Not A Lot, Just Forever

It was a horribly quiet affair at breakfast that morning – at least as far as their small corner of the Great Hall was concerned. Even the marauders, who usually treated meals as their personal sermons, had their mouths shut for once. Thank God for that. But the girls were no better off: Marlene was making eyes at Yasmin, neglecting her bowl of porridge, and hiding behind the newspaper was Lily, a mere tuft of hair visible.

Annoyed by the silence and feeling the need to fill it, Mary started to tell about the Hufflepuff quidditch player she’d been seeing; everything else felt either too dull or depressing to serve as a topic of conversation. Besides, it was always entertaining to see how uncomfortable she could make the boys. 

`I mean, obviously, he’s fit. Like… Adonis level.` Mary rested her chin on her palm and sighed, tracing the memory in her mind. `And talk about stamina…`

Lily folded the newspaper and pressed her fingers to her lips, red patches blossoming on her cheeks. Swirling his tea around in his cup, James pretended he hadn’t heard anything of what Mary had said. Marlene mashed her spoon around in her bowl and yawned. 

`But then he has to gall to whine about thigh chafing from his bloody broom!` Mary tutted. `I told him if he thinks that’s uncomfortable, he should try bleeding from his snatch five days a month.`

Peter started coughing loudly, splatters of his porridge flying over the table; Lily put her hands over her face.

Marlene banged her fist on the table. `Fucking hell, Mary! Do you have to?!`

`What?` Mary blinked, confused by the commotion. 

`Well,` Lily shuffled in her seat and scraped her throat. `You’re being a bit graphic for the breakfast table…`

`We’re all adults, aren’t we?` Mary raised her eyebrows daringly. `We’re mature enough to talk about sex.`

James jumped to his feet, shaking the table in the process. `Right, I’d better be off!`

`Where are you going?` Lily turned her head at him, startled.

`Potions!`

`That’s not for another fifteen…Ok, wait, I’ll come with you.` Lily grabbed her bag and hurried after James.

Mary sucked her teeth, staring after the couple. `Didn’t know James was such a prude.`

`Oh, it wasn’t you, MacDonald,` Sirius raked his hands through his hair, flipping it over to the side. `Prongsie-boy had a little bit of a surprise this morning – ow!` His face suddenly convulsed, and he glared at Remus.

There was no time for Mary to question the interaction as they were interrupted by the arrival of the post owls.

***

`James, can you slow down, please,` Lily called, hobbling down the stone steps towards the dungeons. `We have plenty of time. Not good for my knees all this running around with my bag.` She dug the strap out of the flesh of her shoulder as if that would undo the years of damage.

James had reached the bottom of the stairs and turned around, sheepishly adjusting his glasses. `Sorry.` He extended a hand and helped her down the last couple of steps, taking her bag off her shoulder as soon as they were eye to eye.

Upon entering the dungeons, Lily had to adjust to the darkness, blinking to let in the scarce light. The wall torches didn’t do much; they flickered ghostly, casting everything in a greenish hue.

`What’s going on with you?` Lily asked, still rubbing her shoulder. `You left as if you got hit by lightning.`

`Yeah…erm, sorry about that,` James wiped a hand over his jaw. `It’s um…` he scanned the dark hallway.

They were the first ones there. Even Severus, who practically lived in the dungeons, was nowhere to be seen. The pipes in the walls creaked, struggling with the freezing temperatures.

`I erm…` James looked away, peeling the skin off his lips with his teeth. `I sort of walked in on Moony and Padfoot this morning before breakfast.`

`Walked in on what? Don’t you sleep in the same room?` Lily frowned, impatient. If James was going to get upset over seeing his dormmates upon waking, they would be here a long while still.

`They were in the same bed.`

`Ooh,` Lily’s eyes widened, and she flushed.

