Seventh Year, Love
Saturday 14th January 1978
Feeling exhausted but satisfied, Marlene kicked off her muddy boots; they skidded over the tiles and hit the opposite wall in unison. Her heartbeat was still drumming in her ears, blood rushing, lungs heaving. She felt alive, so alive. James had elected her to be captain for the upcoming week whilst he was in detention for some unknown reason. Rather strange, but she didn’t mind.
`Fuck’s sake McKinnon, you’re even more brutal than Potter,` Yasmin moaned, slumping in through the door. `Cannot remember the last time my arse has been this sore.`
`You just do too much,` Marlene smirked, watching Yasmin peeling off her soaked quidditch kit. `You were speeding around like an absolute eejit. For the record: I did not tell you to body slam Eriksson.`
`He deserved it, though,` Yasmin shrugged. She lifted an arm and smelled her armpit. `I stink.`
`Charming,` Marlene raised an eyebrow, enjoying the spectacle. `Though, I’m not one to talk.` She pulled a sour face. `Think I’m going to hop into the shower.`
`Oh no, don’t…` Yasmin mock-pouted. `I like my girlfriend to be smelly.`
Marlene blinked and sat up straight. `Girlfriend?`
`Yes,` Yasmin quirked a corner of her mouth. `Something wrong with that.`
`No, no,` Marlene shook her head, grinning from ear to ear. `Just…um…didn’t know we were…um…` she grinned even broader. `…girlfriends.`
Yasmin shrugged. `I sort of assumed we were after we quite literary bared our souls to each other before Christmas.`
`Aye, that was quite a girlfriend thing to do.`
They kept exchanging giddy glances as they headed to the showers. Marlene stared openly at the muscles moving underneath Yasmin’s skin, creating a rippling effect on her back. It felt good: being able to do that without feeling ashamed.
Marlene entered the last shower in the row; Yasmin took the one next to her. Spluttering, the shower came to life. The water was scorching hot as it hit her skin, hard and unrelenting. Marlene closed her eyes and plugged her nose, moving her face into the stream, washing away the grime.
`Do you have plans for next weekend?` Yasmin called out above the rushing of the showerhead.
`Huh?` Marlene called back, spitting water out of her mouth.
`Hogsmeade,` Yasmin clarified.
`Um…reckon I’ll just go to The Three Broomsticks with my friends,` Marlene replied, grabbing her soap bar and gliding it over her torso. `Honeydukes – probably. Mary will probably want to.`
`Do you always do everything together?`
`What’d you mean?`
`Well – you always seem to be around each other.`
`Me and Mary?`
`Yes, that as well…` Yasmin replied. `But your group in general. You, Mary, Lily, Potter, Black, Lupin, and the other one, Pettigrew.`
Marlene turned off the shower and squeezed her hair, dripping onto the tiles. `They’re my friends – of course I’m going to be with them.`
`It’s just something I noticed.`
Marlene grabbed her towel; she pulled it around her, drying her limbs in resolute motions. A draught was coming in from underneath the door, licking at her ankles.
`Something everybody notices, actually,` Yasmin continued. Her shower was still running; the steam rose above the cubicle. `Some people think you’re a cult.`
`We’re not a cult!` Marlene replied, affronted, slipping into her knickers. `Are taking the piss out of me?`
`Just a bit,` Yasmin chuckled and turned off her tap.
Dressed back into her everyday clothes, Marlene stepped out of the cubicle, drying her hair with her wand as she fetched her shoes. She sat on the bench and pulled on her socks. Maybe introducing Yasmin into their friend group wouldn’t be such a bad idea. She already knew most of them individually.
`Hey, Yaz?`
`Yeah?`
`You could come along – if you want to,` Marlene offered. `To Hogsmeade.`
The shower door opened and Yasmin stepped out, hair piled on top of her head in a towel, skin still glistening wet. `Really? Wouldn’t want to impose.`
Marlene nodded. `Have to ask them,` she said. `But I don’t really see the problem.`
`Great,` Yasmin grinned.
Once they had packed their belongings, they headed to the castle, holding hands as long as they were still out of view. It had been a dreary week, but the weather was starting to turn; temperatures were dropping, and the sun was becoming a regular visitor. They decided to walk an extra lap around the lake, sucking the marrow out of the moment.
