“So predictable,” Cissnei smirked, shaking her head as she surveyed the tall and dark haired man in front of her.
“It has been a little while…since I’ve seen my parents. Though I know you’re right, it was careless. We’ll be going,” Zack responded firmly.
Cissnei crossed her arms and walked in front of Zack, cutting off his path. She tilted her head as she surveyed him, more thoughts than she knew what to do with running rampantly in her mind.
He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.
“Your mom misses you, y’know. If the situation were different, I’d tell you that you should come around more often,” she offered.
Zack reached his hand up behind his head and dropped his gaze shamefully.
“I know…I joined SOLDIER because I wanted to make her proud you know? But I think…somewhere along the way I forgot I needed to check in. What’s the point in being a hero if she doesn’t hear from me personally?” he responded half-heartedly.
Cissnei smiled. Always with that hero stuff.
“You’ve been your mom’s hero since before SOLDIER Zack—even I can see that,” she replied softly.
Zack’s eyebrows furrowed as he met her gaze again, this time offering her a smile that reached his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat, just like it had every time they’d locked eyes since they first met.
“Cissnei, can I ask you a favor?” he asked tentatively.
“Sure,” she responded a bit too quickly for her own taste.
“Will you…keep an eye on my parents? It’s probably gonna be a little while before I can see them again, as you know…” he trailed off.
The ice she’d constructed around her heart for as long as she could remember melted almost instantly, and she knew that was it. She knew she’d do anything that he asked of her, and she silently wondered how she was going to handle that moving forward.
“Of course, Zack,” she affirmed
“Just be careful, Mom might invite you into the family before too long,” he laughed.
It would mean more coming from you.
“Already happened,” she replied, fighting valiantly to keep the tremor form her voice.
At that, she turned and started walking away, careful to hide her face from him so he couldn’t see the tears forming in her eyes.
“Hey Cissnei, how are your folks? They okay?” Zack called.
Cissnei dipped her head, but didn’t turn around.
“I was raised inside Shinra,” she responded shortly. “I can give you an hour, Zack. Then…I have to return to my duties,” she finished somberly. She fished out some keys from a pocket inside her jacket, and tossed them to Zack.
“Take it. If you really feel like you can trust me,” she shrugged, her lips curling up in a slight smile he could just barely see.
“Cissnei…thank you for everything,” Zack said quietly.
With that, Zack jogged back towards the direction of the abandoned Mako Reactor, no doubt where he had stashed Cloud. Cissnei watched him go, her hands tightening on her arms as she tried to give herself some sense of comfort.
I wish things were different, Zack. Maybe with you, maybe there was family outside of Shinra.
BZZZZ. BZZZZ. Her phone vibrated aggressively against her thigh from the pocket of her suit pants. She collected herself for a second before pulling it out and bringing it to her ear.
“Sir,” she responded promptly.
“Did you find them?” Tseng’s voice came from the other end of the line.
Cissnei paused before answering. If she lied here, it was direct insubordination. She knew Tseng did have somewhat of a soft spot for Zack, but he had never been anything but a model employee. He followed orders without question. She couldn’t be sure that he would agree with her decision—and to sell Zack out now would completely undermine what she had done to get him this far.
I won’t be the reason he’s caught. I won’t.
“No, sir. I’m sorry, he has not shown up to visit his parents as we expected. He must have known this was the first place we would look,” she replied, hoping to herself she’d managed to sound convincing.
“I see. Keep looking,” Tseng responded not unkindly.
“Sir,” she responded, flipping the phone closed.
Cissnei stood there momentarily, reflecting on the last few years. They had all been through so much. Between their dealings with the terrorist group AVALANCHE, the leading 1st Class SOLDIERS going either insane, dying, or both, it was a miracle she was still alive. But she was a Turk, and that’s what Turks did. They survived to be the ones to clean everything else up. And for the longest time, she was okay with that. But seeing Zack again after all these years, seeing what Shinra had done to him and that poor other man, suddenly she was unsure of her place in the world.
