Milkshakes
America will never understand exactly how the time between realities work. When they return to the Multiverse, they were barely gone for a few seconds. Seconds. It's all it took for everything to change. Now, she's got only the end of the mission in mind.
Once they arrive, she takes a moment to make sure everyone arrived it one piece. Kate looks confused, Billy is holding on to Teddy, his face still scared and wet with tears, Loki is breathing heavily, body pumping with adrenaline after their hasty escape. America doesn't say a word. She takes off, ignoring them when they call her name. Better get used to it.
She manages to avoid them for a whole week. She picks up her things from Kate's place when she knows she'll be out on patrol and finally takes Rebecca up on her offer to stay with her. Her coworker, though slightly surprised by the change of attitude, is nice enough to not ask too many questions. She doesn't show up on patrol, or answer any of their texts. It all seems to be alright, and then comes the week from hell.
Loki shows up on Sunday, oddly dressed in civies rather than his full costume. At least, that brings less attention to him.
"What?" America asks sharply when she comes over to the bar.
"A milkshake."
She arches an eyebrow. She was expecting something a little different. Never mind, if this is his way of torturing her into talking it's not going to work. She nods and is back a few seconds later with the cold drink.
"Are you alright?" He asks before trying the first sip.
"Yes," she doesn't loose a beat before replying, but her tone's not dismissive. His question sounded too serious for that. The kind you would ask right after a battle. She expects him to go on, but he simply focuses on his drink and she takes it as her cue to leave. When she comes back out of the kitchen, he's gone. At least he payed for the drink. He tipped.
On Monday, it's Billy and Teddy who show up and America almost misses Loki's calmer, albeit weird, approach. It takes all of her self control not to make a scene and blow up her cover.
"America! You have to come back!"
"Please... We are so so so sorry!" Billy exclaims. It dawns on America they think she's angry at them. They think that's why she's pulling away. They have no idea. Maybe that's better. Yes, she can play along. It's a good excuse, it will make everything hurt a lot less for them when the time comes. "I didn't mean to-"
"Didn't mean to what?" She cuts him off sharply. "Didn't mean to intrude? To follow me exactly where I told you not to go?" She snaps coldly. "Because that's exactly what you did."
"We didn't think-"
"Yes. You didn't. You never do, Kaplan. You just don't listen."
"But we will!" Teddy frowns. "We promise. It won't happen again."
"And how am I supposed to trust you now," the harshness of her own words surprises her —maybe because there's more real anger behind them than she expected.
She's pretty sure she hears Billy crying as they exit. She forces herself to keep her eyes on the plates she's picking up. It's for the better. For their own good.
When Kate shows up on Tuesday, America is not even surprised. She looks so pretty in purple, even prettier than usual. Deep down, she suspects she did that on purpose.
Kate's approach is far less apologetic than they boys'.
"Look, yes, we came with you, but really what else were you expecting?" She points out, waving a piece of sushi between her chopsticks. "Have you ever met us?"
"Several times."
"Then you had to know."
"Yes, you're right. My bad for trusting you."
"America, you can't just close off to us because we screwed up once! Do you have any idea how many times Clint has-"
"And how many times have you complained about him?" America frowns. "How many times, Princess? Just to go and act just like him."
"That's not fair!"
"Yes. You're right. It's not," America deadpans, leaving.
"You can't just quit!" Wednesday is Tommy's turn to make a scene and America swears she's going to blow up her cover only to punch him quiet.
"You weren't even there, Shepherd."
"I know! And I also know my brother can be the biggest stubborn idiot! Trust me! I would know! I am too! But you can't just quit! They tried and see where that brought us..."
"I'm not quitting my... job. I'm just gonna do it on my own as usual."
"But the team-"
"Was alright before me and will continue to work without me," she shrugs.
"You keep telling yourself that..."
"You too?" She can't help but whining when Noh Varr shows up on Thursday, wearing civies that make him seem like a groupie of at least seven different bands. She'd hope him, from all of them, would be the one that'd understand her need from space.
"No," he shrugs, talking between bites to his hamburger. "I like the jukebox."
He stays forty minutes, orders three times and puts as many songs as he can, all old as balls but America's used to his music taste. It almost makes her miss the days back at his ship and- he's doing it on purpose, isn't he?
He leaves without a word. In a crumbled napkin, America finds the scrambled title of a song: With a little help from my friends, The Beatles.
"Screw you," she mutters under her breath, throwing the piece of paper away.
"David, no."
"But listen, if you-"
"No."
She hurries over to the kitchen, trying to loose David who didn't even bother taking a sit and has been following her around the diner for half an hour reciting facts until she couldn't ignore him any longer.
"But you have to see! It makes sense."
"No."
"Look, it's not me. The team needs you, I made all the calculations."
"I don't care."
"I know what you're-"
"No," she turns around sharply, fire in her eyes. "You don't. You may know a great deal of shit, but you don't know me, so stop acting as if you do."
David freezes, blinks, opens his mouth to reply but America's already disappeared behind the employees only door.
On Saturday, no one shows up.
Thank god.
