Chapter 27
After the funeral, the closest friends and relatives went to Clarke's home to talk about Abby again and share memories together over lunch. There were only a few people present, including Raven, Bellamy, and Octavia. Raven had gotten to know her during her many and long stays at the hospital and then later in private when she had become friends with Clarke. The two siblings knew Abby from college days during which they had also gone to Clarke's home from time to time. Over the past few years, they had come to know and appreciate Abby. She had become a surrogate mother and they had talked to her regularly on the phone.
No one present could believe that she was now dead, least of all the blonde herself. Her mother had had no illness, no accident, neither self-inflicted nor caused by others. She had had a brain aneurysm, at such a young age, and so no one had had a chance to say goodbye or prevent it. Her significant other, Marcus Kane, had been working and she had stayed home. When he returned, he found her on the floor and while the ambulance was en route, he tried to resuscitate her until they finally found the cause at the hospital.
Clarke sat at Lexa's bedside, holding her hand as she had done every day since the surgery. Nothing happened, no movement in her face, all vital signs were the same. Stable but with no sign that she would wake up soon. Clarke was not a particularly devout person, yet she prayed inwardly that things would not get worse.
She knew they had lost an incredible amount of time. Lost with arguments, with distance, and with repressing feelings. As soon as she got back, she would talk to Bell, no matter what. She liked him, but love it wasn't, at least not any more than how she had always felt about him. He was her best friend.
Her phone rang and she could tell by his voice that something was wrong.
"Clarke, you need to come home right away."
She hated to leave the actress alone, but she had to go.
She explained the situation to Anya and Titus and they promised to take care of Lexa until she got back.
After dinner, one by one, everyone went home.
"Can we talk Clarke?" Marcus Kane sought to talk to her.
She nodded and they went into the living room to sit on the sofa. For a while they were silent. He tried to choose the words and keep his composure, which he didn't really manage.
"I know your mom and I haven't been together very long, but I want you to know that I'm always here for you. So if anything comes up, feel free to contact me."
They hugged each other and found support in each other's pain. They had both lost someone important who had left a big void. Proud as they both were, they tried not to cry in front of each other, not any more. Perhaps there were none left either that could have made their way.
"Thank you Marcus, I really appreciate it. How are you?"
Audibly, he exhaled.
"I miss her a lot. Our apartment is already way too quiet and I feel lonely without her."
She took his hand.
"I miss her, too. I wish I'd been less busy the last few months."
He took her hand in his.
"Clarke, you were working on your term paper, yet you spoke regularly on the phone. You did the best you could and she knew that. Abby was incredibly proud of you, she told me often. Proud of everything you accomplished, that you went to medical school like she did and still went your own way. So don't blame yourself. I would have liked to have had a few more years with her."
He pulled a ring out of his pocket.
"I was going to propose to her and ask her to grow old with me."
He began to cry. His shoulders shook and Clarke took him tightly in his arms. As she stroked his back, she quietly murmured soothing words and now she, too, began to cry.
"I'm here for you too, whenever you need me."
They held each other and eventually they managed to calm down and said goodbye to each other.
Clarke made himself a coffee and dialed a number.
"Anya?"
"Clarke. How are you?"
"It has to be. I miss my mom, even though it all still feels so surreal and I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop crying again.... How is Lexa?"
On the other end of the phone, big sister gulped. She didn't want to be any more of a burden to Clarke on this difficult day, and if the blonde hadn't called her, she probably wouldn't have checked in again until tomorrow, and she wondered how she was going to break the news to her.
"Anya?"
Apparently the addressed had taken too long with the answer and in the doctor the fear for her favorite actress was growing.
"She's getting worse. Since you left, the values are getting worse day by day. I think if you want to say goodbye to her, you should come as soon as possible."
"I'll come on the next available machine."
A few hours later, she had everything packed and was on the plane. She wanted to see Lexa again, but was also very afraid of what she would see.
Clarke hadn't even bothered to look for a hotel; she would take her seat watch again and stay until she either woke up or died.
At the hospital, she was immediately met by Titus, Anya and Indra. Indra stood outside Lexa's room to stop any possible danger and to keep paparazzi from taking any photos. They wanted to keep the press, especially any kind of gossip magazines, out as long as possible.
Anya hugged her and together they went straight to the brunette's room. What Clarke saw took her breath away. Lexa looked small and so fragile. She had already lost a few kilos despite the artificial feeding. Her cheeks were sunken, her hair lay lackluster on the pillow and all the strength she had usually radiated was gone.
Immediately she went to her and Anya discreetly left the room.
She sat down on the chair that was in front of her bed and reached for her hand.
"Lexa," she whispered, her voice rough and breaking over and over, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"We haven't had enough time together. Just don't give up now. I don't want to find my home and then lose it again."
The heartbeat, visible on one of the monitors, went up and down regularly, but in slightly faint curves.
"We have so much ahead of us."
Following an impulse, she kissed Lexa on her lips so infinitely tender that it almost felt like a breeze, whispering so softly that she barely understood her own words herself. "I love you."
She looked at her for another moment before falling asleep out of utter exhaustion. The last few days had been too much, and now this with Lexa. She didn't know what she would do if she lost her too.
A few hours later she was awakened. She was a little stiff and still held Lexa's hand tightly. It took her a moment to shake off the thick fog of her sleep. Then she saw what had awakened her. Lexa's hand, some fingers twitched and immediately she called for a nurse.