unanswered questions and a broken heart.
As the leaves died in autumn, so did the romance. I linked Villanelle up with Carolyn, and after that, I no longer saw her. Carolyn instructed me to stop talking to her. I tried calling anyway, but the number didn't work. I tried her apartment, but she wasn't there. I should have expected it, but some part of me wanted very much for our romance to persist. Of course it wouldn't. It shouldn't. I was only a means to an end. I knew that, but it still felt like a cruel betrayal. All I really had left as consolation, beside the memories of my short adventure with Villanelle, was the fact that perhaps I had done something good. Another consolation was the bit of schadenfreude from knowing that Villanelle thought she could use me so cheaply, but really, I had used her. Admittedly, it wasn't worth the bitter loneliness.
Setting up the meeting had been a rather simple affair. I invited Carolyn and Villanelle to my apartment. We had dinner and talked about nothing really political. a clinical conversation in a business meeting.
There was careful treading through the conversation. They arranged another meeting somewhere in the conversation, which I completely missed. Anything else that would transpire after that dinner was not for my eyes or ears. Strangely, I felt some visceral jealousy that Carolyn was meeting her regularly while I was not. jealousy that turned into resentment, then loneliness, and finally bitter anger—the kind of anger that comes from an unexpected breakup.
So, I continued my normal work at the State Department, as if I had no part to play in some grand espionage scheme, trying my best to let the past be the past, understanding that if there was ever love between me and Villanelle, there was never a chance for it to rekindle and that there was nothing I could do about it.
One rainy November evening, when the memories of summer had faded and seemed decades ago, when the chestnut trees were skeletal, fallen chestnuts covered the main avenue that cut through Prater, and the broad leaves were thick and slippery on the pavement, I spotted a bright blue wool coat standing beneath a ghostly lamplight, a familiar figure holding a black umbrella.
It was Villanelle.
I froze like a deer in the headlights. I wasn't sure what to do. She must have been on the job, maybe waiting for a drop from Carolyn. Should I walk by and pretend to not notice her?
She looked up, noticed me, then turned and walked away.
This reaction angered me so much that the urge to chase her down to confront her sprung up inside me like a powerful coil.
I stepped rapidly after her, closing the distance.
"Hey!" I shouted. Several people turned their heads. I ignored them. My mind boiled over with unreasoning rage. Oksana started to walk faster.
"Hey, you!" I shouted more loudly.
That it was dumb to bring attention to a KGB operative had crossed my mind, but I was too angry and reckless to care. I chased her and yelled after her, and she responded only by speeding up to try to lose me. She didn't turn her head or acknowledge me in any other way. I knew she heard me, but it didn't matter.
She turned right and headed straight to the imposing Ferris wheel, the Reisenrad, that marked the entrance to Prater. She stopped right before it, and I stopped a few paces away, breathing heavily.
I wanted to say something clever and biting to her, something that would let her really feel some of my anger, but I was at a loss for words, so I just stood there, waiting to see what she would do now that I had her cornered. I stood there, tense and angry.
The Reisenrad glowed a gloomy, ominous red. It came to a stop, and a man stepped out of the operator's booth. He nodded to Villanelle, leaned against the wall, and lit a cigarette. He watched her as if waiting for her to tell him to do something.
Villanelle finally turned to me. "Come for a ride?"
She beckoned with her hand, folded her umbrella, and then went into the ferris wheel cabin that was stopped at the loading platform. I followed hesitantly.
When we were inside the cabin, the rain picked up and pattered noisily against the tin roof. She sat politely and brushed the raindrops off her coat. I sat opposite her. She nodded at the operator, and she walked into the booth and started the wheel. The cabin rose slowly. The misty cityscape came into view as we slowly ascended the building, revealing an impressive view of the skyline.
The Danube was a sad, blue glowing ribbon in the distance, reflecting the moonbeams that came through the clouds. We watched each other in silence until the cabin came to the crest and the wheel stopped. The cabin lurched, and I gripped the edge of my seat. Villanelle placed her handbag beside her. Her revolver might be in there, I realised.
