One
She hadn’t known him, initially. No one did except maybe Thor, but Thor wasn’t there. All she had known was that he and Erik came back to their little place in New Mexico drunk off their asses. She hadn’t minded as much at the moment, after all he was drunk and therefore probably a little loose lipped.
And she found it more hilarious how he stumbled over the words, at first using his natural language and then, as if realizing she didn’t understand a lick of what he’d said, trying to switch to an English equivalent.
The following day he appeared fresh as a daisy and not even remotely hung over as he drank in some good old American coffee at the kitchen table. She was wearing a tee-shirt and these little short shorts and was yawning, slightly, despite the fact that it was almost two in the afternoon. Erik wasn’t awake yet, and Jane was too busy being completely married to her work.
He’d took one look at her, raked his eyes down her entire person, and then smirked into the cup.
“What?” she had asked, narrowing her eyes. He was laughing at her, she could just see it.
He set his cup down and stalked towards her. Like a giant panther and everything. He stopped before her, twined a strip of her hair around his finger and leaned in.
“Your ass looks quite fuckable this morning,” he leered to her, a wide grin on his face. He then stepped around her and walked calmly towards where Jane was moaning over some data or storm or aurora borealis thing she’d detected in the desert.
It had taken all of two seconds to realize what had happened, what he had said, and to come to a decision. She turned around, snatching her most favored tool from the counter, and yelled, “Hey!”
He stopped, turned, and arched an eyebrow at the Taser in her hand.
“Yes, Miss Fuckable Ass?” he’d said all nonchalantly, that damnable grinning leer on his face.
She narrowed her eyes and pulled the trigger. She had the joy of seeing his eyes go wide, of seeing him jolting in shock, and then collapsing to the ground. She grinned and walked over to him, bending at the waist so that they were face to face.
“You don’t talk to a lady like that,” she said almost happily and then walked out of the room to great workaholic Jane.
Darcy really loved her Taser. Loki did not.
Two
He had left the next day and then returned a week later, once more meeting up with Erik late one night and then crashing at their place. He was a sweet drunk, Darcy had thought the first time she’d met him. He had a way with words that he didn’t seem to have when sober. He’d somehow waxed poetic for hours on end about her hair that second time they met.
Once again morning rolled around and Darcy had come into the kitchen, this time dressed in jeans and a tank top. Once again he was sitting there, sipping good old American coffee, not looking at all like he was sporting a hangover from the serious and heavy drinking he’d gone through the previous night.
He’d taken one glance at her and grinned into his cup again. Darcy narrowed her eyes and raised her hand to show that she had the Taser already in her grasp. He in response set the cup down and raised both his hands in an ‘okay, okay’ gesture.
“I believe we got off on the wrong foot last time,” he said smoothly. “I’m a friend of sorts with Erik. My name is Loki, and you are?”
Darcy narrowed her eyes as she replied, “Darcy.”
“Lovely to meet you, Miss Darcy,” he greeted and Darcy was considering rescinding her previous thoughts on the fact that he didn’t have a way with words sober. Of course the next words out of his mouth just proved her right. “How much would you charge for a blowjob?”
The next second Loki almost shrieked, his eyes going wide and his mouth falling into this perfect ‘o’ shape. His hands twitched, hovering at his waist, and he slumped forward and slid off the chair and into unconsciousness.
Darcy was smirking almost darkly as she stated, “I’m not a prostitute,” to him.
About an hour later Erik came stumbling into the kitchen (it was now four in the afternoon) looking for some Advil or Tylenol or just anything to help kill the throbbing behind his eyes. He almost tripped over Loki’s prone form which he stared down at blankly for a minute. He tried to sort out just why Loki was lying prone on the floor, out cold.
It took him about five minutes before he snorted and booted the skinnier man in the ribs. Loki jerked awake with a gasp, his fingers curling and cupping his manhood. He buried his head into the floor and let out a ragged moan and then shot a dark glare up at Erik who just smirked back.
“I have no doubt you deserved it,” Erik uttered plainly and then proceeded to step on Loki’s chest as he stumbled over towards the cabinets. Loki didn’t even grunt at the added weight, he just hissed and curled his fingers tighter because damn if that didn’t fucking hurt.
The Taser had hit Loki’s crotch.
Three
Loki had showed left and shown up yet a week later yet again. Once more it was to come to their base of operations completely smashed with Erik. Both Loki and Erik were acting like giggling schoolgirls on highs with their latest boy toys or something. Darcy found the whole thing amusing for potential blackmail material. In fact both boys were so drunk that Darcy was even offered alcohol which Erik would normally have never let her have.
