Chapter 18
"So, how was it?" O` wanted to know.
Raven still had regular physio sessions and also a follow up every 6 months and so the two doctors were able to talk undisturbed.
"It was nice, I learned a lot of new things about her and her sister is really nice and approachable too. It was a great weekend."
"I'm glad."
"Yes, and I'm totally surprised how much she told me about her childhood too, about her parents, how she grew up and how Anya had taken care of her. I never thought it was possible, but we are much closer now than we were before."
O` smiled.
"I'm glad to hear that."
"Yeah me too. She invited me on her set, too, after I turned in the term paper."
"So, are you going?"
"I wasn't sure at first, but I think a little change would do me good. Just see something different. I feel like the ceiling has been falling on my head for so long now, so I said yes."
Octavia looked at Clarke seriously.
"Just please remember you're dating my brother."
The blonde doctor was confused.
"What makes you think that now?"
"After everything you've told me, I'm more and more convinced that she sees you as far more than just a friend. And I don`t want you to hurt him.
"O`, you know I like Bell and Lex and I are just friends. I don`t know where Raven and you come up with that, but there`s nothing. You said yourself she's dating her acting buddy."
"There, enough bad vibes spreading. When are you going to see Bell again?" Grinned the little sister now.
"He's coming back here on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to seeing him again." The blonde beamed. "He'll be here for a few days, and then we'll have lots of time together." Inwardly she thought to herself that then she would finally have time to find out if it could become more, that maybe she would be able to build up feelings.
Bell pulled up in the car, Clarke standing in the kitchen cooking. She was looking forward to seeing him again and spending lots of time together. As soon as she heard his car, she went outside to greet him. He walked up to her and kissed her shyly, carrying a small bag over his shoulder. She took him to her bedroom. She saved a tour of the house; after all, he already knew it.
"How was the trip?" she asked him as they walked down the stairs and toward the dining room.
"It was good, the 2h went by very quickly. Maybe it was just because I was so looking forward to the days together. Especially also because the dates were so nice."
She smiled and nodded. "Yes, they were."
5minutes later, the food was ready and he helped her carry it in to the beautifully set table before sitting down.
"It smells very good."
Now she beamed at him.
"I hope it tastes good too."
They ate together for a while, silently enjoying their meal, before the silence became too much for her.
"How's your additional training going, by the way?"
"It's going very well, except that it's incredibly exhausting. You have to pay attention to so many details, and you're also learning how to manage a large team. Detecting assassinations before they start, it's just very difficult. There's so much more to it than meets the eye. There's a lot of shooting, endurance and combat training. In places they wake us up in the middle of the night for a new case that has already been completed. It reminds me a lot of the show Quantico."
Clarke had to laugh at the little joke, but could now well imagine how exhausting it all was for him and how much strength it must cost him.
They talked for hours more before deciding to go to bed. They cuddled all night and until the next morning. Clarke opened her eyes. She looked into the smiling face of Bellamy, her hair even more tousled than usual.
"Good morning sleepyhead."
She stretched.
"Good morning, do you want some coffee?"
The young man nodded and she got up to go to the kitchen, with a short distance he followed her.
"Were you able to sleep well?"
"Yes." She was smiled at broadly. "What do we want to do today?"
After the days spent together, Clarke wasn't sure she could ever feel anything more for Bell than like a good friend. Wanting to be honest with him, she sought out conversation.
"Bell?"
He looked at her questioningly.
"Can we talk?"
"That doesn't sound good, what's going on?" Concern mingled in the young police officer's voice.
The two sat down across from each other. Clarke didn't know how to tell him, so many emotions mixed together. He gently took her hand to show his support, it encouraged her and so she hesitantly began to speak.
"You know I enjoy our time together and the joy is great when we then meet again after a few weeks of separation. Still, I want to be honest with you."
Bellamy looked serious, but still held her hand.
"I don't know if I can ever feel more for you than I do now. You're my best friend and we've known each other for what feels like forever."
She took a deep breath in and out, saying the next words were almost an impossibility.
"What if I realize that you're just my best friend? That I don't feel anything for you anymore? I wouldn't want to risk our friendship for anything in the world, you're far too important to me for that."
A sad smile appeared on his face.
"I understand your concern and I share it too. You know I think you're great and have for a very, very long time. But I can't force you to feel more. Feelings can't be a one-way street and if you really realize that you want to go back to a friendship, I'll accept it. We are not a couple and of course it would hurt, of course we or at least I would need a moment to come to terms with it, but you are my best friend and nothing will change that. Just please don't hurt me on purpose or delay it out of pity, because the longer it goes on, the more painful it will be for me in the end."
She nodded.
"Bell, I don't want to hurt you, that's why I told you. I want to try, but let's take it slow."
He nodded and so they saw each other regularly and whenever shifts allowed, he would sleep over at her place or vice versa.
Despite all the time together, she still didn't feel comfortable with the thought of sex with him. That would also be way too fast in her eyes and they would be crossing a line that they could never undo. He accepted it, even though it was hard for him, but he didn't want to push the doctor and understood her.
When Clarke had told him during a meeting that Lexa had invited her to the set of her new movie, his heart felt heavy. He knew they wouldn't see each other for a few weeks. Of course, they could write and even do face time, but he would miss her very much. Even after such a short time of togetherness, he had gotten used to being close to her, waking up next to her, but still noticed the distance that prevailed once it came to the physical and that this kind of closeness tended to come from him.
That she didn't know if she could ever feel more for him than for a friend still gnawed at him and he worried. After all, what if she met an actor or someone else on the set? If, at the end of the trip, she found she had only missed him like a friend, or not at all?
With such thoughts, he finally took her to the airport, where they said goodbye to each other. Not only was Bellamy having a hard time saying goodbye, Clarke also had a lump in her throat. She would miss him very much, more than she would have thought, so she put her arms around his neck, hugged him tightly and gave him a tentative kiss. Eventually they broke away from each other, both smiling wistfully as they both knew that he would not be allowed to accompany her any further than this, and so she walked on alone. She was looking forward to seeing more of the world and with a good friend. She missed the actress, there was no question about that, yes, sometimes she annoyed her and she would like to wring her neck, but she managed to make her feel safe and secure. When she had worries, she called the brunette and all her sorrow was gone afterwards, instead she was happy. Despite this realization, she was sad and looked around one last time at Bellamy, who was standing there waving at her.