Chapter 8
The alarm clock jolted Clarke out of a deep and restful sleep in the morning. Lexa next to her was still sound asleep, a slight smile played around her lips and a single strand of hair had strayed onto her cheek. The blonde gently stroked it from her face without waking her. Two arms had wrapped around her and as she struggled to free herself from her grasp a grumble came from the sleeping woman's mouth, eliciting a laugh from Clarke. "I have to go..." But the arms only held her tighter.
"Just a few more minutes," came the sleepy reply.
Clarke disengaged gingerly, got up to dress, and then went to the bed to say goodbye to Lexa. She leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead as she opened her eyes, smiling softly. The brunette approached her and almost gave her a kiss on the lips, but just managed to deflect it onto Clarke's cheek. With a start, Lexa was awake after that. She was still struggling to compose herself when the blonde asked her a question.
"Did you sleep well?"
The brunette nodded slightly.
"And you?"
"Much better than I would have thought. Thanks again for that, it meant a lot to me."
Octavia and Clarke were just coming out of the hospital when a figure detached itself from the walls.
"Lexa," the blonde began to beam, and the brunette returned it.
"How do you know what time I get off today?"
The taller one smiled. "You told me yesterday, half asleep."
Octavia watched the scene. Clarke had told her about yesterday's drama and she had immediately come to her defense; after all, she hadn't known Finn was Raven's boyfriend. She had also mentioned the evening with Lexa and her support, no details of course, just the sight of the two women just spoke for itself. Especially Lexa, unlike from Clarke's stories, didn't seem distant, on the contrary, she seemed to really seek the blonde's closeness.
Finally, Lexa and Clarke noticed Octavia still standing next to them.
"Are you coming?" the blonde asked.
"Where are you guys going?" wanted to know O`.
"We're going to get something to eat."
O` nodded and the three of them set off.
They talked throughout the meal, Octavia not missing the looks Lexa gave Clarke, especially when she wasn`t looking. When the blonde had to go to the bathroom, Octavia addressed Lexa.
"Thank you for letting Clarke stay with you last night and being there for her like that. Unfortunately, I was on 24-hour duty and couldn't have been there for her at all. All hell broke loose," it had only been a brief moment, so brief that neither of them could even breathe, until O` continued speaking" I know it's very personal, but could it be that you see Clarke as more than just a friend?"
The brunette's gaze was impenetrable. The gentle one had gone out of her eyes.
Without knowing it, Octavia had hit a sore spot and Lexa decided to put her walls back up. Because if it was already so obvious to someone she had just met, how obvious was it to strangers? Or even more so to Clarke? What exactly had the blonde told Octavia? At the thoughts, Lexa's eyes grew even colder, still fixing on her, when finally Clarke came back to the table. The hard expression disappeared and gave way to a softer one, which, however, she tried to hide from the blonde.
Clarke insisted on inviting the two women to dinner and shrugged off any objections.
"It's my turn today, remember?" she said with a wink that Octavia didn't understand.
Lexa insisted on walking Octavia to the door, and Clarke was pleased that the brunette seemed to be getting along splendidly with her best friend.
O` wanted to say goodbye to the taller one, but Lexa positioned herself in front of her so Clarke couldn`t see them from the car. The brunette's posture brimmed with confidence and Octavia didn't understand what was going on all of a sudden. Lexa's look radiated something powerful and scary, no one would refuse her anything or even talk back.
"If anything ever gets out to the press that you think you saw tonight or Clarke told you, I will slap you with so many libel suits and legal fees that even your children's children will have to pay. Your life would be over. Do you understand?"
Octavia was caught unprepared by the sudden change of mood and became frightened. She could do no more than nod.
Clarke didn't get any of this and walked the brunette back to her hotel, they had just said goodbye when her phone rang.
No sooner had the brunette opened the room door for her than Clarke had rushed in in a huff. "What the hell is wrong with you? You can't threaten everyone you don't trust."
"Yes, I can." Replied Lexa firmly.
"I'm not going to let you do that, though." Clarke looked her firmly in the eye. "I can't do this anymore." Then she turned away and tried to create distance, the constant ups and downs gradually taking their toll.
Lexa followed her.
"Octavia is a risk, to your secrets and mine, if you weren't so close to her you would see it." This time the firm look came from Lexa. Her charisma and her whole manner were full of self-confidence. She was not to be denied anything. But Clarke didn't think of giving in.
"It is precisely because I am close to her that I know she is Loyal, she is my best friend and would never betray me."
"And you're willing to bet everything on that?" Lexa searched the gaze and almost contemptuously the next words came out. "On your feelings?"
