Chapter 18
"You seem distraught today." Loki muttered, looking sideways from the overly dramatic, badly performed play running in the television. Tony, next to him nodded absently.
The god fell into silence again, still watching the human. He hadn't said a word since he had arrived, and when Loki had turned the TV on, he´d barely even paid attention. Now he sat looking at the screen without actually seeing it and he could tell by his eyes that his mind was really far away. If he´d had to make a guess, Loki would´ve said it had something to do with his fellow heroes, even though he knew his problems were more likely to come from him. Who likes to blame themselves anyway?
"Did anything happen?" He voiced finally, his eyes going back to the screen just in time to avoid Tony´s questioning stare.
"What?"
"You heard me."
Tony smiled over the knot in his stomach. He had worried the god, it seemed.
"Nothing serious."
"So?"
Tony, being more of a man of action, decided to drop the bomb and plan on the way.
"Thor asked me to talk to you."
Loki huffed. "That fool..." And he stretched on the spacious couch, his naked foot intentionally poking Tony´s tight. "Feel free to pay him no mind, for there is nothing to talk about."
"Really?" Tony grabbed the god´s heel, driving it away rom him. "He gave me a preview, and I spotted quite a few topics to check on."
"And you would like to discuss them because…?"
"I wouldn´t."
"Do it because you want to, not because you don´t have a choice."
At Loki´s sarcastic dramatization of himself, Tony turned to find him sporting a shit eating grin.
"I have a choice."
"Of course. Many of them." The foot was back for barely a second, rubbing up his calf and retreating just as fast.
"Stop that."
"Huh?" Loki faked innocence.
"You´re trying to distract me. Stop it" He pinched his nose. "I want to talk."
"You are a lousy liar, Tony Stark." Loki smirked, and that was the sight Tony looked up to.
"Don´t you ever wish someone to just listen? It´s not something I offer everyday, but it seems to me like you need it." And he watched as the smirk slipped from his face. "There it is, am I right?"
"I am in no mood to be judged by just another inferior being."
"That is a risk you have to take."
The human and the god stared at each other, solemnly.
"There is no redemption for me" Loki broke the silence, staring back ahead. "And I don´t seek it, either. There is no forgetting what I´ve done."
"Forgetting and forgiving are not the same."
"What I´ve done is unforgivable."
"Thor forgave you." There it was. The nervous swallowing and the averted gaze. Thor had been right when he warned him of Loki´s reaction to reminders of affection… Which he had found particularly sad.
"Thor will always forgive. It´s in his nature." And his voice faded. "Others are not so simple, and I don´t wish for anyone´s pity."
"The thing is you don´t want to be forgiven." He could practically feel Loki tensing next to him. Whatever he said from then on would either make it impossibly better or impossibly worse. He´d stabbed the knife, and he prepared to twist it in the wound. Whether he had stabbed Loki or something entirely different was yet to be seen. "I could forgive you."
Loki blinked slowly once, then twice, and then climbed to his feet.
Tony looked up briefly, but the god didn´t meet his gaze. Instead, he turned his back to him and walked away.
The billionaire remained sitting, and when the apartment door closed with a click he rested his face on his hands.
"This is going to blow up in your face, Tony."
Fuck.
"You seem to have constructed a relationship with my brother"
Fuck.
He pulled his phone out, ringing the first number in his speed dial. She answered on the second ring.
"Tony?"
"How do you do it, Peps?" He asked simply.
"… Are you all right?"
"Have a drink with me, Pepper."
"… Sure. Come over."
Tony smiled. Just why did she put up with him?
He stood from the couch, and left the apartment, sending a last glance back before closing the door.
-
Loki walked into an empty alley, breathing heavily.
Five minutes later, a dumpster flew across the street, courtesy of the god´s kick.
Just who did he think he was?
-
"I see…" Pepper muttered, eyes focused on the swirls of her foamy cappuccino. Across the table, Tony nodded.
"Kind of feel like shit about it. And we didn´t even actually talk." He swallowed. "I mean… I just…" He shook his head, laughing. "Forget it. I don´t even know what I did."
"Personally, I think you shocked him." She resolved.
"Possibly. The guy does really think his brother is the only one that cares about him."
Pepper sighed. "Tony…"
The man forced a smile, over the heavy weight still pulling his stomach down, acquiring a lighthearted attitude. "Shouldn´t you be happy for me, Peps?"
