Falling
Regulus remembers every single moment of the past 3 years of his life—the only years of his life. He remembers every single death, every new greenie, every time he has laid awake at night trying to muffle his sobs because what horrendous crime did he have to do to deserve all of this?
Regulus also remembers Sirius and all the ways he seemed to make Regulus smile when all he wanted to do was disappear. He remembers Barty and Evan, the sickening way they loved each other in a way he felt he could never feel towards someone, and the way they still loved him in a different way but just as much. He remembers the bonfires, where even Severus, or Snivellus, as he likes to call him, and his crew of idiots would come together with everyone and just laugh and drink, forgetting just for a moment the situation someone trapped them in.
That is why it had taken Regulus 3 years to make the decision that he could no longer live, when all life was, was a giant field, surrounded by an even larger, never-ending maze. Tomorrow, a new greenie would come up in the maze every month like clockwork, and they would replace him. They could all survive without him, he knew; Sirius had Frank, Evan and Barty had each other, and Kingsley would take care of them all. They could survive without him, but Regulus doubted he could ever survive at all. And all those thoughts pass through his head as he climbs the vines of maze walls, making sure he hasn’t woken anyone up beforehand, and just keeps climbing higher and higher.
***************
"God, they just love giving me the worst jobs, don’t they?” James mutters under his breath, with no one around to hear him.
Although it’s late at night, the room he’s working in is bright as ever, the white lights shining into James’ eyes and into every crevice of the room. He had always hated how these rooms looked: all the identical furniture, plain and white; all the rooms plastered with the same dull paint; everyone wearing identical clothes corresponding to their jobs. To put it simply, James found it all just boring. This place could never be a home to him, and although he had never experienced a proper home, he knew it had to be a warm, friendly place with tacky wallpaper and art up on the walls from everyone’s favourite artists. Yet James thought that for as long as these boys were in the maze that he designed, simply trying to survive every day, he did not deserve a comfortable home—he should feel lucky not having to experience the dangers formed from his own mind.
It's late at night, meaning James, for the second time this week, is the only one working. Surely he’s being punished for disrespecting Dr Orion earlier, but he couldn’t care less—that man was foul and cruel, not caring at all about the countless lives he was wasting. So as James sits there mindlessly changing the walls of the maze in the same familiar pattern he’s seen countless times, his mind wanders off into all the ways in which he wishes Orion and Riddle could be punished for everything they’ve done.
Then his mind wanders further off and onto a certain individual he thinks about quite regularly. He’s finished changing the maze rather quickly—after all, he could quite literally have done the job blindfolded, and he could head back to his dorm quickly and see if Remus and Lily are still there with Marlene and Peter, but... It’s not very often that James gets the opportunity to watch what’s going on in the maze, and deep down, he knows there’s one person he desperately wants to see just to make sure they’re okay.
Quickly checking there’s no one around, he signs out of his computer before signing in with Marlene’s account. Marlene has authorised access to all the beetleblades in the maze, meaning he could quickly just see if Regulus is safe
Not just Regulus, he thinks, becoming embarrassed as though someone were reading his thoughts. I’ll see if everyone is safe and sound.
He seemed oblivious to it, but there was always something drawing him to Regulus, and the day he had left to go into the maze, he sobbed on Marlene’s shoulders harder than he ever had before. They had become close friends, and they instantly had a connection he felt no one could match. Despite Regulus’ dreary demeanor, James had always felt like he was floating around him, as though looking at him just gave him hope that something better exists out in the world, something better that he wants, needs Regulus to be there with him for one day.
The day he went into his maze is stuck vividly in his memory, and James fears it will stay there for the rest of his life. The day had changed everything for James
A hand shakes James awake, and he’s so desperately tired from not being able to sleep the last few nights and tries to get the hand off, but it doesn’t budge. His eyes open, barely being able to, and he looks at who has dared to interrupt his sleep, thinking how he wants to slap them. But his eyes soften instantly once he sees who it is.
