Money Laundering
All of the kids’ sans Hunter were standing in a circle in the middle of the shack, looking at a large duffle bag filled with cash.
“I thought that you were going to be trading your drugs for more plants?”
“They said they were having some issues with getting them and would be handing over cash. I should be getting the first plant next visit, but they decided to just give me cash for now instead.”
Luz just lowered her head into her hands. “I never thought I would say this, but there is too much money.”
In the Isles
Eda was sitting in her cell when all of a sudden, she stopped carving her name into the wall and looked off into the distance.
“For some reason I have a deep desire to say ‘No Such Thing,’ Weird.”
In the Shack
“Combining this with the money we already get from working at the college, selling drugs at the college, and working in a gambling hall, we are making more money than we can use. Even if we pay all the food, water, electric, heating, and gas bill we will still have a massive amount of cash just lying around.”
Hunter walking into the room and saw the large duffle in the middle. “Wow, looks like I was right to be researching Earth money laundering practices.”
Gus looked up at that. “Did Camilla show you how to use the washer and dryer too?”
Everyone turned to look at Gus for that remark. “Gus, I don’t think that is the kind of laundering he was talking about.” Willow turned to Hunter. “Was it?”
He sighed. “Everyone make yourselves confirmable so I can explain it.”
He then picked up a small white board tablet and sat in a swivel chair while everyone else followed his advice.
He drew a dollar bill with a large arrow pointing to a stick figure and a smaller figure pointing off of it to a simple doddle of the Emperor’s Coven symbol. “Normally, the money you make is reported to the government so they can accurately charge your taxes. The exact method varies, put the principal is the same.”
He then drew a second dollar bill that was dripping and another large arrow that pointed to the stick figure. “When you make money illegally or from a source that doesn’t report to the government, people will notice. Either bank where you keep the money that hast to report any deposits over $10k or the government when they notice that you are spending more money than you should reasonably have. When that happens, they send people to figure out why this is happening and to figure out why. If they can prove that you are making more money than you are reporting on your taxes, you get arrested for tax evasion and anything else they can prove.”
He then erased part of the arrow leading from the dripping dollar and drew a washing machine in the empty spot. “But, if you make the illegal money look like it came from a legitimate source, or ‘clean it’, than the government won’t notice. They will also not care if you pay your taxes on it.”
He then looked up from the board. “Fun fact, there is also a law that says you have to pay taxes on the illegal drugs you sell. This is mainly there for them to have something else to throw at arrested drug dealers, but the point stands. If you make money, the government will want a cut in taxes.”
Gus looked up in realization. “Oh, ok. So, how do we make it look like we made this money legally?”
Hunter erased the whole board and drew a picture of a business. “The concept I found that made the most sense to me is the following. Step one, buy or have a stake in a business. Step two, report that the business is making more money than it actually is by including the illegal money in the normal earnings of it. Step three, have the profits from the business go to you after the usual expenses and spend it normally. You can do some other steps by having the money transferred to as many other accounts as possible to make sure that it can’t be traced back to you, but I don’t think we are at that level yet.”
Luz raised her hand. “I actually read of a fanfic that had a great example of it. the gang owned a night club and used it to launder their illegal drug sales. They wrote all their patrons as buying more alcohol than they actually were, using the drug money to fill the till to pay for the sales, and then dumping the alcohol down the drain so that their inventory records would match the sales records. Later on they actually bought their own distillery to make their own alcohol to make it easier and cheaper to fiddle with their inventory records.”
Hunter pointed at Luz. “Exactly. The hardest part for us is that there is no way a group of teenagers could open up a business or come up with an excuse to explain where we got the money, and Camilla defiantly doesn’t have the resources to get involved in something to explain it.”
At that, Vee perked up. “I have a idea! Marsha told me that the Historical Society is in financial trouble since Jacob was fired. Turns out that they were getting money from the ‘flat earth society’ to have the exhibits favored their ideas. They only had to change some of the wording in the exhibits and have the world maps from that era on display for it, but it got cut off once they fired Jacob. They said that they were scampering to find people to fill his shoes and to find more funding. We can get jobs there, have Gus make illusions to fake tours, and have them give us the money in massive tips!”
Hunter shook his head. “Like the principal, but it would still be the exact same money with the same serial numbers. Also, no one tips in $20s for tours or operating the register. Maybe we could fiddle with the records to have them think we are just volunteers but actually be paying us with us putting the money into their accounts to result in no change in their account value?”
Luz shook her head. “Too complicated and dependent on the accountants not paying close enough attention. Vee, who is in charge of hiring and accounting there?”
“That would be Mr. Smith as the head bookkeeper and Mrs. Cordell as the head of hiring.
Gus perked up at that. “Mrs. Cordell, as in Sadie Cordell? Old lady with a glass left eye that always wears a spider broach?”
Everyone looked at him. “How did you know that?”
“Easy, she comes to the casino weekly. Doesn’t play with Camilla, but is often at my table either before or after. I think I might have a idea on how we can launder the money.”
