‘Should I stay or should I go?’
-CHAPTER 1 -
“Should I stay or should I go?”
Look, Lo’ak never meant to cause trouble. It just seemed to be attracted to him like a magnet. This time was the first time he had nearly gotten people killed though. He knew his father had reason to be mad, but it didn’t make it feel any better. Especially when his dad didn’t listen to him. He had run onto the battlefield to try and help, his siblings running after him. Of course it was stupid, but hey he was nine, he didn’t know much better. Besides, he just wanted to help.
~~~~~~~~~
“Do you realize the danger you put you and your siblings in Lo’ak? What were you thinking running into a battlefield like that?!” Jake yelled at him.
Lo’ak opened his mouth the answer but was cut off. “Don’t answer that, because obviously you weren’t thinking.”
That’s when Neteyam tried to cut in, “Sir, it was my fault, it was my idea really-“
“No,” Jake turned to his eldest son. “You gotta stop lying for this knucklehead, it’s not helping anyone.”
Jake was right about that, Neteyam would always try and step in whenever Lo’ak was getting yelled at. Kiri was off with their mother, having gotten injured on the battlefield.
Lo’ak, looking at the ground because he’s unable to force himself to meet Jakes eyes, “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to-“
“Stop.” Jake said. Lo’ak glanced up at him but he didn’t need to look at his father to see the anger and disappointment in him. “I don’t understand why you keep doing things like this Lo’ak. You’re reckless, and the worst part is you drag your brother and sister into your messes.” Jake stared down at him, “You disappoint this family, you disappoint me.”
Lo’ak muttered under his breath, “Maybe if I disappoint you some much I should just leave.”
What he didn’t expect was for his father to hear him. What he expected less was for his father to agree.
“Y’know what, you’re right for once. Maybe you should leave.” He responded.
~~~~~~~~~
That’s when everything went downhill. Jake and Lo’ak, though they were very similar, could never seem to understand each other. They would always butt heads.
So here’s what each of them didn’t know:
Lo’ak didn’t know that Jake didn’t mean this at all, he didn’t want his son to leave, he just wanted him safe. Jake only said what he said out of frustration. He was hard on him, sure, but he was hard on all his children out of love. Lo’ak probably the most because Jake could see how much his youngest son was like him, and that scared the ever loving shit out of him.
Jake didn’t understand that Lo’ak was only trying to help. Sometimes Jake seemed to forget his children were actually children instead of soldiers. His fathers mind was always set into war-mode these days, due the current battle between their clan and another. Lo’ak, being nine and excited to be a mighty warrior just like his father, didn’t see much of an issue of trying to help out on the battlefield at first. Of course that changed when Kiri, who followed him, got hurt. After that all he felt was guilt. Lo’ak never asked her to follow, but she did and that was his fault. She was hurt because of him. But of course, Jake was too frustrated and upset to notice his son's guilt.
~~~~~~~
Lo’ak looked at his older brother to see his reaction, but Neteyam was staring at the ground, most likely avoiding eye contact with either of them. He didn’t know what to do.
“Fine. You want me gone, then I’m gone.” He said, before turning around and storming away.
Jake also stormed away in the opposite direction, leaving Neteyam in between them, not sure who to follow.
~~~~~~~~~
Jake, approaching his mate and child after cooling off, asked, “How’s Kiri?”
“She’ll be fine, but it was so stupid of all of them to run out into the battle like that.”
“I know.” Jake said, kissing her on her temple and placing a hand on her stomach. They were expecting another baby. After this action however, Jake suddenly realized what had happened with Lo’ak. Oh eywa… how was he going to tell her? Neteyam quickly interrupted their moment however by peaking in, looking panicked.
“What’s wrong?” Neytiri asked her son.
“It’s Lo’ak.” He turned to look at his dad, “He’s gone.”
Neytiri worriedly looked at Jake then back at Neteyam, “What do you mean he’s gone?”
“Shit.” Jake said, leaving their home quickly, thinking he could catch up to his son. Neteyam and Neytiri followed close behind.
Alas, there was no trace of Lo’ak anywhere, other than his missing Ikran and a small (what looked to be leather bound) book on the ground. He must have dropped it when he left.
Neytiri, asked one more time, “Jake, what happened to Lo’ak?” The worry in her voice made Jake feel even more guilty then he already did.
“It’s all my fault.” Jake responded, in a quiet, defeated voice.
~~~~~~~~
A search was sent out but had no luck, and had to be called back. They never found Lo’ak. Later that night, Jake started reading the book. He came to the conclusion it must’ve been some sort of journal Lo’ak was keeping. The more he read, the more and more he felt as if he understood his son. The guilt hit him in the heart like a bullet. Had this really been how he felt? Did it really take Lo’ak leaving for Jake to finally understand him? Why couldn’t he have just done better as a father, this never would’ve happened. All sorts of these thoughts were racing through his mind as he read.
Kiri and Neteyam came up to him.
“Dad? What are you reading? Will you read to us?” Asked Kiri excitedly, she loved her fathers stories.
Jake shut the book, “How about I tell a different story Kiri, you won’t like this one.”
She pouted, but a different story was better than no story so she didn’t complain. “Okay, can it be a funny story?”
Jake, figuring his children had experienced enough sadness due to their brother going missing, agreed to the funny story. He told them the funniest story he knew, seeing their smiles and hearing their giggles made him feel better. Though they didn’t stop the weighted feeling in his chest. Lo’ak would’ve loved this story.