“Reg? What are you doing here? I thought they had practically locked you inside your room. You know they’re going to be so pissed if they find out you’re here again, right? I know I’m irresistible, but I’d rather you not get into trouble just to see me,” James says, a huge grin plastered all over his face.
The grin fades when he finally truly looks at Regulus and sees the panic inside his stormy, gorgeous grey eyes.
“Reg? What’s wrong? Why’d you come here?” he questions worriedly, and that’s all it takes.
“James I’m scared, I’m so fucking scared, they’re going to do something to me I know it. Dr Malfoy can’t stand me, and he’s said something to Riddle. They’ve been keeping me isolated from everyone else for at least 2 weeks and Malfoy came into my room and said they’re taking me somewhere today. What do I do? I don’t know what to do James.” He looks at James with pleading eyes, wishing James could fix all this, but he knows there’s nothing he can do. To Regulus, James was a kid trapped here, just like him, being experimented on.
To James, James was a liar. An absolute liar who wished he could go back in time and undo everything he’s done since WICKED took him in.
Frozen in time and space, James truly didn’t know what to do. He knew exactly where Regulus would be going—the maze. Today was July 1st, and they were sending someone in today, always adding to the list of people whose lives James was destroying. All he could do was stay still, taking in all of Regulus that he could have before never having him again. He looked at his gorgeous dark curly hair, slightly messy as though he’d be running his hand through it, the dark circles under his eyes, his pale hands, his face—just his beautiful face that James would want to spend the rest of his life looking at. He looked at one of his best friends, about to be gone.
Finally, after moments of pure stillness, he speaks to Regulus.
“Promise me you’ll never give up, that no matter where they’re taking you, you’ll make it out and come back to me. Promise that,” he pleads with dread lacing every word.
Regulus doesn’t question his solemnity or his certainty that he will be going to a dangerous place, but instead just responds, “I promise.”
“Well, um, I need to get back before they notice I’m gone. Dr Malfoy said he would be picking me up from my dorm at 8 a.m. Goodbye, James,”
“Don’t say that. Never say goodbye, Reg, because saying goodbye is like saying it’s final, like you’re going to be truly gone. So see you soon Regulus.”
“See you soon James.”
Those were the last words Regulus ever spoke to him, exactly 3 years ago. That night, Marlene confirmed that he was now in the maze.
Once the cameras are up, he switches between them, quickly glancing at everyone before switching to another. James can’t help but feel guilty when he sees a giant gash on Frank’s face. He knew Frank was a runner, meaning he likely got that cut in the maze. The maze he designed. And there was no doubt in his mind that he was the complete cause behind that, and he so desperately wished he could do something to fix the torture he’s done to these people.
Finally, he lands on one of the beetles crawling around Sirius and Regulus' hut. There Sirius was, moving around in his sleep as though he was having another nightmare, and on the sleeping bag next to him there Regulus…wasn’t. What? A sense of panic goes through him, and in in instant he can sense something’s wrong. That’s when he sees it on one of the cameras.
On the edge of the glade he spots something on the wall, and at first he figures one of the animals has gotten out the farm. But it’s a person. Climbing. Then falling
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.
***************
When James manages to drag himself to his dorm to go to bed, it’s much later than he imagined, but the time doesn’t matter to him. In any case he doubts he’ll sleep tonight after everything he’s seen. The lights are off when he’s back, and he figures Marlene and Peter are asleep. After leaving a faint kiss on each of their foreheads, a routine he does every night, he slumps down onto his own bed, mind trying to process everything.
It had all happened so quickly, just a glimpse of movement. One moment Regulus was on the top of the wall, the next he was a blur of movement falling down, down, down. James couldn’t even bear to see more, not daring to believe his Regulus could truly be… no you can’t think that he says to himself. In his mind he attempts to reassure himself, that he didn’t see it and there’s always the possibility that he’s fine, that someone will find him, that it was all just a sick joke and Riddle knew he was watching the cameras so he made up some fake footage. Regulus would never break his promise to him, whether he remembers it or not.
