Jhoanna was leaning against the wall, hands in her pockets, eyes fixed on the path leading out of Maloi’s building. It was already past six, and the sun was starting to dip behind the trees, casting everything in a soft, golden glow.
A few minutes later, Maloi finally appeared, hair slightly messy from a long day, shoulders heavy with her tote bag and books.
“Tsk, ang tagal mo naman.” Jhoanna smirked as she straightened up. Without asking, she reached for Maloi’s bag and slung it over her own shoulder. “Ano ba ‘to, bato? May pasyente ka bang buhat-buhat?”
Maloi rolled her eyes but smiled. “Ikaw naman, wala pang sinasabi, kinukuha mo na agad ‘yung gamit ko.”
“Alangan namang pabayaan kitang mabali yung likod mo.” Jhoanna tilted her head towards the sidewalk. “Tara, lakad na kita pauwi.”
Maloi didn’t argue. She never did. Maybe because she knew that Jhoanna would do it anyway—wait for her, carry her things, walk her home like it was second nature.
They walked side by side, passing through the wide, tree-lined roads of the campus. The air smelled like warm pavement and freshly brewed coffee from a nearby stall. A few students were still scattered around, either finishing up projects or just lingering, the way people in love with places do.
“Pagod ka?” Jhoanna asked, glancing at Maloi, whose face was blank but whose fingers were absentmindedly fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
Maloi sighed. “Slight lang. Wala na ‘kong energy mag-aral mamaya.”
“Gusto mo ‘nong brewed coffee diyan? Treat kita.”
Maloi looked at her suspiciously. “Biglang galante?”
Jhoanna smirked. “Ganyan talaga ‘pag mabait kang tao.”
Maloi snorted but let Jhoanna lead her toward the stall. They sat on a low concrete bench while waiting for their drinks.
“So, si Jeo?” Jhoanna asked, voice light but calculated.
Maloi stiffened just a little. “Wala. Same pa rin.”
Jhoanna hummed, taking the iced coffee from the vendor and handing the other one to Maloi. “So, ibig sabihin, same pa rin na hindi ka pa rin niya gusto?”
Maloi groaned, bumping her shoulder against Jhoanna’s. “Ang bastos mo talaga minsan, noh!”
“Oh chill ka lang diyan.” Jhoanna took a sip, eyes trained on Maloi. “Pero seryoso, gusto mo pa rin siya? Kahit na… well, kahit na hindi naman siya nagpapakita ng effort sa’yo?”
Maloi stared at her cup. “Hindi ko alam. Parang… ang unfair naman na ako lang lagi yung nagalaw.”
Jhoanna felt something tighten in her chest. She had been carrying this feeling for so long that it no longer surprised her, but it didn’t mean it hurt any less.
She leaned back slightly, voice softer this time. “Piliin mo kasi ‘yung hindi mo kailangang pagurin ang sarili mo para mahalin.”
Maloi looked at her then, eyes searching. Jhoanna held her gaze, steady as always.
For a moment, there was silence between them, just the quiet hum of the evening, the distant sound of laughter from another group of students, the rustling of leaves as the wind passed through.
Then Maloi shook her head, letting out a small laugh. “Grabe ka, parang line sa pelikula.”
Jhoanna chuckled, flicking Maloi’s forehead lightly. “Film student ako. Scripted lahat ng galaw ko.”
Maloi rolled her eyes but didn’t look away this time. “Sana lahat ng lalaki kasing bait mo, noh?”
Jhoanna only smiled, taking another sip of her coffee. She wanted to say, “Hindi mo naman kailangang hanapin sa iba e."
But instead, she just stood up, offering her hand.
“Tara na nga, hatid na kita. Baka ma-fall ka pa sa ‘kin diyan.”
Maloi took her hand. “Baka nga.”
And for now, even though she wasn't serious, that was enough.
The walk home was familiar, the kind of routine Jhoanna never got tired of. It was muscle memory at this point—waiting for Maloi, carrying her stuff without being asked, teasing her about Jeo but never too much, just enough to keep her from getting too sad. Just enough to remind her that she was there.