She walked towards the direction of Zack’s parents house, thinking about indulging his mother in a cup of tea. She had been sweet when they first met, immediately bombarding Cissnei with all sorts of questions about her son: how they had met, how long they had known each other, what was the nature of their relationship. That particular line of questioning had thrown Cissnei uncharacteristically off balance, but she diverted it best she could.
It must feel so good having someone love you that much. I wonder what it feels like. I wonder…if that’s where he gets all this strength from. Maybe that’s his secret—is that what makes you a hero Zack? Your ability to love and be loved in return?
The Turks’ helicopter roared to life from the top of Shinra HQ as Cissnei hurried to hop on.
“Cissnei!” Tseng called from behind.
Cissnei turned around, meeting the gaze of her supervisor resolutely.
“The army’s mobilizing. Find the targets before they do,” he said sternly.
“Of course. The army won’t be as subtle,” she responded, the smile on her face not reaching her eyes.
She turned around quickly, trying to maintain what little composure she could. When Tseng spoke again, relief flooded through her in such a way she almost collapsed.
“You’re going to save Zack’s life. He needs us Cissnei. I have letters for him…eighty eight of them,” Tseng offered quietly.
Cissnei shut her eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling—she couldn’t lose herself to her emotions here in front of her boss, not when Zack’s life was in the balance. She was a Turk. She needed to prove why she was the best person for the job, and why she was the best one equipped to save the boy who had stolen her heart 5 years ago.
“Understood,” she responded without turning around. Her head dipped as she continue talking, this time lowering her voice in a way she was sure Tseng wouldn’t hear her over the helicopter blades whirring.
“I haven’t even told him my real name,” she said quietly.
Cissnei hopped into the helicopter, ordering the pilot to take off.
I’m coming Zack. Please, just hold on. Aerith needs you. And so do I.
Cissnei stood at the top of a cliff overlooking the vast flatlands surrounding Midgar. There were bodies of Shinra soldiers all around her, covered in blood. The mud beneath her feet squelched as she shifted, her eyes scanning the battlefield desperately for any sign of him.
There’s no way he took on this many and survived. But I don’t see him—could he really have escaped?
BZZZZ. BZZZZ.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket and contemplated ignoring it. She wasn’t sure she could compose herself to speak with Tseng this time. None of this made sense, and none of it was right. Zack didn’t deserve this, and neither did the boy he was traveling with. There was so much left she had wanted to speak with Zack about too. But right now, she had no idea where either of them were.
On what was likely the 8th ring, Cissnei sighed and pulled her phone out of her pocket, bringing it to her ear.
“This is Cissnei,” she answered shortly.
“I’m sorry Cissnei. We were too late,” Tseng’s voice betrayed the first real emotion she had ever heard from him. He was devastated.
Cissnei’s breath hitched as she felt her heart skip. Her hands started to shake, and tears began to fall involuntarily. But this time, she couldn’t hide her emotions as she spoke—she wouldn’t.
“Did—did they find—“ she choked out.
“No. But Zack was a SOLDIER Cissnei. The experiments Hojo conducted on him, the experiments he underwent to become a SOLDIER, these all mean that he had both JENOVA cells and mako running through his blood. A relationship like that with the lifestream means upon death, he would return to the planet. There’s no body to collect,” Tseng explained.
Cissnei didn’t respond. Under normal circumstances, she’d have teased Tseng for speaking on such theories—it was directly against Shinra’s teachings to acknowledge the lifestream or the deep relationship with the planet. But she had always known Tseng was much more in tune with things like that because of his relationship to Aerith—she supposed he understood better than most. But she couldn’t continue the conversation regardless—she dropped to her knees, and allowed one tiny sob to escape.
“Take the next few days Cissnei. I’ll handle the rest,” Tseng offered kindly.
She heard the click of him hanging up before she could protest, and let the phone drop into the mud next to her. Knees deep in the mud, she buried her face in her hands, and cried deeper than she could remember.
