Kagami & the Asshole
"You traded me to a crazy monster guy who lives in an abandoned castle for your own safety?" Kagami said disbelievingly. "Are you for real with this, Dad?"
"He won't hurt you," Kagami Sr. said vaguely. "You'll be fine."
"Yeah," Kagami muttered, "right."
Sometimes, he kind of hated his dad.
Fuck his fucking life, seriously.
So the thing was, Kabuto was this like, half-man, half-machine, half-beast creature. Which was too many halves, but whatever. In fact, he was basically some kind of super-funky ZECT Rider, which caused Kagami suspicious pause, but sure, fine, he could roll with that. He wasn't really scared or anything; mostly he just thought it was pretty cool.
That wasn't the problem.
The problem was that Kabuto was kind of an asshole All, stay out of my kitchen! this, and, stay away from my sister! that, and, I am the man who walks the path of Heaven!
And what the hell was with the talking furniture, anyway? Kabuto's "sister" was a teacup!
"What the fuck is even wrong with my life," Kagami moaned. The teacup, Juka, rattled sympathetically beside him.
"Onii-chan isn't really used to other people," she -- it?-- said, apologetic. "He likes you, really! Or else he wouldn't put up with you here at all! He's just not that good at showing it, yet."
"So basically you're telling me he failed kindergarten," Kagami summed up, rolling his eyes. "And this is the guy who I get to spend the rest of the foreseeable future with. Great."
Surprisingly enough, though, as Kagami got to know him a bit more, Kabuto started to grow on him. It wasn't that Kabuto was any less of an asshole - okay, maybe a teeny, tiny bit less of one - but Kagami started getting a little fond of him despite himself. Okay, a lot fond. For reasons he couldn't really fathom, but there you go.
It might have helped that Kagami had gotten a ZECTER of his own, even though Kabuto had had some kind of pissy fit of either over-protectiveness or jealousy - Kagami wasn't quite sure - before he'd finally gotten over himself.
Speaking of ZECTERs, though, Kagami thought, squinting suspiciously at Kabuto...
"Seriously, are you ever going to tell me why you look like some kind of mutant ZECT Rider?" he said tentatively. He'd been keeping his suspicions to himself, but everyone had their limit.
"It's a curse," Kabuto said, a bit snippy.
Kagami waited for further explanation, but it appeared none would be forthcoming.
"Okay, so does this have anything to do with that freaky rose in the kitchen?" he asked finally.
"How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the kitchen," Kabuto growled, which Kagami took for a yes. Kabuto was bizarrely thingy about the kitchen, but Kagami got awesome food out of it, so he could live with that.
"Fine, don't tell me," he said, rolling his eyes. "It's not like I might be able to help, or anything."
"I'm glad you understand," Kabuto said agreeably, and Kagami snorted.
Asshole.
When Mishima decided to storm Kabuto's castle with a raging mob of pitchforks and burning torches, Kagami was pretty much unsurprised.
One, because Mishima was the kind of slimy, creepy bastard who put Kabuto's slight asshole tendencies to shame, and back when he lived in town Kagami had often not been sure whether the guy was checking him out or measuring him up for a science experiment. (Either way: CREEPY.)
And two, because Kabuto was Kabuto and Kagami was fairly certain that he'd gone and threatened Mishima's manhood in a pretty comprehensive manner, even though Kabuto had refused to tell him what he'd done or why.
The whys and wherefores were not the important thing, however. What mattered was that Mishima was storming their castle, and Kagami and Kabuto were going to end him.
"Let's go take this creep down!" Kagami said.
"No," Kabuto said. "You stay here."
"What?" Kagami said, then realised he was locked in. "KABUTO, YOU ASSHOLE!"
If they got out of this alive, Kagami swore, he would kill that stupid arrogant idiot.
A number of things happened in a very short space of time.
One, Kagami busted out of the stupid bedroom, fuck Kabuto anyway, and ran through the kitchen, where he noticed that two, the last petal finally fell off Kabuto's freaky long-lasting rose, and this lead to three, running out onto the terrace to see Kabuto collapsing to the ground while Mishima stood there, smirking and victorious as he ground his heel into Kabuto's side.
And then it was all a blur of screaming, and transforming into Gatack, and flying at Mishima because he had no right to touch Kabuto like that and Kagami was going to beat his face in for trying.
But in the back of his mind he was thinking, get up, Kabuto. Get up. Get up, you asshole. Because he trusted Kabuto not to be dead, and he trusted Kabuto to have his back. Because they were a team.
Because they would beat Mishima together, Kagami knew, and all his faith was rewarded when he aimed a kick at Mishima and sensed Kabuto beside him, mirroring him, the combined force of their movement sending Mishima screaming and plummeting over the edge to his very well-deserved death.
Kagami turned to yell at Kabuto for scaring him like that, not to mention locking him in his bedroom, but he was kind of distracted by the fact that Kabuto was glowing, black on gold like staring directly at the sun.
"Huh?" Kagami said, and then, instead of Kabuto, there was...
"Hi," the guy said. "Sorry, I guess I should introduce myself properly. Tendou Souji. As in the man who will rule the path of Heaven."
Oh, typical.
"Onii-chan!" Juka yelled, flying into his arms. Kabuto -- Tendou -- caught her and held her protectively close, grin just as smug as Kagami had always known it would be.
"What," Kagami said flatly.
"I told you I was cursed, didn't I?" Tendou said archly.
"Onii-chan was cursed into this half beast, half ZECTER state by this guy calling himself The Bee," Juka explained, taking pity. "If he didn't find someone he could trust as an equal and who trusted him in return by the time the last petal fell, he would die."
It took a moment for this to sink in, and then when it did, Kagami had to pause and take a deep breath while his vision literally whited out in outrage.
"Wait," he said, the deceptive calm before the building indignant rant. "Wait, are you seriously telling me that that's it? This whole time, all you had to do to turn back into a human was learn to play nice? You almost died because you fail at teamwork? Tendou, you asshole!"
"The path of Heaven is meant to be walked alone," Tendou said, a bit sullenly.
"I'll path of Heaven you," Kagami muttered, but without much heat. He'd already known Tendou was a whack job, and at least this was proof that he viewed Kagami as an equal now.
Besides, there were more important problems here, namely -
"Anyway, why did none of you jerks tell me he was human?" Kagami demanded. "Or hot?"
"I would have thought that would be obvious," Tendou said snootily, then, "OW!" when Kagami punched him in the arm.
Kabuto or not, it was a fact: Tendou was kind of an asshole.
Lucky for him, though, Kagami was a masochist who apparently loved him anyway.
"Seriously, fuck my fucking life," Kagami sighed, and kissed the stupid asshole.