The streets were quieter now, the sky a deep shade of blue with scattered stars trying to peek through the city glow. They passed the same old sari-sari store where they’d once stopped for isaw after a long day, the same corner where Jhoanna had taken pictures for a film project, and the same bench where Maloi had cried once, when Jeo ignored her after she had mustered up the courage to ask him out for coffee.
She had sat there, sniffling, while Jhoanna handed her a pack of tissues.
“Hindi ko maintindihan. Ang dali lang naman ‘di ba? Kung ayaw mo, sabihin mo. Kung gusto mo, sabihin mo rin. Bakit ganito? Bakit ang labo niya?”
Jhoanna had listened, holding her frustration back, swallowing down the words she wanted to say. That night, she had walked Maloi home in silence.
Tonight felt different, though.
Maloi was quieter, but she wasn’t sad. Not the way she used to be.
She was just… thinking.
“Naalala mo nung first year tayo?” Maloi suddenly spoke, hugging her coffee cup close.
Jhoanna glanced at her. “Alin do’n?”
“‘Yung ano, ‘yung nag-cut tayo ng class kasi birthday ni Mikha tapos nagpunta tayong beach bigla?”
Jhoanna laughed. “Gagi, oo! Tapos umiyak si Stacey kasi nawala yung makeup niyang pagkamahal-mahal.”
Maloi chuckled, shaking her head. “Miss ko na ‘yung gano’n. ‘Yung wala tayong masyadong iniisip. Wala masyadong sakit sa puso.”
Jhoanna hummed, watching the way Maloi played with her straw, her fingers absentmindedly tracing the rim of her cup. “Maloi, tanong lang… anong meron kay Jeo?”
Maloi blinked, surprised by the question. “Ano ‘yon?”
“Anong meron sa kanya na wala sa ibang tao?”
Maloi exhaled, tilting her head up to look at the sky. “Hindi ko nga rin alam. Minsan pakiramdam ko gusto niya rin ako, tapos biglang mawawala. Pero kahit ganun, hindi ko siya kayang iwanan.”
Jhoanna pursed her lips, pretending like she didn’t understand.
But she did.
Because that was exactly how she felt about Maloi.
She wanted to say something smart, something that would make Maloi realize that she was wasting her time on someone who would never choose her.
But before she could, Maloi suddenly asked, “Jho, may gusto ka na ba talaga?”
Jhoanna almost tripped. “Ha?”
Maloi turned to her, watching her reaction closely. “Sabi ni Colet dati, malalaman mo daw kung may gusto ka sa isang tao ‘pag ginagawa mo ‘yung mga bagay para sa kanila nang hindi mo iniisip. Yung kusa lang. Napapansin niya raw ‘yun sa ‘yo e.”
Jhoanna tightened her grip on the strap of Maloi’s bag. She could feel the weight of it, but it was nothing compared to what she was carrying in her chest.
She let out a small laugh, trying to brush it off. “Ang dami mong tanong ah. Pero oo, siguro, meron.”
“Sino?”
Jhoanna smiled. “Secret.”
Maloi narrowed her eyes. “Sino nga?”
“Ikaw ba?” Jhoanna shot back. “Gusto mo pa ba talaga si Jeo? O nasanay ka na lang?”
Maloi blinked. “Ano?”
Jhoanna sighed, stopping in her tracks. Maloi turned to her, confused.
“Maloi, gusto mo pa ba talaga siya? O gusto mo lang yung pakiramdam ng may gusto? Kasi parang hindi ka naman masaya, e.”
Maloi opened her mouth to answer, but nothing came out.
Jhoanna smiled, softer this time. She reached out, fixing a stray strand of Maloi’s hair, something she had done a hundred times before. But this time, Maloi didn’t pull away.
Jhoanna exhaled, as if preparing herself. “Kasi kung hindi mo na talaga siya gusto… baka naman pwede mong i-consider yung taong laging nandito para sa’yo.”
Maloi didn’t say anything, but Jhoanna could see the way her fingers gripped her coffee cup tighter. The way her breath hitched just a little.
Jhoanna chuckled, shaking her head. “Sorry. Ang kapal ko, noh?”
“Jho…”
Jhoanna took a step back, giving Maloi space. “Hindi kita minamadali, ha? Kahit anong mangyari, nandito lang ako. Wala namang nagbabago.”
Maloi stared at her, eyes searching for something.
