come in with the rain

Emily practically broke every single driving law following the ambulance to the hospital, she flew past every red light, every stop sign, the only thing she didn’t do was kill anyone (amazingly).

“I need information on Jennifer Jareau.” She flashed her badge at the lady at the front desk as she picked at her fingernails above the counter, noticing her leg shaking beneath her.

“She’s just gone into surgery, agent, the waiting room is just to your left if you’d like to stay.”

Emily ran to the bathroom, feeling as if she was outside of her own body. Desperately, she gripped onto the porcelain sink and lowered her head, allowing a frantic series of muffled cries to escape her mouth, as her bottom lip quivered and her hands shook.

“Em?” Penelope stepped out of a stall, washing her hands beside Emily and eying her with concern. She has been waiting at the hospital since the team left to find JJ, hopeful that they would make it there.

“I’m fine. JJ’s in surgery.” Emily managed, splashing water on her face and complying as her feet dragged her out of the tiny bathroom and into the strangely cold waiting room; Spencer, Morgan, Hotch and Rossi had each, respectively, taken a seat in the room. Spencer’s knee was bouncing furiously, reluctant to slow down even by the firm pressure of his hand atop it. Emily sat beside him; it was the seat closest to the door.

“Has there been any updates?” Penelope questioned as she followed shortly behind Emily.

“Just that she’s stable for now.” Hotch delivered.

“When was that?” Emily kept her eyes on the glass door. “God this is fucking ridiculous. Can you believe her? I told her to wait for backup, Hotch. I told her! Why didn’t she just listen to me?”

“This isn’t her fault and you know it, Prentiss. You’re just frustrated.” Hotch made his best attempt at calming her, unsure how to offer support; he was entirely out of control now, and Emily was right. Did JJ really have that little care for her life?

“I mean, what was she thinking? She knew the dangers!” Emily brought her hand up to her face, wiping at the tears that began to fall. “I should’ve gone with her.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done, you know that.” Morgan added.

Still, Emily felt hopeless in that moment.

“Emily Prentiss?” After what felt like hours, a surgeon entered the room, briefly glancing at each of the them, why did she want Emily, specifically?

“Yes?” Emily stood up, grabbing the chair arm for support, she felt increasingly faint.

“Sorry, you’ve been listed as her emergency point of contact, I just came to let you know that agent Jareau is out of surgery. She’s not awake yet, but she’s going to be okay.” The woman smiled, weakly, registering the exhaustion on Emily’s face, especially.

“Oh, thank you. Can I- can we see her?”

“Yes, if you’d like to follow me?” They all followed the doctor, imitating a group of lifeless creatures.

“Emergency contact, huh?” Spencer half-joked.

“Oh we’re not- just after the divorce with Will I guess she had to change it and we’ve been best friends for so long, so.” Emily cringed at the way ‘best friends’ came off of her tongue. She felt Spencer’s gaze fix on her a little longer, before, thankfully, deciding to drop it.

“Oh my god.” Emily begun to cry, bringing a hand to her mouth to silence herself as she looked at JJ, lying almost lifelessly in a hospital bed, wires attached to her and the faint beeping of a machine being the only noise in the room.

She sat there, at the side of the bed, for hours, ignoring the team’s attempts to get her to leave, to eat, to sleep. “We’ll let you know as soon as anything happens.” They would promise. Still, she would not move.

They all figured she felt guilty for not going with JJ, for not fighting harder to get her to wait for backup. What JJ went through for those two days, she would never be able to fully understand, but the mere thoughts haunted her.

“Emily?” Spencer whispered, walking slowly towards her and taking a seat beside hers. “You need to eat something, we’ve been here for 14 hours now.”

14 hours? His words flew straight past her, only registering the 14 hours.

“Why won’t she wake up?” She muttered.

“I don’t know. She will, though, it can just take time.” Spencer held out a granola bar towards Emily, knowing she would not be able to eat anything larger. After a moment, she took it, smiling weakly at Spencer, but she did not eat it. She felt sick, anxious, tired. Putting the bar to the side, she allowed her head to drop into her right hand, her left holding tightly, but not too tight, onto JJ’s. Spencer’s eyes lingered over the scene.

“Emily…” He began.

“Don’t. Not now.” She snapped, regretfully, too exhausted to think about her feelings for JJ. She listened as Spencer left the room, closing the door behind him.

“Em?” JJ sighed, relaxing into the feeling of Emily’s hand in her own.

“Oh thank god, oh JJ are you okay? Are you in any pain? Wait let me get your nurse-“ Emily was speaking nearly too fast for anyone to comprehend, but JJ always could, she had mastered the art of understanding Emily’s rambles over the years of knowing her.

