Chapter 22
An incoming call brought Clarke out of her thoughts. Yesterday kept running through her mind. She just couldn't explain why she had kissed Lexa. They were friends, she liked them. Besides, she was dating Bellamy.
After a few seconds she picked up and immediately the heads of O` and Raven popped up.
"Clarkiiii and, scored an actor yet?"
Octavia rolled her eyes and jabbed her elbow into the Latina's side.
"Ouch, what are you doing!"
"Stop asking such nonsense and be normal at least once in your life. Or at least not sex-obsessed."
"I didn't do anything. And I'm not sex-obsessed!"
O` sent her a sideways glance that said more than a thousand words could.
Clarke laughed. She still hadn`t managed to interrupt the two brawlers and say anything either. The two women now looked at her in some amazement.
"What`s there to laugh about?"
"You two are just impossible. I couldn`t even say hello."
"We are, then why do we need pleasantries? Right O`?"
"You wouldn't mind a few pleasantries," was all the latter replied.
"Please?" the Latina exclaimed, playfully indignant. "I am politeness personified. Who could possibly find fault with me, please?" She batted her eyes and before a retort could follow, Clarke addressed them both.
"I hate to interrupt you two arguing, but presumably there's a reason you're calling?"
"We miss you and actually wanted to know how you were doing?" Octavia smiled kindly at the blonde.
"So, let's get out the dirty details." Grinned Reyes.
They talked for some time before saying goodbye. She had successfully tuned out the topic that was actually on the blonde's mind and didn't bring it up. Instead, she shook her head and decided to pay Lexa a visit. She dared to use the key card and when the actress noticed this, she began to smile softly.
Lexa had fallen asleep on the sofa with a book in her hand, looking peaceful and beautiful. Quietly, Clarke got up and had retrieved her painting utensils, including a charcoal pencil, and began to paint her. She tried to capture the fine outlines, her grace and pride. Her breaths were steady until all at once she began to toss and turn restlessly. The blonde was watching her and suddenly the brunette startled.
Immediately the blonde was at her side and joined her on the sofa.
"Hey. Hey, it's okay. It's okay." Reassuringly, she put her hand on the actress' knee.
Lexa buried her head in her hands and then straightened up.
"What did you dream?" Clarke wanted to know.
"From Gustus and Costia. It struck me as a warning."
"A warning? Of what?"
"I don't know."
Lexa got up from the sofa and stopped in front of the armchair when she noticed the drawing lying on it.
"Oh, that's...that's not done yet." Clarke was slightly embarrassed, but the actress took the design in her hands to look at it more closely.
"You're painting me sleeping? What else are you doing? Like when I'm eating or showering? Or at completely different things?" Slightly provocatively she looked at the blonde.
"You know that there are easier methods to get such a picture. With a cell phone or a camera. Or you can just ask me for one. You just have to tell me if you want one." Still challenging, she looked at Clarke, who didn't know what to say to that.
"I'm serious, others would take you up on the offer, think about it," she said with a wink.
Lexa took a step towards her and only a few inches separated the two women.
But before the blonde could say anything, the double door opened and Titus entered.
"Sorry Lexa, I didn't know you were busy." His gaze slid ambiguously toward her guest.
"Are you going to tell me why you're here or not?"
"Forgive me. Can we speak privately?"
Lexa nodded slightly and Clarke walked out, but not without giving her another look.
As soon as she was out the door, she pulled out her cell phone and called Bellamy.
Beaming with delight, she was greeted by the young man.
"You look like you could embrace the world right now."
"I could, too. I had combat training with Echo today, of course I had no chance, but afterwards she asked me if I would be interested in joining her unit. Clarke, they don't actually pick recruits until after graduation, but I'm already one of them! That means everything to me. I've wanted to go there for an incredibly long time, and now I'm finally getting the opportunity. I can hardly believe it."
Almost without a dot or comma, he had spoken. The blonde was so happy about his success. Her heart beat in time with his and his boundless joy transferred to her as well.
"You don't know how much I would like to share this success with you now Bell."
"And I with you first! I would so love to hold you, I just miss you."
"I miss you too."
She unlocked her hotel room and went inside. The rest of the conversation would remain private.
"What's going on?" wanted Lexa to know
"We really need to talk about this movie offer." Titus looked at her seriously.
"Again?"
"Yes. The deadline for acceptance is coming up and you still haven't decided. What's stopping you from accepting it?"
"It would be very far away."
"So what? It's never bothered you before. Or is it Clarke's fault?"
"I'm currently rethinking my life and what I actually want. I love acting, but I also miss having a normal life. To be me, to be able to be me. Not having to smile all the time even though I don't want to, always sleeping somewhere else. I want to have a real home and not the different hotels of every city."
"Did she put that flea in your ear? You know..."
That's as far as he got because he was interrupted directly by Lexa.
"No she didn't and I know love is weakness. Don't trust anyone. I remember everything you ever told me Titus."
"Do you want me to promise them?"
She thought of yesterday, of the kiss and the reaction that followed.
"Yes."
He nodded and left, not without a request to bring Clarke back to her.
As she paced up and down her room, she thought about the conversation, and she wasn't sure if accepting the role had sprung from a defiant reaction. Of course, the project was huge and would probably make her even more famous, only did she want that? More people wanting something from her and more photographers chasing her. Less life and less time for herself. Besides, the project would begin almost in the same breath that this one ended. But she had given her word and she stuck to agreements.
She had trouble sorting out her feelings without them overwhelming her. She had grown accustomed to a life that was more than just lightning storms, more than just being afraid to show her real self to a person. By so much simply meant weakness.
She wanted Anya back in her life. And Clarke should stay in it, should keep her permanent place. Whatever she felt for the blonde, their friendship had to remain. It had been for so long, the only real thing in her life. Would they manage to keep in touch when she was so far away? What would happen in her absence?