Apology
“Do you think this suits me, Arisu?”
Arisu turned his attention to Tatta, the man was holding a shirt up with an excited grin on his face. It had a grey background, with a bright red sports car in the middle. Arisu had picked it out especially for Tatta, he knew of the man’s slightly strange love for cars. He was not surprised he had immediately gravitated towards it out of the mountain of clothes laying on the dirty floor. He smiled at the man and answered his query with a nod, Tatta went to the side to change into his prize, humming a cheery tune as he went.
When Arisu, Chishiya and Kuina had returned as a group, Tatta had immediately sprung up to meet them, he had been very glad to be away from the two scary women beside him. He had happily taken the clothing bags from the trio, and emptied them out to allow everyone to find something they liked. Usagi had risen from the floor and taken a few items in silence, determinately looking at the ground as she came near Arisu. This sent another stab of sadness, and guilt to Arisu’s stomach. He had forgotten slightly about the woman's anger while he had been out, but now it had returned to him at full force.
He really wished he could make things better with Usagi before the King of club’s game, he needed to talk to her. Clubs games were all about teamwork, and their team needed to perform to the best of their ability, to survive. That would be difficult, if she wouldn’t even look Arisu in the eyes.
Arisu looked around their camp, and noticed that Ann had had awoken, and she took a plain pair of trousers and a blouse from the pile, before retreating back to her corner, flashing a quick smile to Kuina before doing so. Arisu saw Kuina blushing slightly, and she stumbled slightly when she bent down to pick up a hoodie. He had noticed a similar action earlier, when the two had made eye contact in the shop.
Strange.
With the clothes distributed, Arisu moved to sit by the wall, close to Ann, who was discreetly staring at Kuina.
Well, not that discreetly.
The girl was laughing, and giving Tatta a fashion show with her new outfit. Her model face was surprisingly good, as she cat walked across the area. Tatta looked slightly bored, but he was still cheering her on with fake enthusiasm, too scared of the woman to walk away. A small smile was playing on Ann’s lips, and Arisu shuffled closer to her, trying to get her attention. She had not noticed him sitting down, too busy with Kuina, and the sudden action made her jump slightly.
“Hey Ann, bad news I’m afraid. Chishiya and Kuina didn’t manage to find any food when they went out earlier!Can you believe it? Anyway, I think it would be a good idea if you and Kuina went out again, we need to eat.” said Arisu to the slightly flustered woman, with a smirk. It was fun to see this version of her, she was usually so serious, the embarrassment made her look more human.
“Why don’t you go instead Arisu-” She began, but Arisu had already stood and walked up to Kuina, interrupting her catwalk, much to Tatta’s delight.
“Hey Kuina, would you mind going with Ann to get some more food? Ann already agreed.”
He said, ignoring Ann’s last statement. She would thank him later.
Probably.
Kuina agreed happily, and the pair left the warehouse, as the light began to grow dimmer. Arisu watched them go with a proud smile, he loved playing matchmaker. A painful twinge in his arm made him wince slightly, he had not had chance to look at it at all, or re bind it. The grey scrap of Chishiya’s shirt was still wound around his arm, blood staining it dark brown.
Gross.
Speaking of the older man, Chishiya had taken a pair of trousers and a plain t shirt from the pile, ducking behind a nearby pillar to change. He emerged looking rather pleased with his new clothes, they weren’t ripped or bloody any more, which was a definite plus. He looked nice.
What Arisu did notice though, was that Chishiya hadn’t abandoned his white jacket, it sat on his shoulders, a physical embodiment of Arisu’s guilt. Panic built in his chest, as he began to stride towards him, with no emotion on his face.
Oh god.
Chishiya stopped a pace away from the gamer, his cold eyes fixed on Arisu’s arm. He sighed and then began to speak.
“Arisu, I need to have a look at your arm. The bandage needs to come off. I should probably clean it too, I didn't have the chance to earlier.”
He sounded tired, and his eyes were still dull. When they had returned to their camp, the amusement on Arisu’s behalf had faded, and the awkward tension had returned. The gamer felt himself longing to hear the man's laugh again, he had been proud to cause it earlier. Maybe he could make him laugh again?
No, focus on the task at hand Arisu.
Chishiya quietly led him away from the group to look at his arm in privacy, it looked that he too was finding Usagi’s death glares uncomfortable. At least that was one thing the pair had in common.
This would be the best chance Arisu would get to apologise, before it was too late, and Chishiya slipped fully out of his grasp. Anxiety was coursing through him, and he swallowed dryly, his brain was in overdrive thinking of all the ways this conversation could go wrong. What if Chishiya told him he hated him? Told him to leave the group? He didn't hate Arisu that much, right?
The pair sat down without a word to each other, and Chishiya rolled up Arisu's sleeve, exposing the bandage below. His cool fingers brushed against his skin, and sent shivers of electricity down Arisu’s arm, his heart sped up slightly. The blonde man was frowning with concentration as he carefully peeled back the fabric, Arisu tried his best not to show his discomfort. The bullet hadn't done as much damage as Arisu had feared, it would probably be healed within two weeks, if they survived that long.
The scrap of grey fluttered to the ground, and Chishiya made a small hum of satisfaction. He grabbed a cloth and a water bottle from next to where they sat, unscrewing the plastic lid carefully. It was the last of their water supply, Ann and Kuina better come back with more.
“Sorry, this might sting a little, but I need to clean it.” He said, his voice hushed, as to not disturb the others.
Tatta had actually managed to start a small conversation with Usagi, which was quite impressive, Arisu could see some of the tension melting off her shoulders already. They were chatting quietly, away from the pair. That was some progress, at least.
