Cruel World

Jaime

Leaving that room had to have been one of the hardest things Jaime had ever done. All he wanted was to be by her side, and help her as she had helped him when his hand was removed. Jaime went to his quarters and collapsed onto his bed, trying his best to resist the urge to return to Brienne's side. 

It was a week prior Brienne had saved his life. As the white walkers sprinted towards them in all directions, their shrill screams engulfing his senses, Jaime found himself cornered and surrounded by undead creatures. And Brienne, the bold and selfless woman she was, charged through the walkers with Oathkeeper to keep him from harm. Unfortunately in the process, neither Jaime nor Brienne paid much attention to the dead dragon flying above their heads, which shot its blue flame at the section of the wall they stood on. As the bricks collapsed and the wall caved in on itself, Jaime and Brienne fell what seemed like a never ending distance.

The hard slam onto the ground knocked the wind out of Jaime, though the rocks that proceeded to fall atop of him felt even worse. His body ached in unbelievable pain and his vision began to blur from the impact of the rocks. Though even with the pain, there was only one thing on his mind. 

When it seemed the bricks stopped falling, Jaime crawled to his knees and turned his head in all directions in search of his friend. A little ways behind him, Jaime found Brienne lying atop a pile of rocks, with more lying on top of her unconscious body. Blood streamed from a wound on her forehead, and Jaime could see more blood dripping under her head. As panic coursed through his body, Jaime ran towards Brienne, lifting her into his arms as the war raged on around them. 

When the Long Night finally came to an end, Brienne was rushed into the Maester’s chambers at the order of Lady Sansa. And while he was able to stitch up her wounds and attend to her bruised ribs, Brienne would endure a number of seizures and lay unconscious for five days. 

It was during those five days both Sansa and Jaime refused to leave Brienne’s side. Given they had other duties to attend to as well, they would take shifts keeping Brienne company while she slept. Jaime had never been fond of the Stark girl, and he didn’t think she much liked him, but their shared care for Brienne had united them. 

Jaime suspected they also had shared feelings about the Dragon Queen. Or as Jaime referred to her behind closed doors, “Aerys Reborn”. Daenerys Targaryen, Jaime found (her urge of killing him aside), seemed as mad if not more mad than her father. And the only other person who seemed to see it was Sansa. In the days following the Long Night, as Brienne slept, Danaerys plotted her overthrow of King's Landing. And while all her advisors, including his brother, advised against sacking the city so soon after the last battle, she insisted they proceed. In her eyes Jaime saw nothing but violence, the same look he had witnessed the day he faced her on the gold road. 

Tyrion kept trying to reassure him that she was simply a “fearless leader”, but he had serious doubts about his brother’s judgment. In two days, Danaerys will be leading her army south to face his sister, and he couldn’t help but fear for the people of King’s Landing as these two mad queens battled it out. But at this moment, the only person that truly mattered to Jaime was Brienne. 

He tried his best not to show how hurt he was when Brienne had called him kingslayer. A word she hadn’t uttered since their time in Riverrun; and now once again, she saw him as everyone else did. A monster who kills their king and shoves kids out of windows. As she tackled him to the ground and he stared into her sapphire eyes, the most beautiful he’d ever seen, he saw she had no recollection of their time together, or how she truly saw him. And while at any other moment in time he admittedly would have enjoyed having Brienne on top of him, the way she looked at him in that moment hurt him more than he thought it would. 

The hours dwindled as Jaime laid on his bed, lost in his own thoughts. Out his window, he watched as the sun disappeared below the snowy horizon. Gods, he was bored. “Oh fuck this.” He said to himself. 

Jaime sat up from his bed and put his boots on, then got up to leave his room. Twisting his way down the hall, he finally reached Brienne’s room and opened the door. Sansa sat in the chair by Brienne’s bedside, working on her needlepoint to occupy the time as Brienne slept. She lifted her head and frowned in disappointment when she saw Jaime in the doorway. “Ser Jaime, I feel we just had a conversation about your presence in Brienne’s room.” 