“Emily, don’t, I’m fine, let’s just have a minute, okay?” Every word hurt to say, but JJ didn’t want to be bombarded at the moment, she was content just being with Emily, though she wouldn’t admit it, she felt safe with Emily, safer than she’d ever been.

“JJ, what’s wrong?” Emily searched her face, brushing away her tears with her free hand. JJ hadn’t even noticed she was crying.

“I’m sorry, nothing’s wrong I don’t know why I’m crying.” She laughed, tightening her grip on Emily’s hand, letting the gesture speak a thousand words that she didn’t know how to say. “Thank you.” She managed.

“For what?” Emily got out, before the rest of the team hurried in, shouting a course of “JJ!”s, followed by a tiny nurse moving between them all to check over JJ, before deciding she was stable enough for them all to stay, smiling at the care they all displayed for her and leaving the room.
JJ caught another glance at Emily, before allowing her attention to focus on the others, but not without periodically checking to make sure Emily was still there.
-
For over a year, JJ had been attempting to understand her feelings towards Emily, trying desperately to distinguish between platonic and romantic feelings. What she felt for Emily felt stunningly different to what she felt with Will, but in a better way. She wanted Emily to be at home with her after they returned from a case, she wanted to sit with her and tell her all about what happened in the moments they were apart, and she wanted Emily to do the same with her. She wanted to hear about Emily’s day, constantly, all of the minor details and unimportant things that happened, such as how the traffic was or how long the line was to get her usual black coffee. But when Will would do this, she found herself becoming bored, escaping internally and instead thinking about Emily. What Emily was doing. What Emily was thinking.

It was always Emily.

Will begun to notice this, seeing the way she looked at her and picking up on how often she spoke about her, the doubt in her voice when she’d yell: “She’s my best friend, Will!”

Surprisingly, though, on a random Friday evening, Will sat her down and they begun the discussion of the divorce.

“I just feel like you’re not in it like I am, Jennifer. And that’s okay, I understand. But I don’t want this to keep going if you don’t feel the same way anymore, I don’t want to force you to live a lie with me.” She knew what he meant, and she didn’t say anything for a while. “JJ?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“We should get a divorce.” She spoke in a monotone. And so that was it, it was over, and she felt relieved.

-

“You still there?” Emily put her hand against her arm, fighting the urge to hold her hand again as she clocked the rest of the team still in the room, clearly worried about her sudden emotional distance.

“Yeah, sorry.” JJ smiled, looking up at Emily, “I’m sorry, Em.” This startled the other woman.

“It’s okay, JJ. I’m- we’re just glad you’re safe.” It took everything in her to maintain her composure, to not break down and wrap her arms around the woman, to take her home and tell her she loves her, that she never wants to be apart from her again. Instead, she smiled gently, looking around the room at the others and registering their presence, alongside Spencer’s expression of knowing that he was aiming at her.

“Good news, you’re good to go home, just make sure to rest well and give your stitches a chance to heal before heading back into work.” The nurse announced, handing JJ some forms to sign and her belongings. Hotch shot her a glance, one telling her she will absolutely be having as much time off as she needs, and will undergo thorough psychological evaluation.

“No way.” Emily laughed at JJ, taking the keys from her hands and entering the driver’s seat of the car.

“Please? I miss driving! The nurse said I’m fine!” JJ pleaded.

“Oh please, JJ you’re saying that as if it’s been years, and so what? I’m driving you home, Hotch’s orders.” She grinned, hearing Hotch yell “It’s true” from his car.

Reluctantly, JJ got into the passenger seat, leaning her head back against the seat and closing her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You okay?” Emily eyed her anxiously, studying her expression and making a mental note to make sure JJ has painkillers in her house, which she probably does, but it wouldn’t hurt to be sure.

“Yeah, just a small headache, it’s nothing.” She explained, unconvincingly, as her eyes filled with tears and she made a frantic attempt to blink them away and face away from Emily. Memories of the past few days lingered in her head, the torture, the beatings, the threats against the team, all of it stayed in her mind, unwilling to leave her alone.

“He’s gone, JJ, he confessed to everything, he can’t hurt you anymore.” Her voice was soft, soothing, and the scent of her strawberry perfume suddenly filled the car, acting as a reminder of her safety.

“I know.”

“This isn’t the way home.” JJ realised, staring at Emily and her confident grip on the steering wheel.

“I figured you could use the drive.” JJ sighed at this, contentedly.

On a case about three years ago, a particularly rough one, JJ was driving back with Emily and took the longest route possible, explaining “long drives calm me down” upon noticing Emily’s confused glances. It touched her that Emily had remembered this detail, and she relaxed in the comfort of the moment. They were silent the rest of the way home, an unspoken understanding between the two that they really needed to talk sometime, about everything. But not tonight.

Tonight, Emily had to make sure JJ was okay, and so she slept on her couch, making sure JJ knew she was there. She always would be.

Tonight, they were okay.