Long Lost

Simon

This is it. The information I’ve wanted to know all my life. My parents… my family… I finally know where I came from, my family, and how my story started. Lady Salisbury… Ruth… is my grandmother. For the past few weeks, I have been unknowingly tasked with finding my own uncle. 

My uncle! I have an uncle. I have a family. I have a grandmother. I had a mother. I had a father. I… I killed my father. 

At this moment, I am glad I lost my magic. I can feel what would have previously been an explosion start to build up. It’s too much. It all feels like too much. I can tell that I’ve been too quiet for too long and that everyone in the room is staring at me. Lady Sailsbury… Ruth… Grandmother? Grandma? Nan? Whatever her proper title is, she is walking towards me with tears in her eyes, and her arms are outstretched. It takes me a moment to realize what is happening, and all at once I am enveloped in a tight hug.

“Oh, Simon… my boy… my baby boy… my grandson… Lucy has brought you back to me!” She chokes out, her words coming out broken and hushed. As if speaking too loudly will take me away from her again. 

I don’t move. I don’t know what to do. The smell of smoke from Lucy’s… my mother’s… extinguished candle fills my nostrils. It reminds me of what I smelled like when I would go off, the smell of my old magic. The thought of this, of something about my mother reminding me of myself, shocks me back to my senses and I find my arms coiling around her and returning the hug. She smells like fresh cake icings... like the lemon cake sitting on the table downstairs. There's something else, a floral smell. Roses? She must wear perfume or maybe it's her shampoo. She smells nice. Ruth… my grandmother… smells nice. And she gives a damn good hug. 

Another pair of arms wrap around me and I realize that Jamie has joined us, his arms enclosed around the both of us. The remnants of their family… my family… joined together for the first time in a long time. 

For a moment, the three of us stay like that. Not moving or speaking. Then my wings twitch, moving both of their arms and breaking their hold on me, and ending the moment. It’s at this point I realize that I have been crying a lot in the past few… however long it's been since we started hugging. I start wiping my eyes on the sleeve of my- well, Baz’s shirt- when I feel a hand on my shoulder and see that Baz has extended one of his monogram handkerchiefs to me. I take it in my left hand, and it’s at this point I realize I’m still holding the sword I had pulled from the table in my right. I’ve been holding it this entire time, holding it behind Ruth’s… Nan’s? Fuck, I need to ask her what to call her now’s back this entire time. She’s smiling at me so greatly, I don’t think it crossed her mind to even care that a weapon was being held against her back. 

I start wiping, well, more of scrubbing my face, and realize that the room has been quiet for far too long. “Sorry I....” I start to blurt out an apology and trail off. My old habit of not being able to get my words out rearing its ugly head.

“Sorry?” my… Grandmother (I think she’s a fancy enough lady to be called grandmother. Nan sounds too casual for her) asks. “Why are you sorry? Can’t you see what you’ve done? You’ve fixed my family! You’ve found not only my son but my grandson as well!” her words are a mix of a whisper, a question, and elation as if all her emotions are fighting to see which one comes out on top. Elation seems to be winning however as the more she speaks, the louder she gets. “I can’t believe you’ve come back to us!” 

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before… but you look just like her. Like Lucy. I can see bits of him there as well but… the resemblance to Lucy is almost uncanny” Jamie says, his voice filled with wonder, and then ice when he mentions The Mage.

I nod, not really knowing what to say, and find myself grasping onto the bottom of Baz’s shirt like a lost child. His hand grips my arm, and I look up at him. He has a small smile on his face, and his eyes are asking me a question- “are you okay?” I nod again, this time in response to Baz.

“Well!” Grandmother announces, clapping her hands together. “This calls for a celebration! And lucky for us, I’ve made enough food to feed a small army. Let’s take this downstairs, shall we? This room is getting a bit cramped” she adds, shooing us out of the room with her hands.

Baz’s hand slides down my arm, and he takes my hand in his as he leads me out of the room. Jamie has started saying something, but I think I might be in a bit of a shock because I don't register much of it. When I snap back, I find myself sitting at the dining table and Baz is placing a finger sandwich on my plate. I smile thanks at him and pick it up, taking a bite. It’s ham and mustard, and I take a moment to enjoy it and collect my thoughts. Jamie and Ruth are sitting across from me, and they have big smiles on their faces. Baz must have taken the sword out of my hand at some point and it's leaning against the table next to me. I inhale deeply, and it hits me again.

I have a family. 

A smile starts to creep on my face, and before I know it I’m grinning. 

The others seemed to have been making small talk, waiting for me to fully process my emotions about the news of my parents and my family. I wait for a lull in the conversation, wanting to find a way to join in, and find myself asking “what was she like?... my mother?”