`It’s not like I saw anything,` James said, rushed. `The curtains were closed and all that. For all I know, they were not doing anything, but it was a bit uncomfortable all the same.`

`Well,` Lily raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. `They are together now. Things like that are bound to happen.`

`Yes, I know that. Obviously – I know that.` James paced back and forth before her. `I just hope that I didn’t give them the wrong impression. Because I am completely fine with it!`

`Are you?`

`Of course. I am,` James continued pacing, continuously fidgeting with his glasses and the hair falling into his eyes. `And if I weren’t, it would have nothing to do with that aspect: if it had been Pete with a girl, I would have been equally embarrassed. I just didn’t know what to say. I mean, what do you say in a situation like that? Carry on?`

Lily giggled, rather enjoying seeing James being this thrown off his footing; there was little that rattled him. 

`Now I just feel like I made it worse by making an exit like that. I don’t want Moony and Padfoot to think that I disapprove of them sleeping in the same bed.` James halted and stared at her, one hand pressed against his head as if he had forgotten he had put it there.

`I’m sure they don’t think that.` Lily stepped forward, taking his hands, rubbing her thumbs over the backs. `They know you better than that.`

`Think so?`

`I do, and I think you’re making this bigger than it needs to be. Both you and me have walked in on Black doing all kinds of things to people before this.`

`But this is Moony we’re talking about. I know I said I trusted Sirius when he said that this wasn’t some experiment, but he can be so unpredictable and impulsive.`

`I know. But I think you might be underestimating Remus; he can take care of himself. You don’t need to be the one governing their relationship,` Lily sighed. `Look, I know how hard it is to see someone you care about doing something you’re not so sure about: I’ve seen Mary bumble about with more boys than I can count, and I have disapproved of most of them. Still – unless with really good reason – I have not interfered. What Mary does is her choice, and the same goes for Remus and Sirius.`

`You’re right,` James shook his head. `Completely right.`

`It will just take some getting used to, and with time, you’ll see that Sirius truly isn’t fooling around.`

`I guess so, yeah.`

`Alright, now?` Lily squeezed his hands.

James nodded and pulled her close until the damp, cavernous hallway began to fill with students, and Professor Slughorn called them inside.

***

Mary had been looking for Lily all over the castle and caught her alone on the way to the library. Their policy of never leaving the tower without someone with them had gone out the window. In practice, it was far too tricky to achieve with their different schedules.

`Don’t you have Divination?` Lily asked as Mary matched her step.

`Professor let us out early,` Mary explained. `It’s mostly individual learning for our NEWTs now anyway.`

`Hmm,` Lily pressed her lips together. `I think fortune-telling is a hoax, and you’re wasting your time even taking a NEWT in it. You should have picked something more worthwhile or dropped it like I did.`

`Sure,` Mary replied. Sometimes, it was better to let Lily’s comments slide. `But that wasn’t what I came for.`

`Ok,` Lily hoisted at the strap of her satchel. `But make it quick because I really do need to work on my essay for Runes.`

They entered the library; Mary followed Lily between the rows of bookcases and desks, hurrying to keep up. `Look, I’m sorry if I made it awkward at breakfast this morning,` she said, lowering her voice.

`Oh,` Lily waved a dismissive hand. `Don’t worry about that – I already handled it. James just had a little bit of an altercation - absolutely nothing to do with what you said.` She pulled back a chair and began unloading her bookbag.

`I know,` Mary replied. `That’s the impression Lupin and Black gave me.` 

`Oh, did they, now?` Lily said airily, opening and closing books at random. 

Mary waited patiently, seeing if Lily would say something else. Yet when she didn’t, she decided to respect the privacy of everyone involved. The right time would present itself, eventually.

`But that wasn’t really what I meant,` Mary sat on the desk, legs swinging off the side. `I mean, yeah, maybe a little, but I was more bothered by you and Marls acting weird when I started talking about my period.`

Again, Lily turned scarlet; she looked around, then returned her attention to Mary. `Can you please get off the desk?`

`Why are you changing the subject?`

Lily tucked her hair behind her ears. `It’s just not something you talk about in public.`

`But why?` Mary threw back her head. `What's all the fuss about?`

`It’s just not proper, and it makes the boys uncomfortable.`

`Well, there aren't any boys with us now. And even if they were, let them be uncomfortable. It’s not as if they don’t make us uncomfortable. They talk about shagging more than is probably good for them,` Mary hopped off the desk, making space for Lily. `It’s no good for anyone if we let it remain a mystery. They need some fucking instructions concerning our bodies. If I left it all up to them, I’d never-`

