“OK then. Bye.”
I hung up the phone, sighed and fell back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling above me. I had just been joking, but once again she took it entirely the wrong way and got upset. I covered my face with my hands and groaned. It seemed like every time we talked these days my girlfriend and I ended up in a fight about something.
I rolled over onto my stomach on the bed. Actually, I guess that as of right now she was my ex-girlfriend. Judging by her final words on the phone she’d had enough and was going out with her other friends tonight without me. Thinking back it seemed like this time the fight had started with something to do with music. I’d told her about this new song I liked that Taylor had been listening to - my eyes glanced out my bedroom window to the house next door where the lights in Taylor’s room, upstairs and opposite mine, could be seen glowing through her closed curtains - and that had got my girlfriend irritated and annoyed, so then I tried to lighten the mood by making a joke, which of course she took too seriously, and from then on the phone call had spiraled out of control as she spat out her well rehearsed litany of criticisms, ending in the demand that I just, “Fuck off.” Fortunately this time I hadn’t let her words make me cry. Well, I thought, pushing the palms of my hands into my eyes in attempt to forestall any tears, not yet anyway.
Sighing deeply once again I swung my feet down off the bed and sat up, looking out the window at Taylor’s room opposite. Taylor. My BFF since as far back as I could remember. And if I drilled down far enough, the root cause of almost all my fights with my now ex-girlfriend. I guessed she was jealous somehow of the bond that Taylor and I shared. Taylor and I had always instinctively understood each other’s thoughts, and hopes and dreams, but Taylor had only ever treated me like a sister, she’d never shown any kind of romantic interest in me as much as, deep down, if I was being honest with myself, I had always kind of wished that she would, so there was really nothing my girlfriend needed to be jealous of… Taylor just didn’t look at me that way. And my girlfriend was Cheer Captain, with the kind of body that (again if I was being honest) I would kill to have myself, and she had been the one dating me, captain of the soccer team. I sniffed, determinedly fighting back any tears. Unfortunately though, my girlfriend’s temperament had turned out to be just as hot as her body, and what had at first been a fiery passion that swept me up and carried me along had long since turned into a flame that burned me whenever I reached out to her.
Thinking things over as I sat there on the edge of my bed, it was in a way kind of a relief for our relationship to finally be over and done with. I’d been feeling down for so long I could hardly even remember the last time I laughed or smiled about anything. Except that is for when I was hanging out with Taylor. Whenever Taylor and I were together everything seemed to be so easy. If only, I thought wistfully, Taylor could see me as something more than just a friend... but, I squeezed my hands into fists and stomped my feet on the floor in attempt to snap myself out of it, she just didn’t see me as anything but her bestie. And I wasn’t about to risk that friendship by crossing a line and making things awkward between us.
Still, I reflected, glancing once more out the window at the backlit curtains in Taylor’s room next door, at a time like this when I’ve just been dumped by my girlfriend, who else other than my best friend should I call? Picking up my phone once more I quickly typed out a message.
[Hey Tay you still up?]
Only a moment passed before a reply came back.
[We just had another fight]
I could sense the eye roll that accompanied that message.
[She broke up with me]
This time there was no immediate response.
[Can you come down and meet me at the backdoor?]
[Thanks Tay]
I dropped my phone onto the bed beside me and reached down to pick up and pull on a pair of worn-out jeans, before grabbing an equally well worn bra off the floor and slipping it on underneath my shirt. Looking into the mirror at my disheveled appearance I grimaced and, pulling a hair tie off my wrist, I hurriedly brushed my hair back and tied it up into a ponytail. Fortunately I hadn’t actually burst into tears so I didn’t need to do anything else except dab at the corners of my eyes and blow my nose. Not that I needed to do anything more than that - Taylor was always happy for me to just be myself in a way that my ex-girlfriend never was - and not that I had time to do anything more than that anyway. I was pretty sure that even with the need to sneak down from her room and cut across the yard to my back door Taylor would still manage to get there before me.
Finally satisfied that I had managed to meet at least my own low standards of appearance I headed downstairs to meet up with Taylor - and sure enough she was already there waiting at my backdoor when I opened it.
“Hey”, Taylor said , “Are you OK?” She waited by the door in an old T-shirt, sneakers, and pajama shorts, with a look of deep concern on her face. Her own hair was hanging loose and she brushed a lock of hair back behind her ear as she stood looking at me.
“Yeah”, I smiled roughly, “I think so. You wanna come on up?”
Taylor reached out and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Of course. You sure you’re OK though?”
I shrugged and looked up at the night sky. “I reckon it’s probably for the best. I’ve been trying to make it work, but honestly neither of us has been happy for ages now.” I quirked a half smile and looked down again at Taylor. “Her breaking things off just gives me an out without having to do it myself.”
She smiled in return. “Coward.”