"We don't have too long. "I have to tell you something important, Eve," Villanelle said. I noticed bags under her eyes and that her cheeks were pale, even in the red light.
"What is it?"
"Carolyn is not who you think she is."
I laughed. It came out almost like a gleeful cackle. "Oh yeah?" "What makes you think that?"
I smirked. I wanted to point and laugh, but I restrained myself. I needed to be careful not to reveal anything, particularly since I was now trapped in a cabin suspended high above the ground with a trained KGB agent and her gun. I waited for her response.
"Carolyn is selling secrets."
I rolled my eyes. "Um, yeah. That's the point, Villanelle. That's why I put him in touch with you."
She shook her head. She came over to sit next to me and placed her handbag on her lap. Despite the fact that I could feel her anxiety like electricity in the air, she remained calm. She tried putting a hand on my thigh. I scooted away from her.
"This will surprise you, Eve..."
"At this point, I'm used to surprises."
"She's selling actual secrets."
I focused my gaze on her.
"Still waiting for the surprise, Villanelle." I wondered if this was her way of testing my loyalty.
She leaned against the window frame. looked down at the people who were now dots below us. She traced a curved line in the condensation on the windowpane.
"She thought I was his contact in the KGB in Vienna."
"Aren't you?"
"I am. and I'm not. ""She's not a dangle, Eve. ""She's a mole. ""I'm the mole hunter."
I stared at her. obvious confusion written on my face.
"Carolyn has been a double agent for over a decade. She started passing secrets in Manila. Then in D.C. She tried the same here. She tried with me."
The realisation hit me like a slow train.
"You work for the CIA."
She nodded.
She smiled weakly. With trepidation, she went to put a hand on my thigh again. I gave her permission this time. Her hands felt nervous. I put my hands on top to calm them. They were cold from the weather.
"Do you believe me?"
"I don't know. Probably not."
"It doesn't matter. Just know that Carolyn has been tipped off. She suspects not only me but also you. ""Rage is a dangerous quality in every person, which is why I am asking you to leave Vienna."
My mind and my heart raced. I struggled to comprehend the things she was telling me, though I felt that she was telling the truth. My intuition told me she was telling me the truth. She let me sit quietly to process the information that was absurd yet plausible. The wind howled as it passed through the gaps in the windowpane. The car creaked as it swayed.
"Where do I go?" "For how long?"
"Just away from Vienna." "For the weekend at least."
"I don't know. "I need time to think." I had been feeling a bit overwhelmed in Vienna lately, and I thought a change of scenery would do me some good.
She cracked open the cabin window and waved down below. The cabin lurched into motion, and Vienna began to rise to meet us.
"Can I ask you for a last favour, Eve?"
I stayed silent and only stared.
"The last one, I promise."
I nodded.
"A final kiss." As he said those words, I was overcome with a sense of finality
I let my guard down. My arms fell to the sides. Suddenly I felt vulnerable and exposed like a wounded animal, I knew that this would be our final goodbye and I felt powerless to do anything but accept it .
She moved in and kissed me tenderly on the lips, holding it there for a long time. Her warmth—a warmth I haven't felt for what seemed like decades was lovely. Her scent, a faint orange, reminded me of summer. It reminded me of the river and of Venice She was everything I never knew I wanted .
Villanelle leans towards me from her seat, and as she does, her fingers join her thumb at her crotch, tracing her slit from bottom to top and then applying pressure on her now throbbing clitoral area. Her face is next to her now, our cheeks touching, and I feel the heat of her skin against mine and her hot breath in my ear as her thighs willingly part for Villanelle without hesitation.
