GTA and defacing public property
12: Grand Theft Auto and Defacing Public Property
The Noceda’s minivan pulled back into their driveway with Hunter behind the wheel, Camilla next to him, and Luz, Amity, and Vee in the middle seats, and Gus and Willow in the very back.
“Great job Hunter. We will have you driving like a pro in no time!”
“Thank you, Mrs. Noceda.”
“Hay mami, when can Vee and I learn how to drive?”
Camilla turned to look at her two daughters. “When you both turn 16.” She then stopped before turning to look at Vee. “you aren’t 16 yet, right?”
Vee shook her head. “No, I’m 14.”
She then looked a little thoughtful. “When are you turning 15?”
“Um, mid-November I think. Why?”
“No reason.” Camilla then exited the car and headed inside, with the rest of the group following her. Vee grabbed Luz and Gus’s shoulders and held them back. “Hay, can I calk with you for a moment?”
“Sure, what’s up?”
Luz looked thoughtful them for a bit answering. “Can the two of you do me a favor?”
“Almost anything.”
“There is one thing I would like to do that Camilla might not be fully ok with.”
Luz just gave her a smile. “If it was a movie, what would its rating be?”
Vee just recoiled in disgust. “Eww, keep your mind out of the gutter. ME and Marsha are nowhere near that stage in our relationship yet.” She then took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s Jacob related.”
At that Luz just nodded her head. “I am in.”
“You don’t know what it is yet?”
“She is in for the same reason I am in. If it involved making Jacob suffer for what he did to you and protecting all of us, we are your Ride or Die buddies.”
Gus then began to look a little nervous. “You don’t want us to kill him though, right?”
Luz then began to look a little troubled. “Is it wrong that I am perfectly ok if she does?”
Vee shook her head. “No, I don’t want him dead. I just got a plan to get him arrested and need both of your help with it.”
Gus just sighed in relief. “Ok, what is the plan, Vee?”
Next night
Jacob pulled into the parking space next to the small park where the Wittebane statue was. He and his briefcase exited the car and walked over to the base of the statue where a figure wearing an overcoat was waiting for him.
“Deep Throat?”
The figure looked up, revealing his beard and glasses. “Jacob Hopkins I presume?”
Jacob then sat down next to him and put the b. “No, it’s Doctor Livingston.”
“What a shame. Mother Goose asked me to speak with him.”
Jacob sighed in relief at the completion of the code phrase the Flat Earth Society had sent via secure channels to him was completed. “I don’t know why the Society wanted me to meet in person aobut this. I already told you about a dozen times already. I did not embezzle any of the funding sent to the Historical Society from the Flat Earth society.”
The man then looked Jacob in the face. “We have received copies of your own accounting records from a anonymous source that says otherwise. They have been independently confirmed when the Historical Societies records were compared to our records, as well as double checking with the IRS and other sources.”
He then leaned in close. “You are in big trouble Jacob. We talked to the police and federal agencies and they agreed to give you one week to give half the money you stole to us and half to the Historical society. If you do not do this, then you will be charged with embezzling.”
The man then stood up. “Either way, you are out of the Society for your actions. One week Jacob. Don’t try to run, the feds are already itching for a reason to arrest you on multiple charges.”
He then walked away into the night while Jacob was left sitting on the bench all alone.
“Fudge! I was only embezzling 10% of the funds, nowhere near enough for anyone to notice. How did someone find my records? And why did they send them to the Society?”
“Maybe someone found them on your computer when looking for dirt and decided to e-mail them to get you into trouble.”
“That makes sense, but who would do that? And why would they do that?” Jacob then sat up straight. “And who asked that?”
He then turned to the side and saw that one of the statues was standing next to him now and smiling.
“Boo.”
“AAAIIIEEE!” Jacob was so startled he well backwards onto the ground and started to crawl away. “Stay away you monster!”
