Sixth Year, Heavy Weather
Friday November 12th 1976
The ferocity of the storm made the rain collide horizontally with the windowpanes - commanding them to tremble brutally in their hinges whilst they pleaded for mercy. Despite it still being the afternoon, the sky had turned a wicked grey - encasing the hills in a veil of murky darkness. Most of the trees had lost their foliage and stood as lone figures in the distance, calling out to their surroundings with their wasted branches, flailing dangerously as if lost at sea. Autumn - once a flirt with her colours and alluring scents - had turned into a traitor, dropping her frivolous antics to show her underbelly of decay.
Leaning her head against the glass, Mary stared down, watching a group of students scramble to get inside as they were pulled at violently by the animalistic wind - their robes billowing like sails on a ship.
Mary shook her quill and put it to the paper, watching the ink pour out and form a dark blot at the top of the page. The notebook she`d been using as her diary was almost onto its last page; the pages were thick and saturated with the countless secrets and exploits she`d confessed to it. There was a whole row of finished diaries underneath her bed - neatly numbered and dated. Some earlier ones were written in invisible ink; she`d been terrified that someone might read them, though, as she`d gotten older, she`d realised that nobody was interested in the innerworkings of the mind of a teenage girl.
Most of her diary entrees were just accounts of her day or complaints about her homework - typical monotonous pieces of text. Sometimes Mary would look back at things she`d written at eleven and laugh at herself for how incredibly cheeky she`d been, moreover, what she`d reckoned to be worth mentioning.
Nevertheless, between those seemingly innocuous stories were the most absurd fairytale-drenched gossips. Mary was fairly certain that her dairies could be accounted for as a thorough history of the last five and half years at Hogwarts; she`d always had a knack for picking up gossip. Hanging a little behind in the girls loos had always proved to be the most efficient way to hear something she`d otherwise not have heard. A couple years back - when she used to pierce people`s ears - she`d been told the most ear-pricking tales; people seemed to be more prone to spilling their guts whenever someone had a needle to their skin.
Finally, there were the countless pages dedicated to her various crushes: first Sirius, than Darren, than Sirius again; pages upon pages almost completely blacked out with their names traced over and over again – little hearts scribbled in the margins.
The majority of her diaries also contained torn-out articles; they were pressed between the pages - fattening the little notebooks even more. The articles she`d always liked the best were the band interviews and the reports of journalists who`d gone on tour with them. There was a certain envy towards those who were able to travel the world and meet all these interesting people along the way. In a sense, it was doing what she was doing on a far grander scale. In a perfect world Mary would like to become a music journalist; she`d become a roadie for a band and expand her horizons further than this bleak corner of the world. However, the world was not perfect - as her mother would say.
The sky continued to darken; the thunder sounded like cannonballs going off against the clouds - big bolts of lightning hanging low over the lake. Gently she thumbed the cross pendant that hung around her neck, wondering what the weather would be like in London at the moment.
Lily entered their dorm, her face pulled into a sour grimace.
`Still reeks out there, dunnit?` Mary said, scrunching up her nose to embellish her point.
Lily nodded and plonked her bookbag down on her bed. `You shouldn`t be sitting by the window with this weather – a lightning bolt might hit you.`
Mary rolled her eyes, but obeyed nonetheless, clambering off the window ledge to leave her little spot.
`Did you find out who`s behind it?` Marlene asked, looking up from her textbook.
`Hm-hm,` Lily nodded, widening her eyes conspicuously. `Remus and Black.`
`Remus and Black?` Mary raised her eyebrows, surprised.
`My reaction exactly.` Lily replied. `But Remus told me himself - don`t see why he`d lie about a thing like that.`
`Thought it would`ve been Potter and Black.`
`Nope.` Lily shook her head.
`Mary, didn`t you say that they were on the outs - Remus and Sirius?` Marlene asked, creases appearing on her forehead.
`That`s what I reckoned, yeah.` Mary nodded. One of the main reasons she`d thought that Sirius had been acting peculiar those last couple of months had been because he and Remus hadn`t been on speaking terms.
`Anyway,` Lily sighed. `Both got detention and they`re supposed to clean up the mess that those puffballs made.`
`Glad I wasn`t one of the people who set them off.` Mary replied gratefully - shivering at the thought. `Yuck.` Some of the puffballs had been hidden in the loos and had gone off whilst someone had tried to relieve themselves, completely sodding them with stinking yellow pus.