The sun broke through the clouds that had lingered since the storm from a few hours previous, and the warmth hit the back of her hands like a warm hug. Wiping her eyes and standing after what felt like hours, she allowed herself a deep breath.
I can’t do this anymore. I thought Shinra was my future. But Zack showed me there was more. I won’t let this happen again. I need to get out. But not before I talk to her. She deserves to know.
Cissnei cleaned her phone off with the handkerchief she’d gotten from Zack’s mom when she’d visited them in Gongaga a few months back, and called in her ride.
Cissnei walked quickly and quietly through the Sector 5 Slums before she finally saw the church come into view. Her heart was beating quickly, and she knew she wouldn’t have much time here. No one abandoned the Turks. When you were brought into the fold, it was for life. She knew Tseng would fight her on this too. He would argue that she could do so much more from within. And she knew he wasn’t a bad guy at heart—he had done what he could to save Zack after all. But Cissnei wasn’t going to stand by and participate anymore.
Gently pushing the doors of the old church open, Cissnei walked inside, her eyes surveying the inside quickly before her gaze fell on the girl she had come to see. Aerith had her back to her, and was dressed in a long pink dress, fitted with a short, cropped, red jacket that covered her shoulders. Her long brown hair was plaited back against the side of her head, and met in a long braid that reached just shy of the small of her back. She was tending to the flowers, seemingly unaware of Cissnei’s presence.
Cissnei made her way closer to the flower girl slowly, stopping when one of the floorboards creaked and caught Aerith’s attention.
Aerith looked up quickly, a flash of excitement appearing on her face, before it faded. She didn’t necessarily look disappointed though—she was too kind to greet someone that way.
“Oh hello! You’re one of Tseng’s friends, right?” Aerith queried.
Cissnei smiled in return, almost instinctually.
No wonder he was always smiling around her. Tseng, too.
“I work with Tseng, yes,” Cissnei responded.
Aerith nodded in response, before turning her attention back to the flowers. Her brows furrowed above her head like she was thinking deeply about something, before she redirected her attention to Cissnei.
“They’re telling me you’re sad. You’ve lost someone…very important to you, haven’t you?” she asked sadly.
Cissnei’s breath hitched, and she felt her walls start to crumble again.
“Aerith…I came here to tell you something. About someone we both know,” she started.
Aerith’s eyes widened the slightest bit, and Cissnei found herself taken aback at just how observant this girl really was—Ancient or not. She stood up from the flowers and wandered over to Cissnei before placing her hands on her shoulders.
“Zack?” she opined questioningly, tilting her head the slightest bit.
Unable to speak, Cissnei nodded ever so slightly. She was afraid if she spoke too much, she’d break down in Aerith’s arms—something she would never forgive herself for doing. Not only was it unbecoming for her, but this was the girl who had actually won Zack’s affections. She wouldn’t allow herself to appear so weak to her.
To her immense surprise, Aerith smiled at her, and brought her into a hug. Cissnei stiffened, her brain short-circuiting and all thoughts coming to a halt. This was the first time she had ever been hugged.
She’s so…warm.
“I know what you’ve come to talk about—it’s okay,” Aerith whispered into her ear.
How can she know already? That’s impossible? Did Tseng beat me here?
Aerith tightened her hug around Cissnei, and that was all it took. Just when she thought she’d cried the last of her tears on that hill where Zack had died, the floodgates opened again. And this time, she collapsed fully into Aerith’s arms, losing herself in the Ancient’s embrace. She’d come here to apologize to Aerith for her involvement in Zack’s death, for not being able to save him, and the girl was comforting her. It all just felt so wrong, but she found she could not compose herself. It was all too much—and with each hard sob that wracked her body, Aerith seemed to pull her closer, almost like she was trying to squeeze out her pain.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it right now…but I promise, everything is going to be alright. I can’t exactly explain it, and I hope you can accept that. But life has a funny way of bringing the people who are important to us, back to us. In ways we could never begin to expect,” she said gently.
Cissnei took a few more moments to compose herself, finally pulling away and offering the flower girl a watery smile while wiping her eyes.