The stature then turned to look around with very obvious fake worry before speaking again in Jacob’s voice in a incredibly sarcastic way. “A monster? Where? I have to get far away as fast as possible.” It then held up a set of keys. “Good thing I have these keys and a 400-year-old drivers license.”
It then ran over to Jacobs car and got in.
“My car!” Jacob yelled as he ran over to the parking lot as his car pulled out and drove down the rode while complete ignoring every street sign and road lines.
Jacob then turned to the statues to see that yes, the one of Philip Whitabane had indeed moved off of its pedestal and stole his car.
In the Car.
“Wha-hoo! This is the best dumb idea I have ever had!”
Vee was enjoying herself greatly. A part of her was worried that she was spending too much time around her siblings, but the rest of her was having too much fun to care. She then activated the speaker phone on Jacob’s cell to continue the call.
“Snake to Giraffe, Otter, and Cardinal; the horse is stolen. How is Jerkface doing?”
“Jerkface is looking for his Scroll to go hog calling and coming up short. ETA until the hogs are out of the pen?”
Vee looked at the nearest road sign as she sped past.
“ETA 4 min, are you ready to return the statue?”
“Rodger! And the hammer is ready for him. Over and out!”
Vee hung up the call while mentally reminding herself to thank Luz for her insisting to use call signs for the mission. They might not have been completely necessary, but they were defiantly fun to do.
She sped down the road in the direction of the police precinct, making sure to alter her appearance from that of Philip’s statue to that of Jacob before pulling into the space in front of them and throwing a paper bag filled with counterfeit speeding and parking tickets at the nearest officer.
“Take these stupid tickets and shove them where the sun doesn’t shine copper. DEATH TO THE INHUMAN INVADERS!”
She then pulled out and drove 60 down the small-town road back to the park. As she checked the rear-view mirror, she saw the cop in question run into his car and start to go after her with his sirens blearing.
She then hit the redial on Jacob’s phone.
“Snake to Giraffe, Otter, and Cardinal; the hogs are on the move. Where is the jerkface?”
“Jerkface is now looking under the bench for his scroll and found the hammer. Is Philips coming back now?”
Vee took a moment to change her form from Jacob to that of the statue of Philip to make the plan work.
“Yes, he is. ETA 1 min.”
“Rodger, over and out.”
Gus hung up the phone on his end, letting Vee focus on using the limited driving knowledge at her disposal to stay ahead of the small-town cops.
Eventually she reached the park. Instead of just pulling into the parking space, she decided to just pull onto the grass before throwing open the door and running to the podium. As she did this, she made sure to stop and turn towards Jacob who was standing by the bench and holding the sledgehammer Luz had found in his basement that they had planted under the bench.
“I am actually a 400 year old witch that has been pretending to be a statue to keep a eye on the town for the Martian invasion so we can steel all your teeth. Now I am going to have you thrown in jail for thinking you can disrupt my plans. NOW EAT THIS SUCKER!”
As she finished the code phrase for Gus, his illusion took hold and she reached into her backpack to pull out the statues head they had knocked off earlier and threw it at Jacob. She then turned into her human form and hid behind its pedestal.
Jacob’s view
“NOW EAT THIS SUCKER!”
The Witch that had been pretending to be a statue then ripped it head off and threw it at him.
Amazingly, Jacob was able of catching it while holding onto his sledge hammer that had somehow ended up in the park.
Philip then did a large leap into the air before landing on the pedestal and standing still again, looking to all the world like it had never moved.
Except for the missing head of course.
“How is this supposed to get me arrested?”
“NEE NAW NEE NAW!”
The police sirens blared as two cop cars pulled into the lot and their officers poured out of their cars and into the park, all looking at him and moving in his direction.
“Oh, that’s how.”
He then looked down at the head and did the first thing he could think of.
“CATCH!”
He then threw the head at one of the officers, the hammer at another and ran in the opposite direction, not noticing the rake that was left in his path.
THACK!
