Abandonment and Exile

Moony was actually rather peaceful, having been handed a book by Scabior.
The Encyclopedia of Lycanthrophy

Xeno, Laslow and Sybill were all sitting on one of the couches together. Laslow was asleep so Sybill and Xeno were talking in. quiet voices, though Sybill got excited every once in a while and had to remind herself.
"-it was adorable, truly! The children were so eager to learn and they listen to all that I told them! A lot of them were quite gifted, it is a shame that humans do not further their education in the mystical arts."

She had been fawning over the children she had taught divination to on her mission and had been doing so for the past 15 minutes. Xeno was smiling at her in adoration just nodding along and gesturing for her to lower her voice once she got too loud. 

Moony got incredibly bored so he had started to walk around the cabin until he noticed the room where Ellio looked equally as bored. 
Moony had no clue if he was good with children or not but it was worth a try. He leaned against the doorframe, hands in the pockets of his jacket
"Hey...kid"

Ellio looked up from the book he was reading and tilted his head, “Hi Moony.” he said. He knew that it wasn’t Remus just because of the way he said hello. 
A slight grin sneaked onto Moony's face. The child was able to tell who he was.
"What are you doing?" He asked as he walked into the room.

“I was reading this book that Sirius gave me!” Ellio stated excitedly, 
“There’s a lot of words I don’t know because it’s a big people book but it’s pretty cool.” 
Moony nodded "I was reading until everyone had to leave to study but then it got boring."
He sat down on the floor next to the kid.
"You want me to explain the words to you? Or play something?" 

“It’s okay, I can figure it out later. I was getting bored anyway. What kinds of games do you like to play?” Ellio asked genuinely.
"Uh-" Moony thought for a second and his hand found the pocket knife in his pocket
"You have to promise me to never ever copy this, yah? It's not a kid game and I don't want any trouble with Regulus"

He placed his hand on a wodden box and unfolded the blade of the knife and began to sing the rhyme as he skillfully avoided hitting his fingers, getting faster and faster.

Oh, I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop, chop, chop
If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off
And if I hit my fingers, the blood will soon come out
But all the same, I play this game 'cause that's what it's all about
Oh, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, I'm picking up the speed
And if I hit my fingers, then my hand will start to bleed

Fenrir was walking around the cabin when he heard someone singing. Was that Moony? He peaked into the room to see Ellio giggling while Moony was singing a fairly concerning jingle while moving a life quickly between the spaces of his fingers. 
Snatcher spoke up, Oh Hell yes. 
Fenrir watched in horror for a few seconds longer before walking into the room.  No, don’t stop him! Snatcher protested, join him! It looks fun! 

Fenrir put his hand on Moony’s shoulder to get him to stop and Ellio stopped laughing as soon as he saw him.  “Don’t do this, pup. It’s not safe. Think about what you’re saying is okay right now. Imagine if Ellio wanted to try and he actually hurt himself. We don’t need that.” 

Moony turned around, looking up at Fenrir and frowned 
"I told him not to copy me and he isn't stupid." he mumbled but let the knife wander back into his pocket as if he was scared that Fenrir would take it.

“I don’t think Ellio is stupid, and I don’t think you are either. I was a kid once too,” Fenrir said, cringing at how much of a parent he sounded like. 

“So I know how chaos can call to you. But I had to stop you as soon as I saw it because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that that was putting yourself into harms way on purpose and that’s a bad habit to have, pup. You could kill yourself that way. It may have seemed innocent enough, but it could lead to far worse things and that’s not going to happen under my watch.” 

Snatcher groaned dramatically, Okay, you do have a point.

Moony rolled his eyes. He knew that Fenrir was right but he had been doing this for a long time and even if he hurt himself it wasn't bad, it was only his hand.
“I’m serious, Moony. I know you are used to it, but not caring that you could hurt yourself is a little concerning.” 
"It's not..." he mumbled, more to himself than Fenrir. It really wasn't concerning, right? It shouldn't be.