`Ye ken, puffball pus actually has some great healing properties.` Marlene piped up. `It might smell, but beside that it`s rather wholesome.`
Mary laughed. `You`re turning into even more of a swot than Lil.`
`Oh, feck off.` Marlene said, throwing a pillow at Mary.
`Ow!` Mary yelped in mock indignation. `Don`t ruin my face, still need it later.` She smirked impishly and licked her lips.
Marlene sucked her teeth and returned to her text.
`Got a date with Roman again, then?` Lily fussed, busing herself with unpacking her bookbag.
`Actually,` Mary replied slowly, standing up and tracing the wooden post of her bed with her long fingernails. `It`s someone else.`
`Someone else?` Marlene`s head shot up again. `What`d you mean someone else; did you already dump Rotherhide?`
`No, I didn`t dump Rotherhide,` Mary frowned, annoyed at the accusatory tone in Marlene`s voice. `We never specified that we`d be exclusive, so…I`m exploring my options a little.`
What she didn`t mention was that it hadn`t really been her idea to keep it casual with Roman. She`d never been in anything else but a committed relationship, however, Roman didn`t seem too keen on the idea of being tied down. Consequently, Mary had decided to be cool about it and spread her own wings a little - it couldn`t hurt to explore whatever was in store.
There`d been a friend of Dorcas - another Hufflepuff - who`d been showing interest in her for a while now. Hence, when he`d asked her out during their previous full moon meeting at the greenhouses, she`d agreed to go on a date with him.
Date was a bit of a generous word, seeing as they couldn`t really go to the pub and would be constricted to the walls of the castle. Not that it mattered that much; company was company, no matter where she was.
`Don`t you think that you`re moving a bit fast?` Lily said, no longer fidgeting with her bag. `You and Black have been split up for less than…what? Two weeks.`
`Well, he doesn`t seem to care about that.` Mary frowned, thinking about Sirius and Avni snogging at Bonfire Night. `I`m not going to sit here, moping about, just because of some bloke.`
`You are allowed to grand yourself some time to wallow.`
`I`m not going to wallow. Sitting around, crying about how he doesn`t love me - bit pathetic, innit? I`ve got lads lining up for me – who am I to deny myself some fun?`
`Mary, it`s healthy to be by yourself sometimes.`
`Yeah, like you know what you`re talking about.` Mary spat back defensively.
`I`m sorry?` Lily put her hands on her hips.
Marlene had started picking at her nails, looking anxious, not saying a word.
`Who are you to tell me who I should and shouldn`t go out with? You`ve never been in a relationship yourself, have you?`
`I`m not telling you who you should and shouldn`t go out with - I`m only trying to show some concern.`
Mary perched her hands on her hips. `I don`t need looking out for - everyone acts like I can`t stand up for myself. Lord! You`re just like my mother!`
`Well, I`d rather be just like your mother than a careless friend.` Lily replied defensively.
`Fine.` Mary turned up her nose. `Now, If you`ll excuses me,` she wriggled her tights so that the seams were facing the backs of her legs. `I have got a date.`
***
Mid-December 1976
When December rolled around, the weather changed drastically. Temperatures dropped far below zero - glazing the surroundings in a crackly shell of iridescent frost. The Great Lake had frozen over with a thick reflective crust - barely letting any light through to the world below, entrapping its dwellers deep below the surface. It had also begun to snow; the dark evergreens on the grounds were nearly collapsing under the weight of the sleet that clung desperately to their feathery branches.
The fires in the hearths burned at full ferocity, frantically trying to heat up the high-ceilinged stone halls; a major disadvantage of such an ample amount of idle space was the trouble to keep it warm. Despite of the charms, which had been put on the classrooms to keep them from freezing over, little clouds of condensation sprung into existence whenever someone exhaled too forcefully.
A lot of students were complaining about their fingers being too stiff to keep a hold of their quills, or their toes becoming numb whilst revising. Nevertheless, that didn`t stop their Professors from piling up the work; midterm season didn`t halt for anyone – certainly not for dire weather conditions.
Secretly, Lily revelled in the cold. Since summer, she`d counted down the days until she would be able to pull her woollen jumpers and hats out of storage. Everything - even writing essays - could be made into an inviting activity when done in the vicinity of a steaming hot mug of tea or chocolate. The tiniest whiff of pine, orange, or clove could send her spirits reeling with excitement for Christmas.
