More Recruits
Chaos Incorporated
Pen
So
we're hanging out at a cafe and Damian is about three seconds away from committing a murder.
Petey-pie
What did he do this time?
Johnny-boi
Did he insult someone again?
Cass
He hasn't done anything yet.
But this guy flirting with me might not live to see tomorrow.
MJ
Define 'flirting.' Is he like, smiling and being polite, or is he doing that obnoxious 'Hey, baby' thing?
Cass
More like 'Hey gorgeous you come here often?' and 'Want me to buy you a drink?'
Pen
Damian's face right now.
I can't decide if he's going to explode or spontaneously combust.
Hazza
Is...
is he glaring at the guy?
Pen
Oh, he's definitely glaring.
Full-on Bat glare.
The guy has no idea he's about to get obliterated.
Johnny-boi
Someone record this.
I need to see the kid go feral.
MJ
Johnny, don't encourage him.
Cass
He hasn't even said anything.
He's just standing there, looking murderous.
Dami
I can see you all texting.
Pen
Oh no, we've been caught.
Dami
Cassie, beloved, why are you even entertaining this imbecile?
Cass
I'm not. I'm just standing here. He's the one talking.
Dami
I will eliminate him.
Pen
Bold of you to text that while we're all watching, dude.
Nedward
Guys, we're supposed to be having a day off.
Maybe don't escalate things?
MJ
As if Damian knows how to not escalate.
Johnny-boi
Wait, is he walking over?
Someone film this.
Please.
Cass
He's here now.
This should be good.
A few moments later...
Pen
Update: Damian just told the guy, and I quote, 'If you value your life, step away from her.'
Petey-pie
Dramatic much?
Pen
The guy's stammering something about 'not knowing she had a boyfriend.'
MJ
And?
Pen
Damian just said, 'She's not just my girlfriend. She's my beloved.'
Johnny-boi
I'm deceased.
Somebody stop him.
Hazza
That's not how normal people talk, Damian.
Dami
I am not concerned with what normal people do.
Nedward
What's the guy doing now?
Pen
He's apologizing profusely and backing away like he just saw his life flash before his eyes.
Cass
This is getting ridiculous.
I'm perfectly capable of handling this myself, you know.
Dami
I know you are. That does not mean I will tolerate disrespect.
MJ
Someone give him a medal for 'Most Overprotective Boyfriend of the Year.'
Jaybird
What did I just log into?
Roy-boy
Sounds like Damian's being possessive again.
Jaybird
Again?
Kid you gotta learn to chill.
Dami
I am perfectly calm.
Pen
You're about as calm as a cat in a room full of laser pointers.
Cass
Okay
the guy's gone.
Can we all drop this now?
Johnny-boi
Not a chance.
This is prime entertainment.
MJ
Also, Damian, maybe work on the whole 'imminent threat' vibe?
You're scaring civilians.
Petey-pie
Wait.
did anyone else notice that Cassie didn't deny the whole 'beloved' thing?
Cass
Goodbye Peter.
Dami
Parker, do you value your life?
Pen
Aaand we're back to murder threats.
Classic.
Jaybird
Damian.
I'm confiscating your phone when you get back.
Roy-boy
You guys are exhausting. Claire and Karen are going to have a field day reading this later.
Pen
Totally worth it.
Johnny-boi
10/10, would watch Damian threaten random dudes again.
Cass
You're all the worst.
A Bunch of Dumbass Vigilantes (and Claire, Karen, Foggy, and David)
Jessie
Who added these two?
Princess Castle
New blood, apparently.
Lukey
And their names are?
Claire-bear
Seriously, can we stop adding random people to this chat?
Kare
It's bad enough we're dealing with these idiots.
Stranger
I'm Nadia Strange.
Also known as "Amethyst" resident sorceress.
Star
I'm Stella Stark—aka "Ace."
Princess Castle
Great.
More chaos.
Just what we needed.
Redtthew
So, who exactly decided to add two more people to this mess?
Hawkass
What's the worst that could happen?
Randal
I'm scared to find out.
Arse
Don't worry, we've got it under control.
Cassio
Don't listen to him.
We definitely don't have it under control.
Star
So, this is where all the cool people hang out, huh?
Lukey
"Cool" is one word for it.
Stranger
I like to think of it as a family...
if your family was a group of unstable vigilantes who fight crime and break everything in sight.
Jessie
Not gonna lie, it does sound familiar.
Kare
Wait, are you all even old enough to be doing this?
Stranger
I'm 19.
I've been trained by some of the best. I can handle myself.
Star
I'm 16 and technically still a kid, but I manage.
Froggy
16?
Really?
Star
Yeah, but I have superior skills.
I promise, I'm an adult in all the right ways.
Nellie
And in all the wrong ways.
Hobgobbie
You're all insane.
Stranger
Insane?
Please.
We're just a little eccentric.
Arse
Yeah, that's what we call "Wednesday."
Cassio
And Friday's when we throw in the explosives.
Star
Do you all blow up things every day?
Redtthew
Every.
Damn.
Day.
Stranger
No wonder the city's always in a state of emergency.
Jessie
I'm just waiting for the day one of you destroys an entire block.
Fireboy
Eh, we try to keep it contained.
Lukey
Try being the key word.
Star
So, are we gonna fight any bad guys or just argue all day?
Stranger
Fighting bad guys sounds like a good idea. Let's go with that.
Nellie
I volunteer to blow something up!
Star
Oh, great.
It's contagious.
Kare
Please, just make sure it's not our block this time.
Claire-bear
Someone is going to have to answer for all the damages one of these days.
Nellie
We'll pay for it...
eventually.
Jaybird
Don't worry.
we're pros.
Stranger
Speak for yourself, Jay.
We've seen the aftermath of some of your missions.
Jaybird
This from the girl who almost destroyed a building by sneezing on it.
Stranger
It was an accident!
Birdboy
The last time I let Cassie and Penny plan something, the building was in flames.
Cassio
It wasn't that bad!
Star
I vote we stop talking about explosions before we all get arrested.
Jessie
Too late for that.
Princess Castle
You don't need a building to blow up to get into trouble with this group.
Kare
I'll be the one to call Matt.
Nellie
We don't need lawyers!
Claire-bear
Oh, trust me, you're going to need one.