Fenrir smiled sadly and rubbed Moony’s hair, “It’s okay, kid. We’ve got you.” he turned to Ellio, “Do you want a piggy back ride downstairs?” 
Ellio’s eyes lit up and he jumped up and down, “Yes please!” 
Fenrir chuckled and crouched down for Ellio to get on. Fenrir was a big guy, tall and muscular, so he could carry a lot. 

Moony chuckled a little as he watched. Ellio had been so much happier here and Fenrir was such a dad sometimes-  
Moony could feel a disgusting feeling of jealousy creep up in him and he tried to suppress it. It was stupid, Ellio was a kid, he needed care. There was absolutely no reason to feel like this...

Then again, he wanted what he had. He wished he had grown up with the pack for longer, found them earlier.... It was stupid, he shouldn't think like that.
“C’mon Moony,” Fenrir called, “Scabior and the Fanglings should be done soon, and I’m going to make lunch.” 

Moony sighed but followed, hands back in his pockets, silent, trying to not show any of what he was thinking, mostly out of respect for Ellio and because he felt like an absolute child.
Regulus talked excitedly to Marlene as they followed Scabior to the kitchen. 
Fenrir placed Ellio onto the counter and turned to Moony. 
“Wanna help me, pup?” He asked.

Moony looked up "Huh? Oh- yeah, yeah sure" he nodded, walking up to Fenrir.
"I'm not good at cooking though..."
“You don’t have to be good at cooking, my boy. You just have to follow directions. Now, wash your hands.” Fenrir said while drying his and putting on his apron. 

“I’m going to cut some meat, you can do the vegetables. Is that okay with you? I can show you how to.” 
"Great, that's something we both know I can't do" Moony said as he washed his hands. He was awfully cynical right now. "
Yeah cutting vegetables sounds alright"

Fenrir chuckled, “What’s wrong, pup?” 
Moony shook his head "It's nothing, I'm fine just..." he gestured, internally fumbling for an excuse and finding one that didn't sound half bad within seconds "...full moon coming up tomorrow and all"
Fenrir narrowed his eyes at Moony, he just knew that he was hiding something but letting it slide. 
“Yeah, I get it. You’ll be okay, pup.” 

Moony just nodded, cutting vegetables the way Fenrir showed him.
He felt so fucking childish for how he was feeling about all this. He should be able to handle his feelings so much better.
But maybe it really was the full moon...

No, who was he trying to kid here? Himself, obviously.
It wasn't like he could claim rights to Fenrir or anything so he should better stop acting like that and quickly get used to the idea that he wasn't the only fucking person around...

“Ellio, can you be a dear and go sit with Scabior and Sirius for a while?” Fenrir asked. 
Ellio nodded, “Yep!” and jumped off of the counter and ran into the sitting area. 
Fenrir put his knife down and crossed his arms, “What’s going through that head of yours? It’s obviously bothering you.” 

Great fucking job. Even Fenrir had noticed. Was it that obvious? Every single cell in his body fought against even mentioning it to Fenrir because of how utterly stupid it was.
"As I said, full moon's coming up and it's making me restless. I'll be fine, really..." he tried again 

“Don’t lie to me, pup. I don’t want to push it but it looks like it’s hurting you to not talk about it. Whatever is is isn’t a bother to me or stupid in any way. You can talk to me, kid. I’m here for you.” 
Moony put his hands in his pockets and looked down to the ground.

"It is stupid though...because jealousy is absolutely stupid, it makes no sense...but I see Ellio and how happy he is, especially around you and I can't help but want to be in his place instead and almost...I almost hate him for it sometimes and that's just cruel because none of that is his fault."

Moony realized what he had just said and he could have punched himself in the face for it. "I really should stop talking...or thinking all together..."
Fenrir bent down to where he was face to face with Moony and rested his hands on his shoulders.

“I completely understand where you’re coming from, Moony. It’s not wrong of you to feel that way. Do you feel like you want to hurt Ellio? No? Then don’t worry about it. You didn’t have the chance to have a good childhood, and I’m so sorry that you didn’t. Ellio looks up to you, and you have people that love you. It won’t make up for what you missed, but it can heal that hole.” 