I feel the tip of her tongue, wet and hot, as Oksana playfully licks at her lobe before sucking it seductively into her warm mouth, and I squeeze my eyes shut and moan again, louder this time. Villanelle whispers hotly into her now wet ear, sending a charge straight to her sex, and I swallow hard as I quickly nod in agreement. Villanelle witnesses my response, and this fuels her fire, applying even more pressure between my legs with fingers that are now pushing my silky underwear deeper into me as the nail on her thumb flicks quickly back and forth across my burning clit.
Villanelle kisses a trail from my ear down my jaw line, leaving warm, wet traces of her saliva on my skin as she inches closer to me, speaking in the same seductive whisper as Villanelle does between each kiss. her hot breath on my saliva-dampened skin just below my ear, and then she kissed the same spot. "I can't help but love you, Eve," she whispers again as she kisses me high on my jaw. My periodic moans have become a chorus now, with each word and each touch of her warm lips on my skin. Her attention is completely on the kissing, and I don’t even realise her fingers have slipped my hand under them to touch me until I feel her finger slip between my folds and begin a rhythm of in and out into her now completely drenched pussy.
I am beyond words now, beyond conscious thought; pure animal adrenaline consumes me as her body screams out for her touch and her back arches in the seat to allow her finger to slip deeper. I am moaning an almost desperate cry as Villanelle inches me closer to my sensitive spot, and low, guttural sounds escape from my throat as her finger buries itself deeper into my pulsing sex. My muscles contort and squeeze around the intruder, sucking it deeper inside and milking it like a thin cock. Villanelle feels it as well, and her breathing becomes more erratic. Her kisses are quicker along her jaw toward the parted lips of my waiting mouth. There is one final statement she poses for me between the last kiss on the corner of her mouth and when Villanelle finally presses her hot lips against mine.
"I feel I am your girlfriend, your love, and you're mine as well, Eve " Our eyes meet and linger as the moment passes, she whispered in a husky voice before she hungrily presses her hot lips into mine, immediately finding my waiting tongue with her own and swirling mine around it before sucking my tongue expertly into her mouth. I cry out into her mouth as the first wave of my orgasm begins to rock her body, quickly squeezing my thighs closed on her hand and the fingers now deep inside of me as our tongues intertwine and explore each other’s mouths
Villanelle rides her waves with me, no longer fucking me with her fingers but now just allowing them to stay motionless as my pussy grips and squeezes around them. Villanelle has broken the airtight seal of our kiss to allow her short, quick breaths to escape but has continued to lick at her tongue and at the corners of my mouth. Wave after wave rolls through me, and her entire body shudders countless times before becoming completely limp and sagging into the contours of the seat, and when I eventually feel her fingers slip out of me and then out of the silky prison beyond, I suddenly feel a complete emptiness within me that was quickly filled by Villanelle's warm body wrapping itself around me, her small frame now caressing my back as we both lay exhausted and entwined in the silence of the car
I open my eyes and caress her fabulous hair with my fingers, and there is a long, silent moment that words would only diminish; her eyes tell me that Villanelle completely understands everything I am feeling and that we have just shared a beautiful experience. I let out a soft sigh, and Villanelle helped me sit back up straight again in her seat.
When the Ferris wheel stopped again, we were at the bottom. The long kiss ended. She slid the cabin door open, looked back at me, and said, "Promise me you'll leave Vienna, Eve, at least for the weekend."
"Will I see you again?" I asked.
"I don't know, my love," she said, trying to hide the pain. I nodded, trying to fight back the tears welling up in my eyes. I smiled sadly and wrapped my arms tightly around her, trying to express all the love I felt for her in that moment Knowing I could never take away her pain, I kissed the top of her head, silently hoping she would find the answers she was searching for She looked up at me, her face full of sorrow and despair But instead of speaking, she just squeezed me back, and we stayed there in silence, both knowing that this moment was all we could do for each other .
And then she was gone.
I left in a daze. I looked around for her, but she was nowhere to be seen. So I went back home in a daze, trying to make sense of it all as I was left with a lot of unanswered questions and a broken heart.