Chapter 3
Ava and I have been walking around for a little while after that conversation in the coffee shop. Honestly? I don’t know how to answer her question.
Is it because I can’t write it or won’t… That’s the real question, huh?
I wasn’t really paying attention to where we were going. I was deep in thought trying to wrestle the truth out of myself.
I guess if even I’m trying to figure it out, it’s most likely a won’t rather than can’t. This is ridiculous, how does a story character know more about me than me?
I was just about to cross the street when Ava/Asami pulled my arm.
“WATCH OUT!” She yelled as she grabbed me. My head whipped towards her then she pointed at the light with her chin.
“Shit” I whispered under my breath “Thanks for stopping me” I sighed, shaking my head
“Are you that deep in thought that you’re not even paying attention to your surroundings?” She sighed slowly letting my arm go “I’m sorry” she whispered, slowly dropping her gaze on the ground.
This small gesture took me by surprise. Seeing her this sad broke my heart and I couldn’t help myself but to try to cheer her up.
I tried to get her to meet my gaze by bending enough just to see her eyes.
“This is not your fault, I promise you” I gave her a small reassuring smile “You’re just bringing up the things that I should have thought about a long time ago but pretended they weren’t there. In fact” It was my turn to drop my gaze on the ground “I should be the one who’s sorry”
“Why? Why are you sorry?”
“Because your life became complicated because of me” I sighed “Let’s cross the street” I said, glancing at the now green light to let us cross. She nodded then followed me
“What do you mean?” She asked trying to clarify the issue on hand
“How about, let’s start from the start?” I said trying to hold on to SOME composure before I end up breaking down
“From when you guys started dating?” I nodded “Isn’t that the same with how Brooke and I dated?” she tilted her head to the side
“Kind of? But a little different since I kind of dramatized yours compared to ours” I chuckled “Let’s head to the beach and talk there” She nodded then followed me towards the beach
“So tell me, how did you and Brooke meet and end up being together?” I asked as I sat down on the sand
“Well, we’re childhood bestfriends” she started as she started sitting next to me “She said, she’s always had a crush on me but was never strong enough to tell me until we were in college” I nodded “I told her that I like her as well then we started going out”
“So just right there, there’s a difference between you guys and us” I saw her glance at me but I kept my eyes on the ocean infront of us “Asami and I were not really friends when we were kids. She knew OF me and I know her. Asami’s been…” I bounced my head sideways for a sec trying to find the right word or words to describe her “Popular, I think is the best way to describe her. She’s always been popular with the kids around us and she was always surrounded by kids. We got to know each other in highschool because we were paired up for a project and that’s where we really started talking. However, part of what you said was right, I’ve always harbored feelings for her even before she knew me. I’ve always watched her from afar and was content to do so until we became friends”
I took a deep breath reminiscing the good days
“What happened? When did your relationship shift?” Ava/Asami pressed
“Highschool passed by and we were really good friends, College went by as well and my feelings for her only grew by the day we were together. She was taking her engineering classes while I was taking some nursing classes but grabbing some minor classes to help me write better” I pulled my legs closer, wrapping my arms around them but kept my gaze on the ocean “We got pulled apart because we barely had time to hang out. We were still friends but not as close as how I wrote you and Brooke. You guys hit it off in college ours was… a few more years away” I chuckled
“Right, I think you met her at a bookstore, right?” I nodded
“Yea, I was looking for the book I released” I small smile escaped my lips “That’s when I saw her holding the same book I was looking for” My smile widened at the thought “She looked over, saw me, then gave me her biggest smile saying ‘Would you look at that, one of my closest friend’s a well known author now’ I couldn’t even help but smile when I saw her”
“That’s when you invited her to that coffee shop we were in, right?” I nodded
“Yea, that’s where it started. A few coffee dates, a few nights over at my apartment, turned into a weekly sleepover, turned into her moving in after 3 - 4 ish months, give or take”
“So what happened? Why is she not with you anymore? Why are you pushing everything off?”
“Because” I looked away still trying to grapple with my feelings about the situation. I was frustrated and angry with myself for not being more critical of myself in this situation.
“Kor…” I felt her place a hand on my arm which made me look at her “Take your time to think and understand what you really feel. I won’t force you to tell me everything right here and right now” She gave me a reassuring smile “I’m not going anywhere until we figure this out… together.. Okay?” She stood up then gave me her hand “Let’s go home. I think this conversation has taken its toll on you”
Ava/Asami and I went home and we decided to get some rest for the day and try to tackle this crap again together. I was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.
I thought this was gonna be easier without you but in reality, it’s the complete opposite. I feel like I’m being pulled back to the past and the present at the same time not really knowing what I want. Was my decision to push you away the right thing to do or should I have been a tad more honest and insisted on you to stay? I miss you with all my heart and soul that it physically hurts just to think about you… about us.
I turned on my side and saw Ava/Asami sleeping peacefully. I couldn’t stomach making her sleep on the couch. At the same time, she insisted I sleep here since it’s my apartment but now that I’m here lying next to her? I can’t stop thinking about how Asami looks just as peaceful when she’s sleeping.