"Yes. You say having feelings makes me weak, but you're weak because you hide from them. Maybe I'm hypocritical but you're a liar. You had feelings for Gustus and Costia is still haunting you." Clark walked up to Lexa and she backed away from her until she bumped into a table. The situation was getting uncomfortable for the brunette. She had never been so close to Clarke and she had never seen her so angry before. It instilled respect in her and so she kept silent. Instead, she simply looked into her blue eyes.
"You want everyone to know you're above it, but I see right through you." The blonde looked at her piercingly and took another step toward Lexa. She wasn't afraid of her or her lawyers.
"Go on. Out. Here!" Hissed the latter.
"I'm just as involved as Octavia, only unlike her, I know all about you. Ruin my life, sic your lawyers on me instead of her." Clarke's gaze was forceful and challenging, her words powerful, confident and strong.
Lexa swallowed deeply and her eyes began to gleam slightly. Her next words were so soft that her voice was only a whisper. "No, I couldn't. Not on you." No matter how many times Titus tried to convince her to protect herself and stay away from Clarke. He accused her of being far too close to the blonde, but Lexa couldn't stay away.
"If you care about me, trust me. Octavia is not a risk."
"I can't," came out of her mouth softly and full of pain.
"I can't expose her to that. If you do any harm to Octavia, I'll tell the press everything I know." With these words, Clarke walked firmly out the door and closed it emphatically.
Lexa remained thoughtfully in the room, visibly struggling for composure and trying to hold back her tears. Only with considerable effort did she succeed. She had to be strong. Show no weakness.
Clarke hurried to her car and wanted to see Octavia. She had called her excitedly and told her everything. The blonde didn't understand Lexa. Why did she stab her in the back? She had never given the brunette a reason not to trust her judgment, and this with O` was decidedly going too far.
Arriving at her best friend`s front door, she got out and rang the bell directly. Agitated, it was opened and hands seeking comfort clasped Clarke. She maneuvered Octavia inside and onto the sofa while whispering softly to calm her.
"I'll handle it with Lexa. You don't have to worry about anything. She won't hurt you, I promise." For a long time the two friends sat hugging on the sofa, gently rocking O` back and forth, forgetting about time and just wanting to ease her grief.
The ringing of a cell phone broke the silence and immediately the anxiety that had just evaporated from the held was back.
"Can we talk?"
Clarke snorted into her cell phone.
"Please."
Without another word, the blonde hung up and left Lexa alone with her feelings. The latter didn't know what to feel, the only thing she felt was the loneliness that had spread inside her.
After the woman with the blue eyes had assured her friend that she was fine, she drove back the same way she had taken a few hours earlier.
"You wanted to see me?" Clarke asked in a cool voice after she had entered and provided enough distance between the women.
"Yes." Lexa turned to Clarke and swallowed deeply. "Octavia has nothing to fear from me."
She averted her eyes, unable to look her in the eye with what she said next. She didn't want them to see how she felt, didn't want to show her weakness.
"I trust you. Clarke." The words came out hesitantly and you could see how hard it was for her to say them.
The blonde took a step toward her. "I know how hard this is for you."
At these words Lexa raised her eyes to look at Clarke, who nodded in confirmation of her statement.
"You may find my life rough and lonely, but it's the only way I survive in this world."
The soulful look from before had given way to a colder one again.
"Maybe life should be about more than just survival."
Lexa's gaze moved from blue eyes to Clarke's lips and back again.
"Don't we deserve better?" At those words, Clarke averted her gaze for a few seconds before lifting it again.
The brunette's gaze settled on Clarke's lips again, this time staying on them longer and she visibly swallowed hard.
"Yeah maybe so." Green eyes met blue and in the next instant Lexa had overcome the distance between them. She put her hand on Clarke's cheek and gently pulled her to her before their lips found each other. She kissed her softly, really shyly. The blonde returned the kiss and for a few moments they surrendered to it. When the brunette briefly broke away to kiss her again right after, Clarke backed away. Immediately Lexa let go of her and created some distance between them. Uncertainly two bright green eyes looked at Clarke, so full of sadness.
"I'm sorry I... I'm not ready to be with someone yet."
So many emotions at once were reflected in the eyes of both instead.
"Not yet."
Lexa just lowered her eyes for a moment and nodded. She understood.
At that moment, the phone rang and Clarke left the room, while Lexa silently watched her go. She wouldn't have known what to say in response either. She didn't want Clarke to leave, but she couldn't stop her either. After a brief moment of hesitation, she picked up the phone. "Yes?"