`Mary,` Lily cut her off. `I don’t feel comfortable discussing this.`

`It's nothing to be ashamed about.` 

`Just because you aren't doesn’t mean everybody has to be.`

`But if you can’t even talk about it, how can you... Unless, of course, you and Potter haven’t-`

`Mary,` Lily pressed urgently. `Drop it.`

`No, I think it’s sweet.`

`I said drop it.`

`Fine.`

Even though she desperately wanted to, Mary decided that it was no use trying to convince Lily that sexuality wasn’t something to be embarrassed about; she would come around eventually – or not. Sometimes, Mary forgot that not everybody had the same relationship with physical intimacy as she had. For her, it was simply another means of communication, a pastime, something indescribably ordinary - quite funny, seeing how her parents and the church had raised her. Or maybe it was just an inevitability - like an oxygen-deprived body gasping for air.

Lily started to scribble away on her parchment, now and then glancing at a complicated-looking chart of Runes. Not feeling like leaving, Mary grabbed one of Lily’s textbooks and lazily flicked through it.

`Do you own any books on house elves?`

Lily sighed. `Um…no, nothing that comes to mind. They should have plenty here, though. Have you asked Madam Pince?`

Mary scrunched her nose, `Rather piss myself than have to talk to her.` She peeked at the stern-looking librarian between a gap in the bookcases.

`What do you need them for anyway?` Lily asked, not putting down her quill. `What course are you taking that requires you to know about house elves?`

`None. Just something that I’m interested in.`

Lily glanced up, casting her a strange look. `Since when are house elves something you’re interested in?`

Mary shrugged and crossed her legs. `Doesn’t it bother you that we never see them, even though they do all the work here?`

Lily pursed her lips. `Can’t say I’ve ever really thought about it.`

`And why only house elves? Certainly, some people would be more than happy with a job here at Hogwarts. Hell! I wouldn’t mind washing a couple of dishes if it meant I could earn some cash. Besides, they could probably save themselves a lot of money if they just let us make our own beds.`

`I don’t think money is the issue.`

`What d’you mean?`

`Well - as far as I know, house elves don’t get paid.`

`They don’t get paid?!` Mary sat up straighter, momentarily forgetting to keep her voice down.

Lily shushed her. `It’s different, I think,` she rubbed her forehead. `I mean, the way James talked about their house elf, I got the impression that she’s almost of part of their family - room and board sort of thing.`

`Sure, but then you’re talking about the Potters – not Hogwarts. Don’t you think having a whole army of house elves doing unpaid labour for our benefit is highly unethical? Aren’t there laws about that?`

`Undoubtedly, there are guidelines … But again, I think it’s different. House elves are classed as magical creatures and fall under the wizarding law. But I’m sure they have some labour law or protection of sort.`

`Oh yeah, because the Ministry is doing such a good job at fixing inequality,` Mary scoffed sceptically and sunk into a brooding silence. 

If they were to leave the welfare of house elves – or minorities in general – up to the Ministry of Magic, they would not get far.

***

Healing class took place around the same time Marlene usually had dinner; she had learned that if she were to wait to eat, she tended to develop a horrible stomach ache, which would persevere deep into the night. Therefore, it wasn’t unusual for her to be the only Gryffindor in the Great Hall at four o’clock on a Tuesday. 

A couple of other students from her healing class sat across from her at the Ravenclaw table, though they did not care to invite her. It wasn’t exactly that she wanted them to; she quite liked her time alone. Still, it wouldn’t hurt them to acknowledge that they knew her; just a wave would suffice. 

Over the years, Marlene had become accustomed to being ignored and overlooked by people in her classes. It was as if they had formed a secret pact in which they had agreed that she was a bit strange. But Marlene honestly could say that it bothered her so much less now she had Yasmin. Who cared if they didn’t like her? Yasmin liked her: that was enough. 

Already having accepted the fate of yet another solitary afternoon, Marlene was mildly surprised at the sight of Remus wandering into the Great Hall. He gave a nod of acknowledgement before taking place opposite her and silently ladling lasagna onto his plate. 

`Coming to class for once then?` Marlene asked curiously, swirling her pasta around in the sauce. 