"Should I? Reasonably speaking, I mean."
"Nah. Not really." And he looked up to see Pepper returning him a resigned smile.
"I´m a bit happy, though."
He cleared his throat, embarrassed.
"Back on topic. What do I do?"
Pepper shrugged. "Go see him again tomorrow. He will probably act like this never happened. Just try again, now that the field is set."
"Steve is right. I should totally give you a raise."
"Well, you recently bought me a new car and booked me a trip to Bali for my birthday, so I´d say we´re even."
He arched an eyebrow, amused at her smug smile.
"How generous of me."
"You´re such a nice boss…"
-
So Tony went back to the apartment the next day. Thing was… It was just as empty as the day before.
He shrugged it off; if Loki was still pissed at him then it was better not to cross him.
So he reappeared there two days later, with a box of pastries under his arm… Just to find himself standing in an empty apartment again. Just how much had he annoyed the god?
However, after facing the same result on his third try, he started suspecting.
He rung Thor. "Hey buddy… Did your brother call or… Pay one of his creepy unexpected visits to the tower?"
"My brother? I have not seen him, Anthony. Did something happen?"
"I wish I knew, man. I think the talk didn´t work out as we thought it would." He browsed his options. "Whatever, I´ll ring him later, he could just still be pissed at me."
Thor hung up, and placed the phone on the low night table, where it beeped loudly at its proximity to Mjölnir, before turning on the spot.
"Will you tell me what this is about now?"
From his place on the couch, Loki sighed, before giving a resigned nod.
-
"It´s me again. Pick up already, will you? I know you know how to hear these." Tony tapped on the red symbol, and let his phone go mute again.
He looked across the table to where Thor and Steve stared at him, expectant.
"Any luck, friend?"
He shook his head. "Your brother´s a teenager, has anyone ever told you that?"
Thor huffed, leaning his chin on the table
"I have said so myself. But we have all behaved as such in a point of our lives. I just wish he doesn´t run into his captors alone.
The thought sent a cold shiver down Tony´s spine.
"Are you sure you didn´t say anything else? Anything that could have… Offended him?"
"Yes Steve. I called him an oversized smurf, and told him how we all love Thor much more than him."
Steve rolled his eyes. "Just trying to help here." He stood up. "I´ll go patrol again. Natasha´s out and I´m afraid she´ll run into him."
They stayed alone at the table, tony glaring at his phone like it was to blame for everything, and Thor tapped his thick fingers on the wood, impatient.
It had been over a week since anyone had seen Loki… Officially, at least, Thor thought to himself. He´d have never thought lying could be so easy.
"I thank you for your concern, friend. I´m sorry my brother didn´t react as we expected."
"Wait until I find him." Tony muttered angrily. "We´ll talk so fucking hard he´ll be hearing me for weeks! What made him think now was the best moment to throw a tantrum? There´s an entire race hunting him!" He looked at his teammate for approbation, just to find him studying him with interest. "Something on my face, blondie?"
"I find your worry to be amusing."
"Nice."
Thor burst out laughing. "Sorry, my friend. It just makes me happy." And he stood up to leave, clapping tony on the shoulder once with such force he bent forward. "Thanks for taking a liking to my brother."
"… Well that was pretty direct."
Thor laughed again and went away, leaving Tony alone with his thoughts.
-
"Promise me something, brother."
"I don´t see why I should."
"There´s not a particular reason…" Thor cleared his throat. "But you will do it."
"I don´t see why you´re asking, if you truly are so sure."
"Speak to Anthony."
"I fear that´s a requirement for me to stop invading your precious tower."
"Brother…"
"Don´t. And I still want nothing to do with you."
Thor huffed, annoyed at the paler one´s stubbornness. He leaned on the heavy bathroom door.
"Then why did you run here of all places?"
"I was short on options, and you were the least of my problems."
"Maybe this is what father planned."
"There is no ´this´, Thor. And even if there was, I heavily doubt Odin would have foreseen it. He is not as wise as you think."
"Just please brother… Speak to him."
-
"Would you please stop being eight years old and take my calls? It´s getting annoying."
Tony tossed the phone on his mattress, and turned over to watch the city.
"Getting a taste of your own medicine, Sir?"