“Ow!” Jacob yelled as he stumbled back from a rake to the face, before tripping over a length of hose left on the ground and ending up on the ground while facing the sky in a pile of dog doo-doo.
“What did I do to deserve this?”
Hunter
Hunter and Luz were staning by Camilla’s car on the other side of the park, listening to the blow by blow over the walky-talkies.
“Thanks again for letting me remove Philip’s head Luz. It was incredibly cathartic, though I do wish I could have done it to the real one.”
Luz put her hand on his shoulder. “You’re welcome. If you want to talk about it, I am always there to listen to my favorite older brother.”
He then rolled his eyes. “I’m your only older brother Luz.” He then turned to look at her. “But I have a question for you. Gus did the illusion to make the statue invisible and appear to return to its proper place; I smashed the head off the statue; Amity made the fake tickets; Willow used her mob connections to get the fake tickets in the system; Vee was the one that drove the car, threw the head to Jacob, and planned everything. Did you get to do anything?”
Luz just smiled. “Besides teaching Vee to pick pockets to get his keys and phone and planting the sledgehammer? I also supplied some surprised in his trunk for the cops to find.”
Hunter just stared. “What did you do?”
“Giraffe to Otter and Cardinal! There are fire bottles in Jerkface’s trunk! Repeat! There are fire bottles in the trunk! What was he planning to do?”
Luz just smiled at Hunter. “Eda showed me how to make those after the Petrification. I figured it would be a great way of keeping him out of our hair for a while. I made sure to buy the supplies with his cards delivered to his that I picked up before he found out they were there.”
Hunter just stared at her before rolling his eyes. “Only Eda Calwthorn would teach a 14-year-old how to make fire-bottles. I’m surprised you have the supplies on Earth though.”
“We actually have something incredibly similar here. It’s called a Molotov Cocktail. Don’t ask why it’s called that, I don’t know why.”
She then walked to the car. “We should probably start heading home before the cops notice we are here.”
Hunter nodded and held up his phone. “Don’t worry about it Giraffe, I’ll fill you in later. Time to migrate to the watering hole.”
“Rodger, over and out.”
Next Week
The entire Noceda household was sitting at the dinner table and enjoying their breakfast together. Camilla then looked up towards Hunter.
“Amity, I have a surprise for you.”
HE then looked at her while smiling. “Is it Azura related?”
Camilla smiled before looking to her daughter and then quickly back to her. “You really are her perfect girlfriend. It is something else. I got a invite to a police auction and won something you might be interested in.”
She then reached into her purse and pulled out a small bag before handing it to her. She quickly opened it and revealed a set of car keys.
“A CAR? Camilla, you really shouldn’t have. Finances are tight and there are better things to spend money on than another car. Also, I don’t know how to drive.”
She then smiled. “Two things Amity. First, finances have actually not been as tight as usual. Between Willow’s garden and all of you doing part time jobs, we are actually more in the black than before you all came to visit. Also, I won big recently and spent the prize money on the car.”
All the kids looked a little nervous at each other for a bit before turning back to him. “Yeah, that sounds great.”
“Second, this is for Amity to do that experiment you asked to do on my car that I shot down, remember?”
Amity thought for a bit before coming to a realization. “You mean about using abomination magic to make it so the car doesn’t need gas or oil?”
“That’s it! I don’t feel confirmable with you doing it on our only car. But if you do it on the spare and it works, then you can do it on the main one. Sounds good?”
Amity just smiled. “Sounds great! What kind of car is it?”
Camilla just gave her a savage grin that looked out of place on the usually kind face. “That is the best part.”
Outside
“No way!”
Sitting in the driveway next to their usual car was the one Camilla won in the raffle.
Jacob’s car.
“Yes way! HE was arrested and had his car confiscated, where I won it. I figured the best way to stick it to him would be to have it be used to experiment with magic. What do you think?”
Amity just smiled.
“Please teach Vee to drive using this car and have her drive by Jacob.”