However, not everything was overshadowed by this rosy glow; there had been attacks during the full moon – not for the first time this term. It was said that it had been more than one werewolf this time around, working as a pack of sorts; The Daily Prophet had printed an extensive article about it. The Ministry of Magic was urging everyone to be on high alert in these dark and uncertain times – demanding full vigilance.
As all things lurid go, the attacks were the main topic of discussion those weeks leading up to the winter holidays. Marlene had been outraged - discombobulated that the ministry wasn`t taking any proper course of action. Mary had tried to put on a brave façade, but Lily knew that she was terrified for her family. Nonetheless, one thing that the whole school ostensibly had in common was their absolute disgust and hatred for whoever had done it.
People were scared, and scared people say and do cruel things to protect themselves from harm. There were even plans being concocted on whatever would be the best defence against a werewolf attack.
For the majority of the time, Lily tried to edge out of a conversation once the topic veered towards werewolves, or other darkcreatures. While she did agree with Marlene`s outrage against the laxness of The Ministry concerning the safety of non-pureblood witches and wizards, she did not agree with the overall prejudice against werewolves. Moreso, she saw what it was doing to Remus – and it was not pretty.
Whereas a lot of students had started wearing silver jewellery to ward off any werewolves, Lily had stopped wearing silver altogether ever since finding out about Remus. She`d transformed her prefect`s pin to be a friendlier metal, and had done the same to her jewellery. In reality, she knew that this was a silly, childish, and meaningless gesture, but she just didn`t know what else to do to let Remus know that she would stand by his side, no matter what was thrown at him.
On one of the last Saturdays of term it had momentarily stopped snowing, leaving them a bright morning. To get herself some well overdue fresh air, Lily had joined Peter, Remus, Sirius and Avni to watch the quidditch practice. She`d preformed a heating charm on her cloak and had done the same for the others – keeping them warm in the snow.
Marlene was training with Gryffindor`s relatively new beater; even from this far of a distance, Lily could see the displeasure on Marlene`s face as she demonstrated something to Caspian.
Avni, who had been dating Sirius for a fair couple of weeks, had once again broached the subjects of the attacks. `Why can`t they just tag them?` she whispered. `I mean, there`s already a registry, and they can trace underage wizards – why not put a trace on dangerous animals?! It doesn`t make sense.`
Outraged, Lily spun around. `There not animals,` she spat at Avni. `They`re people.`
`Tell that to the Mundays!` Avni replied haughtily, smoothing her skirt. `Tell that to this latest poor family.`
Furious and not knowing how to respond, Lily bit the inside of her cheeks, glaring at Avni. Usually she was able to get along with her rather well, but this was crossing a line. She glanced at Remus; he was unresponsive, his stony gaze directed at the pitch. Lily wanted to take his hand in that moment, but that would probably give something away.
Avni cozied up to Sirius even more, grabbing his arm. `Sirius, darling, I`m cold…`
`Go in then.` came Sirius` reply.
`Excuse me?` Avni furrowed her brow.
`You heard me.` Sirius said without displaying any emotion. `Piss off.`
Avni let out an indignant huff and marched away – not to return. She hadn`t deserved that; Lily remembered thinking.
Later that week, Lily had patrol duty - once again. One advantage of these cold days was that practically no student dared to leave their comfortable common room and trade in it for the chilling stone hallways.
`Does Remus talk to you though?` Lily asked, as she and James paced up and down the corridor, trying to keep their feet from getting cold. `About how he feels about any of this?`
James shook his head. `Nope - Moony is not much of a talker.`
`Yeah,` Lily sighed. `Figured as much.`
`You really care about him, don`t you?`
Lily nodded.
Although Lily would never want to disrespect Remus` privacy, she desperately wanted to know how he was feeling, and whether there was something she could do to help him. It broke her heart to see how much pain he was in, and how little he granted himself to talk about it.
There was a draught running through the corridor; Lily shivered, despite her own heating charm.
`Are you cold, Evans?` James asked. `Need my cloak?` He already started taking off his robes.
`No, no, please,` Lily shook her head, urging him to put them back on. `We`re going back to the tower anyway. I`ll be fine, Potter.`
As Lily was doing her final round of the common room she encountered Remus. He was sitting at a desk, pushed far away into a corner, bent deeply over a text, the space around him littered with parchment, quills, and books. His fingers were digging into his temples, his elbows pressed against the table.
