The Misfortune Of Regulus Black

James’sPOV

James hadn’t meant to read the letter so many times.

The first time, he’d read it in shock, half-convinced he’d misunderstood. The second, he’d been slower, more careful, trying to pick apart the way each word was strung together. The third had been a mistake, because that was when his heart had started pounding in a way that made him feel strange, and now he kept reading it, as if something new might appear in the ink.

The letter sat in his bedside drawer, tucked away underneath Quidditch playbooks and unfinished homework, hidden as if it were something incriminating. And maybe it was. No one could know about it. Not Sirius, not Remus or Peter—no one.

It had been two days since he’d get it. Two days of seeing Regulus in the corridors and pretending his entire perception of him hadn’t been upended. He thought about it when he shouldn’t, caught himself glancing at the Slytherin table at meals and looking away too fast, paranoid that someone might notice. It was ridiculous, really. Nothing had changed. Except, of course, that everything had.

He’d expected Regulus to avoid him, and he had. That, at least, made sense. But James hadn’t expected this gnawing awareness of his absence. He was noticing him more by the sheer fact that he wasn’t there.

And then—well, then Regulus was there.

James had been on his way back from the library, his bag slung over one shoulder, his thoughts far away. He rounded a corner and nearly walked straight into him. Regulus had stopped so abruptly that James took a half-step back in alarm.

For a second, neither of them said anything.

Regulus’ grey eyes flicked over his face, his expression unreadable, but there was something about the way he was looking at him that made James’ stomach twist. And then, his gaze shifted slightly, his eyes grew a little wider and in the same flat, matter-of-fact voice he always spoke in, he said,

“You have to dating me.”

•••

Regulus’ POV

The real mistake had been letting Evan and Barty back him into a corner.

Not literally—figuratively. Though, honestly, with the way they’d been hovering over him lately, he wouldn’t have been surprised if they resorted to physically blocking his escape next.

It had started out normal enough. It was quiet in the common room, Regulus sitting in his usual chair, halfway through a book he wasn’t really reading. He should’ve known something was coming when Evan sat next to him, all casual, and Barty perched on the arm of the chair like he belonged there.

“Reg,” Evan had started, his voice careful in a way that made Regulus immediately wary.

He turned a page. “Hmm?”

“We’ve been talking.”

That was never a good sign.

Regulus glanced up, expression flat. “About what?”

Evan and Barty exchanged a look. “About you,” Barty said eventually, tilting his head, watching him too closely.

Regulus let out a quiet breath through his nose and went back to his book. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Look at me like that.”

Barty’s mouth twitched, but it wasn’t really amusement—it almost looked like stubbornness. “We just—”

“We want to make sure you’re okay,” Evan cut in.

Regulus sighed. He knew where this was going. They’d had variations of this conversation before, ever since the two of them had started dating. It wasn’t enough that he’d already told them—multiple times—that he was fine with it. They didn’t believe him. And that was the problem.

He didn’t know how else to say it. He was fine. He didn’t care. Not in the way they thought, at least.

“Look,” he said, finally setting the book aside. “I don’t know how many times I have to say this before you’ll get it through your thick skulls, but I do not care that you’re together.”

Evan frowned. “Reg—”

“I mean it,” he said, sharper this time. “You don’t have to keep checking in on me like I’m some hurt ex. I’m not.”

Barty’s gaze flickered over his face, unconvinced. “Then why won’t you talk to us?”

Regulus exhaled slowly, trying to rein in his irritation. “I am talking to you.”

“You know what I mean,” Barty pressed. “It’s not like it was before.”

No, it wasn’t. And it had nothing to do with them dating.

Regulus’ fingers curled against the armrest. He wanted to explain, but they wouldn’t listen. They’d already decided what they thought the problem was.

He could feel himself losing the argument before it had even begun. He could already see the concern in Evan’s face, the stubbornness in Barty’s. If he let them keep going, they’d twist this into something it wasn’t.

And that was when the words slipped out—too fast, too reckless.

“I’m dating someone.”

Silence.

Regulus regretted it the instant he said it.

Barty blinked. “What?”

Evan sat up straighter. “You—” He frowned, as if trying to work it out. “Really?”

Regulus didn’t trust himself to speak again.

Barty stared at him in disbelief, as if that would be so impossible to believe. He studied him for a long moment before sitting up straighter. “Who?”

Regulus opened his mouth. Closed it. His heartbeat stuttered a little bit.

Shit.

“I—” His mind raced. Say a name, say anything. “I don’t want to say.”

Evan’s eyebrows raised, seemingly even more curious than before. “Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Because it’s embarrassing,” Regulus sighed, grasping at the first excuse that came to mind.

There was a beat of silence. Then Barty snorted. “You think something’s embarrassing?”

Regulus gave him a look.

Evan hummed, watching him carefully. “We know you,” he said, his voice slow, thoughtful. “And I know you wouldn’t date someone you actually found embarrassing.”

Regulus clenched his jaw. I dated Barty. He’s pretty embarrassing. 

“Wait,” Barty said, eyes narrowing. “Do we know him?”

Regulus’ stomach lurched.

Barty gasped. “We do!”

Regulus cleared his throat, ignoring him entirely. “I’m going to bed.”

Evan let out a small laugh. “Alright, alright,” he said, holding up his hands. “We won’t push.”

Regulus eyed him warily.

