It was Sunday night. As had become custom, the Avengers sat in the living room, staring at the flat screen TV, watching that week's Game of Thrones episode. At first they'd started watching it in order to comment on the fight scenes, and as an excuse to watch Steve squirm during the (numerous) sex scenes. However, after only a few weeks they all found themselves drawn into the drama of Westeros.
It had been a reasonably quiet week, only a few minor skirmishes for the Avengers, so everyone was relaxed and happy. During the first commercial break, Thor turned to Tony. "What house would you swear allegiance to, my friend?"
"House Stark, of course," Tony replied immediately, puffing his chest.
"Really?" Bruce asked.
"Well, yeah, what else?"
"I figured you'd side with the Lannisters."
"Why?"
"Well, cause, you know..." he trailed off, looking uncomfortable.
"The daddy issues? House Stark has plenty of those too. Look at Jon Snow. Guy's got more man pain than hair." Tony continued easily.
"No! I meant 'cause, they have lots of gold, and they buy their way to power-"
"What are you trying to say?" Tony demanded, eyebrow raised.
"And... and even so, they always pay their debts!" Bruce continued, visibly looking for a way out.
"That's right!" Thor exclaimed helpfully, "A Lannister always pays his debts!"
"But, I don't owe anyone anything." Tony stated.
Pepper choked on her popcorn.
"I mean in the financial sense, of course!" Tony added in a rush, looking a little panicked. Natasha patted Pepper on the back, glaring at Tony over the CEO's head.
Steve, who had been paying careful attention to a Pizza Hut commercial this whole time, sighed and looked over at Tony. "I don't know, you remind me an awful lot of Tyrion Lannister."
Cautiously, Tony turned from Pepper to Steve. "Go on..."
Steve shrugged. "He's really smart, and steps up to save the day when he has to."
Tony made a considering noise.
"Also, the guy knows how to party," Bruce added.
"This is very true..." Tony said, looking thoughtful.
"Besides, I would have considered our friend Steve to be a more apt member of House Stark," Thor announced.
"Me? Why?" Steve asked, startled.
"The Starks are warriors of the old tradition: they attack their foes head-on, are practical in the face of adversity, and are extremely honorable... perhaps past the point of wisdom, at times."
"Yep, that's Cap." Tony agreed, having apparently ceded House Stark to Steve.
Steve blushed, but didn't say anything.
"Shh, the show's back on!" Natasha hissed, and the Avengers all turned back to the TV.
-----
"I'd be in House Martell for sure," Clint said, out of the blue during the next commercial break. "Patient in conflict, waiting for just the right moment. Plus, they're hot-blooded, which everyone knows means they're good in the sack."
Natasha gave him a doubting look. "Clint, you can't just make up houses for you to be in."
"I didn't make it up!" the archer exclaimed, looking indignant. "House Martell is a thing, okay? Just because none of you have read the books and haven't met them yet, doesn't mean they don't-"
"You read the books?" Bruce asked, sounding surprised (and a little impressed).
Clint shrugged. "Yeah."
"...you read?" Tony taunted.
"You know what. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. Whatever, I'm watching the rest of the episode from the bookcase. See if you can't stop me." He walked stiffly over to the bookcase behind the couch, face set stubbornly, yet watching Thor carefully from the corner of his eye. Thor considered the challenge for a moment, then seemed to let it slide.
As Clint settled sulkily into his nest of stolen towels and blankets on top of the shelves, Tony announced (having been typing away at his tablet during Clint's outburst) "Oh, would you look at that. There is a House Martell."
Without a word, Clint reached down to the shelf below him, grabbed the nearest book (which was a hardback), and threw it at Tony's head.
-----
Three days later, in the midst of a battle with Loki and some frost giants, Steve snapped over the comms "Iron Man, stop humming the Lannister Song!"
"Oh, stop whining, Cap. By the way, look sharp - Winter is Coming up behind you."
Steve didn't say anything, but turned to face the frost giant that had been sneaking up behind him.