“Thank you for that. I’m sorry…that’s not, I don’t normally…” she started.
Aerith put brought her finger to her lips and made a shushing noise.
“Don’t ever apologize for allowing yourself to feel. It’s the most important part of life,” she explained.
Cissnei chuckled, surprising herself.
“It’s no wonder he fell for you, you know. Everything about you is just so…calming and sincere,” she responded.
Aerith smiled sadly.
“Zack is very special to me—but I think, it has been so long, and I have realized that people can be special to us in different ways. He is kind, and strong, and fierce, and honorable. And he is the type of person to fight for you when you cannot fight for yourself. He is truly a blessing to anyone in his life,” she said softly.
Cissnei’s eyebrows furrowed. Now she was starting to get confused. Not only did it sound like she was referring to Zack as a friend and nothing more, she continued to refer to him in the present tense. And even though she knew her little breakdown had prevented her from explaining directly what had happened to Zack, she was sure that Aerith had understood. Gritting her teeth, she sucked in a breath and prepared to deliver the news that she had originally come to deliver.
“Aerith, Zack is…well, the Shinra army was ordered to dispatch him. He’s…gone,” she finally managed to choke out.
Aerith shook her head again, placing her hands over her heart.
“I can’t explain how, or why, but I promise you, he isn’t gone. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I ever got your name?” she asked, tilting her head.
Cissnei gasped slightly, realizing again just how rude and out of sorts she’d acted throughout this entire interaction.
“Cissnei,” she answered—the lie coming as easily off her tongue as it always had. The one person she would have shared the truth with was gone.
“Well, Cissnei, here’s what I can share with you…” she started, before the door to the church opened behind them.
Immediately suspicious, Cissnei took her battle stance in between Aerith and the door, ready to fight if needed. The figure that stepped through the doorway didn’t look like someone she needed to be overtly concerned with though.
A girl, probably in her early 20s, stepped through the door at a brisk pace, and found herself half skipping towards them. Her dark brown hair swished side to side in a thick and high ponytail as she moved, and there was a ruby red bandana across her forehead.
She wore what looked like a long sleeve blue thermal shirt underneath a set of armor that covered her breasts and torso, and a set of thick animal hide fingerless gloves that reached up to her elbows. Her dark green cargo pants reached down to her ankles, and she was outfitted with a set of sturdy looking kneepads. Her steel-toed boots she had on looked brand new and stiff, almost as if she had only just recently put them on for the first time.
“Aerith! Aerith! He said yes! I’m officially a member of…” the girl trailed off as she came to within a few paces of them.
“Oh, hello! I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had other company?” Jessie queried not unkindly, taken aback but also clearly just trying to catch her breath.
“This is Cissnei, Jessie,” Aerith offered. “She’s a member of the Turks, with Tseng.”
At that, Jessie’s eyes, already a deep mahogany, darkened even further, and Cissnei recognized the discomfort and disdain forming rapidly in them.
“I see. And what exactly do the Turks want with a flower girl from the slums?” Jessie asked Cissnei dangerously.
Cissnei was no stranger to being unwelcome when people learned of her profession. Shinra was either hated or idolized depending on who you asked, but the Turks were pretty much universally reviled. Those who hated Shinra knew they were the ones who handled all the really “dirty” work, and those who loved Shinra preferred not to talk about them for the same reason. This time though, Cissnei did find she was a little hurt by the reception. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she felt like she needed to clear the air with this girl—right now, in front of Aerith, who had just shown her more kindness and affection than she’d ever had before.
“You hate the Turks?” Cissnei asked softly, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I hate anything to do with Shinra, not that it’s any of your concern. Now answer the question, why are you here with Aerith?” Jessie retorted.
“A mutual friend of ours just passed, and I…I wanted her to hear it from someone who cared about him,” Cissnei explained, hoping some sense of vulnerability would lower Jessie’s defenses.