Remus was still seemingly unaware her, completely sucked into his own head. Lily waited a while to approach him, a lump forming in her throat as she looked at the curve of his back and the way his hair fell over his eyes.
`Shouldn`t you be going to bed?` Lily said softly, walking up behind him.
`Go away,` Remus said, his voice thick and scratchy. `I`m busy.`
Lily didn`t reply and sat down next to him anyway; Remus didn`t protest. Gently she lay her head down on his shoulder and put an arm around his back, feeling the knots of his spine rise up against the fabric of his jumper. She squeezed him and sighed, nestling her face against his collarbone. Slowly she could feel some of tension seep out of Remus` muscles - as if he was deflating.
If Remus couldn`t talk about it, she wouldn`t force him to do so. If all that she could do to show him that she cared about him was to sit silently beside him, than that was what she would be doing for the rest of her life.
***
Mid-December 1976
Not in a million years would Marlene have thought that she`d be getting sentimental over a school assignment. Nevertheless, here she sat, almost moved to tears whilst writing her Defence Against the Dark Arts essay on Patronuses.
They`d started on the topic of Patronuses earlier that term – the most advanced piece of magic they`d encountered thus far in their education at Hogwarts.
`A Patronus is an advanced form of magic that can act as a shield between its caster and their predator - a Dementor, or anything else that might want to maim them.` their Professor had stated. `A full corporal Patronus takes the form of an animal – these animals differ per individual.`
Upon completing this statement, their Professor had flicked their wand and produced a magnificent iridescent owl. The owl had stretched its wings and flown up to the rafters, circling the students languidly while leaving a trail of the same almost aquatic silvery substance behind in its wake. The students had all fallen silent as they`d been engulfed – mouths dropping open in wonderous admiration.
`A Patronus is produced by the recollection of ones happiest memories - the happier the memory the more powerful it will be. In essence it is rather straightforward. However, don`t be fooled by this, casting a Patronus is one of the most complicated spells known to man, and even the most competent witches and wizards struggle to produce them.`
Several alarmed murmurs had rising up in the classroom; Marlene had instantly felt her heartrate rise and her muscles clench.
`Nonetheless,` their Professor had silenced them. `Don`t let this discourage you from trying. Everything can be trained – and everything can be made attainable when disassembled into small digestible pieces.`
The owl had perched down on the chandelier by then; Marlene had felt the odd sensation as if its presence had done something to the temperature of the room.
`That is why your first assignment will be to write an essay on your happiest memories. Don`t hold back! Don`t be afraid to go into detail and embellish your stories – the more vivid the memory, the more it will aid in casting your Patronus!`
Marlene had pushed the essay out in front of her - utterly dreading it. The topic was so incredibly broad that she didn`t really know where to start. How was she able to determine what her happiest memories were; how was she to know if these memories were any good? There were so many fleeting strings of consciousness floating around in her mind, that it was hard to detangle the mess they`d made of themselves. Sometimes she felt as if her mind was a high windowless doorless tower to which she was yet to find the entrance. Other times it felt like it was a glass warehouse with all its goods pressed up against the windows, begging to be let out of their confinement.
All in all, the essay wouldn`t complete itself, and with the winter holidays just around the corner, she couldn`t keep putting it off any longer than she`d already done. Henceforth, she`d banished herself to the library – trying to minimize her distractions.
However, distraction – singular - had its way of following her around.
Mary plopped down on the chair next to Marlene, moving her skirt around until she was comfortable. `What you doin`?` she said in a sing-song voice.
`Homework.` Marlene replied, wiping her tears covertly, hoping that Mary wouldn`t realise she`d been crying. `Thought you were with Rotherhide?`
`Is was,` Mary sighed and leaned back in her chair. `But you are much more fun.` She bumped Marlene playfully against her shoulder.
Marlene grinned at her; it were moments like these which made her hope soar to levels of proper delusion.
`Can I see?` Mary asked, eyeing Marlene`s essay. It wasn`t a question, more so a statement, and she`d already grabbed it before Marlene had been able to protest.
`Give that back, will you.` Marlene said, keeping her voice low – she wouldn`t want to be evicted from the library by Madam Pince.
`Oooh, is that my name!` Mary whispered back excitedly.
Before Mary could read any more, Marlene had confiscated the piece of parchment.
