It was a tough shift. A four-alarm fire that lasted excruciatingly long 8 hours. She knew it was big as soon as they arrived at the scene. It was an all-hands-on-deck situation. So she was in the building evacuating and searching for people.
She and Andy were on the 7th floor when an explosion shook the entire building, sending a heavy beam to fall on top of Maya. She was stuck under that for less than 30 minutes but it felt like hours. She wasn't even hurt, just a bruise on her shoulder.
Maya Bishop was never afraid in those situations. In fact, she usually loved running into burning buildings. Since becoming a captain, she was rarely close to any action. So her firegasms were always welcomed.
But this time it was different. This time she was genuinely afraid she would not make it. A certain Italian OB was on her mind the entire time. She was scared to not make it home to her, to her arms and soft touch.
That fear started about two months before. They were in a situation similar to today's event. A four-alarm fire in a factory. Captain Jones from Station 38 was inside when the roof collapsed. Their team was too late to rescue her as the fire quickly took over the location.
The funeral was brutal. Captain Lucy Jones was a 40-year-old mom to a young girl. The little girl sat in the front row, next to her father, hugging her mom's orange helmet.
It did something to Maya. For the first time, she imagined Carina in that situation, sitting there listening to the bells. And it broke her heart in a way she never felt before. The pain in that man's eyes haunted her.
And she knows it shook Carina as well. The brunette had never been to a firefighter funeral before. For the following weeks, Maya could feel Carina's worry. She texted more, she was extra clingy when the captain was back from her shift.
For months Maya had been thinking about proposing. Even before what happened with Captain Jones. She was certain she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Carina. She knew the Italian's position on marriage but she thought it would be different. They grew so much together. Their love was unlike anything Maya had ever experienced.
After the funeral, however, it was clear to Maya that the marriage was not just a dream, but perhaps a necessity.
She wanted Carina to be protected in case something happened to her. She knew money was not a problem for brunette. As Head of OB at Grey-Sloan, she got more than enough to live well.
But money was not the point. She wanted Carina to have the same rights as any other partner. She wanted to leave something for Carina. She wanted the Italian to be able to make important decisions that were rightfully hers. And that could only happen if they were legally married. The pension. The funeral.
Especially with Maya's abusive father. She was terrified that he could take over any life or medical decisions from Carina. Maya worked too hard for this city to have the love of her life left unprotected.
So for the last two months, the idea of proposing became more and more real. She chose the ring, she talked with Andrew. She was just waiting to find the perfect moment. She thought about making a special dinner, petals and candles all over their home. But she still wasn't sure.
So after the scare of the four-alarm, Maya finds herself standing at their front door. She smiles as she hears the soft Italian music playing. She opens the door to find Carina dancing in the kitchen while making lasagna. The doctor is so entranced by the song and the cooking that she does not hear Maya coming in nor see the intense look and smile on her girlfriend's face. So the captain takes her time to watch Carina, to trace her movements, to absorb her light.
She was in a fiery hell less than two hours ago and now she is in the safest place in the world with her favourite person. And she wants that forever.
"You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Do you know that?" Maya speaks softly but loud enough to startle Carina.
"Bambina, you're home!" The Italian's face almost splits in half with a wide smile. Her eyes shine brightly with happiness.
Maya wraps Carina in a strong embrace, her face buried in the Italian's neck. She takes a deep breath and kisses a trail toward Carina's mouth. They share a passionate kiss that leaves them gasping for air. Maya rests her forehead on Carina's, wanting this moment to never end.
"I am making lasagna. I know you had a hard day so I thought your favourite food would help."
Maya smiles, her eyes soft and so in love with the woman in front of her. She can't help but remember when Carina first brought her lasagna at the station. How Maya almost lost her. After all this time, she is still amazed at how lucky she is to get to go home to her. She is in constant awe of Carina.
"You are perfect, my love. Thank you."
Carina just laughs softly while she nuzzles Maya's cheeks and nose.
And in this perfect moment, of having her girlfriend in her arms, Maya decides that now is the time. She thought about a great gesture or an elaborate proposal, but she feels like she needs to say it now. So she takes a deep breath.