If nothing else, it did seem to confuse her. Eyebrows raised, Jessie moved to stand next to Aerith, reaching down to grab her hand. Eyes searching her’s, Aerith brought her hand up to Jessie’s cheek, and the two seemed to communicate without words.
Eyes having briefly closed at Aerith’s touch, Jessie turned to face Cissnei again. Though still clearly suspicious, Cissnei detected a hint of sympathy behind those dark eyes. She must have had as immense a capacity for love as she did for hate.
“I’m…sorry. About your loss, whoever it may have been,” Jessie said sincerely.
Cissnei’s own eyes softened, and she dipped her head in acknowledgment. Aerith cleared her throat, and Cissnei looked over to her again.
“As I said…I feel like it’s very important for you to understand, I don’t believe he’s really gone. Zack is strong. The people who love us—“ and she paused here, looking briefly to Jessie, whose eyes sparkled before she looked away.
“They always find their way back to us somehow. I believe Zack will come back—and when he does, it’s going to be you that he needs this time,” Aerith smiled gently.
“I don’t understand?” Cissnei shrugged, unable to keep the frustration out of her voice. Aerith was talking in a similar way she’d heard Tseng talk now and again—almost as if there really was something else out there that all the science Shinra touted couldn’t explain. And she wanted to believe in that too, more than anything. But would that make her a fool?
At that moment, a bird flew in through the hole in the roof of the church, and fluttered its way down to Jessie’s shoulder. Perched there, Jessie reached up with her left hand and gently brushed her knuckles against its feathered chest.
Aerith smiled and shared a loving look with Jessie before returning her gaze to Cissnei.
They seem to have a very special bond, I have to admit I’m kind of jealous. I wonder…
“Zack told me something once,” Aerith started. “He said ‘Wings symbolize freedom for people who have none. They don’t symbolize monsters.’”
Cissnei’s eyes widened as her own words were echoed back to her, this time from the flower girl.
“I think maybe, Zack has figured out a way to get wings of his own. Perhaps not in the most literal sense of course,” she continued, chuckling.
“I think…well, just like how he appeared out of nowhere for me, just like how this bird just appeared, I think if you allow yourself to believe he’ll come back to you somehow, he will. In the meantime, why not let your own wings take flight, Cissnei?” she finished.
Cissnei held Aerith’s gaze briefly, before turning to Jessie, who was now watching the bird fly away through the roof again.
“Can I ask you…as someone who hates Shinra, how did you decide how to keep living?” Cissnei asked.
Jessie looked a little surprised at being addressed, but what little hardness that had remained in her eyes throughout the conversation had now fallen away. If anything, she seemed to regard Cissnei with pity.
“Well…I had a little help, for starters,” she gestured towards Aerith with a smile.
“But to be honest…I decided it was time for me to be the hero my dad used to be for me. Shinra took him from me—he isn’t around anymore for me because he was stripped of his chance to be. The least I can do now is be there for all the other people in my life, and protect them,” she declared.
Cissnei nodded, and the three fell into what was a relatively companionable silence. This meeting hadn’t gone at all like how she had envisioned or intended. But as she stood here in this old church, the warmth and kindness Aerith seemed to exude so effortlessly washed over her. Allowing another lone tear to fall, she smiled, this time a smile of hope.
“Thank you, Aerith. And you too, Jessie,” Cissnei exhaled.
The two girls nodded, Aerith’s smile wide and Jessie’s tentative, but with a wink. Cissnei turned to leave, having finally figured out what her next step was.
“Where will you go now?” Aerith asked.
Cissnei stopped and look back over her shoulder at the two girls, who she could now see held something for each other that perhaps they were still just figuring out, but were wholly invested in.
“I’m off to embrace my dreams. It’s time to become the hero Zack always talked about,” she stated.
“And when…when I see him again, I’ll be able to show him I took his words to heart. More importantly…I’ll tell him how I really feel this time,” she finished.
Aerith clasped her hands together and nodded encouragingly.
As Cissnei put one foot out the door, she heard Aerith call out to her one last time.
“And your real name, Cissnei. Make sure you tell him your real name.”