"Remind me to reset you." He glared at thin air, wishing for the first time he´d bothered to make Jarvis a body so he had something to hate when the computer was a smartass with him. "Are all gods this immature?"
"I could ask Mr. Odinson, Sir. In the meanwhile, I´d suggest you turn back to your responsibilities, and work on the new suit, since the last one is pretty much outdated already, and Mr. Rogers will no doubt lock you in for the next mission if it´s not completed by then."
"And how would he know?"
"He could ask me."
"Ah, shut up, Jarv."
"Just thinking of your safety, Sir." He didn´t know whether to cry or laugh at the computer´s sarcastic, smug tone, and he threw his phone another glare, before waving the matter away and heading downstairs to his workshop. Jarvis was right, it had been ages since he had last updated the suit… Yes, that was a good idea, he thought to himself, he´d do it…
"I hope it doesn´t bother you. Your robot let me in."
.. Right after he murdered both the treacherous A.I. and the supposedly disappeared gd in his working space.
"Jarvis is not a robot." He answered coldly, piking up a tablet in his way, and bringing up some blueprint on the screen. It looked like a modified toaster… Whatever, he just needed something to focus on.
Something, his mind provided, to let him release the wave of relief that washed over him, without being terribly obvious. Sometimes he hated his mind.
"I know." Great, Loki had gotten closer.
"You should call Thor. The guy´s been looking for you." He muttered. "Actually, this is what it was all about. I was only supposed to convince you to talk to him!" And he finally snapped. "You could have just kicked me out, Loks, not cool!"
"I might. Later." He inhaled deeply once, and his eyes drifted to the side, a frown taking over his face. "I was not in the mindset to finish that conversation."
"That was no reason to just… Storm off." Tony huffed. "Where the hell were you anyway?"
"You mentioned you could forgive me."
"No, no. That ship has sailed, and it´s not coming back. Where were you?"
Loki leaned back against the table´s edge, rolling his eyes. "Safe."
"Loki." Tony took a step forward, cornering him against said table. Granted, if the god wanted out, all he´d have to do was push him lightly, but the implication was still there. Loki looked down at him, expressionless.
"Why would you?"
And Tony suppressed another huff, feeling the taller´s urgency. It looked like he was really waiting for an answer there.
Tony closed his eyes, and lost himself in his thoughts.
Why?
"Everybody does bad stuff… Horrible stuff, some of us." And he gestured to himself. "In my case… Let´s just say I wouldn´t have turned the way I am now, if something hadn´t taken the chance to forgive me. To have a little faith in me."
"I see…"
"Sadly, I didn´t notice how much was that faith worth until it was too late. I understood I wanted to fund that faith. Make everything better, because I could, you know?" He smiled sadly.
"You wanted to be forgiven…" Loki whispered as if suddenly understanding. And who knew, he probably had done so just right now. Tony fixed his gaze on him.
"Do you?" He questioned, his mind shutting down momentarily as he shared breathing space with the god, and realized he knew exactly how Loki smelt. The scent coerced him a bit closer, and Loki stayed motionless, feeling the mortal´s breath caressing the corner of his lips, reaching so far up because of the uncomfortable angle he was bent on over the table´s edge.
Did he?
"Yes."
"Then…" Tony meant the way every whisper grazed and ran over the god´s face. This was, after all, his area of expertise. He knew he wasn´t supposed to be the excited one, but he couldn´t bring himself to care. "I forgive you."
He felt the god´s cold hand coming to rest at his nape, and smiled inwardly. He pulled back a fraction, and this time, when the hand´s grip tightened and made him stop, he smiled fully at the god, leaning back on.
Loki forced himself not to roll his eyes at the mortal´s smile, and closed his eyes, not minding the stray movement just outside the crystal wall, until his brain flooded with alarms, recognizing the object flying towards him.
He crouched immediately, hitting the back of his head against the wood´s edge, and dragging Tony down with him.
"What the…" Tony glared at the god, startled by the sudden movement, and looked up, following the green eyes up to the arrow embedded in the wall. "…Shit."
He looked back, to where Clint stood at the entrance, fixing another projectile in the bow.
"…Jarvis?" He forced Loki to back up a bit more, and the god ended up under the table, behind him. He just hoped Clint didn´t decide he was expendable goods.
"Yes, sir?"
"Call Steve and Thor."