"I need to ask you something," Maya says, her voice now a bit shaky.
Carina leans back a little, furrowed brow as she notices her girlfriend's nervousness.
"You are the most incredible, loving, kind, smart, sexy, and gorgeous woman in the world. And I want to spend every day of my life with you. I want every person and government to know that I am yours. This is it for me. I can't imagine my life without you. And I know you think it's just paperwork, but it's important. I know we don't need a piece of paper to say that we love each other and that we will spend the rest of our lives together. But I want to do and have everything with you. I never thought I would love someone as much as I love you. I never thought this would be possible. This life of love and peace. In your arms, everything feels right. So I would like to make it official. I would love to be your wife. So, Carina DeLuca, will you please marry me?"
Maya's smile is wide as she asks the question but it doesn't last long. It drops when she feels Carina's body tense. The Italian takes a few steps back. Utter confusion spread across her face.
She did not see that one coming. To say she is in shock is an understatement.
She stutters and mumbles a bit but no answer ever really comes out of her mouth.
She can see the complete despair in Maya's eyes. The blonde's face is sombre and devastated.
"I need to go." That's all Carina says as she moves out of Maya's reach, grabs her phone and walks out of the apartment, leaving Maya broken and confused.
–
Carina is pacing around her brother's living room. Her mind is racing. It feels like her heart will explode. She can't even think straight. There are just too many emotions. She doesn't understand what is happening or what she is feeling. And that scares her.
She was only a teenager when her family split and she saw her mother and brother moving to another continent. She felt the responsibility to help her father, to take care of him. She had to grow up way too fast. She experienced trauma and loss.
But she went to therapy. She was proud of the work she had done to understand her feelings. She was open and honest. She knew what she wanted. She was confident. She was aware of her feelings and how they impacted the people around her.
Until now, at least. Now, she is confused and overwhelmed. She was just making lasagna. Waiting for her girlfriend to get home. It was just a regular Tuesday. Now, she feels like she can't breathe. She wants to scream.
She moves quickly from side to side, Italian words flying out of her mouth so fast that not even Andrew can catch up.
She's been like that for 5 minutes. She stormed the apartment without much explanation. Now Andrew sits on the couch looking concernedly at his sister.
He finally hears the words "proposta di matrimonio" and knows exactly what happened. Maya had talked to him a few weeks ago about it but she never said when she would finally propose.
"Carina, breathe. Just breathe." Andrew speaks firmly as he notices his sister is hyperventilating.
His words and tone pull Carina back to the moment. She takes a deep breath.
"Maya proposed."
"Okay." Andrew nods, hoping for his sister to elaborate on that.
"What do you mean 'okay'? Maya asked me to marry her. Did you not hear what I just said?"
Andrew almost wants to giggle at Carina but when he stops when her eyes fill with tears.
"I heard it. I thought you would be happy."
"You knew? Andrea, sei serio? You knew she was going to propose?"
He freezes for a second, realizing how not okay his sister is.
"Yes. Maya talked to me a couple of weeks ago. She was excited and nervous."
"Non ci posso credere."
"Carina, respira, per favore."
"I can't. I just can't. Marriage is not real, Andrea. It puts an obligation on love. I don't believe in ticking a box and calling that a marriage. And our parents, Andrea. They were miserable, cruel, and broken. They hated each other so much that they separated us. We missed so much of our lives because they couldn't even be in the same country together. I don't want that. I can't live like that."
"You won't. That won't be you and Maya."
"How do you know?"
"Don't you think I'm proof that we can break our family patterns?"
"Andrea…'’
"I'm not like our father. Your marriage doesn't have to be like our parents' either. We know better, Carina. You helped me, you showed me that we could be different. You supported me through everything."
"And I am so proud of you, but it's not the same."
"Why? You love each other. You are your happiest with her, Carina. I know. I've seen it. I just want you to think about it. Don't dismiss what you have because you're scared. We are not our parents, sorella."
Carina finally surrenders to her tears, though Andrew is quick to embrace and comfort his sister. The weight of the evening's event finally taking a toll on her. Did she just ruin her future with Maya?
After a moment, she finds her voice again.
