There had been a saying Clint remembers hearing when he was young, one of those sayings that is said so much people forget what it means.
If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it wasn’t.
Clint had always found the saying strange. What if someone wanted something so much that they didn’t care whether it was supposed to be theirs anyway? What if there is no where else for a person to go, so they are stuck whether they want to be or not? Clint knows that people can be selfish, he has seen it enough times so he had never bought into that saying. If someone wants something, they keep it close. Clint knows from personal experience.
Clint had read his files, saw that the shrinks thought he suffered from not being noticed. He had almost laughed at the time he read it. Clint had always been noticed, it just usually wasn’t by the right sort of people. His father gave him attention, the rough kind, and after he was gone and they were in the circus Trick Shot and the Swordsman noticed him, trained him. After that whole fiasco was over and Barney was no longer around, Clint tried his best not to be noticed. SHIELD still found him but that was different than the others.
SHIELD still used him, still kept him around for their own reasons but it was comfortable there, he had a family in a way. Fury could seem gruff but Clint respected him. Phil had been there since he first came, always professional but more than just a handler. Natasha had been one Clint had found, saw what she could be and brought her into his world. Clint even liked Maria quite a bit despite how hard she tried to come off as cold. He thought that there was nothing he wouldn’t do for them. He was sure that this was where he was suppose to spend the rest of his days. That all changed when Loki noticed him, wanted him and took him.
“You have heart.”
Such simple words and then the staff touched his chest and everything shifted. He was still him just his loyalty moved to Loki and it did not seem odd to shoot at those he cared about for the man. He still didn’t aim for the head, something about it not seeming right.
It felt right being by Loki’s side and it was not strange when Thor come along as well.
Thor seemed reluctant to working with them at first. He remembers how Thor would watch him, asked him questions about himself, would watch him polish his bow. After a little time passed, Thor seemed ok with the idea of working with his brother again and Clint was with them when they took charge, when they destroyed SHEILD.
Most of the people Clint himself killed were ones he barely knew but they were still people he would not have killed under normal circumstances. Phil had died first, just a casualty of the first attack. Loki had wanted him to kill Natasha but Thor had done that instead, said it would be too cruel to have their Hawk do it. Fury and Maria both went down with the Helicarrier.
There had been survivors, the ones that Clint was suppose to work with as part of Fury’s special team but they were scattered and not much of a concern. There came a time when the conquest was done, when the main symbol of rebellion had been caught, and Thor and Loki were firmly in command, Clint serving as their second, staying in their chambers. Maybe they were bored, maybe they were thinking about that old saying, but whatever their reasons they lifted the control off of him.
Clint had been under it longer than anyone else. It took a lot of Loki’s power to use it and he had been deemed important enough to not risk taking it off till there was calm. He remembers waking up, knowing exactly what had been done to him, what he had done. They had not bothered tying him to the bed, so sure that he has no where to go. Thor seemed very interested in his eyes when he awoke, remarked on the color of them. The whole thing was all kinds of strange, all kinds of wrong.
He lashed out, not that it did any good. He didn’t want them to touch him and he was surprised that they didn’t for the most part but at night he was still expected to sleep in their bed. They both acted like this would be a little tantrum that Clint would get over in time and then things would go back to how they had been, they would just have to wait. They would not let him go but he isn’t treated like a prisoner and that was the worst part in a way. They act like they care for him, like he had come to them on his own.
Clint knows it will do him no good to run, that there is no where to run to, but he can’t just not try to put a kink in their plans. When he thinks about giving into them, he remembers how Loki had shot Phil without a second thought, how Thor had snapped Natasha’s neck and called it a mercy.
Those thoughts are in his head as he goes into another chamber, one that is magicked so that only Thor, Loki, or his self can open the door to it. Loki hadn’t changed the spell after letting Clint free of the control and he is somewhat surprised by it but he still has to risk it. He knows that letting this man go may end up with Clint’s death but so much of this happened because of him that if this will give the world a fighting chance, then it is worth whatever may happen to him.
He is not surprised when he is attacked when he enters by himself. The man is still strong after over a week of captivity , still stubborn and refusing to give up. Clint can see why Phil had been such a big fan and the thought makes him hurt. It is hard to get the upper hand on Captain America but Clint escapes his hold.
“I know you won’t want to listen to me but I’m your only chance to get out of here. Phil Coulson believed in you and if there is any one who has a chance to stop them, it’s you.”
It is the mention of Phil that gets Rogers to look at him, to stop his attack.
“Your eyes look different.”
It is such a simple statement. Rogers seems to understand what is going on now, seems willing to listen.
“They let loose the hold but they may put me back under after this. They are switching guards soon, it would be your best chance to get out of here. I have your shield just outside. I can cover you if needed but you have to get out of here as fast as possible. Find the others.”
“She said you were the best shot and that there was no way if you were in charge of your aim Fury would have lived.”
Clint tries not thinking about what those words mean, about those who are lost now. It is a comfort to know that she had still believed in him. They discuss for a few moments what will happen, the layout of everything. If this had been another life, they would have made a great team.
They move quickly, Rogers grabbing his shield as soon as he sees it. Clint can understand feeling better with your weapon in your hands, though now his bow feels tainted in a way to him.
It is not long before he has Rodgers away from the main part of the building they use as their base and to a tunnel that will provide a quick way out. They had taken care of anybody who came across them but Clint knows that word will get out soon.
“You should be able to make it out now. Lay low for a bit, find as many others as you can before attacking again. They are dangerous.”
Rogers looks at him, as if trying to decide what to do.
“You could come with me. We could use you.”
He thinks about it. He wants to but he knows they will look for him. They won’t let him go and Clint can’t risk more people dying because of him.
“They will look harder for you if I’m there as well.It gives you more a chance if I stay.”
Rodgers nods before heading away. Clint feels more alone than he has in a while but it is worth it if it means that there is still someone out there fighting. He waits for them to find him , waits for their anger at him letting a prisoner go and tells himself that just because they have taken everything from him doesn’t mean he is theirs.