The sword felt heavier than ever. As if the weight of the world was suddenly attached to it, pulling it down, making it that much harder to lift.
She didn’t want to do it. She wanted there to be another way. But she knew there wasn’t. It had to be done. And she had to be the one to do it.
The rain covered the tears already streaming down her face. She could barely see what was happening; she could only feel the cold water blanketing her in shame for what she was about to do.
With her last bit of strength, she lifted the sword over her head. Her eyes, previously closed, opened to look at Ballantine one last time, to see her tutor who believed in her, taught her what she knew, and deserved better.
But in the brief moment that her eyes fluttered open, she was instead looking down at hazel eyes beneath short, wispy brown hair, and a jade green pendant dangling from a single black string. It was too late - gravity took hold of the sword and her arms swung downward. She yelled in an attempt to drown out the other unbearable sound.
Jade’s eyes flew open and her mouth flew shut. Her breath quickened as she sat straight up. Her hand flew to her knife that rested just beside her head, but just then, she felt strong arms wrapping around her. “Jade. Jade. Hey. You’re okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” Kit’s voice was soft and comforting, a bolt of sunshine cutting through the rain that was slowly fading away in Jade’s mind.
“What- where-“ Jade had trouble formulating words. Her vision was blurry, her surroundings unclear.
A hand brushed a red curl away from her face and came to cup her cheek. “It’s okay, Jade,” Kit repeated. “You’re safe. I’m right here. Breathe.” Kit’s thumb stroked Jade’s cheek softly, dousing the fire in each freckle.
Jade blinked a few times and wiped her nose, finally taking in her surroundings. They were back out on the shattered sea after their wild trip to the Immemorial City, headed for the Bone Reavers where Kit and Jade would make camp for a while, before Kit returned to Tir Asleen and renounced her title. Then the world belonged to them.
But a few moments ago, Jade had sworn her world had gone. She turned her head slightly and dared a glance.
Kit was looking at her with the most concerned, beautiful eyes Jade had ever seen. Her short brown hair was swept back so perfectly that she looked like a princess, but the bruises beneath her lip and right eye proved that she was a warrior. Jade watched Kit’s collarbones rise and fall with her chest, which had begun to race the minute Kit had heard Jade yell.
And then she broke. The fear of what had just seemed so real coursed through her, overtaking her heart and what seemed like her whole body. She closed her eyes and leaned into Kit, her head resting on Kit’s shoulder and her arms shaking at the elbows, trying to balance. Kit wrapped her arm around Jade’s shoulder and tangled her fingers in Jade’s hair, making gentle circles on the crown of her head. Jade could feel herself melting into Kit, her soft skin absorbing every tear. Sobs rocked her body and made her breathing uneven, but she was able to feel Kit’s heart beat more steadily, and that aided her own heart rate to calm. “Shhh. It’s okay. You had a nightmare. Just breathe.”
Kit wanted to hold her there forever. To take away all the hurt, to take back every cruel world anyone had ever said to her, to only leave room for the warmth she knew Jade to be. The warmth she felt whenever Jade was near. Her heart nearly shattered when she saw the pain in Jade’s eyes.
Eventually, Jade’s breathing slowed. She carefully engaged the muscles in her neck to lift her head off Kit’s shoulder, only enough to look into Kit’s eyes.
Kit’s breath caught in her throat. Jade’s eyes were naturally deep, but this time, they held emotion like Kit had never seen. Confusion, worry, love, pain, fear, relief, grief, joy - it all bundled and swirled around Jade’s pupils. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time, and Kit didn’t want to blink.
Her heart dropped when Jade lowered her eyes again. “I’m sorry,” Jade whispered.
“For what?” Kit replied, treading lightly.
Jade sniffed. “For waking you.”
Kit shook her head. “It’s alright.“ After no response, Kit tilted her head down to pull Jade’s gaze up to hers. “Hey. I’m right here.”
Jade’s eyes softened with nothing but relief, and she pulled Kit in for the tightest hug. “Thank you.”
After a minute, they laid back down on their blanket on the sand. While the rest of their friends preferred the comfort of the sea skimmer, they’d taken a liking to sleeping under the stars, although they kept closer to the skimmer and left a lantern on at night. Kit pulled Jade’s back tight to her chest. The dead air between them hung lower than the palm trees nearby, dancing around like it was about to spar.
“Jade?”
“Yes?” Jade knew the question coming but was too worn to answer without the ask.
“What happened? In your nightmare?” Kit immediately regretted asking. It was probably the last thing Jade wanted to talk about. She probably just wanted to forget about it-
“Remember when Ballantine was taken over and we- I- had to-“ Jade’s voice trailed off and her breath became heavy and uneven. She listened to the wind ripple through the shallow water just inches away.
Kit responded by nestling her head closer to Jade’s and pressing a kiss to the dip of Jade’s neck. “Yeah,” she whispered against Jade’s skin. “I do.”
She felt Jade suck in a breath. “The second before I- before the sword came down- I opened my eyes and… it was… it was you.” Jade sat up again and put her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees.
All of the wind was knocked out of Kit. It isn’t real, she thought. It’s just a nightmare.
But suddenly she was the one inside the nightmare, lifting the heavy sword, opening her eyes briefly to see fiery red curls, eyes so big she could drown in them, lips so perfectly plump that she never wanted her own to leave them. And then she understood. And her heart shattered into a million pieces.
“Jade,” she croaked, barely audible. “Come here.”
Jade turned and slowly, carefully, lay down facing Kit. She felt the blanket of Kit’s arms wrap around her own, providing safety, security, forgiveness, understanding.
“It was my greatest fear realized,” Jade said. “If that were to ever have to happen to you… I wouldn’t- I couldn’t live with myself.”
“But you never have to. Hey, look at me. That will never happen. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m sure as hell not getting possessed by some angry thing that wants to terrorize the world.” She laughed lightly, and Jade was reminded of the first time Kit had kissed her, laughing with relief that she’d done it because she thought she’d never see her again. She realized how Kit's breathing matched the pendulum sound of the waves in the water nearby.
“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Kit continued, running a hand through Jade’s hair. Her eyes trained on each point of Jade's face - her eyes, down the bridge of her small nose, resting at her lips, and back up again. She was sure she'd never get used to seeing Jade this close, after years of thinking about what it would be like. Jade shone with radiance, with beauty, with natural light. The smallest of smiles made Kit's heart tumble. But it wasn't just her looks - it was her personality. Jade was witty and confident just as much as she was respectful and direct. There was no questioning if she was going to do something; she never hesitated. And for that, Kit loved her even more. “You are so brave, so strong, and so selfless. You protect others without thinking, and you’re the best person I know. And you are going to live a life full of adventure and joy and love, with no sacrifice necessary.”
Jade laughed with love in her breath. Kit really was her whole world. Kit was equal parts persistent and emotional, and Jade admired her courage to never give up. Fear didn't shut Kit down; it woke Kit up. Fear made Kit realize how powerful love was, and Jade could scarcely believe that Kit's powerful love was for Jade.
“I love you, Kit,” Jade breathed. “Thank you for everything.”
Kit smiled and her heart fluttered. “I love you, Jade.”
Both of them moved towards each other and broke the distance with a light kiss that spoke every word after.