One-shot
Once More to see you
She couldn’t bring herself up there, yet she had to. It wasn’t the sadness or the anger which impeded her to come in, no, it was a fear, insupportable and uncontrollable. The fear to see the void in Alice’s eyes. Narcissa knew these eyes when they were alive, filled with softness and wideness. Now, they were nothing. And it terrified her.
For 10 years, (so since 1981) she never visited her, but thought about her everyday, without exception.
Maybe she was feeling too sad, too angry, too scared, or simply guilty about everything. She didn’t know. The only thing she was certain of, was the fact she changed, and Alice too.
Why come here after all these years ? It was stupid, and Lucius will be mad if he found out about this little exit. Not for the leaving, but to see Alice.
Narcissa couldn’t really explain what happened. She was just there, dropping off Draco, tears in her eyes seeing her tiny baby going away. She gave him a hug. And that was at this moment, she saw him. The kid of Alice. A frog in his hands.
He was a great mix of Frank and Alice to be objective, but the only things she noticed were all the similarities between him and Alice. He was short (like Alice), he had a round face (like Alice), and was chubby (like Alice). But the worst, the only thing she wanted to see in him, was her eyes, but no, they were those of Frank. It wasn’t the same look as her.
She released Draco without really realizing. He asked then:
“Mom ? Are you okay ?
-I’m fine, baby.
Of course, she knew about their kid, but to be honest, she never thought about him a lot. No, selfishly, the only thing which mattered was the story they lose. What they could have been, her and Alice.
She put one of these smiles, that she was good at when everything was not fine. Alice hated them. Alice was the only one to detect her fake gestures.
This thought, depressed her more.
“I already told you ! Don’t call me like that ! I’m going to Hogwarts now, I’m not anymore a “baby”.
-You’ll stay forever my baby”
-Yo…”
He restrained himself and just said:
“Okay, just...”,he lowered his voice, “don’t call me like that in public, okay ?”
Narcissa nodded and gave him a last kiss. With a real smile this time. Because, unfortunately, he needed at a moment or an another to leave.
She watched the train go away. With it, her son and the Alice miniature.
And now she was here. At the hospital St-Mungo’s, at the fourth floor, which was dedicated to permanent spell damage. In front of the door of Alice’s room. 49th room.
“Permanent spell damage” it meant for eternity.
She took a breath, approached her hand from the door handle, and turned it.
What was she expected for ? The room was dismal. The walls and the floor were white. Her subconscious maybe imagined something more luxurious. They were the Longbottom, a family who did good things, were respected and loved by all. And now they were abandoned here. That was how we thanked them for their service ? It was unfair.
Narcissa knew, that it was logic, St-Mungo’s served the entire wizarding population of Great Britain. So they couldn’t afford to make exceptions. Even for Alice.
Herself couldn’t allow to do that, because Lucius would know if she did some shenanigans. And if Bella was aware about this...no, not thinking about Bella. Not here. Not now.
The first one she saw was Frank, she remembered at the time, she was a bitch with him and yet, it didn’t stop him to smile at her or say a simple hello. Frank was like that, always joyful, but not in a naive or fake way.
He lose some weight, he was kind of hefty at Hogwarts. But the thing which made Cissy turn away, was his expression, he seemed sad. He didn’t have that grin.
So she looked next to the bed of Frank, and there she was.
If Frank lose some weight, Alice more, she changed completely. They cut her hair short. The colors that lived before, had disappeared from her face. That round face was thin and worn now.
As she predicted, these eyes, seemed to feel nothing, they were a void without an end. But Narcissa didn’t leave, at her surprise she even took a chair, and sat there, next to Alice, who was looking at her, without looking really.
“Hey Alice, it’s me Narcissa.”
No responses. Also what was she waiting for ? A miracle ?
“I saw your kid today, he seemed fine, he had a frog. He looks like you, with the smile of Frank. I directly recognized him.” She made a pause and added. “I’m sorry to have not took care of him. I know you would have if we were dead Lucius and I. But I didn’t have the courage to see you in him. And maybe, Lucius wouldn’t have accepted.”
“You know Alice, I think about you everyday, about what we could be, if I just accepted to be out. You were perfect with me, and I misused this kindness.”
“But I must confess something, for a longtime, being with you were my happiest years. I thought I would never be happy again, until Draco. He is my whole life now. I will never be complete without you, but I can be happy. Because he is here.”
A moment of silence, realizing that she could be happy without Alice was something.
“Do you remember, the time we missed school, to kiss in private in the toilets. I was disgusted by the environment, but with you, it seemed paradise. You were my home, my everything. And your lips were so sweet, how could I resist ?” Narcissa let go a little laugh.
“We had a fight, Lucius and I, a few years ago. When Bella and Sirius got imprisoned. And I learned about your fate. I was hysteric, I was just repeatedly asking where were you, and he screamed:
-Why would I care about her ?
I yelled back:
-Because I care about her, morning, noon and night ! I think about her.
He was confused and just said with a glacial voice:
-You should care about your sister instead.”
“It was the first time I bring up you, in a conversation, I think he knows, but he doesn’t want to accept it. That I don’t love him.”
She made a pause
“I don’t know how to feel now, I see you, I talk to you, but you are not here. Because of my sister.”
She breathed.
“I-I...I’m tired. I’m tired to pretend all the time. That i don't hate everybody, and the world, while you are here, suffering because of my family. I’m so sorry Alice.
And that’s where Narcissa felt something break inside her. It was surely naive, the thought maybe it would provoke something to talk to her, to say sorry. Burt no, Alice was still looking at her, with no emotions, no sparks, no residues of who she was before all of that.
So Narcissa, cracked, and let herself, do something that the Black family hated, it meant cry. She cried, and repeated:
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Alice will never be healed. She was gonna stay in that state of health forever.
She took a little break to breath, to retake conscience of who she was. She put her sunglasses, to hide, her red and swollen eyes.
She approached Alice, and gave her a smooth and kind kiss on her forehead. Knowing, it would be the last one.