"I just left, Andrea. She proposed and I just left. I was so shocked. I hurt her."
"Then say you're sorry. Explain it to her. Maya loves you, Carina. Just talk to her. Don't lose her because you're afraid or too proud."
Carina nods, letting her brother's words sink in. He is right and she knows it.
"You are very wise, fratellino. It's annoying."
"I know."
Andrew's smile is so wide that Carina can't help but laugh at him. She draws a deep breath, knowing that she needs to go back home. She needs to fix the damage she caused. But she is so nervous her hands are shaking - something that Andrew notices immediately. He holds Carina's hands in his, trying to reassure his sister.
"You will be okay. You and Maya will be okay."
—
Carina stands now in front of their door. Fear, shame, and regret - it all boils inside her. She pushes through, knowing she needs to talk with Maya, she needs to fix it.
The apartment is quiet and she is suddenly terrified that Maya might have left. She closes the door and walks in to find Maya sitting at the table. The beautifully baked lasagna in front of her, untouched.
"I finished putting it together. It's still warm if you're hungry." The blonde's voice is quiet, hollow.
After Carina left, Maya stood in the middle of the kitchen, speechless. At first, she wanted to run, scream, and cry. But she was surprisingly quiet. A few tears fell but she swallowed them back while she finished assembling the lasagna. Carina was almost done by the time Maya arrived from work.
Stoically, Maya pre-heated the oven and baked the dish for 40 minutes. All while in complete silence.
She felt empty. She did everything like a zombie. Emotionless. Hollow. In her mind, three words played in a loop: "You ruin it." "You ruin it. You ruin it. You ruin it." Over and over again.
When the lasagna was ready, she let it stand for 10 minutes, just as she had observed her girlfriend doing it so many times before. She carefully placed it on the table that Carina had set.
And she sat there. She did not know what to do. Was she losing it? Perhaps, she was going insane, sitting at the table waiting for the woman who had left her.
Carina left. She left. The realization hit her and she sank further into the chair, feeling small. The tears were about to fall freely when she heard the click of the key on the door.
Now, there they are, in the dining room, silent. Maya cannot bear to look at Carina. She continues to stare at the lasagna.
"I'm sorry," Carina says quietly, moving to sit on the chair next to Maya. The blonde's eyes remain on the table.
"Mi dispiace, bambina. I'm an idiot. I should not have left like that." Carina tries again, her voice laced with emotion.
Maya closes her eyes, pushing back tears. She thinks hearing a "no" will actually be worse than Carina leaving. She doesn't think she can bear it. It will hurt too much.
"It's okay. I'm tired. I think I'll just go to bed. You should eat."
Maya stands up, feeling the urge to move away from her girlfriend, to avoid whatever will come next. The emptiness inside her is replaced by overwhelming fear and anxiety. She can't face Carina's rejection. She can't face their possible ruin. Perhaps, they can just pretend nothing happened.
Carina gently catches Maya's hand, hoping to prevent the blonde from going to their bedroom. She can see how hurt the firefighter is. She desperately needs to fix it.
Maya stops, the touch of Carina's hand sending a shiver through her. The Italian moves to stand in front of her, their hands still locked.
"Maya, please, look at me."
At the sound of Carina's broken voice, Maya looks up and finds those beautiful brown eyes shining at her.
"I'm so sorry. I was surprised and scared. I was a complete idiot for leaving. I love you, bambina. I love you and I am terrified. I'm terrified to repeat my parents' mistakes. But I know that what we have is so beautiful and real. And I want you. You're my home. So, please forgive me, my love."
The sincerity and love in Carina's words and eyes move Maya to bring Carina closer until they rest their foreheads together.
"I love you, Carina. And I don't want to push you. I'm sorry if I ambushed you. I don't…"
Carina interrupts her with a kiss. Her hands gently hold Maya's face, her thumb caressing the blonde's chin.
"Ask me again." The words come out in a whisper once they break their kiss.
At that, Maya's blue eyes shine brightly, a few tears falling from the corners of her eyes. But she gives Carina her favourite crinkle-nose smile.
"Carina DeLuca, will you please marry me?"
"Si, bambina. I'll marry you."