Fall

“If we could just grant him this one chance, his final chance Balder, then perhaps-”

“Do as you wish.” Balder interrupts suddenly.

Thor freezes where he is standing and looks at his younger brother unsurely.

“Pardon?”

Balder sighs and folds the scrolls in his hands neatly. He regards Thor calmly before offering him a small smile.

“Do as you wish, Thor. If you honestly, truly believe that freeing him is the answer; do it. You are king now. The chances of Father ever recovering are extremely slim. The kingdom is yours. Destroy it or rebuild it, I care not. You are king. The decision is yours and yours alone.” Balder states firmly.

Thor falls silent and Balder smirks knowingly.

“You were not expecting such an answer nor such responsibility. I trust you to do what is right, after all, you know Loki better than any of us.”

And there is such unkindness in that last sentence that Thor almost flinches. He watches Balder carefully before nodding slowly.

“I shall reflect and inform you once I have decided.”

“Do not bother.” Balder says quickly. “It is of no consequence to me.”

.

Balder lost his brothers, that day. The day he had discovered the true nature of their relationship, Loki had cut him off. He had tolerated him before, albeit in small doses. But afterwards he completely ignored him. Balder became even more invisible and unwanted and it drove him mad.

“Where are you going this time?” Balder had huffed as he watched Thor gather his belongings.

Thor had always been kinder to him, had always truly loved him and Balder had looked up to him. Because Thor was golden and great and warm. Balder loved him despite the fact that he knew Thor loved Loki in ways that no brother should. Sometimes, although Balder would hardly every admit to it now, he found that he was jealous of Loki. He was jealous of the fact that Loki spent so much time with Thor and that Thor held him in such high regard even though most of the kingdom held nothing but contempt for the darker prince. Thor had looked over his shoulder and smiled kindly at Balder.

“I am travelling to Vanaheim with Loki and the Warriors Three.”

“Can I come?” Was out of Balder’s mouth before Thor can draw another breath.

The eldest prince looked thoughtful as he regarded Balder with curious eyes. He goes to speak but falls silent when the door behind them opens. Balder did not need to turn to know that it was Loki that had entered the room. The magic and electricity in the air almost seemed to crackle as the princes locked gazes with one another. Balder could feel their tension and it had made him feel uncomfortable, especially when Loki laughed softly as he passed him, walking to Thor’s side.

“He is too young.” Loki had mocked, not even bothering to look at Balder when he spoke. “He would only slow us down.”

“You were not much older when you first begun to travel.” Balder had retorted hotly.

Loki had glanced at him for the briefest of seconds and yet Balder’s blood had run cold. He had taken a step back and looked at Thor fearfully. Thor had rolled his eyes and whispered something to Loki that Balder couldn’t catch. The darker prince had smirked before turning properly to face Balder, a passive look on his face.

“It is only an overnight trip. We need to make haste and you are not a skilled enough rider to keep with us. You would only hold us back.” Loki sniffed dismissively.

“But next time perhaps you will join us?” Thor had asked, a warm smile lighting his entire face.

Balder had bitten back his beaming smile and bowed before his eldest brother.

“It would be an honour.” He had declared solemnly before turning on his heel and making to exit the room.

“Why would you get his hopes up like that?” He heard Loki tease as he pulled the door open.

“He is a boy, Loki and our brother. You have no reason to treat him with such hostility.” Thor had replied.

Balder had frowned at the sound of Loki’s laughter as he slowly closed the door.

“He is no brother of mine.” He heard him chuckle. “I am no relation to the sons of Odin.”

Balder just caught Thor’s sharp growl of “good” and Loki’s squeal of delight as the door shut behind him. A shiver ran down his spine as he stepped away from the door, images of that horrible day haunting his mind.

.

“I brought you some books.” Frigga announces as she steps into Loki’s cell.

“Oh joy.” Loki replies sarcastically, not even bothering to raise himself from his bed.

Frigga sighs as she sits down in the only seat inside the bare room. She glances at Loki’s untouched trays of food and raises an eyebrow.

“Starving yourself won’t get you out of here any quicker.” She chides.

“Nothing shall get me out of here at all.” Loki points out. “So I may as well die.”

Frigga places the books by her feet and watches Loki as she carefully chooses her words. Despite everything he looks well. His skin was as flawless as ever, his hair was shining and healthy although a little wilder than usual. His eyes were bright and his lips were a pleasant pink. He did not look unwell, he looked rested.

“I regret what I said to you the last time I visited.” She begins.

Loki snorts.

“I do not. I meant what I said; I need only say the word and Thor would slay you where you stand.”

Frigga raises one eyebrow.

“I have chosen not to believe such a thing for if you did wield as much power over Thor as you, I would slit your throat myself, no matter how much I love you.” She replies calmly.

Loki turns his face to look at her and Frigga is amused to see that she has finally grabbed his attention.

“After a great deal of reflection I have decided that I forgive you. I forgive all your deeds and mishaps and wrongs. I know there are those who would call me a fool for such mercy but I have seen what pain it caused your father-”

“He is not my father!” Loki suddenly snaps, leaping forward from the bed. “He is nothing to me!”

Frigga sighs sadly and reaches out of Loki’s shaking hand.

“He is your father and loves you more than you could ever possibly understand. You have created chaos, Loki. You have hurt so many people and yet I forgive you because if I do not it shall tear this family apart.” She speaks softly.

Loki blinks back the tears of fury that threaten to fall and snatches his hand back, a furious look on his face.

“I do not need your forgiveness. I have done nothing wrong.”

“Loki-”

“No! No! I have only done what I have been told all my life I would do! I have only killed because I have been told that I am a killer, I only lied because I was labelled a liar and I loved Thor and none of you because he was the only one who never told me I was heartless!” Loki spits. “You knew that I would turn out this way, you saw it all those years ago and you did nothing to change it! It is your fault that I am here!”

Loki jumps to his feet and stalks across the cell, staring out at the other prisoners.

“I am surrounded by petty thieves and rapists, Mother. You care not for the lives I have taken, only the life that has chosen me. You only care for this involves Thor. If it did not, you would not be here.”

Frigga gets to her feet and makes her way to the edge of the cell, tapping on that pane of glass once again.

“I am growing weary of the same conversations, Loki. Thor shall free you and most probably soon. I can only hope that once you have left the insanity of this cell behind you that you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself.”

.

Balder had heard them arrive home before he actually saw them. Great commotion was coming from the hall as he raced down the corridor, desperate to see what was going on. The scene before him had been a terrifying one. Loki had drawn himself up to his full height and was attempting to tower over Odin as he screamed at him.

“I will not marry that sorceress bitch!” Loki had spat, a wild look in his eyes.

“You shall.” Odin had stated calmly. “You shall not shame me.”

Thor had been silent, his eyes downcast as he listened to Loki rant and rave about the many reasons that he could not and would not marry some woman called Sigyn. Balder had stepped out from behind the pillar that he had been hiding from and had looked at Thor with pitying eyes.

“This is good for you.” Balder had whispered as Frigga attempted to reason with Loki. “Now you can be free of him.”

Thor had looked down at him with the saddest of smiles and had patted him on his head.

“Someday you will understand why I shall never be free of Loki and why I would never want to be.”