`Can I ask you something?` Yasmin spoke as Marlene helped her over a fallen tree on the path.
`Sure,` Marlene replied.
`About you and Mary…`
`Yeah…?`
`Did anything ever happen between you two?`
Marlene swallowed, heartbeat speeding. `What…erm…what makes you ask that?`
`Um…I dunno,` Yasmin replied, shrugging her shoulders. `It’s not like I worry or something. But, well - sometimes she seems a little bit protective, maybe?`
`Oh, right,` Marlene nodded. She, too, had noticed Mary’s coldness towards Yasmin. `Well, you don’t have to worry about her fancying me - not going to happen. I don’t see her like that, or she me.`
`That’s a very definite statement.`
Marlene picked at her nails and stopped to examine a beetle on the ground. `I did use to…erm…fancy her,` she said, not looking at Yasmin, afraid of her reaction.
`I figured,` Yasmin replied.
`You did?` Marlene abandoned crouching position and rubbed the dirt off her jeans.
`Come on, every queer has at one point or another fancied their best mate,` Yasmin tutted. `It’s a rite of passage.`
Marlene snorted. `Spoken out of experience?`
`Hm-mm,` Yasmin nodded and grabbed Marlene’s hand again, pulling her along. `Kindergarten.`
`Wow, young.`
`Maybe,` Yasmin shrugged her shoulders. `Snogged her once – behind the slide on the playground. Want to guess what she said?`
`What?`
`I wish you were a boy.`
`Ouch,` Marlene winched.
`Jup,` Yasmin nodded. `Ouch indeed. Broke my little heart.`
`I think my first crush was my neighbour - Camille,` Marlene said after a moment of silence, still feeling the confusion the girl attached to the name had prompted. `Didn’t quite realise it at the time, though.`
`Never do, do you?`
A flock of birds skirted over the Lake, the tips of their wings cutting sharp lines in the dark surface; their V-shaped reflections rippled and morphed, breaking into pieces. The marshy smell of the reeds made the air thick and heavy despite the cold.
`You see that there?` Marlene asked, pointing to the middle of the Lake.
`What? The island?`
`Hm-mm,` Marlene nodded. `I promised myself that I’d go there before the year is over.`
`There’s no way I am going to step one toe in that water – I’ll freeze my tits off,` Yasmin shuddered and thrust her hands in her pockets.
`Not now, obviously,` Marlene tutted. `Contrary to popular belief, I am not mad.`
Yasmin laughed. `Well…I am not so sure about that after seeing you coach the team.`
`Do you want me to push you into the lake?` Marlene said, teasingly putting her hands on Yasmin’s waist.
`I’d like to see you try!` Yasmin cried and wrenched herself loose from Marlene, bolting down the pathway, damp hair waving behind her like a cape.
`Oi!` Marlene called after her. `What about you being sore from practice?! Don’t even think that I am going to chase you.` Demonstratively, she stood still and crossed her arms, patiently waiting for Yasmin to turn around.
Jogging and clutching one hand to her side, Yasmin came back wheezing slightly, her breath vaporising as it left her mouth. Still doubled over with her hands on her knees, she said: `Do you think you’ll ever tell Mary about us?`
`Do you want me to?` Marlene asked, picking at a hangnail.
`Dunno,` Yasmin replied. `Maybe it’d make things easier….but it’s up to you.`
`Er…` Marlene raked a hand through her hair. It would be easier if Mary knew: they wouldn’t have to be so secretive about it. But telling Mary meant telling Lily, meant telling everyone.
`You don’t have to decide now,` Yasmin said, kissing her lightly and threading her arm through hers.
`Cheers,` Marlene kissed her back.
The birds made their second lap over the Lake, circling the island before disappearing over the hills. The reeds weaved gently in the wind, whistling, calling out across the water.
***
Sunday January 15th 1978
`Praise yourself lucky that you’re not Head girl,` Lily announced, marching into their dorm. `I’m on my period, and I have a headache. Marls, by any chance, do you have something I could use?`
Mary chuckled and blew on her freshly painted nails; she was lying flat on her duvet, still in her dressing gown and bonnet, despite it being way past midday.
`Why? What happened?` Marlene asked, handing her a draught.