During her break, America sits outside with Rebecca to smoke a cigarette. Her body's pretty much immune to Nicotine, to her it's just smoke, but growing up in the streets it kept her warm and helped her blend in with the other kids. Now, it's an excuse to spent a few minutes outside the diner, without costumers or teammates nagging at her.
A police car passes by, sirens loud. Two others follow. America's body tenses automatically in response. Then, she takes another drag of cigarette. Rebecca is looking at her intensely.
"What?" She asks, not looking at her.
"Hum... do you want me to cover for you the rest of the day?"
"No."
"But, aren't you gonna... I mean, you usually..."
"Nope."
Rebecca still looks at her in that weird way. America's smart enough to know her friend's noticed a pattern in her disappearances, but she's never said anything about it. She'd rather keep it that way.
Loki shows up once again on Sunday. He seems as nonchalant as the first time, so America allows herself to relax as she brings over the milkshake before he's even ordered. He looks at it, slightly surprised, but makes no comment about it. America starts walking away as he takes the first noisy slurp.
"You need to come back to the team," he says calmly, making her freeze on the spot.
She doesn't turn around, just tenses and clenches her jaw. She's so tired of this already. Why won't they just let her be.
"They need you."
"No, they don't." They can't afford to need her when she won't be around soon.
"Of course they do."
"They crossed a line," she mutters, turning around and glaring at him. "You too. I told you not to come with me."
"And you actually expected them to listen? America, that is practically what teammates/friends do: they push boundaries when they are worried about you."
"Worried?" The word comes out sharp, like it makes her angry. It's actually a hint of fear that they might know what she's up to.
"Of course they are. You were going back home, they were afraid they wouldn't see you again. You are not exactly the most reachable person, you know? Besides, you had just come back from a rather... ugly, experience," his eyes turn harder, resembling worry, "you shouldn't have been jumping around realities like that on your own."
"I have always done things on my own, Chico."
"Yes, but now it is different, America. You have friends now, who-"
"They are not my friends," the words are dry and harsh, but America doesn't hesitate before saying them. This has to stop. They have to stop. If they go on being this nice, this worried, this... this them, she is not going to be able to do what needs to be done. For their own sake, she had to distance herself from them, even it meant hurting them. "They are not my friends," she repeats, more firmly. "They are not my team. They were that already, before you and me. They are just a group of kids I had to tag along with to save the Multiverse. That's it."
She can see the immediate effect of her words, the way his shoulders sag and his face falls, the way his expression becomes a mask quickly. It hurts like a fist to her gut, especially because as she spoke words she'd once believed true, she realized they were the biggest lies she'd ever had to say. Those kids are her friends, her teammates, the first ones she's had in forever... and here she is, cutting them out of her life, for their own good. She really hates her life some times.
"Is that what you want me to tell them?" When Loki finally speaks, he's glancing at her cautiously, his whole body language different.
"Yes."
He nods, gravely, drops just enough bucks on the counter and walks away without meeting her eyes again.
Dammit.
"You have to be kidding me..."
They are here, all of them, sitting in a booth and not very casually glancing her way. She grabs the note pad, takes a deep breath and prepares herself to face them as if she was rushing into battle.
"Do you even know what a secret identity means?" She hisses furiously as she arrives to the table. "You can't keep coming here!"
"Alright, then come back to the team!" Tommy jumps, grinning. "And we won't ever ever come see you here again."
"No."
"America," Kate sighs. "We already said we were sorry... sort of. You can't just shut us down like that."
America just arches an eyebrow. Yes she can, yes she can, yes she can.
"Am," Teddy's face looks like he's in pain, "please. We know we screwed up, we should have respected your privacy, but we just... we miss you."
Don't let them do this, Chavez.
"What do you want to order?" She asks dryly.
She fully expects Loki to ask for a milkshake. He doesn't. He hasn't even looked at her once.
"We want you back in the team," David says matter-of-factly. "We need you."
Don't. Please, don't need me.
"You are our friend," Billy says, voice cracking. Dammit, Kaplan. "We care about you. Please, you're one of us..."
America holds her breath. She glances at Loki. You didn't tell them. Loki just looks up at her for half a second, but his eyes don't speak to her. He looks away right away, blankly, like he is there out of pure obligation. Probably, he is.
There is something about the way they are all —except Loki— looking at her, that makes it hard to breath. She knows that look, that feeling, when someone you love shuts you out and you just don't understand. She'd seen that exact same emotion years ago on the mirror, a little girl who couldn't understand why her moms were never home.
"Fine," she can't believe she is doing this. "I'm part of the team. I will do meetings, I will go on patrol, and I will be there when you need me for emergencies."
Her resolution sounds cold and cutting, but they take it as a victory and collectively smile.
"Yes! Good!" Billy says enthusiastically. "You won't regret this! I promise!"
I doubt it. Oh, how she was going to regret this. She huffs, running her fingers through her hair.
"Alright, now you better order before my boss-"
Loki suddenly stands up from the table, which is inches away from where America is standing. The movement is so firm and cold, America takes half a step back to step out of the way. He still doesn't look at her once as he walks towards the door and out. The whole team's eyes follow, then go back to America. She feels her stomach drop.
Good. One less person to leave behind. One less that will hurt later.
She clears her throat, but her voice is still slightly pained as she looks back at them.
"Can I take your order?"