At the casino
Mrs. Cordell walked into the casino, ready to enjoy her weekly poker night. As she walked in, one of the dealers flagged over a replacement and walked over to her.
“Mrs. Cordell? I’m Adrian Vernworth. I was hoping to speak with you in private?”
She stopped and just staired at him. “Why? I don’t owe you any money, and you don’t owe me any massive amounts of money either. What else would the casino have to talk with me about?”
“This isn’t a casino thing, it’s a personal matter. I heard that the historical society is struggling financially and want to help.”
She narrowed her eyes at him but nodded and let him lead her to a small side room being used for storage.
“How do you want to help?”
Adrian turned to look at her. “Have you heard of Camilla Noceda?”
“Sure, she is a great vet. She has been taking care of my Archie for years and comes here about as often as I do. She has a daughter that is incredibly spirited and has trouble remembering about boundaries or that not everyone else loves things as much as she doses, but all in all is a good kid.”
“Well, her daughter may have asked me to be a intermediary to have you help launder money from her illegal business.”
Sadie just staired at him before collapsing into a fit of laughter.
HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
She kept laughing like that for a minute straight before composing herselfe enough to talk again. “Luz? committing crimes? On purpose? What did she do? Steal candy FOR babys? Do vet work without a licens?”
She suddenly stopped laughing and stared at Adrian with a serious look. “Wait? Did she actually do that?”
He looked thoughtful before shaking his head. “No, she isn’t. I’m not saying that she won’t do that later but for now she is mainly working with some friends on growing and selling drugs at the local collage and shipping to an organized crime syndicate in a nearby city. I’m not saying which ones, so don’t ask.”
She just stared at him in shock. “Why would she think that is a good idea?”
“She and her mom found 5 undocumented kids and decided to take them in. They decided to do it to help with the bills.”
Sadie just sighed. “Of course that bleeding heart would do that. As much as I love the story, what dose this have to do with me?”
Adrian just smiled. “They recently got a duffle of cash for their latest delivery to the mob and need to launder it. The plan is for me to anomaly donate money on the societies payday to cover the expense of hiring 5 teenagers to work at the society to run tours, man the register, do janitorial work, and the such. They will actually do the work and you can fire them if they have issues though. You get 5 more people to help around the building without having to actually pay them out of pocket, they get a legitimate source of income, and Camilla doesn’t have to worry as much about the bills.”
“As much as I like the idea, there is paperwork that needs to be provided to get a job.”
He then pulled out a folder and opened it to reveal a large number of documents on a Gus Porter. “We already got it covered. We also were able of setting it up so that the record offices have matching documents to collaborate these. You don’t need to worry, as far as the law is concern they are legal.”
She looked over them before raising her eyes to Adrian. “What do you get out of this?”
He just shrugged. “They are really good at making drugs. I get to sample some for free for doing this.”
She then sighed before closing the folder. “If they are also willing to pay for Marsha’s salaries as well, I will do it. Every little bit helps and we can have the donations be disguised as a someone wanting to help kids get entry into the work force. This might need to expand to cover all the under 18 employees to have it hold up, but for now it would only be 6 so it wouldn’t be that bad.”
He nodded. “I’ll need to double check with them, but I think that is fully doable. Anything else?”
“No, that should be it.”
At the Shack
Gus was sitting with the rest of the Hexsquad. “So, how much will this be a week?”
Luz looked up from the sheet she was writing on and the piles of money she was counting. “I don’t know how much the board members make, but 6 kids making $15 an hour over a 16-hour work week is $1,440 total. Completely doable with our current income levels.”
Hunter was looking nervous. “Are you sure that this isn’t going to raise any eyebrows with the cops or IRS?”
Luz looked up. “Why would it? They got donations from the Flat Earth Society for years without raising a eyebrow, and they were paying lots more than this. No one is going to notice or care.”
Zamu on A03: can we see a chapter where we see a police station brief some officers on a new strand of drug?????????????????????
The DEA and IRS were sitting in a conference room together in a non-descript office building.
“This new supply is one of the strangest things I’ve seen in a while. Few negative side effects, large quantities, and no hints that anyone was working on it until it appeared in a small collage. Not a month later, it’s all over the streets in a city that’s hours away in massive quantities. Drugs don’t appear like that. It takes times, money, and resources to do this kind of horticulture. Especially if its just breading the plant and not spiking the drugs themselves with other chemicals.”
“Which is why you want the IRS to look into the collage and surrounding areas.”
“Exactly. See if you can find any patterns that might explain what is going on. Even if you can’t find evidence of them making the drugs, you might be able of finding them laundering the money.”
“Piece of cake. There’s a reason the Joker is scared of us.”
…
“That was a single joke in a single episode aired in 1998. You don’t have to keep brining it up every other day Jimmy.”
“What? It’s a good joke in a great series!”
Next Week: Illegal cage fighting, with the reigning champion being a Odalia expy that all the Hexsquad recognizes. Amity and Willow enter just to have the chance to beat her to a pulp.