I responded to Taylor’s smile with a full, genuine smile of my own. “Come on, let’s head upstairs. There’s no-one else home and we’ll both catch a cold if we stand here all night. We can talk properly in my room.”
Taylor smiled one of those smiles of hers that just lit me up inside and gave my hand another squeeze. “OK then let’s go up.”
We both headed inside and Taylor pushed the backdoor closed behind us. Walking upstairs it was only as we reached my room and I pushed open my bedroom door that I realised Taylor was still holding my other hand. I guessed it just felt so natural that I hadn’t noticed. Pushing down my own ever present pang of regret that we could never be more than just friends, I gave her hand a squeeze before letting go and collapsing spreadeagled on my back onto the bed covers.
For a moment I just stared up at the ceiling. “I really did try you know…” I sniffed, screwing up my eyes as I felt an unwelcome tear well up, “but lately all we ever really did was bring each other down.” I felt the bed shift as Taylor sat down on the bed beside me. “I mean sure, whenever we were together in public,” I continued, “you know, out at a game or out with her friends or whatever, everything was fine - no way was she ever going to let things look anything less than perfect - but whenever it was just us two then…” I felt that unwanted tear begin to run down my cheek, ”then nothing I ever did was good enough for her…”
I trailed off as Taylor reached over and without a word wiped the tear from my cheek. Eyes screwed closed I lay there in silence for a while before from where she sat on the bed beside me Taylor spoke.
“I could see it,” Taylor said, “what was really going on. She was never the perfect princess when it was the three of us together either.” Taylor laughed and flopped back on the bed beside me. “Well, no, that’s wrong - she was certainly always a princess, just not perfect. When she wasn’t all over you - or glaring at me - she was bitching and sniping about whatever it was lately that you weren’t doing to enough of her own high standard.”
I felt Taylor’s head turn towards me on the bed and, unscrewing my eyes, turned to look back at her. He eyes glittering, she smiled at me from only inches away. “I do know you tried to make it work, but that’s just the way she is, you know. That’s certainly how she’s always been to everybody else.” I fought the urge to flinch or even god help me blush as Taylor’s eyes searched my face. “To be honest I never understood what you were doing with a girl like that...”
With a sigh I rolled up onto my side, resting my head on my elbow and looking down at Taylor, spread out on the bed beside me. Even a week ago I would have tried defending my girl…my ex girlfriend… but now, looking down at Taylor, I could do nothing but sigh in resignation. “Yeah,” I smiled, "what was I doing with a girl like that.” My eyes flicked from Taylor’s face down to her T-shirt (which quite clearly had no bra underneath), down to her pajama shorts, her bare legs, and then back up again. God Taylor was gorgeous. Seriously what was I doing with a girl like that, when… no. I stopped that line of thought dead right there and groaned at myself internally. Taylor was right. I am a coward…
“What?” Taylor asked, eyeing me suspiciously and putting one hand protectively to the top of her shirt. “What?”
“Nothing!” I replied, laying on a wide smile, turning up the charm, and taking her free hand in my own. “I just realised how lovely you were looking tonight is all!”
“Huh! Yeah right…” Taylor sniffed dismissively, although I noticed she didn’t pull away her hand. “I’m your BFF, I’m here for you, I know I’m a lot of things but I am most certainly NOT lovely.”
I laughed easily and couldn’t help but squeeze her hand and respond earnestly, “But, you are lovely you know, you’re gorgeous Tay…”
Quickly Taylor snatched back her hand and covered her face, but not before I saw her cheeks start to blush red. “I so don’t need your crap right now”, she groaned from beneath her hands. “Since you’re clearly feeling so much better already, then I think maybe its time for me to go home. You can find a new pretty little skirt to flirt with tomorrow.”
Taylor lifted her knees to roll up off the bed and back onto her feet, but before she could move I dived across - pinning her in place with one hand on her near shoulder and my other hand reached across her chest to grab her by the arm. “No I mean it Tay”, I insisted, forestalling any angry response from Taylor to being held down, “I mean it. You’ve always been gorgeous…” I carefully peeled back her fingers from her face to reveal an anxious eye and still very red cheek. “All this time we’ve been friends I’ve known exactly how cute, how lovely you are… how could I not know…?” I peeled away the fingers of Taylor’s other hand to reveal all of her face in its beautiful, blushing, glory, “We share everything Tay… you’re the only one I ever get to just totally be me with… we’ve always told each all about our dreams…” I brushed a lock of hair back off her forehead, “Why can’t you see that you…?”
“Why can’t YOU see!” Taylor burst out, interrupting me with tears pooling now in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t need you telling me how cute I am before you head off tomorrow to find yourself a new cheerleader to fuck!” The tears began running down her face. “Yeah sure, whatever. I’m cute. I’ll make sure to look cute the next time I’m standing by and waiting at your backdoor after your hot girlfriend tells you to fuck off too, OK?” Taylor sobbed. “Just let me go… LET ME GO!”