"I don't...I don't feel like it will...because you're right, nothing will make up for it, ever and I feel so selfish sometimes for wishing I could just change places with someone because at the same time I don't wish this on anyone" 

He gestured down on himself "Because anyone less resilient wouldn't have held up and long killed themselves and sometimes I hate the fact that I didn't, that I am still here. Even though it is getting better - or maybe even because it is?" Moony sighed and took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure 

"I don't want anyone to look up to me, partially because I don't believe that I am worth that and partially because it's a lot of fucking pressure...same with having anyone love me. Hell, I have a hard time accepting the fact that Regulus or you even want me around and I would probably outright deny it to myself if the proof for it wasn't permanently marked into my skin"

Fenrir’s heart clenched at the way Moony talked about himself, and he didn’t know what to do. 
“Can I hug you, kid?” He asked.
Moony hesitated but he eventually nodded, still not looking up at Fenrir, terrified of what he would see. He could deal with anger or hatred, he was used to that. But he just knew that anything resembling sadness or disappointment would absolutely break him and he didn't want that.

He wanted to be strong- he needed to be. It was his Job to be, the whole reason he existed. Remus could Show all the emotions he wanted but that wasn't for Moony, he had to just be strong
Just...be strong...
Just...be...strong...

“You’re allowed to break, kid. Regulus and I will be here to pick up the pieces.” Fenrir whispered while rubbing Moony’s back and holding him tight. 
That was all it took for the emotions in Moony's mind to completely tip over and he sank forward against Fenrir, absolutely sobbing.

He didn't even think about how it might look if anyone saw like he usually would, he had been at his breaking point for way too long now and Fenrir allowing him to break had been all it took for that to happen.
"I just...feel like if I...can't be strong...there is nothing that...I can be...because there is nothing else...I ever was...other than strong..." he sobbed 

Fenrir rubbed his back through it, “It’s okay, let it out. You can break and still be strong, Moons. You’ve held it together for so long, you deserve to let it go.” 
Fenrir was getting a sense of deja vu and Snatcher spoke up, I haven’t been a good role model, have I? he asked. 
Fenrir didn’t respond back, but he felt the same. 

Moony was sobbing, his hands finding hold in Fenrir's shirt, the only grounding thing he had right now. He felt like a vulnerable child in that moment but he felt like he was safe to be like that at the same time. It was a new feeling entirely and in retrospect it was startling, but in the moment it was exactly what Moony needed.

By the time he had finally calmed down, he felt absolutely exhausted. That would have to stop or else tomorrow would be horrible - more so than a full moon could be.
"Thank You..." he whispered, still refusing to let go yet.
Fenrir would hold on until Moony decided to let go, “You’re welcome, kiddo. Anytime.” 

He kissed his head out of instinct and quickly backed away. Moony and Remus really were like sons to him. That small gesture made Moony relax infinitely. It was the most affection anyone - who wasn't Regulus - had shown him ever.
He slowly moved away after another minute or so and wiped some tears away.

Fenrir smiled at him, “I’m proud of you, kiddo.” he ruffled his hair and spoke again, “We should finish lunch.” 
Moony felt...warm...at Fenrir's words of praise. He then turned and nodded "Oh- right" he gave a small chuckle "we really should"

Regulus immediately grabbed Moony’s hand, he could see Moony had cried and Regulus was anxious. Could the mate of a werewolf feel when it was close to a full moon too? 
Moony sat down, hiding his face against Regulus' shoulder. He felt safe around Regulus, and comfortable. He wasn't particularly hungry anyways.
Moony just stayed close go Regulus like that, needing to feel safe right now.
 
Scabior looked at Fenrir with a questioning and worried look
Fenrir looked at Scabior sadly and shook his head.
He understood. He wasn't going to ask, not in front of everyone at least. Maybe later, in private, then he could