`No fair,` Mary pouted, sticking out her full bottom lip. `What did it say?`
Marlene felt herself flush, `Just some moments from when you and Lil visited me a couple of summers ago.`
A smile appeared on Mary`s face. `Oh, yeah, that was a great summer,` she sighed. `We should do that again. D`you remember when I almost broke Lil`s nose?`
`Godric, aye,` Marlene snorted. `Reckon she still has the scar.`
`Can I read the whole thing?` Mary asked, batting her eyelashes. `I`ll let you read mine later?`
It was hard saying no to Mary, so Marlene relented and reluctantly handed her the parchment back. `Just don`t…don`t judge it, will you? It not finished yet - sure it`s full of mistakes.`
As Mary read her essay, Marlene tore nervously at her cuticles, watching the blood bloom up from underneath her skin. It was absolutely nerve wrecking to give someone an inside look into the most valuable and soft parts of herself – almost as if she was stripping off her skin, exposing her soft underbelly. Nonetheless, there would be nobody else whom Marlene would rather strip off her skin for than Mary.
`Hmm,` Mary hummed after a while, pensively, her eyes still on the paper.
Marlene`s stomach made a sickening lurch – had she displayed too much of her feelings? `What-what is it?` she asked, trying to remain casual.
`Nothing,` Mary shook her head. `Just these bits from when you were really young.`
Marlene felt herself instantly ease into relaxation. `Och.`
`You don`t really talk about that much.` Mary fidgeted with her hoop earrings. `Or ever – actually.`
`Don`t really like talking about it.` Marlene shrugged meekly.
`Why?` Mary cocked her head, face imploring for an explanation.
Marlene averted her eyes; looking at Mary for an extended period of time made her feel nervous, flustered, unable to think properly. `It was a really long time ago - it doesn`t really matter anymore. I was still a wean - barely remember half of it.` She made a forced laughing sound. `Honestly, it doesn`t matter – it was ages ago.`
`Well, I think it does matter.` Mary said gently, `Otherwise you wouldn`t have put some of it in here,` she indicated at the parchment. `Obviously it`s something that you carry along, love.`
While talking Mary had put a hand on Marlene`s arm; Marlene was afraid to move and loose Mary`s soft touch.
`I know I`d like to know.` Mary pressed.
Marlene sighed and turned to face Mary; she could be so incredibly persuasive – no wonder everyone always told her their secrets. `Alright, what d`you want to know?`
`Just the basics,` Mary replied. `So I can have a clearer understanding - I know you might have told me before, but it`s all a bit jumbled.`
It took Marlene a while to gather her thoughts; she swayed back and forth in her chair, mustering up the courage. She didn`t understand why it was still so hard for her to talk about her upbringing.
`Alright, erm, well…my mother was really young when she met my birthfather – just out of school really. They eloped. Soon after she fell pregnant with Danny – or maybe she was pregnant before that – who`s to say? Her parents disapproved of the marriage – him being a muggle and all that - so they disinherited her and told her they didn`t want anything to do with her anymore. However, my father – Merlin it feels odd even calling him my father-` Marlene gave a humourless snort. `He told mammy that he`d always be there for her no matter what – and he did hold up to that - for a couple of years. That was – obviously- until she got pregnant with me, then he…erm… he decided that he couldn`t take it anymore and he just fecked off and left us.`
`God,` Mary`s eyes widened. `So you never even met him?`
`Aye,` Marlene nodded; she thought that Mary had known that already. `Erm…anyway, it wasn`t easy for mammy raising two weans on her own while also trying to earn enough money to keep us all fed and clothed. Not that I remember having it hard – not at all - mammy really made sure of that,` she swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat. `I mostly remember those wee parts: the sheep, our dog, the herb garden, the bed I shared with my brother – well, erm, you read all about that, didn`t you?`
Mary nodded in agreement.
`Then mammy met Andrew – my stepdad that is – and before I knew it we were moving to that big house by the Loch. It was really good, that first little while, and mammy seemed to be happier than ever. Nevertheless, over the years, it all just…kind of…faded. They grew cold and my mother grew hard and bitter – critical of me and somehow very distant to all of us.` Marlene sighed. `The rest you know, because, erm… well, you where there along the way.`
The silence seemed to grow thick with heavy sentiment for a while.
`I think that`s more than you`ve ever told me.` Mary said softly.
Marlene shrugged, looking bashfully down at her hands; it had been odd saying all of that out loud. `You ever get the feeling like even your happiest memories are clouded in this sense of sadness?` she asked, looking up again.
Mary nodded and took her hand. `I know exactly what you mean, love.`
///