James pulls a pillow over his mouth, to both scream into and muffle his violent sobs so none of the others wake up and have to deal with him. He doesn’t deserve their sympathy, he shouldn’t be the one in a proper bed safe and sound while he has ended the lives of so many people. How James so deeply wishes that he could go back to when he was younger and see through the brainwashing, and somehow do anything at all to reverse what he’s done. But he could never be the hero, at least not in this story. Guilt consumes him, and he’s glad it does, resenting himself for ever daring to previously feel any joy.
*************
Marlene is not a morning person, and James as an almost brother to her should know this by now.
“James if you don’t stop shaking me I will rip your arm off, it is not even 7am what the hell are you doing?” she mumbled half asleep, checking the alarm clock next to her.
“This is really important! Can you wake up Peter while I try and get Lily and Remus, please?”
Marlene can sense the desperation in his voice, so groaning she sits up in her bed- James was the only person who would be able to wake her up without actually getting his arm ripped off.
“Fine, but you wake Peter up and I’ll get the others because there’s no way in hell you’re convincing me to get out of bed.”
Hey Lily can you hear me? Sorry I’m doing this right now James just woke me up as well and he’s being a real pain the ass but he said something’s important so-
Yes I’m awake you can stop speaking into my skull now! God, I hate when we do this it hurts. I’ll wake Remus up and come to your room in a few minutes. Won’t be instantly though, Remus is an absolute monster when he’s being woken up.
Okay see you, just be quick otherwise James will just keep annoying me and I may behead him!
It had been probably 10 years since they learnt it, but she would never get used to the whole speaking into each others minds thing. It was always just such a strange feeling she could never describe, and the one thing that irritated her was that she could never figure out how it worked. One thing that Marlene could always rely on was that the world just made sense- everything had some sort of science or logic behind it, and no matter how difficult it was, Marlene could always figure it out. Science is one of her favourite things, because it makes everything so real. She knew all about the flare, the cause, how it’s been damaging the earth, she knew the logic behind all the experiments WICKED were doing, and although she could never agree with them, she understood- and that was enough to keep her sane. But all this telepathic communication? No matter how hard she tries, she can’t figure it out and it’s been driving her slightly mad ever since. In her memories, she vividly remembers learning it, practicing with James and Peter, but she could not describe at all what it was. That’s why she refused to use it, unless it was important, and according to James this was.
“Oi, James, if this isn’t an absolute emergency you’re dead, and until they get here I’m going back to bed,” she groans out, flopping back down into her bedsheets.
Right on cue, the vent next to her bed opened up and out came a red-head and her visibly angry messy-haired brunette best friend.
“Right, okay, you’re all here now, awake and I’m assuming you’re all great you all look great-“ James begins.
They do not all look great.
Lily’s under eyes are stained with dark circles and tears, and Marlene knows.exactly why, and wished desperately she could do something to help her, because Lily was such a beautiful person that does not deserve whatever is going on. From what Remus has told them, from the start Lily realised that everything Riddle was doing was wrong, and everything she did for him was only to protect her family. She would have sacrificed herself for them, but yet WICKED could never allow that. So here she is, parents dead and her sister heading into the maze in a mere couple of hours, and at this point all she has is them.
Remus has clearly just woken up, but she doubts he got any sleep either. It was likely he was staying up with Lily, being a shoulder for her to cry on until she coaxed him into finally getting some rest himself. Although he seems more mad for Lily than himself. Remus was the type of person who hid his emotions- he was strong in front of them as a group, always being the one there for them, but occasionally when you get him alone he’ll open up and it’s always the most heartbreaking sight, seeing Remus cry.