`Two fifth-year prefects refused to do their patrols together because they’re having a spat,` Lily replied, crossing the room to open the window. The smell of nail varnish was unbearable. `I mean, for goodness sake, grow up! I didn’t like James, and I still had to do patrols with him.`
`Yes…` Mary said in a sing-song voice. `But now you’re in love.`
Lily couldn’t help but smile; she rolled her eyes and downed the draught, instantly dulling her pain.
`Ugh, lucky bastard,` Mary sighed and rolled over to her back. `I love love. I want to be in love.`
`Aren’t you seeing that Hufflepuff?`
`Your point?`
`I’m…not even going to react to that,` Marlene said. `Besides, I have to meet someone.`
`Who?` Lily asked, pulling a clean jumper over her head.
`Yasmin,` Marlene replied with a smile. She had been doing that a lot these days: smiling.
`I’ll walk down with you,` Lily said. She had been intending to go anyway.
`No!` Mary whinged and pouted. `Don’t leave me too.`
`Sorry, I have to,` Lily shrugged apologetically.
`Traitors.`
`I do still love you,` Lily said, backing out of the room.
Mary tutted but blew her a kiss, angelically fluttering her lashes.
In tandem, Lily and Marlene bounded down the stairs and crossed through the common room before splitting up at the portrait entrance. Routinely, Lily set course for the library where - she was sure - she would find James. The preparations for Remus’ assignment were still in full swing; they had spent the entirety of their Saturday working on his defensive skills, which were massively improving. The plan had been to do the same on Sunday, though Lily had unexpectedly been summoned to resolve a spat between two prefects. But the day was still young.
Surprisingly, on the way there, she almost ran headfirst into Remus. `Hiya, Moony,` she smiled, enjoying using the nickname. `Seen Potter?`
`Library,` Remus replied. `But I…wouldn’t, if I were you. He and Sirius are having a chat.`
`Oh,` Lily shrugged him off. `I can interrupt a chat…` she set into motion, but Remus grabbed her arm.
`Lily, no,` he ran his lip through his teeth. `Sorry, but I really think you ought to give them a bit of time. Sirius needs it, ok?` He sounded serious.
`What’s happened?!` she urged.
Remus took a deep breath and pressed his lips together. `Um…come with me,` he said. `Shall we go outside?`
`Ok…` Lily replied hesitantly. The interaction was getting more and more confusing by the second!
The orange winter sun greeted them as an old friend as they stepped out into the courtyard; the cold bit into her skin, numbing her nose and cheeks. Remus kept a steady pace, walking in the direction of the Lake. Lily had a hard time keeping up with his long-legged strides.
`Remus?` she asked. `You’re making me nervous.`
`Sorry!` he replied, seemingly coming from miles away. `Er…it’s about me and Sirius.`
Lily instantly rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. `You and Sirius? Oh no, what have you done? Only you two could get in trouble during the first week back.`
`No, it’s nothing like that,` Remus chuckled and scratched his head. `Look, you know how you’re always saying I should…` he paused. `Find someone?`
`Yeah…` Lily replied slowly, squinting her eyes, trying to gage Remus’ expression.
Remus didn’t say anything; he just raised his eyebrows and stared at her intently. What on earth was he trying to tell her? And what did Sirius have to do with all of this? Merlin, could he not talk in riddles for just one second!? Find someone? Yes, find someone! That was what she told him? But what had that-
`Oh my God!` Lily exclaimed, jaw dropping to the floor. She put a hand in front of her mouth and sunk down on a nearby bench. `Sirius!?` she gaped at Remus, who sat beside to her. Unbelievable!
`Sirius.` Remus confirmed.
`Oh my God,` she said again, knowing it was not exactly an adequate response.
`Yeah…sorry,` Remus looked at his feet.
`No, Remus, don’t be sorry. I just…wow, ok, give me a minute.` She stared out over the black surface of the Lake, trying to find answers in the lapping waves. But none came to her. She had not seen this coming! At all!
`And he feels the same way? You’re sure, Remus?` she turned her eyes on him again. All she wanted was for Remus not to get hurt by the theatrics of Sirius Black.
At that, a smile rippled around Remus’ lips. `Couldn’t be surer.` He reached for the neckline of his jumper and pulled it down, revealing a small round bruise above his collarbone.
