Weird Worldbuilding Bonus
“Hey, Jane?”
“What, Darcy?” Jane mumbled into her soup.
“If the Nine Realms, capital ‘n’, capital ‘r’, are Asgard, Midgard, Vanaheim, Jotunheim, Alfheim –” Darcy’s forehead creased in concentration. “– Muspelheim, Niflheim, Nidavellir – or was it Svartalfheim? – and Hel... then what does that make Nornheim and Svartalfheim-or-Nidavellir and Badoon and, what was it, Ria? And the Chitauri homeworld and all those other inhabited places Asgard protects?
Like, when Thor talked about Badoon, he called it ‘the Badoon worlds’, plural, meaning he grouped a bunch of them together based on whatever those worlds have in common. And if he grouped a bunch of worlds together once, it’s reasonable to assume he’d group a different bunch of worlds together too if there were similar cause to do it, which would make it not unreasonable to assume that when he didn’t bunch together all the other worlds he mentioned, that meant they really weren’t supposed to be bunched together. Meaning there really are a lot more than nine realms out there as far as the Asgardians are concerned. So what’s up with the Nine Realms thing? What makes those nine so special?
It can’t be a subcategory for allies or enemies or ignorant protectorates, because us, Vanaheim and Jotunheim are all part of the Nine Realms and that’s one each. It can’t be an indicator of military or political power, because then what the hell was tenth century Earth doing on the list? And it can’t be a way of referring to different dimensions, because that makes no semantic sense and you crunched the numbers on the Bifrost activity and ruled that out anyway.
Is it an arbitrary distance thing, or are the Nine Realms the worlds located in our galaxy, and are all the others located in different ones? Is it a chronological order thing, where they came up with the name before they realised there’s a whole bunch more worlds out there? Oh! Or maybe nine is their lucky number so they stopped counting once they filled the quota?
Did the Vikings sign some kind of contract with the Asgardians, who didn’t think of the possibility that future generations or different parts of the world might not agree with that one group, because Asgard is like one city of people who live forever? There’s got to be some kind of historical or political explanation there. And how does the Convergence fit in with all of it? Inquiring minds want to know!”
Ian and Erik stared at Darcy, the latter with soup dribbling down his chin.
Jane burst into tears.
“Shit,” Darcy said.
Big, heaving sobs.
“Shit shit shit –”
“I wish I could ask him!” Jane cried, slamming her spoon down. “I wish they had some damn reception on Asgard! Last time he did this I looked and I waited for two years and he didn’t bother visiting or calling even when he could, but then he came back and told me he loved me and we made out and he showed me space and protected me in life and death situations and –”
“Jane, honey, breathe,” Erik said faintly.
“– and the universe was ending and I helped save it and his mom and his brother died in front of us and I don’t know how to comfort him or if he even wants me to, and I love you guys but you’re no help dealing with any of –”
Something like an explosion hit the balcony.
Darcy, Erik and Ian fell out of their chairs, shrieking. Jane’s head snapped up and she held the edge of the dining table in a death grip.
“Is that him?” she asked, wide-eyed and not daring to look over her shoulder. “That’s him, isn’t it?”
“Y - yeah,” Ian squeaked.
“You’re never getting rid of those Bifrost scorch marks,” Darcy deadpanned.
Jane whipped around, ejecting her chair across the room as she ejected herself out of it, and launched herself into Thor’s arms like the balcony door wasn’t even there.
A good ten minutes of face-smashing and other indescribable acts of star-crossed lovers reuniting later, she and Thor made it inside, beaming. He set Mjolnir down on the kitchen counter and spread his arms.
“My friends, I bear joyous tidings! My mother and brother live!”
“Shit,” Erik said.
Darcy kicked him under the table. “That’s – great, man. About your mom.”
“And the both of them and my father will be joining us here before the week is out –”
“Shit shit shit –”
Ian looked like he might faint.
“– and Loki has had a haircut and intends to apologize and make reparations,” Thor finished, not unsympathetically.
That stopped Erik short. “Seriously?”
“Aye.”
“Just like that?”
“Well, like I said, he cut his hair.”
“That makes no sense,” Erik said.
“He looks like a Disney prince now, doesn’t he?” Jane asked flatly.
“Disney?”
“Handsome fairytale hero?”
“Yes! As it should be.”
“Shit,” Jane said.
Darcy was the only one who seemed to find that funny.