The weight of the world
After the words were out of his mouth, he stopped, and seemed to change his mind about opening up to the shorter man. Arisu shook his head and gave Chishiya a watery smile, although it wasn’t very convincing.
“Don’t worry about it, Chishiya.”
“But Arisu-”
“Please, I don’t want to talk about it.
Arisu peeled himself away from his chest, much to Chishiya’s disappointment, then sighed and closed his eyes. His voice sounded pained, his body was still trembling. It was obvious that he was not ok, although Chishiya thought it was probably best not to push the man, he could use his imagination to fill in the scenario that Arisu had experienced.
For now he just needed silent company, someone to be with, yet not someone to confide in. And that was something he could provide for his friend. Luckily, their group had gotten the message that they needed to stay away for now, as they had gathered back around the fire, talking in hushed whispers. Chishiya could hear Arisu desperately trying to control his breathing, and he was doing surprisingly well, they were more regular now. That sat like that for a while, until Arisu pulled himself together and broke the silence.
“Chishiya?”
He turned to the man, slightly confused, he thought he didn’t want to talk about it? Or perhaps this was something else. Chishiya turned to meet his eyes, trying to look as comforting as possible. He didn’t want to scare the fragile man away.
“I think I want-no , I need – to talk to Usagi. Like, right now.”
“I need her back.”
Well, that was unexpected. There was something in the younger man’s voice, determination, it was the most sure statement Chishiya had heard him say since the man had broken down, and their was no doubt in his mind that Arisu would manage the conversation. He was good at things like that. He had a way with words. However, the man was also weak and it might not be a good idea to allow his emotions to start flowing again. That could be disastrous.
But should Chishiya stop him? And could he if he wanted to?
Arisu wasn’t a child, he could make his own decisions, and it was unlikely that he would listen to his poor attempts to stop him anyway. He had made up his mind, and he was going to stick to it. Despite the feeling of dread that lingered in his stomach, Chishiya simply pushed down his feelings and nodded, pulling Arisu to his feet. He stumbled slightly, and Chishiya found himself holding the man’s arm gently, for support.
No other reason.
They slowly made their way over to the group, Arisu’s eyes fixed on the ground with shame. They turned to look at him, waiting to hear what he had to say with worried curiosity.
“Usagi? Could I talk to you quickly?” His voice was quite and unsure, as he waited for her to acknowledge him. Which she did.
The climber looked confused, and concerned, before standing up and leading Arisu to the other side of the warehouse. Chishiya watched them go, he could see the gamer’s tense shoulders, and Usagi’s slightly defensive stance. It was ok. Everything was ok.
“Chishiya. Do you mind explaining what the hell just happened!” whispered Kuina, grabbing his sleeve harshly and pulling him down to face the group. They all looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to shed some light on the situation. But how did they know he knew? Its not like he told them about Arisu’s episode in the gardens. And even though he did know, was it fair of him to tell the others about his troubles, behind his back? It seemed like something the younger man would want to keep to himself, until the time was right.
What to do.
“I don’t know.” He tried at first, Arisu could tell them all later, if that was what he wanted.
“Bullshit.”
“It’s the truth.”
“No it’s not Chishiya, you knew what was happening to Arisu, I could see it in your eyes. And you are going to tell us. You may not believe in the power of friendship, or what not, but we all care about Arisu too. We deserve to know if he his struggling.”
Kuina was still talking quietly, but her anger was evident as their eyes met. It seemed as though he wouldn’t be able to wiggle his way out of this one as easily as he hoped. Tatta interrupted their silent starting contest hesitantly.
“Look guys, lets not fight-”
“Shut up Tatta.”
Kuina snapped at him, and the man reeled back, slightly upset. But then he spoke again, with anger.
“No, I won’t shut you Kuina. Listen to me will you?... You said Arisu was our friend right? If you really care about him you will wait until he is ready to come to you himself and tell you properly. If I were Arisu, I know I would hate Chishiya spilling my secrets to all of us while is is away. This is something serious Arisu is dealing with, and we need to support him the best way we can as his friends. Arguing won’t help that.”
Tatta took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he seemed very surprised that those words had practically fallen out of him mouth, and embarrassment flushed him face when he realized that everyone was staring at him, mouths agape. Well, apart from Chishiya, who simply had a small smile on his face. He hadn’t had to deal with the situation on his own, for which he was grateful. And Tatta had a certain way of talking, he didn’t say smart things a lot of the time, but when he did everyone listened.
