Banana, Tony, BANANA
It was Monday and Darcy was way too hungover for this shit. She'd showered twice this morning, which seemed to erase the stench of vodka she'd woken up with. After nearly breaking a hip trying to put on a dress, she'd decided it was a casual day and tugged on her darkest jean, topping it off with a purple sweater, a ponytail, and half a stick of deodorant. In the kitchen, she forced down a cup of coffee and her college roomate's hangover cure- a lemon slice with a little bit of honey and a pinch of sugar. She somehow managed to drag herself to the car and drive to school. Once there, she stumbled her way into the teacher's lounge with her sunglasses on and collapsed in a chair. By some miracle, she was the only one there. After making sure she wasn't absurdly late and missing class, she crossed her arms, laid her head down, and passed back out.
Clint opened the door, whistling brightly and froze. Natasha stepped around him and went straight for the coffee pot, smiling fondly at Darcy's sleeping form. Clint sat down across from Darcy and stared at her like she was a new creature from an undiscovered planet. Loki was the next one through the door, and he paused only a moment at seeing Darcy before he went to the fridge and produced a bottle of water. He set it and a couple of asprin in front of her and nudged her gently. When that didn't work, he kicked the leg of her chair with a jolt.
"Ffffuck," she moaned.
"Drink," Loki ordered.
Darcy lifted her head enough to swallow the pills and a third of the water before groaning and dropping her head back to the table, all this with her eyes squeezed shut.
Tony burst in with his usual amount of ridiculous energy for that time of the morning and looked down at Darcy. "Hungover or still drunk?"
"Never drinking again," Darcy mumbled.
Tony grinned. "Hungover. Here. For you, my dear."
He dropped a white paper bag in front of her. She opened the bag and pulled out a gigantic Gatorade and a donut. Darcy stared at them blankly.
"Gatorade to hydrate you," Tony explained slowly. "Donut for a sugar boost and because they're delicious."
Darcy turned to him. "Bless you. Bless your soul. Bless your face. Bless your goatee."
Loki rolled his eyes and helped Darcy to her feet. "Come along, Ms. Lewis. Let's get you settled in at my desk before you fall asleep again."
"Does that require walking?" Darcy moaned.
In one swift motion, Loki had Darcy over his shoulder and was walking out of the lounge.
"Wait!" Darcy commanded, and Loki stopped.
Tony handed her the Gatorade and donut.
"Okay, carry on," Darcy waved to the other teachers as Loki rounded a corner.
Tony shook his head. "She's going to give me gray hair."
"Who is?" Peter asked, entering the lounge.
"Your female counterpart," Tony replied, clapping him on the shoulder. "Are you ready for your big day? Guys, Peter is in charge of his own class today."
Peter looked panicked. "What? I thought I was just giving the lecture!"
Tony grinned. "Sink or swim, Parker. What'll it be?"
Peter looked like he might be considering bolting for his car.
"Relax, I'll be right next door. I'll hear it if a fight breaks out. Oooh! We can use a safe word. If you need me, just yell banana, and I'll come help," Tony promised.
"Banana," Peter mumbled.
"Just like that," Tony nodded.
"Tony, you really should be in there with him," Bruce murmured.
Tony sat next to him behind his desk and watched the students bubbling in answers. "Where's the fun in that? If I sit in here while he teaches my class, it's a win win. He gets the experience, I get a break. You're more fun anyway. And he did fine first hour."
Bruce shushed him. "If you're in here, you won't get to see you're favorite student."
Tony shot him a look. "I'll see her tomorrow."
"Natasha mentioned that you ran into her at the museum this weekend?" Bruce pulled out a stack of homework and a blue marking pen.
"Yeah. Poor kid was all alone this weekend. Her parents are out of town all week, and it seemed like that was the way things usually were," Tony whispered, taking half of Bruce's stack.
"Banana!" Tony heard through the wall.
A couple of students looked up, confused. Tony gestured for them to ignore it and went back to grading, feeling Bruce's eyes on him. It was only after the third time that Bruce nudged him.