`Oh my God!` Lily said again. Really, her vocabulary was very limited today! She swallowed and forced herself not to think about what Sirius had had to do to create that bruise. `Does James know?`
`He’s finding out right now. That’s why I wanted you to give them a bit of space.`
`Yeah, no, of course,` Lily agreed. `I understand.`
`I’ve wanted to tell you for ages.`
`Ages?` Lily cried, glad they were outside and nobody could hear her constant screeching. `How long has it been…?`
`Since the summer. Well,` Remus looked up to the sky. `It got serious over the summer. But…we were um…well there was stuff going on for a while before that. Since Sirius broke up with Mary.`
`Bloody hell,` Lily snorted, being well aware that it was Mary who had broken up with Sirus, not the other way around. Whatever got him through the day! `So, what? Sirius is your boyfriend? Are you in love with him?`
`Woah,` Remus startled. `I mean, steady on! Let’s just um…` he picked at his sleeve cuff. `Look it’s out now and that’s plenty.`
Lily stared at him. Remus was one of her best friends; over her dead body, that someone should hurt him. Especially Sirius; Merlin knew he was capable of breaking hearts. Nevertheless, maybe she should trust Remus’ judgement on this. It was what she owed him. Besides, Sirius, too, had evolved. Therefore, Lily nodded.
`All right then.`
`All right then?!`
`You said it’s serious, though. He’s not just…um…it’s not just messing about?`
`No. Definitely not,` Remus replied firmly. `I know it’s unexpected…`
Quickly, Lily shook her head. That didn’t matter. `Are you happy?`
`Yes.` Remus replied ,unblinking.
`All right then,` she said again. Case closed. She pecked Remus on his cheek. `Look, I dropped Divination because it’s bollocks, but I’m pretty sure we’re all in for a really crap time quite soon.`
`My god,` Remus smirked. `You sound more and more like James every day, it’s ridiculous.`
Lily flushed and smacked his knee. `Listen to me!` she said urgently. `It’s going to be hard. And it’s happening faster than I thought it would. It’s going to be scary, all the time, for a long time. But if we can keep being happy together, and make eachother happy…then good. Brilliant. If it’s Sirius for you, and you for him, then brilliant.`
`Jesus, Evans,` Remus said softly. Then, he pulled her into his arms and clung to her, hugging her more firmly than ever before.
Love; if it was all they had and all they had to give, it was what would pull them through to the bitter end.
***
Wednesday 18th January 1978
`Why can’t you listen to something with a little bit more substance instead of this glittery rubbish!? They cannot even play their instruments!`
Blah, fucking, blah, blah! What was it with boys and their deep-rooted hatred of disco? It was as though they denied themselves of all the fun in the world! Or maybe they didn’t hate disco. Maybe they just hated women.
On Wednesdays, a free period after lunch usually allowed Mary to dally around with her male companion of choice. However, she’d had a row with her current one - over ABBA, of all things! - and was determined not to be the one to reconcile.
He’d come crawling back – sooner or later. That’s what they always did.
Making use of the unfortunate situation, Mary had considered going to the library to scrounge together some information on house elves; it bothered her how shockingly little she knew about them. Even in Care of Magical Creatures, they had barely covered them – or maybe she had not been paying attention good enough attention at the time. Either way, it did not sit right; the encounter with Joodey was lodged in her throat like a rock, not allowing her to swallow.
However, Lily had suggested at the last minute they should spend the spare hour nosing around the Room of Come and Go. This plea could not go unheard - even by Marlene, who’d planned to go to the quidditch pith. Not counting their shared classes, the three of them had barely seen each other all week; seventh year was turning them into ships passing in the night. Researching house-elves could wait for the time being.
As luck would have it, the Room of Come and Go had been surprisingly easy to find again; it appeared it was more inclined to show itself to people who’d entered before. Mary could still not believe their luck that they’d found the room before the marauders had – and would swear on her mother not to tell them. It was their secret!
`God, it smells like someone died in here,` Mary coughed as she stepped over the threshold. The room was still the same as before the holidays: towers and towers of junk. `What if there’s actually a rotting carcass lying around?`
Marlene scrunched up her nose and shivered. `Now, why would you say that?`
`Because it smells like death in here.`
`I don’t think that it smells like-`
`She’s just joking,` Lily mediated soothingly.