Useful.
“But-”
“Tatta’s right Kuina, Arisu will come to us when he is ready. We should be grateful that Chishiya...that Chishiya knows how to help him at least. You saw how he calmed him down earlier.” Ann intercepted, as Kuina began to protest again.
She looked at Ann with slight betrayal in her eyes, before leaning back with a sigh of defeat.
“Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to cause an argument, I’m just worried about him.”
The group simply nodded, as they took a moment of silence for themselves. Chishiya turned to look at Arisu and Usagi, who were still deep in conversation.
Arisu looked very happy, and there was a smile on his features. Chishiya tensed slightly and narrowed his eyes when Usagi pulled the gamer into a hug, her arms sliding around his waist. Who was she to touch him like that? Arisu hadn't pulled away, and the two were locked into a deep embrace, joy written on both of their faces. The jealousy left a bitter taste on Chishiya’s tongue, as he forced himself to look away, a stony expression on his face. Pull yourself together Chishiya, he told himself. It doesn’t mean anything, they are just happy to finally be on the same page.
Chishiya noticed Kuina sliding over to him, away from Ann and Tatta, who had started to settle down for sleep. It was late after all. He turned his attention to the woman next to him, there was a sly look in her eye which he didn’t like the look of.
“Heyyy Chishiya?” She said drawing out the syllables. Chishiya groaned internally, he knew what that tone of voice meant.
“What is it Kuina.” He said in a flat tone, better to get it over with now. No doubt she had a deeply embarrassing question lined up for him about his disastrous love life. God, he was too tired for this.
“I couldn’t help but notice you look a little displeased about our dear Usagi over there. Are you perhaps maybe, jealous?”
Chishiya felt the sourness return, he must have been quite obviously brooding for Kuina to notice. Although, she did have a good eye when it came to Chishiya, especially when Arisu was involved. It was annoying really.
“Maybe a little.”
There was no use lying to the girl, she would know. And he was jealous. Extremely jealous.
“I take it you guys sorted things out then. Arisu apologized?” She decided to stop teasing Chishiya for the time being, as the blonde looked like he was about to snap. He smiled slightly when he thought back to the younger man’s words. Their sincerity.
“Yeah. “ He said quietly.
“We’re good now.”
“Oh that's great, you guys are so cute.” She said, before focusing on something behind Chishiya.
“Hey guys.”
Usagi and Arisu joined the two next to the fire, which was now glowing embers, looking at Tatta and Ann’s sleeping forms. Chishiya could feel the exhaustion weighing on his shoulders, and he stifled a yawn with the back of his hand.
“We should probably get to sleep guys, we have to face the king tomorrow.”
They all nodded their agreement, and began to make themselves comfortable as well. Usagi took one of the spare shirts with her, and went to sleep beside Tatta, who was a fair distance from the group. Kuina swallowed nervously, before carefully lying next to Ann, hesitantly resting a hand across the woman’s waist. Chishiya was quite proud of her boldness, but slightly amused at the terrified expression she held on her face. She was truly smitten with the woman. Kuina’s eyes widened as Ann stirred and brought her hand to rest on Kuina's. How nice, thought Chishiya, as he turned to the man sitting next to him.
Arisu hadn’t said anything, although he was still practically glowing from his conversation with Usagi. However, he refused to meet Chishiya's eyes, and he could tell there was something on his mind, something he wanted to ask. The older man allowed him to stew for a minute, looking torn, before he finally whispered:
“Er Chishiya?” His voice was quiet, nervous. What was wrong with him?
“Yes Arisu?”
“Sorry if this is a bit weird, but can I sleep next to you. It’s just really cold and I- “ He paused, before continuing in a softer tone.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
If Chishiya wasn’t being watched so intently right now, he could have squealed with joy. Arisu’s question had made his heart melt a little, no a lot, and Chishiya felt an immense level of happiness knowing that the other man wanted him, to some extent. He enjoyed Chishiya’s company, enjoyed it enough to want to spend the night with him. Again.
He assumed that Arisu wouldn’t want to have a repeat of the previous night’s events, but apparently, he assumed wrong. And he was glad.
“Come here Arisu.”
The younger man shuffled closer eagerly, and they made themselves as comfortable as they could on the hard floor. It was going to hurt everywhere in the morning, but Chishiya didn’t care for now. This was time he should treasure, precious time spent with the boy who held his heart, away from the danger and bloodshed of this land. This moment was just about them, nothing else mattered.