Swiftly I released Taylor’s arm from my grip, but otherwise I held position where I was, leaned out across her, looking directly into her eyes. “Tay,” I began, “I…” I breathed deeply, aware that I was teetering on the edge of screwing up a relationship which was far more important to me than that of my cheerleader ex-girlfriend. Thinking back to Taylor’s earlier joking taunt that I was a coward, I resolved there and then that if I was was going to mess things up, this time I would do it by being honest, not by continuing to run away. “I want you to stay… please… please…?” Below me Taylor gave a short, stiff nod and dropped her legs down to lay back fully on the bed. “What you said before is right Tay - I’m a coward. For years now I’ve been too scared to tell you what I feel, and now… now I just just want you to stay here with me and hear me out.”
I closed my eyes before continuing. “Tay - I - I like you. I’ve liked you for as long as I can remember. You’re not just cute, and gorgeous, but… you’ve always been there for me and understood me in a way that no-one else does… you’ve always been the one who makes me laugh, no matter how down I’m feeling… and you know… its like we belong together. And…” my voice caught slightly in my throat, “and ever since I realised that I like girls, I’ve been scared that if I told you how I feel that I might lose you forever.” I felt tears begin to run down my cheeks too. “I love you Tay, and I’m so so very scared of losing you…”
I felt Taylor’s hand softly touch my cheek and opened my eyes. “You idiot”, she smiled, “or maybe”, her smiled quirked, “maybe I’m the idiot. Whatever gave you the idea that you could ever lose me?” Taylor leaned up and, ever so softly, brushed a kiss against my cheek, just catching the corner of my mouth with her lips before dropping back onto the bed. “Of course I think we belong together. I’ve always been yours…” She smiled shyly, “I love you too… and right next to you is the only place I’ve ever truly felt that I belonged…”
My eyes widened in surprise, “But you, you don’t like girls… you’ve never had a girlfriend or…”
“No - “ Taylor interrupted again, the blush to her cheeks intensifying, “No, I’ve never really liked girls. I like A girl. I like YOU. Why would I ever want to look at anybody else when I could be looking at you…?”
“So,” I gulped, looking down hopefully at Taylor, “if I were to kiss you now… would that be OK…?”
Taylor nodded, brushing her hair back behind her ear, and leaned up to meet me as I leaned down, our lips touching in a proper, honest-to-goodness, kiss for the first time in our lives. It was soft. It was sweet. And it was wonderful! After a time that seemed to go on forever Taylor broke away from our kiss and fell back onto the bed. She smiled shyly up at me, “That was… that was nice.”
“Yeah”, I replied, a smile lighting up my own face, “that was pretty much perfect. Can I kiss you again…?”
Taylor grinned happily and nodded again. I leaned forward, meeting Taylor in a kiss as she lay back on the bed this time and parted my lips slightly to sigh contentedly. Closing her eyes Taylor reached her arms around me, twisting the fingers of one hand into the hair at the back of my head (pulling a sizeable chunk of my hair free from its ponytail), while her other arm wrapped around my back, dragging me down on top of her so that we lay chest-to-chest. As my body pressed down on hers I couldn’t help but sigh again happily, reaching my own arms around her back to pull Taylor close up against me in a tightly drawn hug. Taylor moved her body around slightly beneath me and groaned contentedly. Briefly she broke away from our ongoing kiss, “If this is just…”
“Its not!” I assured her, leaning down to nibble softly at her neck. “You are all I have ever wanted for so long…”
Taylor pressed a kiss to the side of my head. “I can’t think of a time I wasn’t dreaming that one day you’d wake up and find that…” I twitched slightly as she nipped at my ear, “that I’ve been here just waiting for you this whole time…”
I pulled myself away from Taylor’s neck and propped myself up on one elbow, looking down at her again. “This is what I’ve always hoped for… what I’ve always dreamed of too.” I gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “You are so fucking gorgeous Tay…”
With a sly smile Taylor lifted her hands up under my shirt, running them across my stomach and then up to just beneath my bra. “If we truly do belong together, then maybe its time we…”
In response I slipped my own free hand up under her shirt and, since unlike me Taylor wasn’t wearing a bra, slid my hand upwards to rest against the side of her breast. “I know I belong with you… that you belong with me…” I ducked slightly as Taylor pulled my shirt off over my head. “I can’t believe that finally after all this time…” I hoisted myself up slightly as Taylor shuffled about below me to remove her own shirt, and leaned forward to press myself against her body once more, almost drowning in the experience of touching, of kissing, of being with her. “I belong with you”, I whispered, and, as our hands roamed each others bodies, our kisses became even more passionate, and the remainder of our clothes made their way piece by piece onto the floor, the knowledge that together Taylor and I had finally, at last, found our way to where we belonged, was the only thing that mattered.
___
The End
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