Jaime walked his way into the room and sat at the end of Brienne’s bed, watching intently as she slept. He enjoyed watching Brienne sleep. It was the one time he felt she truly let her guard down. “I’ll be gone long before she wakes.” He promised. 

Sansa’s face softened and she nodded. “You love her.” She replied matter of factly. 

Jaime’s gaze shot directly to Sansa’s. “I do not! Just because I care for the woman who saved my life does not mean I love her. You women are always looking for a love story to swoon over.” 

Sansa rolled her eyes in annoyance. “So you knighted her because…?”

“Because she is an honorable woman and knight who deserved it!”

Sansa only smirked at his reply. “I’m sorry, by the way.” She added. 

“Sorry for what?” Jaime questioned. 

“I saw your face, when Brienne called you kingslayer.”

Jaime scoffed. “I’m surprised you care. It wasn’t until very recently you stopped addressing me by the name.” 

“Because Brienne encouraged me not to. She has always hated when people use the word to refer to you. Tell me, Ser Jaime, why is that?”

Jaime took a deep breath. “There are certain things about my life I have only ever told Brienne. Granted I was partly delirious in doing so, but I have no regrets.”

“Usually I try not to pry, but you have piqued my curiosity.” 

Am I really about to share my most preserved secret with a Stark? 

Jaime let out a sigh. “Well…”

Yes, yes I am. 

“As Kingsgaurd to Aerys, younger than you even, I was forced to witness a number of atrocities. Forced to stand watch as Aerys burned people alive, including your uncle and grandfather, with a substance known as wildfire. Are you familiar?”

Sansa took a deep breath and nodded.

“Well, Aerys had his pyromancer place caches of the stuff all over King’s Landing, as his obsession with the substance grew to new extremes.”

Sansa’s eyes widened at Jaime’s confession.

“But then the fateful day came, when my father and his men stood outside the gates of the city promising to help. King Aerys was losing the war you see, Robert’s forces were prevailing. Now you met my father, does he seem like the type to support the losing side?” 

Sansa shook her head. “Definitely not.”

“Yes, well I thought the same. I urged Aerys not to trust my father, but that sycophant Pycelle insisted the king could trust Tywin Lannister, that he was a ‘true friend of the crown.’ When the gates opened and my father began sacking the city, Aerys was furious. I urged him to surrender, but the old man was far too gone to listen to reason. He ordered me to bring him my fathers head, and told the pyromancer to burn King’s Landing to the ground with the wildfire caches he had placed.” 

Jaime could hear Sansa let out a gasp, but he continued.

“The fool thought with the city destroyed he would rise from the ashes as a dragon. Before this madness could continue, I killed the pyromancer. Aerys tried to flee after I did so, but I stabbed him in the back with my sword. Then slit his throat to ensure he was truly dead. And that was the end of it.”

“You saved all of King’s Landing! I don’t understand, why didn’t you tell anyone!?” Sansa questioned. 

“Well part of the reason is that it was your father who entered the throne room, the first to bear witness to my crime. From the second he saw what I had done he judged me mercilessly. What was the point in telling people what I had done, when their assumptions on my character already reigned supreme?”

“My father would have listened had you told him about the wildfire…”

“The kingsguard are sworn to keep their King’s secrets.” 

“But killing your king was acceptable?” 

“It’s more complicated than that!” Jaime raised his voice in frustration and Sansa’s eyes went wide with shock. He took a deep breath and looked toward Brienne. “She understood. I barely even remember telling her but she looked at me differently from that moment on and I’ve always been grateful.”

“She sees the best in people.” Sansa replied, also gazing at her sleeping friend. 

“She believed there was honor in me, even though nobody else does. Tyrion possibly being the only exception. Not even the honorable Ned Stark gave me the chance to explain myself, he labeled me kingslayer the moment he walked into the throne room.” Jaime spat the words in his rage. 

