Tongue-In-Cheek Fandral Bonus
Loki was starting to forget what life was like without the feeling of Thor’s knuckles digging into all the most sensitive points of his skull. Mild retribution, he supposed, for a broken neck, a thirty-thousand foot fall, a year and a day of needless mourning, and all the other... stuff. Still, he hoped Thor would let up on the noogie before they reached the Bifrost. Admitting his mistakes was unnatural enough, just rolling over and placidly taking punishment for them for extended periods of time might crash reality.
Thor was laughing, though, and all grumbling aside, Loki was smiling too.
“My word, is it really true then?” a voice came from somewhere ahead Loki couldn’t see because his head was stuck under Thor’s arm. “The prodigal son died and rose again, thought better of the crazed villain hairstyle, and now he is redeemed?”
“What, like it’s hard,” Loki answered automatically. “That could mean either of us.”
“’Tis true, my friend. Loki is, as the mortals would say, out on probation.” Thor let him go, only to smack him in the back so hard he staggered forward and made a noise like a dying whale. “What? Does it still hurt?”
“Sadly, I didn’t fake getting run through like a shish kebab,” Loki wheezed, bent over with his arms wrapped around his chest like that would help any.
“I thought you’d been to the healers!”
“Not exactly a healer,” Loki whimpered.
“Brother, I am so –”
“It’s alright, it’s alright, you didn’t know.” Two pairs of hands helped him upright. Loki looked up at last. “Thank y– wait, you’re the fellow from the skiff.”
The man gave him an odd look. “Of course I am.”
“Who the blazes are you?”
The man and Thor exchanged baffled glances. Then, in perfect unison, realisation dawned, and they smacked their respective foreheads.
“That’s right, you weren’t there. It’s me, Fandral!”
Loki stared.
“One of his bed mates, a while after you disappeared, was a sorceress from Vanaheim,” Thor explained. “She was new to Asgard, had heard nothing of Fandral’s reputation, and Fandral, relying on his reputation to do the talking for him, failed to explain his intentions when he bedded her after months of wooing. When she found out the truth, she cursed him to wear a different face for the next five years.”
“Did she break your nose too?”
Fandral grimaced.
“You know I could fix that for you, if you want.”
“Ah.” Fandral smiled dazzlingly. “But then I could no longer impress maidens with the tale of how I got it at the hands of whatever foe is in vogue on a particular evening.”
“Ah,” Loki echoed, grinning back. “Was I ever the culprit?”
Fandral faltered. “Of course not.”
An uncomfortable silence fell.
“We can no longer be friends,” Loki deadpanned.
Fandral and Thor exchanged bewildered glances.
“Well, I – I considered it, but Thor didn’t want –”
“We can no longer be brothers.”
“What?!”
“When I’m a hero you won’t glorify my good deeds, when I’m a villain you won’t demonize my bad deeds. What does man have to do to get some recognition around here?”
“Alright, alright, brother, we’ll work on that,” Thor said placatingly. “Just as long as you don’t muddle the heroic waters with villainous deeds. Deal?”
“Deal.” Loki threw his arms around Thor and Fandral’s shoulders and leaned, milking ‘I am hurting, you must carry me’ for all it was worth. “I think I shall start off my renewed career in heroism by fixing Fandral’s nose.”