Unfortunately Darcy found herself unable to resist Loki’s charms whilst drunk and somehow ended up on the couch with him rubbing furiously like a cat in heat and necking. There were breathless moans and groans and sweet words whispered and then Loki and Darcy both kind of sort of passed out unfulfilled on the couch.
The next day she woke up blearily around noon to find her shirt half-off and Loki shoving a steaming mug of American coffee into her face with a wide grin. Darcy took the offered liquid gold, took a sip, and sighed. It was heaven.
Of course then Loki spoke and Darcy realized that he was missing his shirt so her brain kind of halted for a minute and she didn’t register exactly what he said.
“Excuse me, what?” the young poli-sci major asked again.
Loki just grinned, unrepentant, and repeated, “I said I wanted to taste your juices.”
Darcy narrowed her eyes and pulled the Taser out from the pocket it had been hidden in. Loki’s eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something else when Darcy fired.
He crumpled to the ground, groaning and twitching. Darcy leaned over the couch and replied, “You need to date a girl like me before getting to home base, buster.”
Hoarsely Loki replied, as the current of electricity finished flowing through his body, “Duly noted.”
Three days later Erik would relay a message from Loki, asking for permission to take her out to eat the following Friday. Darcy, shocked, agreed.
Loki was a perfectly gentleman the entire time.
Four
Loki contacted Darcy through Erik twice more, each time asking permission to take her out to eat, or see a movie, or both. Each time Loki was a perfect gentleman. Each time he wined and dined Darcy like a pro. Each time he brought her back, dropped her off, and then disappeared down the road, never once asking for more or saying one crude thing toward her.
Then he showed up with Erik, drunk off his ass, and waxed poetic about her ass. Darcy just giggled and blushed and didn’t touch the alcohol this time. Jane was just a bit tipsy, too, now, as she’d join them for a drink. She’d rather recently broke up with Donald Blake.
Darcy never quite approved of that guy, and it wasn’t because he was a bad guy or anything, but he just didn’t seem right for Jane. Apparently Loki agreed with her sentiments, although how he knew about Donald was anyone’s guess.
The next morning Darcy was rooting through her laundry for a clean pair of underwear, wrapped tightly in a towel. There came a slight knock against her door and she straightened and turned, ready to call out to tell whoever it was that she wasn’t decent. Or on the off chance it was Jane getting away from her work, to demand a pair of underwear because she couldn’t find hers.
Instead she came face to face with Loki, who was leering at her quite obviously, with a pair of her underwear hanging from his finger.
“Looking for these, lovely Darcy?” he asked, his eyes alight with mischief.
Darcy narrowed her eyes, grabbed her Taser, and fired before Loki had a chance to realize just what happened.
“I don’t date panty thieves,” she told him coldly, snatching her underwear from his loose fingers. He was lying limply on the floor, his eyes somewhat glazed and the fingers of one of his hands twitched ever so slightly.
Darcy stormed back to the bathroom. She almost missed his half-croaked half-slurred, “Lov’ly Darcy. Didn’ steal ‘em. Found ‘em in th’ dryer.”
In the end Darcy did not slam the bathroom door like she had planned, but by the time she was fully dressed Loki was gone.
That was the last time Darcy would see Loki for almost a month.
Five
When Jane hollered something about the anomaly of the Bridge building again everyone raced into the van and out into the desert. The energy signature was similar to the last ten times it had flared, including the previous three times that involved the arrival of Thor, of Thor’s friends, and their departure. Darcy knew Jane thought it was Thor, knew Erik thought it was Thor, and was pretty sure the entirety of SHIELD thought it was Thor too.
Darcy didn’t think it was Thor. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t think it was Thor, or even why she was so assured it wasn’t Thor. Somehow, and Darcy didn’t know how, she knew this particular event did not involve Thor.
When they pulled to a stop on the edge of the familiar crater and as Jane raced down into the dip in the earth, hollering “Thor!” towards the lump of a person, it was obvious to everyone this wouldn’t end well.
Especially when the lump moved and snarled, slightly, “By god woman stop yelling Thor’s name you’re giving me a headache!” in a familiar tone.
Darcy would recognize that voice anywhere.
Eyes eerily blank the young poli-sci major watched as the lump-with-a-familiar-voice pulled himself to his feet. She watched as he stretched his neck, wincing, and rubbed at his jaw. She watched as he turned, garbed almost royally but in hues of green, and regarded each of the people who stood crowding around.