"Tony, go help the poor kid," Bruce begged.
Tony stood at the same time Bruce's door swung open violently. "Mr. Stark, there's a fight! They knocked out Mr. Parker. Come quick!"
"Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me!" Tony ran past him, bursting into his classroom.
Two boys the size of Mack trucks were duking it out in the middle of the room. A couple of other guys had dragged Peter to the front of the room, where they were trying to revive him, looking freaked out of their minds. Tony relaxed just slightly when Peter sat up, shaking his head and touching his cheek gingerly. Then he remembered the fight.
"Break it up!" Tony shouted. "You've got three seconds before I call in Coach Odinson!"
The boys ignored him. One of them grabbed the other by the hair and pushed him to the ground, pummeling him with his fists. Tony surged into action, pushing through the students on the outskirts of the desks. By the time he battled his way through, he could tell someone else had joined the fray. To his complete shock, it was Becca. She wasn't fighting. She was standing between them. They were apparently above hitting girls, so every time one went for the other, Becca shifted to stop the blow. From what Tony could tell, it was working for her, and she was speaking to them.
"Ben, back off," she was saying. "Whatever Tommy did or didn't do isn't worth the punishment you'll get for revenge. You're both already probably suspended. Don't make it any worse. Look, boys. In the past thirty seconds, four teachers have come running in the room. You could definitely take me, but do you really think you can take Mr. Stark, Mr. Banner, Mr. Rogers, Coach Odinson, and Ms. Lewis? I mean, come on. Your odds are terrible. So back off. Both of you. Go to separate corners or something."
Amazingly, they listened. Ben backed up until he hit the window, holding his hands up in surrender. Tommy leaned back against the opposite wall, looking ashamed. Becca stepped away and Thor grabbed Tommy by the shoulder, dragging him out into the hallway. Bruce gave them time to make it to the office before doing the same with Ben. Tony told everyone to go into Bruce's room while he straightened up the room and helped Peter. Becca immediately started straightening desks and shoving books back into their places on the shelves. Steve stooped to help her.
"You don't have to help, Becca, you can go with your classmates. You helped us out a lot already," Steve told her.
Becca shrugged. "They were going to kill each other. I had brothers once, who fought like that. If you don't break it up, something ends up broken."
Steve wondered about her choice of words, but the thoughts were replaced when Becca turned her head and he caught sight of the left side of her face."Oh my god!"
Tony, who had helped Peter to his feet and apologized four times already, looked over. "What is it?"
Steve tugged Becca to her feet. "Look at her face."
Becca tried to turn her head, but Tony moved with the motion. "Jesus Christ, kid."
"They got in a punch or two before they realized it was me," Becca shrugged.
Steve was trying to examine the already blackening bruise, but Becca kept moving her head to avoid his gaze. "Hey. Hold still so I can look, okay? I want to make sure nothing's broken."
Becca sighed but held still. "Nothing's broken. Doesn't hurt when I bite down, I can breathe normally, I don't feel boneshards on my eyeball."
Steve touched her cheekbone lightly and she hissed, pulling away.
"Nothing's broken, huh?" Tony smirked unhappily.
Becca ignored him. "Are you okay, Mr. Parker?"
"Yeah. They barely grazed me. I tripped over a desk leg, and everyone apparently thought I got knocked out," Peter mumbled.
Tony patted him on the back. "I'm really sorry about that, Parker. If I actually thought there was any chance of a fight starting, I wouldn't have left you alone."
"Stay right here," Steve instructed Becca before leaving the room.
Tony came to sit next to her. "That was incredibly stupid of you."
Becca nodded warily. "I know. 'You're a girl, you shouldn't be wading into fights with guys twice your size.' This isn't the first time I've broken up a fight. It happens. Better they land a good one on me than knock out a teacher, eh?"
"No," Tony replied. "You could've been hurt really badly. Though, don't get me wrong, I do appreciate what you did. If this happens again, please, for the love of everything good and alcoholic, stay out of it. Scream at them from behind a bookcase or something."