Peter looks completely terrified, like he does a lot these days. Marlene can’t blame him, because deep down they’re all scared, because there is so much to be scared of. They were all sitting in this room together, because they have lost everything to the flare, to WICKED, and just to the world and there should be no shame in having these feelings after all the horror that exists in their lives.
If Marlene is honest, James looks worse than them all, but she can tell he’s trying to hide it. At this point she doesn’t know why he even bothers, because they all know the signs well enough to see through his act. His hair was especially ruffled- James always messed it up a little, as a small act of defiance against Riddle’s orders, but today it was worse, and she knew exactly why. Marlene had been the one there with him during his hardest times, when Regulus and Sirius went into the maze, she’d seen the effects of him being punished by the doctors for the first time, and she knew the exact way he messed up his hair every time he was stressed
In short, they were all in fact, not great.
“James stop rambling and just get on with it.”
“Okay well before you guys say anything, just hear me out. I have an idea for us to get into the maze and save everyone. Me and Remus in Maze A, our maze Marlene, then you and Lily in Maze B which she can navigate, and Peter can watch over just incase something goes wrong. We’d just need to work out a plan for what to do once we’re in and I know it’s risky but-”
“Yes.” They all instantly agreed.
All except Peter.
***************
“So that’s it, the plan is perfect, we just have to trick Dr Riddle into going with it.”
“Don’t worry, me and Remus will sort that out.”
“We’re finally going to save them.”
Riddle can’t help but chuckle a little while listening to their conversation. These naïve kids truly think they could trick him. He, who was almost single-handedly going to save the world from the flare, and restart a whole new world. He, who would be the saviour of the human race. And 5 barely adults think that they can stop him. These kids simply did not understand what he was doing, could not see that if their plan succeeds they’d be wiping out humanity and for what? To save some of their little friends? All in all, Riddle just couldn’t help but find it a little funny.
“What do you suggest we do with them then, Sir? Shall we release them into the scorch, get rid of them once and for all? There’s no way they’d survive in there,” Orion suggests, a little too eagerly.
“Nonsense,” Riddle replies. “We go along with their little plan, let them think it’s working, but of course it won’t. After all we need these kids, but I’m not about to let them erase all the hard work we have done to save the future of the world so they can save a small amount of children. Once we put them in the maze, it’s completely in our control. Now, go get James and make him take the vitals of the new Maze A subject.”
***************
James in lying in bed, feeling so much lighter than he ever has before, so light he could float. Nerves and excitement were flying around his stomach: they had made a plan and were actually going to do something, and he can finally, just maybe become the hero he desperately wants to be. He’s going through the plan in his head when all of a sudden his room door is shoved open and he jumps up.
“Dr Riddle has requested you for the check up of one of the children. He would like you specifically for it as the child likes you. Get up and I’ll take you to him,” Dr Orion says with a cold tone in his voice.
James checks the time in his clock- 8am. He’s never doing patient check ups this early in the morning, they normally don’t start until 10. But he doesn’t have time to question it before Dr Orion is yelling at him to quickly put on his uniform and to hurry up or else he’ll be put in isolation again. This threat is the one that gets James rushing up to get ready. Honestly he doesn’t mind the patient check ups. Almost all of them are scared kids younger than him, and he feels good about himself when he manages to somehow make them feel a little better, even if just for a small amount of time.
When he arrives there, he’s even more confused to see who’s in the seat. Davey, a scrawny 15 year old who James adored and loved seeing, but also already had his weekly check up a few days ago.
“Hey Davey, how come you’re in here again?”
“They said I’m being sent somewhere today,” Davey whispers solemnly.
James feels his heart sink all the way down to this stomach. They couldn’t be doing this again, they never send someone as young as 15 into the maze. Tears almost spring to his eyes, both for Davey and because he remembers the only other person they had sent in at 15.
Exactly 3 years ago, he was looking at an equally terrified Regulus, and now the same thing was happening once again.