Sansa bowed her head and stared into her lap. “You are right. My father should not have assumed. For that I am sorry. I can talk to Jon, he could reason with Danaerys and finally show you mercy for her father’s death once she knows the truth—”

“No!” Jaime interrupted. “Danaerys cannot know about the wildfire. Cersei knowing about it is worse enough, just look at the state of the Sept of Baelor. The entire city and the people in it would be destroyed if they both knew, of that I am certain.”

Sansa took a deep breath. “Perhaps you are right.”

“I know you share my hesitation about this ‘new queen’, even in talking with me you addressed her as Danaerys, not Queen Danaerys.” 

“Jon trusts her completely, and I see the danger in that. We just regained control of the North and have the opportunity to truly be independent, and she wants to take that from us. Force us to bend the knee because she has dragons. She wants to use our men in her March south in the fight against Cersei. And so soon after the Long Knight. She doesn’t care about the North, she wants to use us for her own gain.”

Jaime couldn’t help but huff a laugh. “How long have you kept that in my lady?” 

Sansa laughed as well. “Quite a while, truly.”

Their conversation was interrupted with the sound of Brienne whimpering in her sleep. The two quickly turned their heads to face her, when Brienne started to shift in her bed. “Brienne?” Jaime questioned concerningly.

“What’s wrong, what's happening?” Sansa asked, standing from her chair. 

“I think she’s having a nightmare.” Jaime replied. 

“No…run…NO!” Brienne shouted. 

Jaime jumped into her bed and crawled to Brienne’s side, beginning to stroke Brienne’s hair in an attempt to calm her. “Shhh…you’re ok. You’re safe.” Brienne continued to thrash in her sleep. “What did the Maester give her?” 

“Milk of the poppy!” Sansa responded. 

Jaime cursed under his breath. “Milk of the poppy gives her nightmares every time she ingests it!” 

“How do you know!?” 

“She told me in Riverrun!” 

The rest of the night, Sansa and Jaime took turns attempting to soothe Brienne. And while there were moments of calm, much of the night was spent trying to relax her. Eventually, the pair fell asleep alongside Brienne as they gave into their own exhaustion. Jaime couldn’t think of anywhere he’d rather be than by Brienne’s side. 

A fortnight had passed since Jaime and Brienne escaped Harrenhal. And while Jaime’s stub had been healing with the help of Qyburn, Brienne’s wound from the bear claw had only seemed to worsen. Unfortunately, Qyburn only had enough supplies to care for Jaime’s stub, and Brienne refused to use up anything that would help him. Soon enough, infection had set in, and Brienne could hardly sit up straight on her own horse, forcing Brienne to ride with Jaime on his horse half conscious. 

After much protest, Jaime finally convinced Steelshanks to stop at the next town to acquire more medicine for Brienne. After purchasing the supplies they needed, the party stopped at the local inn so Brienne could recover. As Qyburn cared for her wound, he attempted to give her milk of the poppy, but Brienne refused. 

“You’re a tough wench to not accept the poppy.” Jaime replied. 

“Lady Brienne, the milk of the poppy will help you heal in a more painless way.”

“No. Thank you. I’ll be fine.” She assured. 

“Stop the tough act wench, take the poppy.” Jaime encouraged. 

“I hate the stuff. It gives me nightmares.” Brienne replied.

“I have essence of nightshade, my lady?” Qyburn offered. 

Before Brienne could say anything, Jaime nodded in agreement. After pouring 3 drops into a small glass, Jaime sat next to Brienne in the bed and lifted the cup to her lips, slowly pouring it down her throat. Unlike Milk of the poppy, the nightshade did its job immediately. The second Jaime lifted the cup from Brienne’s lips, her body grew limp and her head rested against Jaime’s shoulder as she entered a deep, dreamless sleep. 

“Perhaps, my lord, we should leave lady Brienne to rest and rejoin the men for supper?” Qyburn suggested. 

Jaime shook his head. “I’m fine where I am.”

Qyburn bowed his head and left the room, leaving Jaime to watch over Brienne as she slept.