Arisu turned back to Chishiya and nodded before fixing his gaze away from his arm, he could feel the water flowing over the cut, it hurt, but it was bearable. Arisu found himself feeling grateful for Chishiya’s previous profession, medical knowledge was invaluable in harsh lands like these.
Now, the apology. But how to begin?
“Chishiya.”
“Sorry Arisu, I know it stings.” He said, finishing his work on Arisu’s arm, pulling his sleeve down as he went. The man had misunderstood Arisu’s statement, making Arisu panic a bit more.
“No no, It’s fine, I just-”
Arisu paused, the words had halted in his mouth. This was his one chance, and he needed to do a good job. He took a deep breath, and raised his head to make eye contact with Chishiya. There was a curiosity brimming in them, but Arisu could see the slight worry and sadness that the blonde was trying to hide, and his guilt amplified, tearing at his chest like a caged animal. Chishiya didn't break his gaze, and allowed Arisu to continue.
“I wanted to apologise, for what I said earlier. It was completely unjustified, and you didn’t deserve it. Please Chishiya, I was so grateful that we- that we became friends. Your truly an amazing person, and I don’t want to lose you because I couldn’t control my emotions.”
Arisu paused, and a heavy breath ran from his chest. Chishiya’s face remained expressionless and he made no move to say anything. Well, this was going great. The older man must want him to explain what happened between him and Usagi, a simple apology would not be enough for him.
“Usagi and I, we er, we had a fight, about you, sort of. She was angry at me because, erm, she thought I liked you. She hates me because she always thought that I had a crush on her, which I didn’t, but she thought I did and it upset her. I thought I liked her for abit, but now I know I didn't. It was purely platonic...I guess? Sorry, I’m rambling a bit.”
Arisu paused, his stutter was quite obvious, and his face flushed with embarrassment. It was one thing having the guts to apologise to Chishiya, with his judgmental gaze, but admitting his ‘girl problems’ was another level of shame for the gamer. Chishiya better appreciate this torture he was inflicting on himself,for the older man’s sake.
“Wait, you don’t like Usagi?” said Chishiya, finally breaking the tension with an air of confusion.
There was something different about his voice. It seemed happy, and hopeful? Two things that Arisu had rarely seen on him before. How strange.
“No, I don’t, why are you surprised? Did it look like I liked her?”
“But you are always so awkward around her!”
“I’m an awkward person ok! It doesn't mean I like her, we are just friends!” Arisu squawked, did Chishiya enjoy making him feel uncomfortable?
The other man chuckled slightly, disbelief in his voice. The guilt and anxiety circuiting Arisu’s body had lessened, and he found himself smiling slightly at his companion. Even though the conversation was not going how Arisu had expected, he was glad that Chishiya didn’t seem angry at him. The pair settled into a comfortable silence, and Arisu found himself wishing that Chishiya would address his rather poor attempt at an apology, instead of his anti social behaviour. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t socialise much in the real world!
“To be honest Arisu, I didn't think you were going to apologise to me. You lost Usagi because of something I did, I understand why you lashed out at me. I dare say I deserve it.” The man said, his expression darkening slightly.
How on earth did he think he deserved Arisu’s shitty treatment? This guy was impossible.
“Chishiya, are you being serious? That was in no way your fault. You did so much for me! You saved my life, and I treated you like dirt. I am completely wrong for that. Just let me apologise properly!”
A hint of anger bloomed in Arisu’s voice. Anger at himself, for making Chishiya feel this way. He really was a disgusting person.
“Ok then. I forgive you, Arisu.”
...What?
“You do?, after all I did?”
There was cruel hope flowing into Arisu’s question, and he could feel his eyes blurring slightly. Keep it together Arisu, goddammit.
“It’s ok Arisu, truly, I can tell you didn’t mean what you said, and hell, your apology proves you care, at least a little, about me. Thank you for that.”
He paused for a second, before adding:
“Friends?”
Arisu was stumped. This was way more than he could have hoped for from the man. Chishiya was so nice to him now, quite a difference from their time at the beach. He simply nodded, and rested his back against the wall behind them, mirroring Chishiya. He had an itching question to ask the man, but he didn’t want to shatter their newly formed friendship immediately.
“Just spit it out already, Arisu.” murmured the blonde, he always knew what people were thinking.
It was a skill. A slightly annoying skill, but a skill none the less. Arisu wetted his lips nervously and shifted in his position.
“Why did you save me in the King of Spades game, Chishiya? I know I put your life in danger, you would have been better off leaving me in that alley.”
The silence was deafening.
“Your a good player. I needed you to survive.”
Arisu felt his heart sink, of course Chishiya had done it for his own benefit. That's what he specialised in after all. The younger man wasn’t sure what he had wanted Chishiya to say, but his simple answer stung like a slap. He really didn’t feel anything towards Arisu, did he. Arisu shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. He began to move, to make his way back to the others, when Chishiya continued, a slight panic evident in his voice.
“....that was a lie. I’m sorry.” Chishiya admitted, and Arisu quickly turned to look at him. What did he mean, it was a lie? Chishiya looked down, as though he was debating what to say next.
“To be honest, I couldn’t imagine leaving you there. I felt I needed to protect you, I’m not sure why, but I’m glad I did.”
He looked ashamed, he hadn’t planned on telling Arisu that and exposing his feelings was obviously not a fun activity for him. Small tapping sounds echoed around them as Chishiya subconsciously drummed his nails on the concrete, anxiously waiting for Arisu’s reply. His nervousness was quite sweet, really.
Not now, Arisu.
He could feel a smile slowly spreading across his face, and a large wave of relief crashed over him. So Chishiya did care, a small bit, about him. His heart was racing as he met the shorter man’s eyes, and saw a smile on his face as well.
So his apology had been a success.