and her father never had much in common, even before the day she got thrown out. He had always considered her weak, too caring to make a good fighter. Too feminine to make a good son.
No matter what she did, it was never enough.
But she was not a kid anymore. She was an independent woman, she was strong and she knew it, he had no power over her. They were equals now.
Her father parked in front of the house and took her luggage from the truck without a word. He was not being rude though, there was no animosity, it just felt… awkward. And why wouldn’t it be ? What were a daughter and her estranged father supposed to talk about in times like these ?
He went in first, expecting his daughter to follow, but Kuina stopped at the threshold of the garden. She remembered the last time she walked under it like it was yesterday. The coldness in her father’s voice, the confusion of her mother, and the distress she had felt. That day her world had crumbled, it had been ripped away from her.
She had been on her own since then. Even when she was not alone, when friends took her in, the ache in her heart never left, this feeling of loneliness had been a part of her for so long, and she was standing where it all started. Or ended rather.
She gathered her feelings and locked them up as best as she could before stepping in the garden. Her dad was waiting for her at the door, as impassive as ever. When they were both done taking their shoes off, she placed them in what used to be her usual spot, on the bottom half of their shoe cabinet.
Her father helped her take her luggage upstairs and as the seconds passed, she really wished her mother had been there to lend her some strength. She had dreamed of coming back so many times, both in nightmares and actual dreams, but she had never imagined it would actually happen, much less with her father helping her move back in.
He opened the door of her old room for her and put down the bags. “ I’ll go make dinner, call me if you… If you need anything. “
“ Uh, sure. Thanks. “
He closed the door behind him and Kuina was left standing alone in this room that used to be her safe place.
It was smaller than she remembered. She noticed nothing had changed… Well almost. Her old make up was gone, along with anything that her father had broken that day, anything that reminded him of his failure of a child. It was okay though, she had brought much better quality makeup and brushes with her.
Other than that, the room was neat, you could tell it was being cleaned regularly. She knew she had her mother to thank for that.
Clean towels had been placed on her bed so she decided to go shower before coming downstairs.
When she arrived, a plate of katsu curry was waiting for her. This dish was her father’s specialty, and also happened to be her favorite.
“ I hope you still like it… “, her father commented.
“ Yes, thank you. “, she answered as he sat in front of her. The room felt heavy, she could feel his eyes on her as she ate. She did not care, though. She was starving and her dad’s curry had remained unmatched after all these years. Hospital food was no match for it.
After practically absorbing her plate, she finally looked up. Her father had barely touched his food, which was odd considering how big of a deal finishing a plate had been back in the days.
He seemed… somewhere else. Only when Kuina’s eyes met his did he come back to the room.
She did not really question it, though, she knew better than asking him how he felt.
“ Hikari, I’m sorry. “
The room fell silent.
Kuina could not believe her ears.
She looked at him in shock, tears threatening to fall off.
“ I never should have… What I did that day… It was disgraceful. “, he breathed in deeply, “ When I saw you with that… That make up… I took it as an insult to this family, to me…", he paused again, weighing his words carefully, " But in reality the only disgrace was my own behavior. A good father would have supported you, and I failed to do that. I realize that now. “, he reached for Kuina’s hand that was resting on that table and took it in his own.
The sudden contact made her freeze. She had not been expecting that. Her father had never been like that, he never apologized for anything, he never admitted his wrongs, he never showed regrets.
She was left speechless.
“ I hope you’ll find the strength in your heart to forgive me, even if I don’t deserve it. You’re stronger than me, daughter, I know that now. “
Daughter.
She had expected to be called a lot of names by her father, but ‘daughter’ had never been on her list. After all this time, after all this pain… Was it finally over ?
The tears were rolling on their own now, she could not stop them even if she wanted to. She had dreamed of this moment, being certain it would stay a dream forever. Only, now it was real ?
“ I don’t know what to say. “, and what could she say ?
“ You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that I love you, and I’m going to do what I can to support you from now on. “, he whipped his own tears off before exiting the kitchen silently.
It did not take long for Kuina to go back to her room after that. Her mind was roaring with emotions and interrogations.