`What? It’s possible!` Mary defended herself. `You never know with all those secret passages and rooms in this maze of a castle. I would not be surprised if Mulciber or one of his creepy friends has a collection-`
Lily cut her off. `Mary, I think that’s enough.`
`Alright, alright!` Mary held up her hands apologetically. `I’ll stop. But just saying: people seem to have hidden an awful lot of shit in here.`
`You do have a point there,` Lily replied, gawking up at the towering shelves. Taking the lead, she took the first corridor of bookcases, wand held aloft.
Despite the light falling in through the high cathedrallike windows, darkness still shrouded the room; Mary grabbed a nearby candelabra and lit the tapered candles, holding it out as a sacrifice. Ambling at a comfortable pace, she followed Lily into the maze. A thick film of dust coated everything, making the air musty and hard to breathe. Mary wondered whether the house elves ever had to clean this place. Probably not – by the state of it.
`I swear - Mary if you set this place on fire,` Marlene mumbled, sulking behind her.
`I won’t!` Mary sucked her teeth, not turning to look at her. `God – I am capable of doing some things without it turning into a disaster.`
`I wasn’t implying you were,` Marlene snapped back. `Just saying that I would like to get out of her alive!`
`One measly fire won’t kill you!`
`Oh my God,` Lily raised her arms and spun around, eyes blazing. `Can you two stop bickering for just one second!? We have not seen eachother all week, and you have not stopped biting each other’s heads off since we left lunch.`
`Sorry, Lily,` Marlene looked at her feet.
`Yeah, sorry,` Mary replied guiltily. If there was one thing she didn’t want, it was to burden Lily with the tension between her and Marlene.
`I don’t want you to say sorry to me,` Lily put her hands on her hips. `Now, we don’t have all day – if you two can just be civilized, we can actually enjoy our free hour. Ok?` In another lifetime Lily would have been a marvellous kindergarten teacher.
They both nodded demurely and whispered a quiet apology to eachother. Even though Mary didn’t think the candles would pose any danger, she blew them out and lit her wand.
For a while, they wandered in silence, trailing their fingers along the shelves, admiring the collection of oddities. While it was the most absurd collection of objects, strangely, nothing seemed out of place.
`Oh! Look at this!` Mary exclaimed, picking a silver diadem from a marble bust. `Isn’t this gorgeous?` She put the delicate piece of jewellery on her head and spun around, arms akimbo. `Perfect for my next soiree.`
Marlene finally cracked a smile and shook her head. `Very casual, I’m sure.`
`Put that away!` Lily cried. `For all we know, it could be cursed. You don’t know who put it here and why.`
`It’s not cursed,` Mary rolled her eyes. `Still standing, aren’t I?` Gently, she took the diadem out of her hair and held it out to Lily. `Here, you put it on – the blue of the stone would look striking with your hair – it just disappears in mine. Besides, the bird’s not really my cup of tea.`
`Mary…` Lily sighed.
`You know you want to.` Mary teasingly waved with the diadem, letting the light catch the sapphires.
`I…`
`Och, please, Lily,` Marlene said, siding with Mary. `We’re here to take our mind off of things – you said it yourself.`
Lily pursed her lips together, then – reluctantly – she reached out and accepted the diadem from Mary. With a flourish, she placed it on top of her head. `There. Are you happy now?`
`Beyond chuffed!` Mary grinned. `You look like a right stunner. Don’t let Potter see you like this – he might propose on the spot.`
Lily curled a lock of hair around her finger. `Merlin, don’t give him any bright ideas – he might actually do it.`
Marlene snorted loudly and clasped a hand in front of her mouth.
`As long as we get to be bridesmaids,` Mary stuck out her tongue. `See if Potter has some fit groomsmen you can hook me up with.`
Marlene raised her eyebrows. `Well - I’m afraid you’d have to be content with the same three muppets he’s been running with since the age of eleven.`
`Poor Pete would probably piss himself if I’d try to get it on.`
`Oh my God,` Lily’s eyes widened, her face horribly red. `Stop it! Nobody’s going to get married!`
The general mood improved dramatically after that; they kept breaking into fits of giggles, laughing at the bizarre collection of paraphernalia stacked to the ceiling. At one point, Lily tried to mount a stack of chairs to reach something but toppled down and landed in a towering, musty pile of pillows. Not long after, Mary found a pair of blunt, rusty swords and challenged Marlene to a duel – chasing her between the bookcases until they were out of breath.
A pocket in space and time had opened, and for once more, Mary felt thirteen.
///