Barty, however, still looked far too interested. “But just so we’re clear, you are fine, right?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

Barty grinned. “Good. That means I have all year to figure out who your mystery date is.”

Regulus groaned and climbed into bed, tugging the curtains shut behind him. He heard Barty laughing to himself and Evan murmuring something in amusement, but they didn’t push him any further.

Finally, finally, they would let it go.

Even if he now had an entirely new problem to deal with.

•••

For a moment, James really thought he’d misheard.

The corridor was mostly empty apart from them, but it still felt too public, too exposed. His brain stumbled over the words, trying to make sense of them, trying to connect them to anything that had come before. But there was nothing. No prelude, no warning—just that.

Regulus, standing there like he hadn’t just said something completely mad.

James blinked. “I—what?”

Regulus let out a short breath, barely even a sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose as if he already regretted this conversation. “You have to start dating me,” he repeated, a fraction more impatiently, like James was slow for not getting it the first time.

James stared at him. “Are you—” He cut himself off. Was Regulus joking? No, that was impossible. James wasn’t sure Regulus Black knew how to joke.

“What?” he said again, because his brain still wasn’t catching up.

Regulus didn’t answer. Instead, he turned his head slightly, glancing down the corridor as if checking to make sure no one was there. His shoulders were tense, his fingers twitching at his sides like he was holding himself back from fidgeting. He wasn’t meeting James’ eyes anymore.

Something was off. Was he nervous? 

James opened his mouth, ready to demand some sort of explanation, but before he could get the words out, Regulus took a step back, already turning away. “Never mind,” he muttered. “Later.”

He didn’t even wait for him to respond. He just turned on his heel and started walking off, leaving James standing there, feeling like he’d missed a few chapters in a book he hadn’t read.

He couldn’t just let it go—not when everything about this made absolutely no sense. So, without really thinking, James found himself running after Regulus. He’d done it before, of course, when it had been Sirius running off after a row, or even Lily when she’d stormed out of the common room in a fit of temper. But now? Chasing after Regulus Black? That felt wrong in so many ways.

“Hey!” James called, his voice a bit sharper than he intended. Regulus didn’t even flinch, though.

“Please, explain,” James said, more desperately this time, as he caught up to him. “What is that? You—what do you mean by ‘date you’?”

Regulus’ jaw tightened, but he didn’t turn around. James could see his shoulders stiffen, his fingers curling slightly against his sides. The more James thought about it, the more confused he became. Regulus had been so sure of himself in saying it, like it was the most natural request in the world. Like James should’ve understood it without a second thought.

But James didn’t. Not at all.

“Regulus,” James pressed, taking a quick step ahead of him, effectively blocking his path. “You’ve never talked to me, like, at all. And now you just drop this on me? I need some kind of explanation here. What do you want from me?”

Regulus stopped walking and exhaled through his nose, frustrated but clearly not in the mood for this conversation either. He finally turned to face James.

“I need you to fake date me.” 

Regulus exhaled sharply, looking like he was already regretting this conversation. But he still didn’t walk away.

“Look,” he started, shifting his weight slightly, “my two best friends are dating. And I don’t know if you know, but I used to date Barty.”

James did, in fact, not know that. He blinked in surprise, but before he could say anything, Regulus barreled on.

“And now they’re so convinced I’m some sour, sorry little ex, which I’m not,” he continued, voice edged with irritation. “Yesterday, I sort of… let it slip that I’m dating someone to get them off my back. And now I need someone to actually be that person. You’re kind of the only reasonable choice.”

James’ mouth opened, then closed. Then opened again. “Me?”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “Yes, you.”

“That doesn’t sound reasonable at all.”

“Well, I don’t want to date someone random,” Regulus said, exasperated. “That’d be too obvious. But you—” He hesitated for a fraction of a second, like he had to force himself to say it. “In case you didn’t realise that already, I used to have a tiny—very small and short-lived—crush on you.”

James’ brain short-circuited.

“Used to?” he repeated. His voice cracked slightly, which was unfortunate. Why not anymore? 

Regulus gave him an unimpressed look, as if that was the stupidest question he’d ever heard.

James had no idea why he even asked. But, actually—why had he asked? And why did something about that answer sit weirdly with him? Why did the idea that Regulus didn’t like him anymore make his stomach twist? That was stupid. That was insane.

Regulus, unaware of James’ sudden existential crisis, carried on. “They both know about it,” he said, clearly embarrassed. “So, if I say I’m dating you, they’d believe me.”

This was ridiculous.

This was—

James took a deep breath, trying to sort through the whirlwind of thoughts in his head. “Regulus,” he said slowly, “this is insane. You want me to fake date you just so your friends will stop pitying you?”

Regulus shrugged, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Yes.”

James had so many follow-up questions. But before he could get them out, a student walking past shot them a weird look.

Not just any student—a Slytherin. And, judging by the slight double-take she did, she knew exactly who Regulus and James were and how odd it was that they were standing here talking, of all things.

James felt himself tense. Gryffindors and Slytherins didn’t just casually talk in the middle of the corridor. More importantly, they especially didn’t talk.

Regulus seemed to notice it too, because he suddenly muttered, “This is too public. We’ll talk later. Somewhere less… obvious.”

James barely registered his own response. “Yeah. Sure. Later.”

Regulus gave him one last unreadable look before turning and walking off.

And James? James just stood there, staring after him, brain completely fried.

What the hell just happened?