Becca laughed, then winced, tearing up. "Ouch."
Steve returned and stood in front of Becca. "Tilt your head up."
Becca did as she was told and she felt the cold pressure of an ice pack on her cheek. "Aahhh."
Tony chuckled. "We've got five minutes left in the hour. Who do you have next, Becca? Romanoff?"
Becca nodded as best she could.
Tony went to his phone and dialed Natasha's room number.
"Hello?" she answered briskly.
"Hey, Natasha, it's Tony. There was a fight in my room, and Becca took a bitch of a haymaker to the cheek. I'm going to let her crash here since I've got prep next hour," Tony explained. "Is that okay with you?"
"Is she okay?" Natasha demanded.
Tony glanced over at Becca and Steve. "I think so. She might have a fractured cheekbone."
"She needs to go to the hospital," Natasha ordered. "I can get a sub in here after next hour and take her. Keep her in your room with ice on it. Don't let her sleep, just in case she has a concussion."
"Shouldn't we call her parents?" Tony asked.
"You heard her," Natasha sighed. "They're both hours away. I'll call them from the hospital. I'm sure Fury will be in to check on her at some point."
Tony hung up the phone and joined Becca again. "Here's the deal, Barnes. Rogers and I have prep next hour, so you're hanging out with us. After next hour, Romanoff is getting a sub and you're going to the hospital to check out your cheek. You have two options here: You can get it over with and we'll take you now, or you can wait for Ms. Romanoff and live in dread for an hour."
Becca pushed the ice pack away to stare at him. "That sounded full of doom and terror."
Tony wagged his eyebrows. "What'll it be?"
Becca grimaced and let Steve put the ice pack back on. "I might as well get this over with."
After clearing it with a shockingly motherly and pissed off Fury, Steve and Tony drove Becca to the hospital, where, thanks to Fury's call ahead, someone was waiting for them. After a while, a nurse came back and went through the plethora of questions they always demand of patients. The nurse got to the last few and glanced up at the two men uncertainly, before flicking her gaze back to Becca.
Becca rolled her eyes. "Oh, Jesus. My last period was the eighteenth of last month, no drugs, no alcohol, no tobacco. No, I'm not pregnant, yes, I know you're still going to test it. Anything else?"
The flustered nurse jotted the information down on the chart and instructed Becca to follow her for an X-ray. She returned a few minutes later, pleased when Tony handed her a chocolate shake.
"Hmm. I'm gonna get punched in the face more often," Becca teased.
Tony put a hand to his heart. "Please, no. My heart can't take it. Between you and Darcy Lewis, I feel like a father. And it is terrifying."
Becca laughed. "Okay, I'll try not to get punched in the face more than once a month."
The doctor returned with the X-ray results and confirmed that there was a break in the cheekbone, but luckily it was very small, and hardly displaced at all. The bruising would go away in a week or two, and there shouldn't be any permanent damage. They discharged her and they were on their way within an hour.
Tony's phone rang as he slid behind the wheel of the car. "Hey, Fury. Hairline fracture, barely displaced. She'll be back to normal in a couple of weeks...Yeah? Lucky her. Does she need a babysitter? Hey, I'm responsible, too....Since when am I the detention teacher? Yeah, fair enough. I'll be there soon." He dropped the phone in his lap. "Good news, kiddo. You get the rest of the day off, and lucky Ms. Romanoff is going to hang out with you, make sure you don't, I don't know, break your other cheekbone or something. We're going to drop you off and then we have to head back to school. Guess who pulled detention duty for a week?"
Steve shifted in his seat and met Becca's eyes in the rearview mirror.
"Hmmm," she pretended to think. "Mr. Barton."
"Oh, god, I wish. I think he actually has fun in detention," Tony shuddered.
"Must be Mr. Rogers, then," Becca decided.
She winked at him in the mirror and Steve laughed.
Tony shook his head. "You are terrible at this game."