All You Did Was Save my Life
Present
Clint's fingers curled around the next rung on the ladder as he pushed up with his foot. He had a death grip on the ladder, but the rain had made it slippery and it caused him to falter several times. Each slip reawakened the pain in his side, but he couldn't stop now. Jäger and his men were close, and getting to the roof would allow him to get a better lay of the land and eyes on his adversary, then there was the fact that Coulson was waiting for him on the roof, demanding he continue.
"You know what, Coulson," panted the archer as he finally reached the top and began to pull himself over the ledge, "for a dead guy, you sure are bossy. Don't think dead guys are allowed to be this bossy."
"If I didn't think you were going to give up on me, I wouldn't have to be this bossy."
"Huh." Clint took far too long to ponder that point than he should have. Things had gotten a lot fuzzier in the last hour and he couldn't bring himself to mention that to Phil. It was another complication that they just didn't need.
He managed to drag himself over to the other ledge and survey just how far he had to go. Being high up always allowed him to see the bigger picture, but this time it was terrifying. The extraction point was so far and Jäger was so close. The heroic task that stood before him sapped the last of Clint's reserves.
"I know it seems hard, but you can do this Barton." Phil tried to convey all the reassurance in the world, but even he had to admit he wasn't feeling like success was an option at that point.
Dawn was starting to fight its way across the sky, but the darkness that had enveloped the city for the last few days was refusing to go without a fight. Somewhere along the horizon was Barton's ticket home, but clambering through the maze of city streets just below was a pose of hired guns determined to prevent their prey from escaping.
Chatter from the street alerted Coulson to trouble's presence. He glanced over the edge of the roof to find two of Jäger's men poking around the ladder attached to the building. They had found Barton's blood on the side of the building meaning that at some point during the archer's struggles to climb to the roof he had reopened his wound.
Phil moved back over towards Clint, who was slumped against the roof ledge. He looked like hell; dark circles around his closed eyes, hair matted down, pale skin, shallow breaths and beads of sweet gathering on his forehead. "Barton, I need you to wake up. You're about to have company."
"Sssso ti-ired Phil," slurred Clint. He couldn't even convince himself to open his eyes at that point.
"I know. You're almost done Clint, and then you can rest. You just have to take these two guys out and get to the extraction point. The team will take care of everything from there."
"Oh. Is that all I have to do?"
"So you agree it's going to be easy."
That brought a smirk to Clint's lips. He cracked his eyes and started looking for a defensible position. "Extraction point … team … home … can't disappoint Phil." Disappointment, he had already done so much of that already.
Coulson watched as Clint tried to put together some kind of attack plan. "They have to come up the same way you did. Grab that pipe over there and get behind the skylight; you might be able to take them by surprise," offered Phil.
Barton nodded and staggered to his feet. It was a good a plan as anything his fever-ravaged mind was going to come up with. Phil's intel was never wrong and Clint waited until the first thug passed his position before he took a swing. The pipe cracked against the second man's head and he stumbled off to the side. The first goon turned around sharply and the archer brought his weapon down on his out stretched arm causing the thug's gun to go skidding across the roof.
Clint managed to get a few good blows in before Phil yelled, "Barton get down!"
Clint obediently dropped to the ground just as the second man fired. With the archer out of the way the bullets slammed into his partner. Before the goon could change targets, Barton pulled the knife sticking out of the downed man's boot and hurled it at the second thug. The blade imbedded itself deep in the man's neck; he was dead before he could even cry out.
Everything was silent except for Clint's shaky breaths. There was no doubt that all the wrong people would have heard the shots but he just needed a moment. Clint had to reconcile his relief of surviving with his disappointment. Living meant that he hadn't disappointed his handler, but it also meant that his torment wasn't over; the prospect of more of the same everyday was soul shattering. Barton's life had never been easy, but lately he seemed to have incurred the wrath of the universe like no other.
The Avengers were an unexpected find though. For the first time in a very long time, the archer had a group of people that seemed to care about his wellbeing. They weren't without their difficulties, but it was nice to know someone would care if he dropped off the planet tomorrow, even if it was all built on lies.
There was no doubt that if the team ever knew the truth, they would drop him in a hot second. He knew how far he still had to go; that Jäger probably had his position now and it all just seemed like too much effort for something that was doomed to fail. Coulson was dead and Natasha had left. When the team learned the truth about him, because let's face it, anytime Clint had something good going for himself, it inevitably fell apart, they would leave him too and that would be the death of him. It would really be a small mercy at this point just to accept his fate. How long could he fight the inevitable? There really was no way to make up for the things he had done.
"I'm sorry Coulson, but I just can't do it. I've tried; I've tried every day but…"
"What are you talking about?" Fingers of dread started to knead at Coulson's stomach.
"I killed her sir. I deserve to be on the wrong end of a bullet."
Phil paused in his planning to get Barton off that roof and back on track to the extraction point. "Just let me worry about what you deserve."
"Please. Just tell me why you never did it sir. I killed Agent Pierce's daughter, he was your partner."
"You weren't supposed to know that part." Phil paused. He had never spoken of Dan and Kelly in a context that would hint just how important Phil's friend had been, that Barton would have pieced together the connection; that the archer would learn that his biggest regret had such a profound repercussions on Phil's life. "I made a choice Barton, and I don't regret it for a second."
Coulson decided to change tactics. "Do you know how hard you made me work back then? A year and a half, Barton; you kept fighting all that time, so I know you're capable of seeing this through to the end. So if you're not going to do this for yourself, and you're not going to do it for me…" Phil held up a finger to stop Barton's protest. "Someone has to take Jäger out for me. He's the one thing I failed to do."
Clint frowned. Coulson never failed at anything, and if that twisted bastard Jäger walking around was Phil's failure then he could see that oversight rectified. Now he had a mission to complete, and it wasn't for SHIELD or some weird sense of revenge for something that was really Clint's fault. It was for the one man that had some misplaced faith in Barton, and saw fit to give a wretch a shot at trying to be something better.