Darcy watched as his eyebrows canted up upon seeing Erik, drifting across his face for a brief second. Her gaze flickered to Erik for a brief second, saw the recognition there, and then flickered back to the man now standing in the crater.
He was looking at her, almost slack-jawed and shocked. This his lips pulled up into an all-familiar leer, his green eyes alight with mischief.
He said, “Lovely Darcy! Fancy seeing your fu—” Darcy fired her Taser and he went down, twitching and gasping just slightly.
“That,” she said coolly, “was for not telling me about this, Loki.”
“Lov’ly Darcy,” Loki slurred with a slight grin and then fell unconscious.
And The One Time She Kicked Him In The Balls
Loki had spent pretty much a full year under constant watch by SHIELD after being heavily question one just what exactly was going on in New Mexico with the Destroyer and everything else. Loki was forthcoming with all the information, although that could have been because Darcy swore she wouldn’t even think about going on another date, let alone doing any of Loki’s more lewd suggestions, if he wasn’t.
Somehow the surprise on Loki’s face when she had told him that hurt more than finding out he was Thor’s brother who had tried to kill him with the Destroyer. It was as if Loki had dared not even think that Darcy maybe might have wanted to continue dating him despite the fact that he’d just blew up a good portion of the town and attempted to murder his own brother.
After having spent a year under SHIELD’s watch, getting to know Clint and Coulson and even Nick Fury and sharing some of his more technological knowledge in an attempt to win over Jane, Loki was finally considered a free man. He’d quite promptly took Darcy out on a date. He acted like the same gentleman and everything.
That night they talked, although Loki tried to avoid it. In that talk came out the reason why Loki seemed to be unable to stop himself from saying exactly what was on his mind in Darcy’s presence ever since he’d first met her one year and three months ago. Apparently Loki’s brain ceased proper function in her presence. His stomach also seemed to like doing this little curly loops and his throat felt ever so tight and his eyes seemed to be unable to leave her person.
Knowing that Darcy found it very odd how he could be a perfect gentleman on dates. Loki claimed that it took a lot of work to quell the curly loops and broken brain and his not-working-right eyes. Darcy just giggled, lightly, over the whole thing.
They dated for another two months and shouldered Jane’s mutinous stares the entire time. Then Loki and Erik began speaking in hushed tones and all Darcy or Jane could get out of them was that it was a special secret thing and they’d find out soon enough.
On the third month of their renewed dating Darcy finally let herself be seduced by Loki and they spent a night doing every lewd thing that came to Loki’s mind as if Loki were trying his hardest to pleasure her, himself, and keep them both distracted at the same time. The fact that the next day Darcy realized that was exactly what Loki was doing wasn’t quite the surprise she felt it should have been. Especially since the reason for the distraction was because Thor had merrily crashed down into New Mexico again and Loki was trying his hardest to hide away.
Darcy was just pleased he chose to hide away with her, in her bed.
But, that very morning as she came into the kitchen to grab one of those wonderful cups of liquid gold, Darcy was greeted with Loki and Thor having a staring contest. Jane was hovering somewhere behind Thor nervously and Erik was sorting a slightly bruised jaw.
Darcy rolled her eyes, shouldered passed Loki and Thor, and grabbed her coffee as if this where an everyday occurrence.
“Hey Thor,” she greeted quite calmly. “Loki.” She took a sip of her liquid gold as both Asgardain’s eyes turned towards her. Loki’s face twitched up into that familiar leer and Darcy’s eyes narrowed. She had a feeling, a niggling evil feeling, that Loki was about to say something highly lewd and inappropriate.
She decided not to give him a chance, stepped right into his personal space swiftly, and raised her knee up with as much force as she could manage. Loki’s eyes went wide and he squeaked and crumbled to the ground.
There was a second of stunned silence and then Loki leered again, shifting until he was reclined back slightly with his legs somewhat spread, and stated, “Lovely Darcy I seem to have been hurt. Will you kiss it better?”
Darcy stomped down hard. Loki shrieked.
She should have Tased him. At least then he didn’t say anything remotely lewd.
Unfortunately Darcy did not know where her Taser went.
(at SHIELD Agent Coulson fingered a certain Taser while staring down at Clint’s unconscious form contemplatively; the theory that the Taser had special properties was still unconfirmed, but it did work wonderfully as a deterrent for unwanted comments—Clint would never make such blatantly lewd comments about his ass in the workplace again)