This Fear is like Fire
Most days, she goes to the library. Most days, there’s a cute girl working at the circulation desk. Every day, Beatrice chickens out and avoids eye contact instead of talking to her. Beatrice doesn’t remember when she noticed that she was cute, per se, it’s more a general awareness. She’s known her preferences for most of her life, but with this new chapter in her life, she’s more willing to let herself notice stuff like this.
And the girl is objectively cute. Olive skin, black hair drawn up into an adorable bun. Today, she’s wearing a tank top that shows off her forearms. A bracelet with some kind of blue and white design is tied around one wrist.
“That was fast.” She remarks when Beatrice returns her latest read, a short little sci-fi novel about a monk and a robot that she found endearing. “I just checked this out to you two days ago.”
“it was a rather good read.” Beatrice offers, a little self conscious of how much free time she has on her hands. Should she get a job? A hobby?
“Well, I hope you’re able to find something new that you like.” The woman leans on the counter, looking up at Beatrice. “Let me know if you need any help.”
“Thanks,” she smiles, “I will.”
Twenty minutes later, she returns to the front desk, thanking her stars that the library has a good English section.
“Did you find something?”
“I think so,” Beatice looks down at her selection, an 800 page fantasy novel about Dragons and Queens, “It looks interesting at least.”
The Librarian’s eyes widen, looking at her selection.
“Oh excellent choice, just finished it myself. I love seeing queer characters in fantasy, don’t you?.”
Beatrice looks up. Across the desk, the librarian is watching her intently, and Beatrice has been in enough fights to know she’s being tested. For what, she has no idea. And then she notices the librarian’s pride pin, the bisexual colors on her nails, and it clicks.
“I-Yes, I do.” She manages, collecting herself. “It’s always nice to find relatable characters in the books I read.”
The other woman relaxes, almost imperceptibly, and Beatrice thinks she may have passed.
“Oh totally. I hope you’ll let me know how you liked it.” She extends a hand. “I’m Dina, by the way.”
Beatrice grasps it. “Beatrice.”
She smiles, feeling only slightly out of her depth.
***
She sees more of Dina during subsequent visits to the library, and is always greeted with a smile and a question about her progress in the book. Beatrice answers, sometimes trading thoughts on character development and which pairings are best. Beatrice is drawn to the relationship between the queen and her protector, who happens to be part of a secret religious order. She tries not to think about why.
“You’re really getting to the good part soon.” Dina remarks after Beatrice recounts a particularly harrowing chapter in which a dragon attack puts the queen in danger. “Ead and Sabran are so precious together.
“Looking forward to more of them.” Beatrice replies, “They’re my favorite characters so far.”
“Mine too, Love a good warrior nun.”
Her words suddenly flood Beatrice with fear. “What did you say?” She blurts out, louder than expected. Several other patrons look over in annoyance.
Dina looks taken aback, but recovers, “I just meant that, well Ead’s got this secret priory thing going on, and she’s such a badass you know?”
She cocks her head at an angle that Beatrice tries not to think is cute. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, Oh nothing, just wasn’t sure what you meant.” Beatrice’s pulse returns to normal. Close one.
“Hey what are you up to right now?” Dina asks, “Cause I’m clocking out soon, if you’re free.”
“Free.” She does a quick check. Nope still no plans. “I-Yes.”
“Great, meet me at the Plaza in an hour.”
Beatrice still has no idea what’s going on, but finds herself responding. “Looking forward to it.”
“Cool, it’s a date!” She winks.
Beatrice nods and is halfway out the door when her brain finally catches up.
“-a what?”