From his position, Chishiya could see the back of Arisu’s head, his fluffy black hair tickled his chin. It was adorable. He cautiously wound his arms around the younger man, giving him the time to pull away if he wanted to.
He didn’t.
The gamer did tense a little at the initial touch, but soon melted gladly into Chishiya's chest, and his breathing slowed. The fire went out and the two fell into well needed slumber.
Arisu woke in the middle of the night, his brain was groggily, and his eyes were blurred. He could only see the dimly lit area around them, the battery powered light was running out, it was not as bright as it had been. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had woken up, but he now had the overwhelming need to use the bathroom, which definitely could not wait until morning. Chishiya moved slightly, and Arisu jumped, he had forgotten all about the man beside him. His arms were secured around Arisu’s waist, and his face was buried into the nape of Arisu’s neck.
Oh god.
How could he have allowed this to happen so freely? He hadn't been in the right mind when he had practically begged Chishiya to comfort him like this, although it was surprising that the man had humoured Arisu’s requests. He must have liked the idea. Not the time Arisu, he needed to escape to go outside. And quickly.
However, this was easier said than done, as the man had achieved an incredibly strong grip on him, it wasn’t uncomfortably tight, but no amount of wriggling could dislodge the blonde man’s arms. Dammit. Arisu resorted to jabbing his finger into the man’s side repetitively, until Chishiya cracked an eye open and groaned.
“What the hell Arisu, it’s the middle of the night!”
“Sorry, but you wouldn’t let me go. I need to use the bathroom.” Arisu kept his voice low, as too not wake the others.
“Oh right. My bad.”
Chishiya let go of Arisu after a moment of slight hesitation, and watched as the man made a beeline outside.
“Be careful...” but Arisu was gone.
After his business was finished, Arisu began to make his way back inside, before he stopped. Was that a person? The moonlight allowed him to see the outside area slightly, and he had sworn he had spied a human shaped silhouette moving around in the shadows. His breathing quickened, as he debated calling out to the vanished figure. What if someone needed help?
Another survivor maybe, looking for the King’s game. But there was no one in sight. His mind must be playing tricks on him again, it had developed a nasty habit for that.
He turned, to make his way back to Chishiya and froze.
They were here again, standing in front of him, Karube and Chota. But something was different about the pair this time. They were dressed in clean clothes, no collars, and they looked happy. Like they had before the borderlands. Arisu felt tears prick his eyes, but unlike before, when they had been tears of anguish and loss, Arisu simply felt joy, and happiness at the sight of his best friends. They were here at last, the real version of them.
“Arisu...we are so happy to see you.” Chota smiled from beside Karube.
“We can’t stay long, we just came to give you a message.” said Karube, his eyes full of their usual humour.
God , Arisu had missed those eyes.
“What is it?”
Arisu was surprised he had managed to get the words out at all, as the tears had began to fall freely don his face already.
“You need to let us go Arisu, you need to live on properly.”
With the message complete, the pair turned their backs to Arisu, and began to walk away, into the dark.
“Wait!” Arisu shouted, they were leaving already?
“I ...I love you guys.” Chota turned to face him again, and smiled.
“We love you too, Arisu.”
And then they were gone. Melted into the shadow of the night, leaving the bewildered gamer behind once again. Even if they had been fake, a conjuring of Arisu’s troubled mind, he still felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off of his shoulders. His friends didn’t hate him. He was free. Free from the guilt, the pain that was tormenting him.
With a wide grin spreading across his face, the dark haired man made his way back into the camp, feeling lighter than he had in years. He walked quietly up to Chishiya, who had fallen back asleep in his absence. He looked oddly vulnerable in the pale light, when the usual frown had been lifted off of his face. His features looked softer almost, and his light hair was lighted perfectly. It was really sweet, and Arisu froze, his gaze lingering on the man’s face, despite the tiredness he felt.
“Are you going to come here, or do you plan on staring at me all night?”
Chishiya’s eyes flickered open and glared at the gamer slightly, as Arisu went a deep shade of red. He had been caught in the act.
“Sorry..” He mumbled, and stooped down to join Chishiya on the ground again. He could feel the sleep dulling his movements, so he barely thought as he plopped himself right in Chishiya's arms, with his face resting on his chest. If the man was surprised he didn’t show it, he simply brought one of his arms over Arisu's waist, and the other into his hair. And that was how they fell asleep, as close to the other as they could. Arisu wished it could be like this all the time.
But who knows, maybe it would be someday.