Remus nodded. `That is the plan, yes,` he said between bites.

`I’m glad you’re coming,` she smiled. `I haven’t seen you properly since Christmas!`

`Yeah, sorry!` Remus pressed his lips together in a half-smile. `Been so busy with NEWTs and stuff…`

Marlene nodded understandingly; her schedule had been busier than ever as well. Between quidditch practice, revising for her NEWTs, cramming for her entrance exam, and making time to see her girlfriend and friends, she had had little time to breathe. Though for once, it felt good to be this busy: full of energy and promise for the future. 

Slowly, she chewed on her last bite of lasagna, mustering the courage to speak. She swallowed and wiped her mouth with a napkin. `I really wanted to talk to you about what happened on the train…` The incident had been wiggling at the back of her mind, wanting to crawl out of her skull. 

`Oh!...er…` Remus gawked at her, fork hovering between the plate and his face. 

`Hang on,` Marlene grabbed her wand. `Muffliato.` The slight chatter in the hall faded to a murmur. 

 `What was that?` 

`Stops people listening in,` Marlene clarified. `Lily taught it to us. Mary uses it to gossip all the time in Charms.`

`Wow,` Remus chuckled.

`So, anyway,` Marlene leaned her elbows on the table, giddily. `You and Sirius! Does anyone know?!`

`Oh!` Remus swallowed, the cartilage in his throat bobbing up and down. `Yeah, actually. James and Peter. Lily, too.`

`Really!?` Marlene said, shocked. 

`Yeah,` Remus nodded. `Only recently, though. What about you and Yaz?`

`No one,` Marlene shook her head forcefully. 

`Not even Mary?`

`Least of all her!` Marlene replied quickly. 

`Has it been going on long? You two?` Remus asked. `I had no idea…`

`Sorry,` Marlene looked down at her plate, suddenly feeling guilty not having confided in Remus earlier. After all, she had known about him before he had even come out to them. `I’ve known I was…different, I suppose, for a long time now, and I really wanted to say something to you, especially after the summer, but…, I dunno, how do you bring it up?`

`Tell me about it.`

`Yaz has been my girlfriend since just before Christmas. She’s incredible,` Marlene flushed and smiled, feeling her cheeks ache. 

Remus put his hand on hers with the lightest touch. `I’m really happy for you.`

`Thanks.` She gripped his fingers. `But what about you?! More to the point, what about Sirius?!` She had been aware that Sirius had a thing for Remus since the quidditch try-outs, but she had not known the extent of it until the train. 

`What about him?`

`I’m just flabbergasted, really,` she replied. `Is he fully queer, or more AC-DC?`

`Um…you know,` Remus hastily pulled back his hand and scratched the back of his neck. `I haven’t asked. We don’t really talk about that sort of thing.`

`You don’t?` Marlene said, bemused. `Doesn’t it bother you? His history with girls?`

`No,` Remus took his tongue over his teeth. `It’s not relevant.`

`Ok,` Marlene frowned and wiped her finger over her near-empty plate, licking it. `If it works, I suppose.`

Remus did not reply and ducked his head back in his lasagne. Maybe he actually was not bothered, though that did not feel convincing. If Marlene were in his position, she would feel a wee bit uncomfortable by the past parade of dalliances. Not that she would be scared of Yasmin being unfaithful if she were bisexual, more so afraid that Yasmin would one day decide that it wasn’t worth it to be with a girl for all the troubles it imposed on her life. 

`I do plan on telling Mary, eventually,` Marlene said after the Muffliato spell had already run its course, and they set off towards the infirmary. `We just decided to wait for the right time.`

`Of course,` Remus nodded. 

*

Madam Pomfrey had them practice circulatory diagnostic spells on insects; Marlene worked in a pair with Remus, who did not seem to be paying too much attention. However, she did not mind doing most of the work. Determining the right decease gave her a sense of accomplishment, further enhanced by the praise and approval of Madam Pomfrey. The hour flew by faster than Marlene would have wanted it to. Everything these days seemed to be flying by, slipping like sand through her fingers.