Jhoanna smiled again, softer, reassuring. “Tara na.”
They walked the rest of the way in silence, but it wasn’t heavy. If anything, it felt lighter.
And for the first time, Jhoanna felt like maybe, just maybe, Maloi had finally heard her.
The night air was cooler now, the silence stretching between them in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable but was definitely different. Jhoanna had said it—finally let it slip in a way that wasn’t outright but wasn’t ignorable either. Maloi hadn’t pulled away, hadn’t laughed it off, hadn’t pretended like it didn’t happen. And that, in itself, meant something.
Jhoanna didn’t expect an answer right away. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted one.
They reached Maloi’s apartment, the soft yellow glow of the porch light flickering above them. Jhoanna set Maloi’s bag down gently on the wooden bench outside, stretching her shoulders a little.
“Ay, grabe, parang ako pa ‘yung nursing student sa bigat ng bag mo.” She tried to lighten the mood, grinning at Maloi.
Maloi smiled back, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Jhoanna sighed, rubbing the back of her neck. “Uy, seryoso ah, walang nagbabago. Friends pa rin tayo kahit anong mangyari. Wala akong babawing sinabi.”
Maloi didn’t respond right away. Instead, she fidgeted with her coffee cup, staring at the last bit of melted ice swirling at the bottom.
“Jho… paano mo nalaman?” she finally asked, voice quieter now.
Jhoanna blinked. “Alin?”
Maloi met her gaze, and Jhoanna knew she was asking about the feelings. About love. About the way Jhoanna had been there for her without her even realizing what it meant.
Jhoanna let out a small chuckle. “Gaya ng sabi ni Colet, ‘pag kusa mo nang ginagawa yung mga bagay para sa kanila, nang hindi mo na iniisip. ‘Yung hindi mo naman inaasahan ng kapalit, pero masaya ka pa rin.”
Maloi swallowed. “Matagal na?”
Jhoanna nodded. “Matagal na.”
Silence.
A passing car’s headlights cast long shadows over them, and for a moment, Jhoanna swore she saw something shift in Maloi’s expression—something soft, something unsure, something she didn’t want to name just yet.
Then Maloi smiled, small but genuine. “Ang unfair mo.”
Jhoanna raised an eyebrow. “Ako? Paano naman ako naging unfair?”
Maloi shook her head. “Ikaw kasi… ikaw lagi yung andiyan. Hindi kita nakitang umalis kahit kailan.”
Jhoanna shrugged. “Eh kasi, gusto kong andito. Gusto kitang hintayin.”
Another silence. But this time, it was Maloi who stepped forward, closing the small gap between them. She reached for Jhoanna’s wrist, fingers hesitant at first, before she fully wrapped them around it—light, testing, like she was trying to figure something out.
Jhoanna held her breath.
Maloi bit her lip. “Paano kung hindi ko pa alam?”
Jhoanna exhaled, slow and steady. “Okay lang. Hindi kita minamadali.”
Maloi looked down at their hands, at the way her fingers rested just over Jhoanna’s pulse. “Pero hindi rin kita gustong paasahin.”
Jhoanna smiled, soft and easy, like she had already made peace with everything. “Hindi mo na kailangang isipin ‘yon. Kasi kahit anong mangyari, mahalaga ka pa rin sa ‘kin. At hindi ko kailanman pagsisisihan na pinili kitang mahalin.”
Maloi’s grip on her wrist tightened—just for a second, just long enough for Jhoanna to feel the warmth of it—before she let go.
Jhoanna took a step back, shoving her hands into her pockets, because if she didn’t, she might reach for Maloi again.
“Good night, Maloi.” she said, tilting her head toward the door.
Maloi looked at her, hesitated for just a second, then nodded. “Good night, Jho.”
Jhoanna turned around before she could change her mind, before she could wait for something that might not come.
She walked away, but not too fast.
Just in case Maloi decided to call her back.
But Maloi didn’t.
And that was okay.
Because Jhoanna had always known that love wasn’t about rushing things. It wasn’t about forcing someone to choose you.
It was about being there, even when they weren’t ready yet.
And if Maloi ever decided to meet her halfway, Jhoanna would still be waiting.
Not because she had to.
But because she wanted to.