Ruth’s smile seems to recede, and at first, I think that I’ve made a mistake in bringing her up but then she begins to speak. “She was… she was a force to be reckoned with. She was smart, and talented too. She went to Watford like you, of course. She was a powerful mage, far more than me, one of the strongest our family had seen in a long time” she stops and makes eye contact with me, her smile widening again. “That is I guess… until you.” 

“She was so young when she disappeared, she had run away with her boyfriend, Davy- The Mage, and she fell out of contact with us. But she told us about you. About a baby. She was so excited to be a mother. I could feel the joy radiating from the letter she sent me so strongly you’d have thought it was spelled. Oh if she could see you now, I just know she’d be so proud.” She continued. 

“We’re all so proud of you” Jamie croaks, and it looks like he’s just finally started to cry himself. I find myself also starting to cry again. 

Baz has been quiet, I think he wants to let this be a moment for us, for my family and doesn’t want to intrude. I reach my hand over to his and grasp it tightly as I let out a mix between a laugh and a sob. 

We spend the rest of the meal getting to know each other and I find ways to bring Baz into the conversation because he’s my family too. It’s a joyful affair, despite the fact that one of us always seems to be crying, and the food is delicious. Overall, it’s one of the best, if not most emotional, meals I’ve ever had.

Baz

By the time we get to Snow’s flat, the sky is turning orange. We were gone much longer than we had planned, but it’s also not like we had planned to find Snow’s family. He still looks like he might be in shock. I wouldn’t blame him if he was. 

He paced around the apartment for a while, practicing his sword skills with the Excalibur his uncle gifted him at lunch. Now the sword is resting on the couch (which I don't quite enjoy, keeping sharp objects on cloth furniture, but now is not the right time to bring that up) and he's making his way over to the bedroom. I follow him, watching as he strips down to his boxer shorts and climbs into bed. He pulls the blankets around himself and then lifts the blanket up towards me, making eye contact and pats the empty bed next to him in a motion that reads “come here”. I oblige and crawl into the bed after him, still in my clothes from lunch. He pulls the blanket down over me and pulls me in close to him, so I have my back to his chest, and he burrows his face into my hair, inhaling deeply. 

We lay there for a while in silence until I feel him start to shake and realize he is crying again. I turn slowly, careful to not break his grasp on me (I don’t think I could even if I tried, he’s gripping my waist so tight). When we’re face to face, I carefully use one hand to lift his chin, and my other to wipe his tears with my sleeve. 

“Baz…” he sniffles, “your sleeve”, he mumbles as if my sleeve were my concern and not him. 

I think about asking what's wrong, but I know that a lot is wrong currently, so instead I ask “what are you thinking?”

“It… It’s just… I should feel relieved, shouldn’t I?” He whispers against my hand as I continue to wipe his face. “I mean… I found my family, and my biggest question in life is answered but I just… I don’t know I just feel like I have more questions than I did before.” 

“Like what?” I ask, bringing one hand up to his head to run my fingers through his thick curls. With my other hand, I reach around to his back and pull him in, so that his head is tucked under my chin. 

“Like… What happened to her? To Lucy? To… my mum? And why didn’t The Mage ever… tell me? He made me his heir! I don’t believe he didn’t…” his voice breaks and he sounds so young. “I don’t believe he didn’t know I was his son, Baz… so why did he never tell me?” He’s starting to cry again, so I rub his back soothingly.

I wish I had the answers for him. I wish I had a spell I could say to conjure what he wants to know. I can’t help but feel a wave of new anger boil over me toward The Mage. I never liked him for how he conducted himself as a professional, what he did to my family, and how he treated Simon as his own personal toy soldier. How he treated his own son. He never even cared enough to tell Simon he was his father. 

“I killed him, Baz. My own father. I know he wasn’t the greatest. I… I know he had his problems but. I still killed him. My father. I didn’t even know…” he starts up again, only to trail off. 

“Simon”, I say gently, pulling him closer (if that’s even possible). “You didn’t know. He was attacking you and you defended yourself. You couldn’t have known he was your father, he never told you.”

“I know you cared for him, but you have to stop blaming yourself. As for your other questions… I don’t have the answers for you. I wish I did, love.” He’s grasping my chest, and rubbing, or rather wiping, his face into my neck. I can feel how damp it is from his tears and snot, but all I care about is Simon and the fact that he is upset. 

“But… just because I don’t know the answers about your mother or The Mage doesn’t mean I can’t help you find out if you’d like.” 

He nods into my collarbone and pulls back. His eyes are puffy and his face is red and shiny from crying. “I’d really like that, Baz. Your help, I mean.” 

“Of course,” I tell him, leaning over and kissing the top of his head. “Anything you need.”