Sweet as she was, Yasmin had been waiting for Marlene outside the hospital wing, greeting her with that warm, slightly mischievous grin. `My dormmates went to the library,` she said as they crawled through the portrait hole. `We could go to mine?`

`Do you even need to ask?`

The dorm was significantly messier than her own, with clothes strewn over every possible piece of furniture and flowers dying on the windowsill. The part of the room appointed to Yasmin was covered in band posters and quidditch paraphernalia, candlewax dripping off the side of her nightstand, a dish of rings and bangles teetering precariously on top of a stack of records, her guitar hanging on the wall.

Yasmin kicked off her shoes and peeled off her tights. `I hate that they force us to wear these – they make me feel like I can’t breathe properly.`

Marlene crawled onto the bed. `Aye, wish we were allowed to wear trousers.`

`Set mine on fire once – in second year – bought me a detention.`

Yasmin rested her head between Marlene’s thighs as the latter started to take out her thick braids, running her fingers over her scalp.

`A skirt does look good on you, though,` Yasmin said cheekily.

`Shut up,` Marlene gave a gentle tuck on Yasmin’s hair, bending her head backwards and kissing her.

She continued to massage Yasmin’s head, relishing in the warmth and weight of her. `Would you be bothered by it if I was also into lads?`

`Big plans?` 

`No, just hypothetically.`

`Hmm,` Yasmin pursed her lips. `Honestly… hadn’t really considered it to be an option. But…, no, I don’t think it would bother me. Why, how’d you feel?`

`I dunno…` Marlene shrugged. `Maybe I’d be a wee bit bothered by it. Or maybe just insecure.`

`Did snog a boy once,` Yasmin said. `In fourth year, to win a bet.`

`Och,` Marlene replied, feeling a slight pang of jealousy. `How did that work out for you?`

 `Bad,` Yasmin pulled a face. `Bastard gave me tonsillitis. Did win a whole bottle of witches brew.`

`So that put you off boys?` Marlene replied teasingly.

`Yes, that put me off boys. A fear of landing in the hospital wing. They are swell otherwise.` Yasmin stuck out her tongue. `Good thing I’m dating you now. Never have to worry about getting poorly with a healer in training loitering around.`

`Aye,` Marlene laughed. `I’ll only be transmitting strange cricket diseases to you that make your legs fall off.`

`Solves the problem of wearing stockings.`

***

The marauders had already sunken into the silence that usually accompanied the evening before a full moon, which had only exacerbated since the beginning of the attacks. Even Mary was quiet, picking listlessly at her food, not even looking up when a boy called her name from the opposite end of the hall.

`So you’re heading to the shack in a bit?` Lily asked, pulling James aside in the common room, letting the flood of students pass them.

`Just a couple of minutes,` he replied, looking over her shoulder at Peter and Sirius near the fire. `We usually wait until he’s alone in there. Can’t have McGonagall or Pomfrey catch us.`

Lily nodded, worrying the inside of her lip. `Must say I am a bit nervous about you going in there.` James opened his mouth to say something, but Lily shook her head lightly, pushing the words back into his mouth. `I know that you’ve done it before and that he won’t hurt you – and I trust you. I do. But I don’t think you can blame me for feeling worried. It’s somehow worse now I know it’s not only Remus in there.`

`Would you rather you didn’t know?` James asked earnestly.

`No,` Lily shook her head. `I’m glad I know. Just wish I could be in there with you - do what you do.`

`What? Become an animagus?` James lifted an eyebrow. `Bloody lot of work, I tell you.`

`You boys did it, how hard can it be?` Lily smirked, earning her a light shove.

`Yeah…you’d probably manage it in a week.`

`I’d just like to be there for Remus, I s’pose. For all of you, really. I swear, I am amazed at how you haven’t gotten yourself injured yet, acting the way you do.`

James shook his head, laughing lightly, shrugging off her concern.

`But hey, I won’t hold you up any longer than this,` Lily patted his arm and ran it down to his hand. `Reckon it’s about time you went down there.`

 `Wish I didn’t have to leave you.`

`Just a couple of hours. It’ll be morning before you know it.`

`Sometimes I feel like I need a mini version of you inside my head to rationalise my thoughts.` James leaned down and kissed her.

`I’d drive you bonkers.`

`I’d let you.`

///